September call ups are... well... unexciting, save for one.

Ladies and Gentlemen, prepare yourself for the IAN ERA! (Or is that the ERA of IAN?)

Ian Desmond highlights the list of September call ups for the Nationals. It's a pretty uneventful list, when you think about it. I knew Desmond would be on it, but was hoping for some more first time Major Leaguers. The only other first timer (sort of) is Zack Segovia, a right handed starting pitcher (Who had one start with the Phillies in 2007). The Nats also brought back retreads Marco Estrada and Logan Kensing, as well as bringing back 2007 first round draft pick Ross Dewiler.

Marco was in the bullpen for all of 11 games last year, before the Nats sent him, his 7.82 ERA, and his 1.737 WHIP packing. He was always a starting pitcher in the minors, and he did have a pretty good 2009 campaign with Syracuse (9-5 with a 3.63 ERA and 1.218 WHIP. He also averaged 6.5 K/9 IP). I'm assuming they are bringing him up to start. (Which is a shame, because I had such a good time yelling, "Maaaaarcooo" to him in the bullpen. He, on the other hand, didn't seem to enjoy it. Come to think of it... he's probably had to endure the whole Marco Polo thingie his whole life. And here I thought I was being clever. Shit.)

Logan was in the bullpen (after Washington picked him up when Florida released him) this year for all of 17 games before the Nats sent him, his 10.71 ERA, and his 2.017 WHIP packing. He has been the closer for AAA Syracuse for a while now, and has put up decent numbers (2-1 with a 2.97 ERA, 17 saves, a 1.020 WHIP, and a great K/9IP ratio of 9.4). He'll be in the bullpen, I would assume, where he will get teased mercilessly for his middle name, which I just found out was "French." (French Kensing, you see. Get it? French... K..sing. FRENCH KISSING!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.)

Ross was called up from AA earlier this year by the Nats, and did a hell of a lot better than I thought he would. He hadn't lived up to the hype of his draft status in the minors, sporting an ERA of 4.54 in high A for 2007 and 2008, along with a WHIP of 1.545. He started this year in AA Hagerstown and threw well. His record was 0-3, but it appears run support was an issue for him. He had an ERA of 2.96, while dropping his WHIP to 1.390, while having a very impressive 9.2 K/9IP ratio. He got the call to Washington, and went 0-5 with an ERA of 6.40, and a WHIP of 1.750. His k/9IP rate dropped to 5.7, as well. They sent him to AAA Syracuse after that, and he's been pretty damn good since then. He's gone 4-2 with a 3.10 ERA, and got his K/9IP back up to 7.7. He still has a long way to go to live up tp being the 6th overall pick in that 2007 draft, especially being a kid drafted from College, but I'm rooting for him, dammit... so should you!

Which leaves the two newbies, Mr. Zack Segovia and Mr. Ian Desmond. I'll be honest here... I don't have the slightest idea what Zack's ceiling is. He was a pretty highly touted prospect coming out of HS in Texas in 2002, as he was drafted by the Phillies in the second round. He ended up blowing his elbow out, a-la ZNN, and missed the entire 2004 season after Tommy John surgery. The Phillies released him in June of last year, and the Nationals signed him then. He's played for every Nats minor league squad since then but one, with the exception being Vermont. The Nats promoted him from the GCL squad straight to Harrisburg last year, thus denying Zack a chance to be a Lake Monster (something I'm sure he still regrets. I mean, seriously, who the hell wouldn't want to be a God damn LAKE MONSTER, for Christ's sake?). Here's what else I know about him - he's 6' 2", and 245 lbs, so the kid likes him some pancakes. If he starts for the Nats, he'll be the fourth oldest starting pitcher for them this year at age 26, behind only Daniel Cabrera (28), JD Martin (26 and older by three months) and Livan Hernandez (with his age being somewhere between 36 and 45. If you believe he is his listed age (34), well then have I got some ocean front property to sell you. Seriously. I own approximately 2 square inches of beach in Ocean City, NJ. I don't want to go all into details, so I'll just leave it at this - It involved large Italian men, gambling, four bottles of Grey Goose, more gambling, and me sobbing in a hotel room.). I also have no idea if he's related to the famous Spanish classical guitarist Andres Segovia, but I wouldn't rule it out.

Which brings us to one Mr. Ian Desmond. And my job. With it being dead this past Friday, and just having a three day weekend, I have work spilling out of my ears today. Alas, I will not be able to write about Ian Desmond today, but I'll certainly get to him in my next post. Until then, I'll leave you with what people call a taser. Shit, no, that's a teaser, not a taser. My bad. First one hurts you, second one doesn't.

We’ve been hearing hype on Desmond for a while now but the slick fielder is just beginning to justify that talk with his performance at the plate.

Heard enough about Drew Storen from me yet?

Sure, sure... I could talk about yet another elbow injury to a starting pitcher, this time to Craig Stammen, but I won't. And, sure... I could talk about the race to see who gets to draft Bryce Harper, but I won't.

Nope. It's time for that good old fallback, Mr. Drew Storen.

(Drew... at this point, if I were you, I'd be looking at this page for advice on filing a restraining order. I'd suggest keeping me 25 yards away at all times.)

Drew posted this on his Twitter feed the other day, and I'd forgotten all about it.

I wish I could pitch with maximus's helmet (were watching gladiator on the bus). I feel like it would add at least 4 mph.11:38 PM Aug 27th from Twitterrific

And, since it's a three day weekend, work is beyond dead today. The parking lot is 1/2 full, and there ain't shit to do, as I've gotten all of seven emails today (five of those from our server monitoring bot). So, I decided to screw around (badly) and make more Drew Storen Paint pictures. Lucky you! Weeeee!

I now present to you, Drew Maximus Decimus Meridius Storen. (I had to look that up, by the way. Not that there's anything wrong with knowing the dude from Gladiator's full name. Okay, that might be a little creepy. Like that friend of mine that got all pissed at me for saying the Ewoks lived on Endor. He got all freaked out and started screaming.
Him: "They lived on Endor's MOON, not Endor itself!"
Me: "Jesus, it's not like I just stabbed your baby with pencils and shit, it's just Star Wars."
Him: "It was Return of the Jedi, and don't you belittle my people!")

Anyway...

Here's Hagerstown Drew Maximus (Which, I admit, looks a little shitty. Click it for a bigger pic, though, and it looks better still looks like shit.)



Here's what the batter would see, with his knees all shaking, and pee dribbling down his leg. (I'm talking about you, Chase Utley!)



And finally, once the Nats see just how kick ass awesome this shit is, they get one custom made for Drew. It comes complete with a curly W and a voice changing device that makes him talk like Russell Crowe's character from Gladiator crossed with that dude from 300. "This... Is... Nats Town!"

Nats knocked out of the playoffs, the AFL, and more Dibble hate.

Well, folks... with yesterday's Nats loss and last night's SF Giants win, the Nats were officially knocked out of the playoff race. Crushing, I know. But hey... at least you can spend the money you were saving to use on the 2009 playoff tickets now! Maybe buy one of these?


Yes indeed. That marvelous picture, signed by that Soup Nazi guy himself, can be yours for only $199.95 (plus shipping and handling). Congrats on that investment!

(Is that signature the actors name, or is it the Soup Nazi character's name in the show??)

I have no excuses for not posting this week. I was just lazy. Pure and simple. L-A-Z-Y. Maybe it's the three day weekend that's coming up? Who knows? All I know is that I'm forgetting this week when I have to fill out by self performance review later this month. (Actually, I'm just gonna cut and paste last year's self review into this one. But... shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!)

Two things that I really did want to write about where the September call ups (the active roster's get expanded from the regular 25 up to as many as 40), and the Arizona Fall League. But you know what? Yup... you got it. I'm a lazy bastard, so you'll get a half-assed effort on one of them, and like it.

I'm gonna pick the Arizona Fall League (known as the AFL from here on out, cause... again.. I'm lazy), so you're on your own with the call ups. But.. I will throw out Brian Oliver's post on the subject, which is a must read, as most of his stuff is. All I know is, since they called up Detwiler in 2007, they better call up Drew Storen. Drew signed early, has motored up the ladder, AND he's gonna throw in the AFL, so he deserves it. (He's also rooming with the 6'8" Jesse Estrada. And anyone rooming with a giant is certainly taking one for the team. I mean... aren't giants cannibals, and shit? What happens if Jesse gets hungry in the middle of the night? Is he gonna walk to the kitchen, or is he just gonna chew some fingers off the hand of the dude next to him? They're like Vienna Sausages to him.)

I got married last October (10/18, actually. Please feel free to send Anniversary gifts. My email's on the top right of the page. The wife appreciates it.) in the wonderful city of Phoenix, AZ. My wife's family is from there, and my parents have moved to Tucson, about 2 hours away. It was a wonderful time (even though it topped 90 degrees on the wedding day. I barley noticed, though, as I was so god damn petrified excited.), but I do have one regret. You see, watching an AFL Nats game was on my to do list. I really wanted to check out Ian Desmond and Ross Detwiler, specifically, but really root for all the kids in the Nats organization. Bill Rhinehart is a U of Arizona guy, too, so that would have been cool. (My wife and my dad graduated from there.)

But, it didn't come to be. I was either too busy with the rehearsal, or making sure all my friends made it okay, or getting everything situated. There was one person who I invited to the wedding that did make it to a game or two, though. (You know that one person that always brings up the thing you missed out on whenever he can? Sure enough, every time Ross Detwiler started for the Nats this year, I seemed to find myself at the same bar as my friend. Sure enough, as soon as Ross was introduced on the TV, my friend would always say, "You know, I saw him throw in the AFL last year. Hey, weren't you supposed top be there?") To this day, it's the only thing I wish I could do over again from my entire wedding experience. (Well, that and getting a lil' teary eyed when I saw my wife in her dress walking up the aisle. Thank the Lord I had my best man (and best brother) with me, who promptly put his knee in my leg and said, "man the fuck up.")

Jesus I just rambled on there, didn't I? My bad! Moral of the story... if you have the opportunity to make it out to the AFL, do it. Especially this year with Drew, Strasburg, Danny Espinosa, Chris Marrero, and Derek Norris on the roster. That's a fucking stacked team right there. If I didn't already have plans in Charlotte, NC, I'd be there in a heart beat.

And real quick, I wanted to link again to a great Kevin Reiss post. All of the post is great, but he's 108% spot on about Rob Dibble. I think he finally put his finger on just what it is about Dibble that irritates people to the point of shoving objects into their ears. And so... I dedicate this next video to Kevin, and all you Dibble sufferers out there. May peace be with you poor, poor bastards.

Rob "niiiiiiiiiice" Dibble from Section 138 on Vimeo.

Shocking pictures of Drew Storen with long pants revealed! Flood watch from tears expected.

You know what? I'm just gonna rename the blog "Storen Nation (as viewed from Twitter and beyond)."

Why? Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that six of the last 21 posts of mine have been devoted to Drew. Or, more-so, devoted to Drew's socks.

And... I continue that trend with a new Drew Storen SOCKS of DOOM! post. It is with a heavy heart, and millions of tears flowing down my cheeks, that I post this picture*. It's like when Brad and Jennifer broke up all over again. (sob.)


Who is that guy with the wicked leg kick, but awful pants? Wait for it...


GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! My God, Drew! Think of your fans. Like this little guy here...


At last check, the vote was 45 people for the SOCKS of DOOM!, and only two against. You know why? Because cool mother fuckers rock the socks, that's why. Like... well, The Non-Human.

That stud Lou Gehrig

And some dude named Cy fricking Young.

You know why only two people have voted to lose the socks? Because they're EVIL, that's why. Look at all these evil people that wear pants. Like... The DEVIL!!!

Saddam Hussein (when he can find them).

And the worst of all.... Chase ASS HAT! Utley (Ugh. I get a chill down my spine anytime someone even mentions his name. Seriously. Just look at that smug shit below. You know he drowns kittens and puppies when he's not busy breaking catcher's legs. Nice fake dirt stains, Chase.)



Seriously, Drew. Don't make me actually have to drive to Harrisburg to... well, to beg and plead while on my knees crying. My wife thinks I'm all grown up, and that would set me back a few years in her eyes.

(*Pants pictures complements of the always awesomely awesome Pam Storen. You can read the article yourself here (starts on page 23). It's actually a good story. Except for, you know, the whole no socks thing.)

Drew Storen to go sockless? GASP!

Now, we all know how much I love me some Drew Storen around these parts. (And if you don't, you can read about him here, here, here, here, aaaaand here. Wow. Maybe this is a borderline obsession... I haven't gotten the windowless white panel van yet, so I think I'm okay...)

Anyway, it has been brought to my attention by my sources (which I will not reveal, as they expressed anonymity since they were not authorized to talk to the media) that when Drew is called up to DC, he might (brace yourselves) give up the SOCKS of DOOM!! Seriously, Drew... you're a smart kid (you went to Stanford). What could possibly motivate you to go sockless?? So here it is. My argument as to why the SOCKS of DOOM! must remain.

And a never before published (on my blog, anyway) pic:



(All pictures are from pstoren's Twitter feed. Many, many thanks for putting these pics out there, btw.)

As you can see, that shit is just bad ass. We're talking ass-kicking proportions of bad assitude here. Not only do they visually kick ass though, they physically kick ass, as well. Check out Drew's stats for this year in pro ball while wearing the socks that are the killerness.

His record is 1-1 with a 2.14 ERA in 25 Games. In 33.2 IP he's given up only 20 hits, 8 runs, and 8 BB (.843 WHIP), while striking out 44. He is 9 for 9 in save opportunities and opposing batters are hitting .168 against him.

Now... when I was lucky enough to get put into my little league games (and the rules were that the coach had to play me, no matter how badly I sucked), and I had something go right (like... no balls hit my way), I never did anything to alter what I was wearing/did/didn't do/etc., while I was out there. If I had some kick ass socks, I would continue to wear said kick ass socks. Now, I'm not sure, but I think it's some kind of global baseball rule all around the universe to a) Never fuck with a positive flow, b) root for the home team (unless you're in Pittsburgh. Then you can root for anyone you choose :cough: Nats :Cough:), and c) Continue the Goddamn SOCKS of Goddamn DOOM!.

Allow me to show just how bad Drew would look without socks.

Remember this?


Would you prefer that look, or this?


It's not even close. Socked Drew destroys sockless Drew. And I'm talking by a landslide here. Just murdered. This is the most one-sided victory since the hare beat the rabbit. (Wait... I fucked that up... didn't I?) I mean, he's looking like a soup sandwich there.

And finally (I swear) Drew posted on his Twitter feed a picture of his new glove.


Yeah, like that wouldn't look just fucking devastatingly good with a Nats home uniform! I can just imagine it now...



With that, I leave it all up to you, my 6 readers. It's time for my 2nd ever poll. Please vote on the top right of the page whether you prefer socked Drew, or sockless Drew. I have it on good authority that this vote's outcome will actually dictate what Drew decides to do.*




*It absolutely does not have anything to do with what Drew will do. Unless I perfect The Force. Which I've never even taken an introductory lesson in, so I doubt I'll be able to master it.

/These are the socks you're going to wear.