Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The first cut is the deepest...

That's what Cat Stevens says, anyway, right?

[Insert musings about the first spring training cuts here (RIP, Rendon), as I was way too busy lazy to write about them.]

Now, since no one has actually listened to that song all the way through, did you know the sixth verse starts with, "The second cut? It don't hurt so much."? Well it does!

Gone to AAA Syracuse in the second spring training cuts are Starters Ryan Perry and Yunesky Maya, reliever Erik Davis, first baseman Chris Marrero, catcher Jhonatan Solano and outfielder Corey Brown. Have fun boys! Chris and Corey have already been there, but in case the others need advice on how Syracuse is, here's a picture of Corey on the actual field last year* 

(*This is not the actual field. This is actually the planet Hoth from The Empire Strikes Back. The boys in Syracuse can only wish Syracuse was as warm as the planet Hoth from the Empire Strikes Back.)

No one got sent to AA Harrisburg with this round of cuts, but My Main Main TONE DŌN
got sent there in the previous round of cuts, and it's rumored that Matt Skole could be assigned there, too. Purchase some good quality lead clothing, Matt, as this picture of Rendon batting at home shows the exact location of home plate in Harrisburg.*

(*This is not the exact location of home plate in Harrisburg. The Three-Mile-Island reactor is actually directly behind the visitor bullpen 13 miles away.)

And, finally, catcher Chris Snyder was cut by the Nats so he could immediately sign with The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, or LAAAAAAAAAA.

In other news around the league, Ramon Castro was cut by the Dodgers so he could immediately sign with...

...The Beagle Boys Gang.

That's right, folks. This entire post led up to a "Ramon Castro Is Fat" joke. One I used before, too. (Sorry, gang, but 5 years is an acceptable time frame between jokes. It's in the Official Section138 Blogger Handbook. /Hastily starts writing the Official Section138 Blogger Handbook)

Friday, March 8, 2013

Anthony Rendon doing his Anthony RendOWNED thing.

HI, Mr. Chad Durbin. TONE DŌN just went about 380' on you the opposite way. You, sir, have been rendOWNED

Footnote time!  My nickname for Rendon was originally 'Ton 'Ron, but it was then remastered to its current form (TONE N) by Andrew. If no one else gets the reference, we know we're at that point in our life where we should probably just hurl our bodies off bridges, as time has, clearly, passed us by.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The boys are back. And they're *spectacular.*

Spring training is here! Spring training is here! I swear, there's no better day of the year than when the first Nats' game is broadcast. You plop down on the couch, have a beer in each hand, a remote in the other, and your opposing team's voodoo doll in your fourth. Here it is. The first video images of the 2013 gang: 

And, if you're like me (which would be way cool, btw. We could totally hang out, making stupid jokes, baking cookies that resemble Jayson Werth's Beard, and punching my life-size Chase Utley mannequin. Think about it! My email is up in the top right of the page, yo's!) you rewind the first 30 seconds of the broadcast over and over and over again, to see if what you thought you saw, was what you thought you saw.  

The first thing that pops out at you, of course, is Matty Purke and his... well, his face.


I think it is very apropos that another Matty takes over from our last "Player X" face. Yes, Matty Purke is taking over from Matty Capps. You may be gone, Matty Capps Face, but you seem to be in good hands.

Later, you think you see Jayson Werth and new first base coach Tony Tarasco sharing some love. You check again. 

  Yes, sir, HAND POUNDS ABOUND when you're Jayson Werth and his new BFF, Tony. (I swear that's Tarasco, btw. I still haven't shelled out the $7 to get a tripod for my little camera, so I'm stuck holding it in my hands, while filming the TV. My unsteadiness lead to Tarasco being totally cropped from that clip. My humble apologies, Tony. I'll be sending you a bushel of throat lozenges to soothe your larynx after screaming "BACK" on pick-off attempts. (I don't mean to offend you, Tony, but what else do you do there when coaching first? Oops, sorry, you must also operate a stopwatch with the utmost precision. Mea culpa.)) 

Oh, I see Jordan Zimmermann. Howdy, ZNN! Wait, what? Is that gum... Is he.. You miscreant!

Sigh. I thought we might not have to see this unsanitary display of gum chewing after the Big Donkey left town. Well, it appears Jordan Z took over for Adam D in that department. Enjoy enraging my wife by chewing your gum like a vile human being, Jordan. (You still my boy, though. If you ever happen to hear my wife screaming, "What are you, five? Put the god damned gum back in your mouth! Gah!" through the TV, and get offended, just let me know. While I would never, ever Brett Myers a lady, I am not above giving her a stern stink-eye.)

Finally, (Hey! Keep your "about time"s to yourself!), we see in all his glory, Gio freaking Gonzalez, and him doing what he do.

That's right, folks. Gio be all, "Toot toot, bitches. The train that is the NL BEAST MACHINE is just getting rolling. Here's some fist pumps for you suckas!" Or maybe they're playing Party Rock, and he's really, really into it. It's certainly one of those two things. Or it may be both, cause Gio does it like that.