I needed an IV after Sunday's game.

Jesus, that game had more ups and downs than Edgar Allan Poe. (You see, cause he was bi-polar and was prone to mood swings... You didn't know Poe was bi-polar? Crap... how about... Kurt Cobain? Cool? Cool.)

Jesus, that game had more ups and downs than Kurt Cobain.
I was so exhausted that I needed to get an IV drip in the living room after the game. (Before 2006 I would've popped a couple greenies, but since MLB made them illegal in that year, I've stopped taking them. You think I'mma risk my blogging career by testing positive? Shiiiiiiit, son.)

I don't need to re-hash the game, as you can find the write ups here, here, here, and here. I do want to focus on three things, though.

First - the ejection of Jason Marquis. With one out and a runner on first, in a one run game, Marquis threw a sinker inside that just kept moving inside and ended up hitting B.J. Justin Upton. (Upton put on an award-worthy acting performance when he flopped to the ground "writhing" in pain, only to hop to his feet moments later and run to first base, but that's another post in itself.) It was an obvious non-intentional HBP, but the umpire decided he could see into Marquis' brain and noticed there was intent. So he chucked Marquis (and Riggles) out of the game. You can see the video here, but I just wanted to transcribe Ray Knight's color commentary on the situation. It was...

"Oh that's ridiculous. Good gracious alive the dad-gum score of the game is one zip. You seriously think he's trying to hit somebody there? Are you flipping serious? That's ridiculous. I don't care if he's been hit 12 times, the score of the ball game is one to nothing, there's no way a starting pitcher is gonna hit somebody in retaliation.
...
You're not gonna hit somebody in a game situation like that. If you're gonna hit him, you're gonna hit
him a week later, a month later, the next time you play. That's stupid. You've GOT to be kidding."

..epic? Ray was hotter than a June bug, I tell ya! Hoo-boy!

Second - Danny Espinosa getting plunked. Video of this dastardly deed can be found here, but this is all you need to know about it: 1) Espi was this goddamn close to performing the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on all them Diamondback motherfuckers. And 2) The MASN feed had a great shot of the dugout railing as Espi was being convinced to spare the Diamondback's slithery lives. I now present to you, what I title as...

IS LIVO TIME, MOTHERBITCHES!!!!!

(Titled that because that's what I imagine Livan is screaming to himself as he's vaulting the railing.)

Thirdly - Let's wrap this up with The Rhino, Vamos Ramos, not only showing up the D-Backs, but making sure they knew he was doing it, as well. After Espinosa was plunked, Ramos came up and hit a 3 run bomb. He circled the bases rather slowly,* but that could have been due to him being hobbled by a bad shin, caused by a foul ball striking him there earlier in the game. When asked if he ran slower than usual due to the fact that he was injured, Wilson manned the fuck up, and said that no, the slow trot was to prove a point - that "I wanted to see those guys angry."

He's guaranteed a fastball in the ribs the next time the Diamonbacks and Nats play, but he's also guaranteed an icy cold cerveza, and my daughter's hand in marriage, cause that right there is some GROWN-ASS-MAN action.

*There's a guy out there that actually times all the home run trots around the league. He hasn't updated Sunday's game yet, but I clocked it (via the video) at 28.41 seconds. Wilson's average trot the three previous time the guy has clocked him? 23.46 seconds. Ramos let the D-Backs soak in his awesome presence an extra 5 seconds. That, my friends, is so charitable and noble of him, as they are all better men for being exposed to his golden fucking glow. Maybe some of them even gained an ability they lacked before last night - the power to impregnate females.