Friday, September 18, 2009

Justin Maxwell: International Man of Mystery

So, Justin Maxwell (Montgomery County, represent!) was the subject of MASN's "Covering the Bases" last night. We got to find out all kinds of goodies like... um... shit, what were they? I think he played basketball as well as baseball. I think he got a scholarship to Maryland. And I seem to remember an interview with his dad, who in it said that Justin didn't have a choice but to go to college, thanks to his mom. We also learned that his dad is/was in the military, is a dentist (as well as his mom), and actually did two or three president's teeth. We also learned that Justin is involved in some sort of a cover up. A big one, too! Like... Obama sized.

MASN popped up a graphic after he completed his at bat in the 4th.

About 10 seconds later, they popped up another graphic.

Ohhhhhhhhh! Controversy! Scandal! Embroilment! (Thanks, thesaurus.com.) Just where was Justin born, hmmm? Was it Olney, as listed in the first graphic? Or, was it Bethesda, as listed in the second graphic?

Why the variation!? Is Justin he really a Muslim from Afghanistan who was born to Osama Bin Laden!? Hmmmmmmm?

Well, no. MASN just has shitty graphic editors, and sloppy fact checkers. Look, I have absolutely no contact with the team or players. I have never had a chance to meet the Maxwells, nor anyone related to him. However... even I know where he was born. With his parents in the military, there's a 99.999999999% chance he was born at the Navy Medical Center in Bethesda, MD. Don't get me wrong... there's not a whole lot wrong with Montgomery General Hospital in Olney, but unless there's a severe life threatening situation to Justin's mom at the time, there's zippy chance they'd go to Montgomery General.

Hey... MASN... need some help over there? No, no, not at screwing shit up (you're doing fine on your own), but doing things like... I dunno... actually previewing the damn graphics before you air them?

Sorry about that. Listen... feel free to pop in here anytime, MASN, and rant about my errors. They are many, and they are large. This dude don't live in no glass house. (Mostly cause that would be hot as shit. Seriously. Sun all beating down on you and shit. No, sir. Not for me.)

One more quick thing before I go, though. (Stop groaning, It'll be quick, folks.) I just wanted to update the status of my annual Pirates bet with my good friend Puttzy. Just to recap...

If the Pirates win the season long series, I will drive down to Charlotte, and pay for your ticket to the Oktoberfest thing they got down there. If the Nats win, you buy tickets for me and my wife, and welcome us and the pets down for an extended weekend. And pay for all the beer that is consumed the entire time. (You kinda win either way, dude! Time with me? Fucking awesome!)

Puttzy accepted, and upped the ante in the comments...

I also propose a new bet. A supplemental bet if you will. Overall record at the end of the season. <...> Supplemental bet: loser buys food at Oktoberfest.

Now, as you probably know, the Nats lost the head to head series 5-3. Congrats, Puttzy, I will pay for your Oktoberfest ticket. (BTW, I will be paying with gold doubloons. I hope there's a pirate bank in Charlotte.)
But, what's up with the season long win loss record for the food? Thanks to Brian Oliver over at NFA, it's easy to follow. You see, the Nats and the Pie Rats happen to be the worst two teams (record wise) in MLB. It looks like this as of today.

W L PCT GA Tragic Left
50 96 0.342 - - 16
55 89 0.382 6.0 11 18

As you can see, if the Nats go 10-6 to end the season, they will finish at 60-102. The Rats would need to go 4-14 to end the season, thus finishing 59-103.

Yeah, I think I'm screwed, too. Hope you like bread, Puttzy, cause that's all I'm buying your bitch ass to eat. I'll bring some ketchup packets from home, though, to liven it up a little bit. You're welcome.


MASN said...

Eat my asshole.

Section 138 said...

I said "rant about my errors", not "try to seduce me." (And a very poor attempt that was.)

P.S. Hope your weekend is swell, MASN!

Bob Carpenter, voice of your Washington Nationals said...

Hello again, Nats fans! I hope you've had a fun year on MASN with me and my new broadcast partner this year, Rob Dibble.

Those of you who visit with us on a nightly basis undoubtedly have enjoyed Rob's insight into the game, his sense of humor and, yes, his penchant for "calling it like it is." Rob doesn't pull any punches, and I think as true baseball fans we all have enjoyed his view of the game from our booth.

We've got about three more weeks before the Hot Stove League starts, and then another trip to Viera will be here before you know it. Let's finish this season strong and set out next season towards our fist chmapionship.

Until then, "See ... you ... later!"

Section 138 said...

That made me LOLZBBQ. (Both of the comments did, actually.)