Storen is soaring! ::Groan:: (Sorry.)

Ladies and Gentlemen:

That is all. Commence your car tipping-over and your street light pulling-downing.

It sure is dusty in here...

As I write this, my eyes are a little damp. Must be all this goddamn dust floating around that's making my eyes water.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our boy did it! I present to you, Drew Storen's first ever Major League line from his first Major League game:

Drew came in with a man on 1st and one out. He got the first batter to fly out to left field, and then broke out THE HAMMER OF UNFORGIVING DESTRUCTION onto poor Matt Holliday, striking that guy out.

Which brings me to the next subject. Did you know Baseball-reference has Matt Holliday's nickname as being "Big Daddy?" Well, what about Drew's nickname? We had the poll back last year on whether or not Drew should keep his SOCKS OF DOOM. You guys voted, and the outcome was 45-2 in favor of him keeping the socks. Well, he didn't keep the socks, as we all know, so the nickname post I had went in vain. Or did it...?? No, in the comments came a nickname suggestion that I've used every now and then, and one his family admitted to using in the past (although I can't find that link right now). So, in honor of the *huge* strike out on Holliday last night, I bestow upon Drew Storen the unofficial nickname of:

El Drew K

Hey, it's a helluva lot better than what I was going to call him after he broke my heart by ditching the socks (Meanie Bo-Beanie was tops, with Stupid Doo-Doo Head coming in a close second). Speaking of which.. as I was watching Drew, I couldn't help but sing this song as though I were a three-year-old child holding a grudge:

But you're our fool, Drew. And that's what really matters. Now how about you reward us by drilling Utley the first time you face him? Then you'll really get some loving. Unwanted, grotesque, stalker-ish loving, but loving all the same.

The Bullpen sucked so hard it's now a black hole.

Shit, I ain't no scientist, but black holes do have something to do with sucking, right? And so do the Nat's bullpen I. That's right... I am to blame for the bullpen's Lindsay Lohan like meltdown last night. (Like that 2007 Lohan reference there? Sweet, wasn't it? Stick around, and I'll ask why they call Ovaltine Ovaltine. (Hint - the question has something to do with Ovaltine not actually being shaped like an oval.)) I was floating around in the clouds, forgetting that these Nats are still the Nats. And that this bullpen still has Brian Bruney in it. And that despite Goggle's 6-0 record, he had 4 blown saves, and could have easily been 2-4. In fact, I was riding so high that I actually changed my work computer's desk top. That's right. I jinxed the fuck outta the pen by changing from this:

To this:

So, bring on the flames. I deserve it. (But I'm still buying one of these wicked cool t-shirts! Are you?)

(Is "Wicked Cool" out of style? You know... like on par with.. "Totally Rad"? Cause I don't give a fuck. I'mma keep saying it. Why, it's all the rage back in St. Olaf...)

Adam is a tad laid back.

You know... I didn't have any preconceived notions of Adam Dunn when he came here.

Now, though?

I'm 900% positive he's the most laid back guy on the planet. He makes Jeff Lebowski look like Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs. How else can you explain this reaction to an RBI double single that Josh hit to tie the game in the bottom of the 8th inning? (If all you get is a small black square below, click on that. Why? Beats the shit outta me. The gif sometimes pops up, sometimes doesn't.)

The dude abides. Now, who do you think Donny is? Quick, someone get Collin Balester here, pronto!

Clippard and Capps be good.

So, yeah... Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps have become a legit combo for preserving a lead going into the eighth inning. There's even stats and shit out there to prove it, I'm just too lazy today to find them.
No, what I needed to do here is address the name of this combo. The phrase "Clip and save" has been circling 'round the intertubes (originating here?), and while it's catchy, and sorta makes sense... I think we can do better. So, without further ado, a new moniker:

C+C Save Factory

Do you remember C+C Music Factory? Of course you do! Why? Because (a) they were awesome, and (b) you were awesome. And Awesome people listen to awesome music. So, without further ado, presenting Clip and Capps.. doing their thing.

Also... feel free to throw out these zingers at the opposing team when you know C+C Save Factory are about to come into the game:

"Uh, Oh! Here comes Clippard and Capps, better open Google maps!"

Cause, you know, their hitter will be lost up at the plate and will need... yeah, never mind.

How about:

"Incoming is Clippard and Capps, you better pray they have a mental lapse!"

That one's not too hot either, eh? Okay, fuck it... just use this:

"Good luck, buddy. Hey, is that Screech in the stands fondling your wife?"