What I learned watching the World Cup

So, I'm home with the wife and new baby (Kaitlyn Hannah- born last Thursday, June 10th, which is the same day Matty fucking Chico was born!!!!1!!1!!!eleven!!) and have been watching most of the three World Cup games shown each day. I've learned a lot, especially about the rules and how the referees call fouls. Which is - they don't. Seriously. When they call a foul, they don't have to say who committed the foul, nor do they have to say what the fuck the foul even was! (Joe West is salivating at this and is seriously considering a job change.)
I also learned that Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo is the A.J. Pierzynski of soccer. He whines, cries, pouts, antagonizes, torments, molests, badgers, bully-rags, grates, irks, besets, and ruffles his opponents. He also dives like nobody's business. I mean, MY GOD! Check out this play that I recorded directly off the TV during the Portugal vs Ivory Coast game on Tuesday:

Fucking unbelievable.

On a totally unrelated note, how bout you cheap bastards visit a brother's spreadshirt shop and buy some goddamn shirts! I've got a new design up in honor of the guy playing some crazy defense at shortstop, Mr. Ian "Hee-Sop" Desmond. Check it:


I also have a couple other shirts up that I haven't posted. Have you checked out the shop and seen them? Yeah, you did? Sweet! Now, how come you didn't buy one? (Insert crying picture here as you have driven me to tears. Sniff.) For those that haven't checked out my sweet ass shop, here's another never before blogged item. Behold the goodness that is the El Drew K Crew and their blatant disregard for the law!


Those rebels! If they're not careful, the could end up in the clink next to other famous revolutionaries. Like... well, shit. I don't know any off the top of my head, but I bet there's a shit ton in North Korean prisons. (Did I just compare fans of Drew Storen to people locked up for standing up to a communist dictatorship? Fuck no!)

Alright. My shilling is done. Now, how about Johnny Lannan going out and getting us a win today - my very first Father's Day? That would be sweet! (You know what else is sweet? This kick ass shirt from this kick ass spreadshirt that my daughter got me for Father's Day! /Yanked off stage by The Sandman while screaming, "Just one more chance! Please!")

Hey, Lastings... (snicker)

Hi! I'm a little late posting this because I went to the hospital on Wednesday morning for the birth of my daughter. I'm back now, though, and as they say... better late than not doing it in any amount of time. (Or something like that.)

Anyway, daughter, hospital, best moment of my life, blah blah blah... let's talk some EXTREME HUMILIATION!

What was the best part of Strasburg's first start? Without a doubt, it was his strikeout of LOLastings Milledge. Complete with a curve ball that had LOLastings' knees buckling. (Hmmm... I seem to remember him taking part in a rap video in the past with a title foreshadowing this *exact* moment. Oh yeah, here it is. Clickie and enjoy.)

Now, without further ado, I do my best to humiliate LOLastings in no less than three file formats. Enjoy! (I've wanted to use the Wilhelm scream for years in this blog. I finally got the chance.)

In 30 second video form (looping the same 1.5 seconds all the time):

LOLastings Milledge. from Section 138 on Vimeo.

Lastings dives out of the way of a... strike, right down the middle, screaming all the time.

In gif form:

And, finally, a link to the YTMND.com flash post, which you can watch for 72 hours in a row, if you like.

http://lolastings.ytmnd.com/

About that Berkman "check swing"...

Why yes... I do realize I'm late on this post. Give me a break, I'm busy lazy.
So, I prolly don't have to re-hash the events of the game. You can go here or here to find out that Matt Capps had Lance Berkman (Tony!!) at a two strike count and two outs when he threw a fastball on the outside part of the plate. Berkman swung at it, and missed.

Only the third base umpire said he didn't swing. He said Lance checked his swing. Here's a gif showing the swing from three angles so you can see what the third base umpire couldn't.

Now, shit shouldn't be this hard, should it? Seems like a simple "yup, he swung" to me. But then again, what the hell do I know? Let's ask Jim Riggleman...

Hey, Jim! Jim! Don't I possess an incredible amount of baseball knowledge? Enough that you regularly call me for my sage advice?

Oh, fuck you, Jim! How are you gonna call me out like that in front of all (three) of my friends? That's cold, dude. Just for that, I'm not gonna make a sweet ass t-shirt designed with you in mind!

What's that, guys? You want to know more about sweet ass t-shirts designed with Nationals in mind? Say no more! Just head on over to this kick butt spreadshirt store and buy a bunch of each model.

In fact, a new shirt debuted today. (And, actually, is the reason for me pushing this post back a day. Didn't really seem like yesterday was the best day to pimp a closer's shirt. You know.. with the loss and all...) Yup, get ready to have your wallets "Open up and say ... Ahh!" to this sweet bitch of a shirt:



That's right, kiddos, you too can own your very own shirt based on the song Matty Capps comes out to when dominating doods! I mean, look at the font! That's used by the band!!1!! Now, THAT is paying attention to details!!111!11 I also hear there's other colors over there.

Now, c'mon... do me a favor. Buy some shirts. I have a daughter coming into this world any day now. You want her with no shoes on her feet? That's right, folks. Her shoe money come's from the shirt money. Hope you sleep well knowing that there are rusty nails and broken glass just begging to plunge themselves into an infant's tender, soft, fresh skin.

/sniff