So, I'm watching Ryan Zimmerman hit his 31st HR (and break up a no hitter) the other night, and I happen to notice him celebrating after he reaches the plate. (I do this a lot now, for some reason. Maybe the celebrations are the best part of the game? I mean... I've seen 100 losses. Maybe my brain just focuses on the good shit?)
He high fives (somebody) and then does a weird finger slappy dappy thingamajiggy with Elijah Dukes. I wish I could show you gus what I'm talking about. Shoot. Oh, wait! I made a video. So, without further ado, I present... "Lijah and Ry'n: Brothers from other mothers."
When you think about it, though, it's not that hard to believe that Ryan Zimmerman and Elijah Dukes have their own hand pound. Sure, Ryan seems like plain vanilla on radio, film, and photo, as well as in real life, but he wasn't always that way, and he may just be busting his soul out again. See, way back in the late 70s, early 80s, Ryan was very tight with Richard Prior. They were Ebony and Ivory before McCartney and Wonder. Heck, they were Salt and Pepper before Salt-n-Pepa. Pryor and Zimmerman did a couple films together, and were pretty damn famous. Ryan eventually got tired of the limelight, however, and moved to the Tidewater,VA area as a 32 year old back in 1987. One night, after being humiliated attempting to impress a younger lady at a carnival, Ryan went to a wish/fortune-telling machine, called Zoltar Speaks and wished he was young again. He woke up the next day as a three year old, and began his life as we know it today.
Most people don't have the faintest idea that this is, in fact, true, though. Even those that have watched the Pryor and Zimmerman movies swear it's Pryor and Gene Wilder, not Ryan Zimmerman. While it is true that Wilder replaced Zimmerman in the later Pryor films such as "See no Evil, Hear no Evil", Ryan was the man in the first few films. And sure enough, every time I point this out to someone, and they watch one of Zim's films with Pryor, it clicks. In fact, here's a clip from their 1980 smash hit "Stir Crazy."
I rest my case, your honor. If it pleases the court, I would like you to rule for the plaintiff, me, in the amount of $150 MM.
(Here's the "Stir Crazy" clip from youtube, by the way.)