- Mugged while trying to park near Camden Yards
- A bad case of H.I.V. from the homeless hooker by the train tracks that will assault you on your way to the field.
- Stabbed by Ray Lewis, who sleeps in Ravens Stadium, because he spends all his money on crack, heroin, and energy drinks. (I said RED BULL, PUNK! What is this AMP shit you giving me? Boy, YOU DEAD! YOU DEAD, BOY! YOU DEAD!)
- Bitten by a mosquito from the inner harbor, thereby contracting the deadly Baltimore strain of Malaria.
- An awful headache from listening to all that Baltimorese that the Baltimorons speak.
Alright, rascals. Get outta here, and start drinking already! If you do head up to Baltimore, good luck, and god speed!