Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Collin Balester signs a contract with Hasbro

Last night Collin drilled Mark Reynolds in the head with a mid 90s fastball. (You can watch the clip here, if you like. Go ahead. He was fine.) He did the same thing to Rickie Weeks of the Brewers back on the 25th of last month, too. (Only MLB doesn't have that available for viewing. I'm not the one slacking this time.)
So, that's 2 hit batsmen in 4.2 IP for Collin. How does this compare with his past? Well, let me fond out for you. I only went back to 2007, though, because I'm short on time lazy as shit:
2007 - Minor Leagues: 1 hit batsman every 18.75 IP
2008 - AAA 1 every 19.55 IP. Majors - 1 every 13.333
2009 - AAA 1 every 17.85 IP. Majors - None hit in 30.1 IP (way to go, Colin!)
2010 - AAA 1 every 17.333 IP. Majors - 1 every 2.1 IP

Now, what does this mean (besides the fact that me do good math)? Well, it means that... na, I'm just fucking with ya. I have absolutely no idea what it means. Except that he's never been as bad hitting guys as Carlos Marmol was last year. (MLB leading 1 HBP for every 6.166 IP. Jesus.)

So, that leaves us with two burning questions:

  1. Why the sudden wildness?
  2. Why the sudden penchant for nailing dudes in the noggin?

Now, I don't have the foggiest idea about number 1. Maybe he thinks he has to pitch inside more as a reliever. Maybe his fingers shrank in some bizarre accident, leaving him with less control. Ask Steve McCatty. But, the answer to number 2? Easy. I found out he signed a contract with Hasbro (c) to be in a line of action figures. They're due to hit the shelves in September, but I managed to get some spy shots with my connections.

Really, Bally? You're posing for a line of comic book toys? I mean, how on earth is that gonna get you any chicks? What's that? Some chicks dig comics?

Well played, Balester. Well played indeed.

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