Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Brycey got a bit spicy. And then got a shower.

Ho hum. 19-year-old Bryce Harper hit the game winning single last night in the 12th inning to give the Nats the win over the Mets. Just another pimping moment in Bryce's pimping life. And, as you know, pimping is dirty business, so Mikey Mo was there to clean him off.

(As an aside, welcome back, Mikey. After what seemed like 19 straight ground outs to shortstop, he hit two doubles last night. The Beast abides.) Who didn't get the Gatorade shower, though? Sideline Dugout reporter Kristina Akra. After not being able to run fast enough in the past, she bolted to her left as soon as she saw the Gatorade this time. Unfortunately, though, there wasn't much room to her left, and she ran right into a camera guy. Oopsies.

Before the showering, however, was this wonderful scene. "BROSKI! IS JUMPY TIME!"

Tonight has Edwin Jackson on the bump, up against... well, some Met. Too lazy to look at the moment. It's Jackson's... wait, what start number is this for Jackson? Not to knock Edwin, but he sure has become the forgotten guy in this rotation, yeah? I mean, I'm struggling to remember even one of his starts. Maybe that's why this guy has been on seven teams in ten years. He produces, but just doesn't produce any memorable games. Except for that no hitter that he threw in Tampa Bay Detroit Arizona. Of course, that was just a matter of wearing down the other team. Just throw 200 pitches, and they'll get sick of looking at balls and start swinging at anything. Let's do one of those tonight, Edwin!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Ian Desmond will steal your opponent's soul, then your batting helmet.

You know, I always find myself watching every Nats game. I don't think it's healthy, really, but it keeps me from walking alleyways and punching strangers in the head and face, so there's that. Anyway, if I'm not at the game in person then I'm watching it on TV. Whether it's at home, at a bar, or at work, it's on. I find myself watching much more than just the action that takes place when the ball is in play, too. For instance, remember when I made that movie about Adam Dunn and Josh Willingham's home run celebration? (You don't? Can't say I blame you...)
Well, I picked up on something at some point during this season, and it's the fact that Ian Desmond likes to pluck the batting helmet from the head of a Nat that just hit a home run. I can't remember when I first noticed it, though, so I went back through all of the ten home runs hit by the Nats this season. The first home run came on 4/7/12, and it was hit by Adam LaRoche. Persusing the video evidence, we can see that someone does, in fact, remove his lid for him. We just cannot see who: 

Yes, Desi is behind him, but we can't see clear proof that he took it from his head. In fact, Desi's then seen high-fiving some dude I've never seen before a split second after LaRoche's head is exposed. Now, without further ado, let's explore the other nine home runs the Nats have hit after the jump, shall we? 

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Well, Bob Carpenter is still Bob Carpenter.

Yesterday's game was the most Bob Carpenter game in the history of Bob Carpenter games, with the last play of the game being called in the most Bob Carpenter way possible.

Please allow me to do my best Dan Steinberg and transcribe what happened on the last play of the game. Situation: Bottom of the ninth, Nats down one. Ian Desmond on second, two outs, Danny Espinosa at the plate.

/SMACK goes the ball off Danny Espinosa's bat into CF.

Bob: "And this game will be tied..."

/A whole entire fucking play unfolds since, you know, THAT'S HOW THINGS WORK.

Bob: "... He is out! And the game is over."

GAH! Look, I've talked about this in the past. In fact, more than once. I've even made videos poking fun at him about it. But this one, I didn't make up. See for yourself:

Now, I know the call wasn't being piped into the dugout. And I know that Rick Eckstein and Davey aren't looking at Bob with this "Are you fucking serious?" look. But... I choose to ignore ALL OF THAT and pretend that Davey and Rick are dumbfounded at Bob Carpenter's call, not the umpire's.

So, Nats lose. But, that wasn't even the worst part about the entire game. What was? It was seeing Chorye Spoone's name pop up when he came into the game, going through the 1,000 different ways I imagened his name was pronouced, only to have it be said as "COREY SPOON." Are you kidding me? Fuck it, he'll always be "Chore-eye Spoon-eh" to me. Take that, Chore-eye's mom and dad!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Stephen Strasburg was erred by the scamp in blue!

Hi, ladies and germs. Miss me? Really? Well, I didn't miss you either, so there.

/Sobs in the corner while petting Danny Espinosa's bobblehead.

So, Stephen Strasburg (the latest member of the high profile Opening Day Starter club) pitched in yesterday's ballgame against the Mets. He was cruising along, you know, all Stras-like, when he ran into Lucas Duda HP umpire Hunter Wendelstedt. Stevie Stras had Lucas Duda 1-2 and threw a nasty breaking ball to strike him out. Only he didn't. Wendelstedt was too busy lighting his crack pipe to see the pitch, and called it a ball. You can guess what happened next, right? You got it. Home run. Hunter Wendelstedt 1, Washington Nationals 0.

A written description of these events really doesn't do it justice, so I made my first video of 2012. Hooray! Bully! Huzzah! (Come on, folks. Can you at least act interested? Sigh...) So, without further ado, I present to to, the worst call in the history of calls*.

As you saw, that ball was right down the middle. I mean, Strasburg starts heading off the mound, and Duda starts heading to the dugout, for Christ's sake!

Okay, I'm doing this post as a drive-by, so I'm outta here. Be on the look out for new posts soon, as well as a new shirt! Here's a hint - It's Gio Gonzalez. (That hint was for any Phillies fans that read this blog. I didn't want you all to have to waste half a day trying to figure out a harder hint.) Adios, muchachos!

*I apologize for the shakiness of the video. I had to hold up the camera and record the TV, cause, well, that's how I roll. I asked for a teeny tripod for Christmas, but no one got me it. Maybe I'll ask Hunter Wendelstedt for one, cause he appears great at granting people wishes. I guess I just need to write him that wishlist on Mets letterhead.