Jordan Zimmermann has second stellar outing in a row

Jordan M. Zimermann. The amount of n's are important. Two of them, to be exact. I've never been accused of being a rational person, so I'm not about to start now. Ladies and Gentlemen. I'd like to present to you the 2009 ROY and Cy Young award winner, Mr. Jordan Zimermannnnnnnnnnnn!

Peep these two spring training outings. (What? Spring training stats aren't important? Fuck the fuck off, man. Go harsh someone else's buzz.... God Damn Negative Nancy.)

February 26th, 2009 vs. Detroit Tigers.



March 4th, 2009 vs. New York Mets.


Want some of my Flavor Aid now (I hear the grape is delicious)?

Here's what we do know after two outings for Zimnn (Christ, that nickname sucks. We'll end this post with some nicknames to choose from): The kid hasn't faced over the minimum amount of batters. So, no hits have been allowed, and no walks have been allowed. (Take note, Ross Detwiler...Mr. give up 4 walks and a hit without ever getting a single friggin batter out. Gah!) Now, how do the outs he recorded break down? Well, he faced 15 batters, struck out 6, got 8 to ground out and 1 fly ball out. 1. One. Uno. For a park that projects to be the 13th best hitters park in baseball - Or, the 18th best pitchers park in baseball, however you like to look at it - that low amount of flyballs means he's only gonna give up......like......2 homeruns. In his career! Jesus. He wouldn't give up a run ever if he was at Petco.

For the record, I hope he doesn't bump Bally out of a spot. I'd really like Shawn Hill to be sent to the bullpen so that his "arm" doesn't get overworked. (Only 28 starts in 2 years, Shawn? Let's prove your "arm" is, I dunno, an actual arm before we take up a spot for you, and deal a young kid a crushing blow by sending them to Syracuse.)

Oh, just to remind you half-empty dudes of something....The pick that was used to draft Zimnn? Compensation for Soriano, bitches. Ya'll cried like babies back in '06 when he wasn't traded.

So there you have it, folks. Proof positive that Jordan will be the most Dominant. Pitcher. Ever.

Now, let's get him a good nickname, shall we? I'll throw out a couple to start...

• Jordan "Don't call him Ryan" Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "J-Z" (or...is that Jay-Z?) Zimmermann
  
• Jordan"He's not Ryan" Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "Double N" (will be spelt NN) Zimmermann
  
• Jordan "If you call him Ryan again he'll punch you" Zimmermann
• Jordan "Jo-Jo" Zimmermann
• Jordan "Punchy" Zimmermann

Did you see what I did there? His last one is "Punchy" cause he punched somebod..... ah fuck it. For now, he's called "Rice Cake" because he kinda has a bland personality, as witnessed in the Dan Steinberg interview below. I hope to God The Big Donkey can rub off on him. With his personality, people. (Geez. You immature folks disappoint me make me smile.)