Washington Nationals do not lose.

Soooo much to write about. Soooo little time.

I'm trying to knock this post out before my boss sends me another email. We'll see how that goes.

My views from last night's not loss:

• I crushed a six-pack of Reese's peanut butter eggs in two innings. Them fuckers be delicious.
• Adam Dunn is so reliable, watches ask him for the time. (Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all the week. Tip your waitresses.)
  
• Shy Young could seriously do some damage if his three pitches can all be thrown for strikes. He can't bunt for shit, however.
• Zippie chance DOOKS! was taking on that 3-0 pitch. Before Dibble (Who I actually like!) and Carpy (Who I still hate!) had their green light conversation, I beat them to it. I'm in my living room, and I jump up and scream as loud as I can, in my best Bill Alfonso voice, "Green Light Daddy-O!" The man beast swung, and that shit was crushed.
• I think I'm gonna like Joe Beimel. Sure, he might look...um...different (is caveman-like too harsh to say?), but he just made the Phillies look silly in the 8th. The set-up job is his.
• If we just get some consistent pitching, we could be okay. Right now, we rank 5th in the NL with an average of 5.25 runs scored/game. We're dead last in runs allowed per game, however with 7. I'm telling you, this offense can score more times than Mickey Rooney had wives. (He was married 8 times. Seriously. Mickey fucking Rooney. This little guy.)

I know I promised an update last night, but I was so damn excited that I ran to downtown Rockville to celebrate with the other three fans. We were hooting and hollering, and then it turned into a riot donnybrook pathetic display.
We got all boisterous and flipped over a cop car motorcycle moped. Then we stared lighting huge bonfires sparklers. Fucking good times. I didn't make it home until 10:15, so I was dog tired.

Uh-oh, just got an email from the dictator. I'll talk to you deliriously happy folks later.