Me: Mike, thanks for taking a few minutes of your time, I appreciate it.
Rizzo: No problem. Happy to do it. I'm actually at dinner, though, so we need to make it brief.
Me: Will do. Actually, I guess I'll combine two questions into one to get this done twice as fast. First, what did you order, and second, why Jim Riggleman over the other candidates?
Rizzo: Well, I was wanting something top shelf, really tasty and good, but with the situation being what it is I settled for something from the rail. You know, house stuff.
Me: Can you expand on that?
Rizzo: Sure, sure. I really wanted a scrumptious 12 oz filet with a delicious Caymus Special Selection Cabernet Sauvignon . Then, I figured that with me having a cold and no taste or smell, it wouldn't make any sense right now. So I went with the hamburger and a bottle of Ernest and Julio Gallo.
Me: I see, and what about the answer to second question, the hiring of Jim Riggleman?
Rizzo: Uh, I was talking about Jim.
Me: Of course you were. Right. Sorry. So what did you end up ordering to eat, then?
Rizzo: I just had a mixed greens salad with chicken.
Me: Sounds delicious. Any concern about Riggleman and him handling such a young pitching staff? Strasburg and Zimmermann in particular?
Rizzo: No, not at all, why would you ask?
Me: Well, according to Keith Law, when Riggleman was managing the Cubs in 1998, he had then 21 year old Kerry Wood exceed 120 pitches in eight out of his 26 starts. Also, in start number 25, Riggleman had Wood throw 133 pitches.
Me: You there, Mike?
Rizzo: /Muffled yelling
"Outta my way, tubby, I need to undo a horrible wrong!"
"But, sir... you haven't paid your bill!"
"Fuck your bill, pal, he's gonna break my poor Strasburg in half!"
*Real/dream, who knows? I confuse reality with make-believe often.