Friday, August 29, 2008
GCL won 10-5, with major props going to SMILEY Gonzalez, a SS we signed out of the Dominican Republic at 16 years old for $1.6MM 2 years ago, who went 2-4 with a 2B and and RBI. (Smiley also won the GCL batting title this year, slapping the shit out the ball for a .350 (say, WHAT!) BA.) Also coming up big time where three draft picks from this year, 2nd rounder Destin Hood, 15th rounder (bonus baby) J.P. Ramirez, and 19th rounder Steve Lombardozzi.
The GCL Nats play the GCL Phillies in a best of 3 set, starting today, at 12:00 pm EDT. On the bump for the good guys are 19 year olds Josh Smoker, and Jack McGeary for today and tomorrow, respectively. Go get 'em, fellas.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
All KIDding aside (see what I did there?), he already faced the Nats once, and handed them their asses (he allowed the same amount of base runners as he had strike outs). The guy is good. Sheeet, he was throwing in AA as a 19 year old. He has a hard fastball, with an almost vertical curveball (I'd say 12-6, but most people argue it's 1-7, and I hate arguments) and is developing a change-up, too. Great. ::sigh::
BUT, fear not, valiant readers, for we have DOOKS! back, and Zim hit his first homerun since May last night. Eyebrows (my new, cute nickname for Lannan) is up against him tonight, so look for a good match up.
P.S. How does Trey manage to make such great music with Phish, and have his other shit suck SO bad? I mean, Surrender To the Air was abominable, and Shine is almost unlistenable (Not a word, you say? It is now). Discuss.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
You see, when the Doc (not to be confused with sometime commenter the Doctor) opened up WMP's shoulder during surgery (performed without anesthesia, btw. Take that, Dalton. WMP staples himself all the time.), he was "stunned that Pena had been playing." Our GM, (Love him? Hate him? Discuss..) when asked about Wily's heroics, said,
"The doctors do not understand how he could have swung a baseball bat. They have absolutely no idea. . . . The doctors were absolutely amazed that he was on the field."That's cause he oozes machismo, bra! Shoulder all fucked up? Fuck it, Wily's got a job to do. And that job is to
Monday, August 25, 2008
Off day for our heroes from S.E. Washington D.C. today. The Dodgers make their way into town led by Manny "Fuck you, Boston. I don't want to be here, so I'll play with 25% effort." Ramirez. That guy makes FLop's antics look good.
On another note, break away from all the dick jokes and curse words and smarten your brains up a little. Read the newly published work of the future Mrs. gnatsgnation.blogspot.com over here. (Acrobat required to read the whole article. If you don't have Acrobat, I question what kind of computing device you are using to read this here high-brow blog. Along with wondering how you got on the eBays with your Atari, I'll be happy to email you the PDF file if you don't have Acrobat.) Reading - it do the brain good.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I was watching the game last night, and as SOON as I saw Tolman start waving Zim home I was yelling at the TV. I can't remember exactly what I said, because I blacked out for a second or two due to my seething anger. But I'm sure it went something along the lines of, "WTF are you doing!? You're the fucking DEVIL, Tolman!"
Watch the clip here. Skip to the :37 second mark for the play. Feel free to mute it since the announcer guy:
- Sounds like a freaking Muppet.
- Has the balls to say "Pat Burrell showing off the arm." Cracker, please. My GF would've thrown Zim out, and she threw 32 mph at the County fair last weekend. (I still love you, sweetie!)
- Just reeks of douchieness.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The game was scoreless through 9. Then scoreless through 10. Then those WACKY Olympics implemented their
So, Davey Johnson puts his 8 hitter, Jason Donald, on 2nd and his 9 hitter, Dexter Fowler, on 1st. His lead-off man is at the plate, Mr. Brian Barden. The US squad goes all BANZAI! on the Japanese, rifling off three straight singles to make it 3-0. (Singles and RBIs complements of Barden, Nate Schierholtz, and Matt Brown.) Terry Tiffee strikes out (Really, Terry? You now hold a spot next to Benedict Arnold on my shit list. Please hit three homeruns in the semi-final to redeem yourself.) to make it 1st and 3rd with one out. John Gall grounds out to the first baseman for the 2nd out, but Schierholtz scoots his lil' behind home for a fourth run. Mike Hessnan decides that's all we need, and flies out to the 1st baseman to end the top of the 11th.
Good Guys 4, Baby Killers 0.
Colorado's first round pick from 2007, Casey Weathers, comes on to close out the game. Japan's number 3 hitter is up. Weathers promptly strikes him out, and gets their 4 hitter to fly-out to center. Runners on 1st and 3rd, 2 outs, 4-0. Weathers then does his best [insert Mets bullpen guy's name here] impression, by giving up 3 straight singles and a wild pitch. The score is now 4-2, runners on 2nd and 3rd. Davey boy decided to walk the # 7 guy to get to the # 8 hitter (That's strategy! It's like Iwo Jima all over again. Suck it, Japan!). Japan pulls the #8 guy (who is hitting .220 in the Olympics) for another guy who looks just like him (What? Seriously! He does!), and is hitting .182 these games. Yup. That's the guy you want up there to win it for ya, Japan. This is why you lost WWII. (Well, that and Little Boy and Fat Man, who destroyed 250,000 people.) As you can imagine, the Japanese dude pops out meekly to first base, resulting in a 4-2 win for the Good Guys. The Stars and Stripes. The Land of the Free. The Home of the Brave. The eaters of apple pie. All that good shit.
So, what does all this mean? Well, the US is playing Cuba in the second semi-final game, set for 6 am EDT Friday morning. As butt crack early as that may be, I urge you to watch. Why? Because it's your patriotic fucking duty, that's why! Also, THE STRAUSBURG EXPRESS is throwing. The future National will mow down them Cuban boys and Communism in 9 tidy innings. It makes for must see TV, folks, unlike a certain Major League baseball team. I'm not naming any names, but here's a hint: They play at Latitude: 38° 53' North; Longitude: 77° 02' West. (Yeah! Get your brains working. You've seemed to be on auto-pilot lately.)
If you want to see who our guys are, I recommend visiting usabaseball.com. (Not because it's the greatest site, it's just the least worst. Seriously..there are some clusterfucks of websites out there devoted to US baseball. I'm just protecting you all from them. You're welcome.)
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I regret to inform you this morning that my favorite National, Mr. Luis Ignacio Ayala, has been traded to the New York Mets.
Bummer. I don't know if I can get over this loss. I hope I can, I really do, but..who knows? This blogger will be wearing a black armband for the rest of the year, and I urge you to do the same.
I leave you with a picture of my hero in happier times. Goodbye, mi hermano, and God bless.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Perhaps he's not a banger. Maybe it's the "hang loose" thing? You know, we might be able to tell for sure if my screen capturing didn't involve pausing the TV, pulling out the camera, snapping a quick pic, and emailing it to myself. How bout you cheap bastards pony up some dough for real electronic equipment? It's hard to be on the cutting edge of blogdome with just my Commodore 64.
UPDATE: Thanks to the doctor for snapping this pic, and rushing it to my tip line. There is no doubt now that LMillz is, indeed, STR8 P!MP!NG. Get some, braa!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Now, guess what became official today. You got it!
The other quote is from Manny Elias Acta (See, people with middle names are good.) talking about the status of Alberto Gonzalez and his broken bum:I'm calling shenanigans! How many other times have we heard that someone is day-to-day, or just needs some rest, only to have them go on the DL, or even be out for the season?Alberto Gonzalez (left glut): Won't be placed on the DL. Will still need a few more days of rest. "He's getting better, getting treatment," Acta said. "We're not anticipating it to be a long-term type of thing."
Alberto Gonzalez, who hasn't played in 10 days because of a left glut contusion, will be placed on the DL retroactive to August 5.If anyone would like the winning lottery numbers, or the name of their future spouse, send me $250, and a S.A.S.E., and I'll get back to you.
It doesn't really matter. Stephen Strasburg, the only amateur on the US squad, started last night's (This morning's? Fuck you China, and your 13 hour time difference.) game against the Netherlands. His line (click it if you're blind and can't make it out):
He was throwing 3 pitches consistently, and didn't get challenged by any hitter that I saw. Hell, one batter swung out of his shoes and landed on his back just fouling off a pitch.
Now, I have two points here.
- Sign Crow. (The first round pick of the Nationals. He is reportedly asking for a lot of money. Way over what most number 9 picks get. Should he have dropped to number 9? Probably not, but that's another story in itself.) There's an old saying in baseball that I agree with 100%. It goes, "I don't want to play golf. When I hit the ball, I want someone else to chase it." There's another one that I also believe, and it actually pertains to this post. "You can never have too much pitching." You can't. It's impossible. Even if you have 5 stud starters, you need more. You can trade them for big bats, or the key piece to your teams needs. Hell, I don't care what you do with them, as long as you have them. Get Crow signed, fellas. I'm on my knees here.
- Don't win another game all year. I swear to fucking God, don't. This Strasburg kid looked like a man among boys last night. He throws 3 pitches for strikes, and his 4th isn't that far behind from doing the same. I'm pretty sure that is the reason Manny kept Bergmann in the game last night for so long (10 runs in 3 IP? Hella-good! Walking the pitcher with the bases loaded? You my BOY! Walking another run in two batters latter? Now you're just fucking with me, aren't you? You and Manny are in cahoots!). Did I mind the fact that I had to sit there in the stands and see those runs pile up? Maybe, but I sure as fuck didn't once I got home and saw that Strasburg pitching line. God bless you, Manny. You're doing a fine, fine job.
- Oh, God damn....almost forgot. Boni, those two walks last night rocked my world. Now, maybe you can try and get Manny to have you attempt a steal once you actually get on?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
His numbers at Columbus:
29 games, .360/.432/.523, 5 2B, 2 3B, 3 HR, 12 SB (caught stealing twice).
That, my friends, is good shit.
Nothing really to say about the Mets game last night. We seem to have Johan's number, but the our bullpen (Saul! ::shakes fist::) blew it again. I must say, however, that it was good to finally see Manny get his ass on the field and into the mug of some umpires. There have been (at least) 3 horrible calls that went against us in the last 3 games. Each time I was screaming at Manny to get out there, but he never did.
Okay, I'm going back to work. Wish me luck, and I hope to see you soon!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
No, no. Just kidding, folks! The lines for Milwaukee's two starters on Friday and Saturday:
CC Safathia: 9 IP, 5 Hits, 0 Runs, 1 BB, 9 K.
Ben Shits: 9 IP, 5 Hits, 0 Runs, 0 BB, 6 K.
You go, girls.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The Washington Nationals, hobbled, hurt and aching in the standings, suffered a scare in batting practice today. Pitcher Tim Redding was smoked by a line drive off the bat from teammate Cristian Guzman. Redding was in center field, approximately 350 feet away, when the ball hit him flush and dropped him. Redding went down and was quickly attended to by a trainer. He limped off under his own power, favoring his right leg. He avoided another line drive near the third base line as he returned slowly to the dugout.I'm speechless. I really am. The team says he has a "right quad contusion and should be able to make his next start", but it's more than likely he'll be put on the 15 day DL in a week or two.
First, is from our favorite non-hustling, pouting, cancerous second baseman himself, Mr. FLop. He (somehow) got signed by the St. Louis Cardinals. (Suckers.) The St. Louis Blogosphere is not happy about it, either. One quote:
Bottom line, Felipe Lopez is a bad ballplayer. He offers no real upgrade to this team, and significantly hurts them in at least one facet of the game. I suppose it didn't take any talent to acquire him, though, so there's that, right? Eh. This move still gets a big, solid whatever from me.I digress, however, for this was not the quote I want to pick apart. Nay, the quote I am using is from the
About coming from St. Louis to Washington:
"It's like night and day. You go from somewhere that's dead last and the energy is not there. You come here and as soon as I walked in I felt that energy. That inspires you, that motivates you to play well. ... [ed: The five fucking million dollars you were being paid wasn't enough to motivate you? Jesus Flores Christ, son!] They were trying to develop young players. I was not in their plans for the future. [You know what you could have done? Try helping the kids out, like you said Barry Larkin did for you, you selfish prick]"
On not hitting:
"Like I said, the motivation - just being dead last, I guess. [Yeah, I'd pack it up, too. I mean, what the hell, the team threw $5MM at you, but they only expected you to produce if the team was winning, right?] Like going out there knowing you're probably going to lose isn't motivating. [How about setting an example for the kids on the team, the kids at the ballpark, and the kids at home by, I dunno, RUNNING OUT A FUCKING GROUND BALL?!? Oh, I forgot, if you're in last place, you couldn't be bothered. Dick fuck!]That's tough. That's tough, for me."
You know, I sure as hell hope St. Louis doesn't go into a skid, because it's apparent from Felipe's comments that he couldn't give two shits about playing hard if the team isn't winning. I wasn't there, but I'm fucking positive there was a huge sigh of relief in the clubhouse when this piece of garbage was booted. Good-God Damn-Riddance.
The other quote is from Manny Elias Acta (See, people with middle names are good.) talking about the status of Alberto Gonzalez and his broken bum:
Alberto Gonzalez (left glut): Won't be placed on the DL. Will still need a few more days of rest. "He's getting better, getting treatment," Acta said. "We're not anticipating it to be a long-term type of thing."
I'm calling shenanigans! How many other times have we heard that someone is day-to-day, or just needs some rest, only to have them go on the DL, or even be out for the season? I think it's around 743 times, gad damns it! For the latest, I give you Manny Acta, again, on Monday (the 4th...three days ago): Q: Elijah, any update? Elijah (calf) probably needs one more day. Well, there you have it. I'm sure him being placed on the DL today was an accident by the front office, cause he's ready to go as of yesterday!
Q: Elijah, any update?
Elijah (calf) probably needs one more day.
Well, there you have it. I'm sure him being placed on the DL today was an accident by the front office, cause he's ready to go as of yesterday!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Hey, check out this line from the bottom of the 8th last night.
I know you just glanced over that summary, so I'm gonna break it down for you. Oh, you didn't glance over it? You read it? Too fucking bad, you need to see just how terrible this inning was. Suck it up, you're a big boy/girl.
Luis starts the 8th with a tie ballgame. First guy he faces grounds out. 2-2 1 out. Matt Holliday doubles. Man on 2nd, 1 out. Luis gives up a 4 pitch walk, then plunks a guy to make it bases loaded, 1 out. Manny brings in Charlie Manning, who preceded to give up a 2 run single (4-2, 1 out) walks a guy (bases loaded, 1 out), and then walks in a run. He does manage to strike the next batter out to make it 5-2, 2 out. Saul comes in with the bases loaded, THEN HITS THE GUY with his second pitch to bring in a run. 6-2, 2 outs, bases still loaded. Next batter, hey, let's walk in another run! 7-2, bases still loaded, 2 out. Matt Holliday is up, and really hits the shit out of the ball (not really, infield single) to make it 8-2, bases still loaded, 2 outs. Garrett Atkins is a gentleman, however, so he decides I've been through enough, and grounds out meekly to end the inning. FUCK SHIT DAMN! 4 walks, and 2 hit batters. The Cockies score 6 runs on 3 fucking hits! The bullpen guys threw 44 pitches, with more balls than strikes (23 balls, 21 strikes).
Hi. Meet the Washington Nationals bullpen:
Kasten said the organization will have an idea by next week on who it will sign before the deadline. Overall, the Nationals have signed 25 out of their 50 picks thus far. "I'm sure we'll sign some more of our picks, but I don't think we will sign all of them, but we will try," Kasten said. "We studied this pretty carefully. We decide the value that we place on prospects. That's the No. 1 consideration. Sometimes it's more than Major League Baseball's recommendations, sometimes it's less than the recommendations.And then there is this.
Nationals president Stan Kasten acknowledged on Tuesday that the team most likely will not sign all of its top picks. Kasten declined to say which players he felt were unsignable. However, late last week, general manager Jim Bowden said negotiations with Crow, the Nats' top pick, weren't going well.Stan does go on to say what they are offering Crow, but fails to Mention what Crow is asking for.
The Nationals feel that Crow's salary should be similar to what pitcher Ross Detwiler received. Detwiler, the team's first-round pick in 2007, received a $2.15 million signing bonus. "The Crow case is a little interesting. In some respects, that decision is easier than all. It's kind of pretty well determined," Kasten said. "We know what the Chad Corderos, the Ryan Zimmermans, the Chris Marreros and the Ross Detwilers received. We know what their value is. We know what the No. 10 pick [in the first round] is already getting. The feeling is, [regarding Crow] it's between No. 10 this year and what Detwiler's contract was. That's the appropriate value. It's fairly easy to figure out."I'll write up something in a little bit about the bullpen.......problems........from last night, but I thought you might find this interesting/frustrating/suicide invoking.
They better go public with what the guys were asking for if they don't sign. These fuckers better have been asking for weekly hookers, and bags of weed as big as a baby's arm to go along with their salary demands, or I'm going to label this a complete and utter failure.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
This speedy lil' fella is averaging one triple every 9 AB. Sheeeet. I was watching the game last night at my local watering hole, and had to make a trip to the mens room. I passed by Stephen Hawking on the way, and glanced at his computer screen (he has a computer attached to his wheelchair. It's actually really cool. He also has a bitching bottle holder which keeps his bottles of Yuengling nice n' chilled, and the straw coming out of it is freon filled titanium, so that the beer doesn't warm a single degree on its way to his mouth. Of course, half of every sip dribbles out of his mouth, but he's rich, he can afford it.) and he was working on rewriting some existing popular theories. I managed to read this one:
Hell, if Stephen Hawking wrote it, who the fuck am I to argue?
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Anyway, fat ass was sitting in the steam room yesterday, "part of his daily routine to get his body ready for that night['s game] ." (Uh, huh. His daily routine also consists of a T-bone and 8 eggs for breakfast, a 24" hoagie for lunch, a small baby for a snack, and Hank Blalock for dinner.)
Ron Washington came to get him.
"He's never in the steam room," said Guardado, who had been the subject of trade rumors all week.
"Eddie, I need to see you," Washington said, his head down.
"All right, Wash, where am I going?" Guardado asked the manager.
"Washington Nationals," Washington said with a straight face.
Why wouldn't it be with a straight face? He didn't say the Springfield Isotopes. Or the Pluto Penises. He mentioned a franchise that has been in the Major Leagues since 1969.
"Washington Nationals?" said Guardado, who is perfectly capable of reading the National League standings. "You've got to be kidding!"Oh, he can read the N.L. standings. Congrats, Eddie. Your mom must be very, very proud. Can you read the A.L. standings? You're 12.5 games back, slick. Good luck with that.
So, the Rangers manager and GM keep playing a little ball-busting (and I'm sure some ball fondling) with chubby fat ass. He walks (waddles?) upstairs to see the suits, and to get the word from them officially.
"There's Jay Robertson, John Hart, Thad Levine, all those guys," Guardado said. "They're all sitting around and nobody is smiling. I go, 'Washington Nationals? You've got to be kidding.'"No, Eddie, what would be kidding is to call you handsome. Or physically fit. Or mention your wife without using the words "whore", "whale", or "man face." The GM asks him to step into another room (blow job?) and fat face obliges. Then the GM decides to tell him the truth, which was there was no deal for him to go to the Nats. ((The Nationals offer of 1 batting practice baseball, 1 broken bat, a seat from RFK stadium, and a foam Screech claw was rejected? (I was pissed when they threw in that Screech claw, btw.)) You see, it was a "gag" all along. (Gag on this, ass hat.)
Guardado, realizing he was the victim of a practical Trade Deadline joke, started laughing, too.
"You're lucky," he told Daniels, pointing to a pie-serving knife on a desk. "I was going to kill you."Who are you kidding, Eddie. You were gonna grab the pie knife and lick it all over, you food loving Fatty McFat-fat. Jesus. If you were any larger, they'd fly you over Arlington for the TV shots. Asshole.
I'd link to the article, but I don't want any of you hunting down the "author" (Great job, fan-boy. Did you get Eddie's autograph after the interview? Did you squeel with glee?) and giving him the business. Actually, I do. Go bail your drunk mom outta jail, T.R. Sullivan. $200 for his head in the mail, folks.
- Felipe Lopez is being released. The Nats eat what's left of his $4.9MM for this year.
- Paul LoDuca is being released. The Nats eat what's left of his $5MM for this year.
- Elijah Dukes was recalled from his rehab assignment for his knee injury (which is worth talking about. When he twisted his shit, he was placed on the DL and we were told he would be out a minimum of 4-6 weeks. This was July 5th. Chico interviewed DOOKS! on the 6th, and Elijah had this to say:
Q:Is it going to be hard to not push yourself too hard to come back, knowing how much you want to play?A: Oh, it ain't no question I'm going to push myself hard to come back. That's just the way I am. I don't like to sit around and do nothing. If I can do something to get back faster, I'm going to do it. I don't plan on taking as long as I can. I plan on taking as quick as I can." Say what you want about Elijah, the guy's a very fast healer, and loves to play baseball. Small man crush coming on for him.)
- Emiliooooooooo is being called up.
- Alberto Gonzalez (who was acquired from the New York Hankees yesterday at a trade deadline deal for some scrub AA pitcher) will be on the active roster, and be in the hizzie Friday, today.
With that said, I thought I'd take a shot at Friday's lineup. Check this junx out, and HOLLA AT YA BOI in the comments with ideas/corrections.
- Emilio 2B
- Milledge CF
- Dukes LF
- Kearns RF
- Flores C
- Gonzalez SS
- Belliard 1B
- Casto 3B