Zimmermann woos HOF balloters

Welp, NN threw for the third time this spring, and once again showed why he is the greatest thing since the Snuggie. He hasn't allowed a run yet, but didn't want to humble the other starters too much, so he did walk 2 dudes this game (for his first walks of the spring). Behold, Jordan's lines through three games:


What we have here, folks, is obvious. The Lord baby Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) has come to earth once more, to grace us with his presence. The team choice was obvious, as the NL East is like the mecca of all baseball fans, and to play for a NL East team would be an honor to anyone, even the son of God. (Well, except for those two teams up there.) I commend the Savior on his Superman like reappearance. Growing up and honing his craft in remote Auburndale, WI has kept him out of the public eye until now. His time to rule has come, however. Prepare to kneel at his throne, all baseball hitters. (But especially you, Chase Utley!)

Not to be outdone, however, Eyebrows has almost mirrored The Lord's Jo-Jo's Spring line, and is proving himself to be a messiah of his own.



Johnny has been pushed to the back pages so far, which might be playing into his hands, as well. You see... just like Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) had Mary Magdalene for his best friend, Jordan has Johnny. And just like Jesus (the son of God, not the catcher) and Mary grew up playing stick ball, and ding-dong-ditch together, perfecting their hand-eye coordination and strength, NN has Eyebrows to learn from and improve with. Johnny doesn't want the spotlight, however, so he's happy to lay low while J-Z lays the groundwork for the religion that shall be THE NATS!

This whole scenario was laid out to me last night by my little hamster buddy, Hammy. We sat around drinking until 3AM, at which point I gathered up all that I had absorbed from our discussion and explained it to him the same as I have above. His reaction? Mind-blown, dudes. Mind. Blown.