Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Jayson Werth's reception was... irritating to my 4th grade teacher.

So, Jayson Werth made his return to Philly yesterday for the first time since being shown the door. Many people wondered how his reception would go... Would he be booed? Cheered? A mix of both? So, what was the answer?

Well, he was welcomed with horrible, teacher-assassinating, language-butchering, God awful grammar.

I'd like to address those sign folks for a minute. Guys, here are two links for proper comma usage. The first is a link to an English Basics worksheet designed for elementary school children. I'll show the rule here, but you may want to click on the link to learn other proper usages for the comma.

Commas in Direct Address
Use a comma to separate the name of someone who is being addressed from the message.
Karen, you are my favorite cousin.

I made this soup for you, Mom.

The second is a link to the book English Grammar for DUMMIES. In particular, it's to the section called "Placing Proper Punctuation." I'm going to, again, post the rule here, as I've looked up the history of the book at all the Philly libraries, and no copies have ever been checked out. Ever.

Commas: In direct address, use commas to separate the name from the rest of the sentence.

So, after this brief tutorial, allow me to correctly punctuate your signage.

There you go, guys. The tutelage was my treat. I love helping the needy, after all.

But my favorite moment of the entire Werth return certainly had to be the following animated gif I made of a mother scolding her son for daring to boo the man that is Jayson Werth.

Yay! Some families in CBP actually have good values! It's obvious they were bussed in from Cherry Hill, NJ.


Anonymous said...

The 'beard' was referring to Zimmermans wife.

Anonymous said...

This website sucks, clowns. How was that for proper punctuation?

Section 138 said...

Anon2- Very well done, my friend. One correction, however... there's only one clown running this here show. And that clown, is me.

/Smiles and waves

/While tooting his nose horn

John H. said...

Hey, Anonymous,

Nice use of apostrophes: It's "Zimmerman's wife," numbnut... Learn to use the possessive case.

And double quotes should have been used for "beard" as well.

When do you graduate from 5th grade?

Section 138 said...

Anon1 - You take that back! Our star player, the face of the goddamn franchise, is not homosex... You know what? Who really cares what people's sexual orientations are? Homophobic jokes just don't work with modern folk. Maybe you can find some other rock throwing, fire worshiping neanderthals to try that line of humor with.

[I have a glass house, you know.]

Section 138 said...

John H. is a gentlemen to be recognized as above all other gentlemen.

(Except me though. And all the Nats. And Mick Foley. (I have a thing for him.))