Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Danny Espinosa, you big lug.

So, Danny Espinosa is playing winter ball in Puerto Rico this year (Cause let's face it, real men play ball ALL. YEAR. LONG.) and happened to have himself a pretty good game last night.The line from the box score?

5 plate appearances. BB, 1B, 2B, 3B, HR, 4 RBI.

Yay, it's the cycle! One of the most random baseball stats around. But don't let its randomness confuse you into thinking it's not pure awesomeness, however, cause it sure as shit is. He hit the HR first, then added the triple, then walked. When he came up to bat for the fourth time, the pitcher was all:

Which was a pretty appropriate reaction, as Espi was raking last night, and hit a double in that at bat, and finished it off with a single in his last plate appearance. That's man style right there. Hit the big balls for the kiddies in case they gotta leave before the game is over. (He's a fucking philanthropist on top of everything else, you know.)

Any-who, Espi rules and his opponents drool. It's getting to be old hat at this point. Be prepared for him to hit .375/.520/.780 next year, folks. And win a Gold Glove. And save a kid from choking on a hot dog in the 7th inning stretch. All in a season's work, ya know?

P.S. In case you were wondering, gingerbread men do not make natural actors. I had that one gingerbread man above try that "scared face" on his own, and it came out worse than Chase Utley trying to act modest. Fakest expression ever. So, I snapped a pic of his regular face, then got the scared shot by giving him some motivation. That motivation was simply to put him in the most terrifying situation the little guy could ever be in:

I almost feel bad for the little man, but nature is nature, and Meat Hook was gonna eat him eventually. Might as well make it a good photo opportunity.

PPS. Danny is playing for the "Leones de Ponce" in the Puerto Rican League. If your Spanish is as horrible as mine, you pronounce it "Leonces day Ponces", which is cool cause it rhymes, and you can pretend all the team names in that league rhyme. And a league of all rhyming named teams makes me smile for some reason.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Collin Balester's moustache is back

If you're not following Collin Balester on Twitter, then you might not know about a cause he's pimping. You see, he's the captain of a team named "Bally's Staches" over at us.movember.com. What exactly is Movember? Well, they have a FAQ here, and best I can tell, it's a charity event aimed at raising money and awareness for cancers that men are faced with. Guys are growing moustaches for the month of November, which is whimsically renamed Movember. All funds raised go to the Prostate Cancer Foundation and LiveStrong. You can donate money directly to Collin, or the team. You can even join Collin's team and raise money yourself, all the while raising the total amount that Bally's Staches' raises.

Folks who read this blog know that I'm not a very serious guy. I write irreverent posts that poke fun at people and myself. I like to make crappy photoshops and stupid videos for the most part. But, here's one fact that blew my mind when I found it out. (Even more-so than when I found out Wil Nieves was still getting paid after Wilson Ramos was called up. Call the cops, it's a robbery! ) If a man lives long enough, he will develop prostate cancer. Autopsy studies have shown that 30% of men in their 50s had prostate cancer, and 80% of men in their 70s had it. So, kudos to Collin for bringing attention to it.

Now that the serious shit is over, I can get to the entire reason for writing this post. (Well, besides the whole cancer bit.) I present to you an awesome gif that I found randomly on the interwebs that I have mangled with my inferior graphic skills. It's entitled "Moustaches Make a Difference."

(For the record, my pictures would show me without a moustache and the label "Generic White Guy", while my with moustache label would be something like "Generic Creepy White guy." (Think David Spade.) I can grow some lip fuzz, but it's pretty thin and very light. That's why, if I need to sport one, I just do the old finger moustache. You look super cool, and build your arm muscles up since you have to hold that position for hours (even days!) on end.)

Oh, if you'd like to see the pictures in the animated gif one by one, you can see them here. You can actually break down any gif that way, if you'd like. (Free tips, folks! GOD DAMN, I'M GENEROUS AND AWESOME!)