Thursday, May 8, 2008

Let's do this

Two things from last night's game that really, really bugged me. First, there's this douchebag:

I had a chance to hear an interview conducted with him last night. Cause I love you guys, I'll transcribe it for you.

  • Interviewer: Doug, great inning out there, how did you feel?
  • Brocail: I felt good. Real good. Sexy good.
  • Int: You only had to face 4 batters in your 8th inning appearance, you have to be happy about that?
  • Brocail: Ya, for sure. Super happy. Makes me wanna drink a beer and eat a steak, ya know?
  • Int: When Zimmerman singled with one out, what went through your mind?
  • Brocail: Well, you know, normal stuff. I know he's the fastest guy on their squad, so I wanted to keep him from getting a great jump. And hamburgers. I was also thinking about hamburgers.
  • Int: You threw over to first 4 times between 3 pitches. I'd say Zimmerman was in your head.
  • Brocail: Ya, you know, he's a speedster. He led the league in SB's last year..with..like..238 of 'em? So, I wanted to keep him close. Plus, I really, really like Berkman. He's a stud. I like throwing the ball over to him, cause you know he's gonna throw it back real hard like. He also has a really cool beard going these days. I like to look at that. And he can eat a steak, too. We go to the steak house in town a lot. And eat steaks. A lot of them. They're good. Berkie's cute when he has some A-1 sauce on his chin.
  • Int: Uh, Zimmerman only had 4 SB's all last year. He's not fleet of foot, Doug.
  • Brocail: Really? I must have had him mixed up with another one of them then. All those Nationals look alike. You know what? I was thinking he was that CF'er with the name that reminds me of an english muffin.
  • Int: Nook Logan?
  • Broacil: Ya, totally. I thought I was facing Nook Logan. He looks a lot like Zimmerman. Anyway, I gotta go hit the showers before Berkie's done his. Then I'm gonna drink a beer, and eat a hamburger. Maybe put some cheese on it. Later.
Seriously, nothing pisses me off more than pitchers slowing down the game with needless throws to first. You ain't gonna catch Zim sleeping. You're not. Period. He's like a fucking shark. Never sleeps, that guy.

Second thing that pissed me off? Hammer fucking Hands. Jesus, son, throw a God damn strike or two. 5 BB's in 2 1/3 IP? I'll take up a collection for your birthday, Joel. Sneak peak at your gift:

That's gonna be the best damn $39.99 I'll ever spend. Those 47 bonus secrets are gonna be so wickedly awesome, he might win the Cy Young.

Lannan on the bump tonight. I'm looking for him to bounce back from his last performance with his usual stuff. 8 IP 1 H 17 K 0 BB. In fact, put a call into your bookie and place everything you own on Johnny. Trust me, I know a thing or two about baseball.

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