Monday, May 18, 2009

Ross Detwiler to make MLB starting debut against those poopy Pirates

Ladies and Gentleboys,

Allow me to introduce to you the 2007 #6 overall draft pick, Mr. Ross E. Detwiler. I hope the E stands for "evil pirate slaying motherfucker", because this also begins the first of seven total games against the Pittsburgh Pirates. We all know what's riding on the season long series, so it would be nice to get ahead early.

Ross has struggled since being drafted back in '07, and I can't really say I'm stoked for this start. Sure, the guy came off...
[...]one of the best outings of his professional career this year, striking out nine in five innings for Double-A Harrisburg, allowing one run, three hits and no walks. On the season, the 23-year-old Detwiler's ERA is 2.96 with a 28-10 K-BB mark in 27 innings. (source)
But I really don't know what the Nats are planning to do here. Scott Olsen is set to go on the DL, which will open a roster spot for Detwiler. What happens after his start, though? If he throws well, could they possibly be thinking about giving him a few starts up in the Bigs, as Chico Harlan intimates? I mean, think of how bad this could go if the Pittsburgh (snicker) Pirates knock him silly? The kid gets thrown back to AA tomorrow with (possibly) a good case of shell shock.

Craig Stammen had another quality start last Thursday at AAA, and Olsen's next scheduled start is... what... Thursday? That's a little bit long of a lay off, but he could throw a side session, no? J.D. Martin got a little rocked Saturday, but nothing horrible, and Collin had a pretty damn good start last night. Why not give those AAA kids a shot?

I guess I'm just wondering (out load) what in the fuck the Nats reasoning could be for this being anything but a spot start for Detwiler. Again, we'll know more tomorrow, but if the beat writer mentions it, it deserves some discussion, no?

Going up against our mighty 23 year old lefty tonight is none other than... hey, another Ross! Ross Ohlendorf. (Wacky Wikipedia revelation: "He has gained the nickname "Mr. Wonderful" because of the similarity of his last name to the former professional wrestler known as "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff." Why, that is just witty as all get out! His last name kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the last name of a wrestler. PURE. GENIUS!)
Anywhoo, Ross grew up in Texas, and went to school at... OHHHH! Princeton! Well, la-di-da! Check out the big brain on Ross. Hey, Ross... how bout you and your big fucking brain figure out how to stop hitting people! I mean, seriously, you've hit four dudes already. You're tied for 3rd most hit batsmen in the league. Throw yourself a party! (Full disclosure - I removed Tim Wakefield from the league leaders. Tim's a nice dude, and obviously isn't throwing at people. He just happens to throw a pitch that spits in the face of God and Physics. Not even Einstein could know where the fuck his balls are going.)

So, to recap: 23 year old Ross Detwiler (in his first ever Major League start) vs. 26 year old big brained Ross Ohlerendorferner, who was personally responsible for the Yankees getting booted from the 2007 postseason. (A 27.00 ERA, Ross? Way to go, kiddo. Na, giving up 4 hits and 1 BB in 1 IP doesn't hurt your teams chances of wining.)

My money's on the kid. Make me proud, young Ross (who I may start calling "The Million Dollar Man, cause his name, you know, kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the wrestlers last name, DiBiase).

PS. I will probably be watching this game, and might even live blog it. Then again, I might be busy huffing paint thinner. My Monday's are very unpredictable.


The Doctor said...

I'm going to call you The Heartbreak Kid because Birch kinda sounds like Michaels.

I'm going to call Chico Man a piece of shit because that's what he actually is.

The Doctor said...

Why isn't Chico Man's blog listed in your list of links to other blogs? That's some cold shit.

Puttzy said...

Our Ross will only go 6 2/3 innings max. Then you have our scary bullpen to deal with. buwahahaha

Phishisgr8 said...

You want me to link to a blog that has one post on it? Dude, I gotta see at least three before I link to it, and even then it would be iffy.

Puttzy - I'll trade your bullpen for ours. Deal?

Rob Birch said...

Padilla is the only pitcher that should be referenced (or tagged) with "hits batsmen". Unlike Gavin, I have a job that does not allow me to update my blog every thirty seconds. But stay tuned, hot sports opinions are gonna flow like Oprah on her period!!!

Louise said...

Pittsburgh Pirates should be always competitive enough to keep pace with the others. I really like them; they’ve always been my favourite teams in MLB. Just read about them here: