Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The hairy Muppet lands at Nats Park.

UPDATE: While I wrote this post yesterday, I held off on posting it until today... for some reason. Well, overnight Mr. Werth visited the Wizards game and was caught on camera sans beard!!1!! I'm still publishing this post, though, dammit. I'm a lazy dude, and if I spend this much time on something, you have to suffer through it too.
Well, by now you have all heard about the huge contract given to Jayson Werth so that he can patrol RF in Nats Park for ever two years until Bryce Harper is ready. After that? LF, maybe? Who the hell really knows. All that is known at this point is that Rizzo threw a shit ton of cash at the hairy Muppet, and he'll presumably be playing right in front of me in Section 138. So it is with this post that I say to him, "Hi there! Can't wait to see you patrolling RF, as I've always been impressed by your play there at Nats Park. (Even if it was as a stinkin Phillie.)"

Now, there's only really two questions to be answered... 1) Will he keep the beard, and 2) What number will he wear?
If he does have to lose the beard, as Rizzo sort of hints at here, it'll be hard to adjust to him. I mean, let's face it, dude is one hairy guy. In fact, the top three google image searches for Jayson Werth are these three:

We'll see if Werth can conform to Rizzo's "professionally groomed" rule. (Whatever the hell that means.)

As for number 2, I came across this tidbit in a Ken Rosenthal piece the other day.
"In addition, Werth's contract stipulates that the Nationals award him No. 28, his number with the Phillies."
So, Jayson will get to keep his 28, and Michael Morse will wear... well, some other number. [Update #2: This tweet came out last night and states Michael will wear 38.] The big question is, how did it go down? Well, as it always seems to happen, I was actually there while it was being discussed, and witnessed it all myself! Here's what happened.

When Werth asked for 28, Rizzo hesitated a second to ponder poor Michael. And, at that very moment, Jayson got up and screamed, "This is not negotiable!" and started to walk away from the bargaining table, only for Rizzo to stammer out, "Jayson, wait! Just.. wait. Fuck Michael Morse. 28 is all yours, dammit. In fact, Michael lives right next to this very building that we're negotiating in! Let's go next door to give him the news!"

At that point they went to Morse's house and rang the doorbell. I took a picture to capture the moment...

Michael got all flustered, and said, "I'm calling Mr. Rizzo, dude! You can't just take my number, man!" And then, to his disappointment, Mike Rizzo came out of the shadows and took Jayson's side on the issue...

Sorry Mikey. It looks like Rizzo is 100% behind the beard The Contract®. Maybe you can get Mr. Werth to throw you a dollar or two or eleven million for your sacrifice?

(And, yes, since Werth has shaved the beard, I am know changing my nickname of him from "The Hairy Muppet" to "The Contract®." Feel free to push it on every human being you interact with.)


ShoshanaDP said...

I realized that I can't embrace Jayson Werth yet. Someone put up a video of his highlights from Philly and my hate for him boiled. It's not him. It's that he was a Phillie and seem to hurt the Nats in every game. I am hoping that seeing him in the Curly W today, and hearing him talk about how excited he is to be here, how the Nats have a real chance to win, and all those other things that are said at these press conferences, that I will finally say "Hey, Jayson Werth is a National!"

Section 138 said...

Yeah, I still harbor some hate for the dude from that late Septmeber game in which Storen just imploded. Werth hit that 2 run mammoth bomb to deep center for the walk-off win, and I was swearing I'd hunt him down and murder his rose bushes.
I'm really, really hoping my attitude comes around and that by Spring, I'll be 6 gazillion % behind him.