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Friday, May 1, 2009

Star Wars. Washington Nationals style.

So, I was gonna huff a gallon of Behr paint last night to put me out of my misery. I only made it through an eighth of my supply, however, when I passed out.

After I passed out, I had the most vivid dream ever. It started with scrolling text from bottom to top, with the words
A long time ago, in a bullpen far, far away...
Then up popped these two words
BULLPEN WARS
It was all... so familiar, like something I'd seen before. There where characters with traits and dialog that reminded me of something, yet all the characters were actually Washington Nationals.

There was a robed (okay, maybe he was wearing a dress... but so what?!) Manny Acta pushing buttons on a little robot, while speaking...



The robot ends up on Jesus Flores' home planet, and he feels Manny's pain. He hunts down this Joe Beimel fella...


Joe Beimel does some soul searching, trains up on some Jedi, Ninjutsu, and Genghis Khan/Attila the Hun savagery, and comes to a decision...


It ends with Beimel killing people by crushing their skulls with 200 mph fastballs, and using the force when he needs to ("This is not the pitch you're looking for"). He also cut Pujols' arms and legs off with a light saber. The Nationals went 146-16, and won the World Series.

That shit was dope.

Then, I awoke from my paint induced stupor, looked to see if Joey B was off the DL yet, saw that he wasn't, and gouged my eyes out.

Oh, I also wrote this rap last night. Feel free to sing it all around the world. It goes a little something like this...
Life is hard... When you're a Nationals fan. Life is hard... Thanks to Joel Hanrahan.

I love you to pieces, Hammer Hands, but you've got to get your shit together, bro. I wish you the best. Maybe a case of Swine Flu to take your mind off the game for a week or so?

2 comments:

The Doctor said...

Somebody please explain this post to me.

Phishisgr8 said...

Ain't you ever seen Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope?