Monday, July 20, 2009

Drew Storen? Not too shabby, my friends.

So... the number 10 overall pick, Drew Storen, closer from Stanford, just got the call up to Potomac. And it's really is happening with Drew, unlike poor poor DeNo, whose promotion never happened.

After a rough couple of games to start (He gave up five hits and three ER in his first two games) he's been lights out his last few (0 hits, 0 ER in his last five games). Actually, I managed to throw together this piece of crap Excel spreadsheet to break down every one of his 11 appearances so far. (I got yelled at for that Hanrahan breakdown where I used pencil and paper. Well, Doctor, suck on this here spreadsheet!) [Edit: Really, Blogger? You have me import my Excel doc through Google Docs, only to cut off some of the right side? I used to think you (Google) were like Chipotle. Now... you're like Baja Fresh to me. Take that! (Oh.. and you can place your mouse in the doc and use the scroll wheel if you want.)]

As you can see, Drew (Who's on his own for a nickname, btw... Unless some of you guys can figure one out. I'm still wiped from the 6 hour brain storming session I had to create Derek's nickname of DeNo.) has some mind-boggling shit going on.... especially that part of his line that says 0 BB, 26 K.

I'll just throw some other numbers out at you, courtesy of his baseball-reference.com page.

(Speaking of which, try something. Oh, c'mon... don't whine like that, you guys. I don't ask you to do much. Seriously... just try this one thing. Go to baseball-reference.com, and throw Drew's name into the search box. What did you guys get? That's right... 0 hits for that search. What the fuck is that? It's like the fucking black hole of baseball-reference. It's like Drew's page is an Easter egg on your DVD. When I finally hunted down his page, I felt like I won the goddamn lottery. It was like following a treasure map, only the treasure map was the shittiest treasure map ever made. It's a thrilling process, though. It really is.)

Opponents are batting .193 against him, he's got a WHIP of .750, and has struck out 44% of the dudes he's faced. He has thrown 5 WP, but has yet to give a batter a free pass (Well, except those two guys he hit. But they probably said something about him being all brain and no arm since he went to Stanford, so he plunked them. Or made fun of him not having an easily accessible baseball-reference.com page. Who knows?). He's averaging 6.8 hits per 9 innings, and 16 strike outs per 9 innings. I mean, really, seriously. That's insane.

Here is the part where I would normally post a picture of Drew, and point out all the cool shit about him, but... there's a problem. There's not one single fucking picture of him in a Suns uniform on the entire interwebs. Seriously! You can find plenty of Stanford pics, but no pro ones. I came across this video which shows him from the waist up, and he really comes off well in the interview portion, but we never see the important stuff. You know... like if he's still sporting the fucking socks of doom!

In closing... Mr. Storen, sir... Please please please keep the socks. Oh, and can't you do something for DeNo? Tell Coach Jewett that you have some kind of anxiety issue where you need to throw to Derek. It's all the rage these days.

Oh, I also didn't forget about my lady readers. You lucky gals can click here for a shirtless Drew. Don't say I never do anything for you two (or three... female readers may amount to three now).

And lastly (I swear), if you just can't wait for a Drew Storen baseball card, hop on over to this here site and peep their card. It's just like the real thing. Only not.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for the shirtless pic.... from your #1 lady fan in Stafford, VA

The Doctor said...

I'm happy, if only because it sure as shit beats him doing terribly thus far.

From your #1 non-lady fan in Bethesda, MD.

Rob Birch said...

Ummm, are we not talking about A ball here??? I got a six year old that lives with me who can color a mean picture while staying somewhat between the lines. The Doctor is absolutely the #1 non-lady fan as he LOVES man genitals.

Carl the Big Fool said...

I like Baja Fresh better than Chipotle anyway. The salsa at Baja Fresh is so good, and you get free chips with your burrito rather than having to pay extra.

The Doctor said...

Then it looks like we have something in common, Chico Man.

Brian said...

Sorry to bother you on the comment section, but I am interested in advertising on your site by placing three to five links embedded in a short text ad on the side bar. Please respond if you are open to such a deal.

Section 138 said...

@Anon lady in Stafford: I've got some Willie Harris pictures from the game last week that hit him straight in the groin. Would you like me to post those, too?

@Rob: Drew isn't merely "staying somewhat between the lines." He's drawing a whole new fucking picture, pal!

@Carl: You, sir, certainly are a big fool. (I hate salsa, so Baja Fresh gets no pints from me there.)

@Brian: Dude, my email address is on the top right of the blog. Please note in advance, however, that there shall be no male genitalia drugs/ShamWows shopped on this great, and damn esteemed site.

Section 138 said...

@Anon lady in Stafford: I have lost all sentence composing ability. Let's try this again...
I've got some Willie Harris pictures from the game last week in which a ground ball he was trying to field hit him straight in the groin. Would you like me to post those, too?

Rebecca said...

How about a shirtless Wil photo? And thanks to The Doctor for the post-game present last night.