Strasburg confirmed for tonight's game.

Per Kirk Kenney, Strasburg will get the ball tonight. The game starts at 7 pm ET. I just switched my TV carrier (went to DirecTV from Comcast) just for this game, because it was to be shown on ESPNU, which Comcast doesn't offer. Welp, Dan Steinberg just broke on his Twitter feed that the game will also be shown on Comcast Sports Net.
This is a good thing for us local folks, and it's definitely worth flipping between Detwiler and Strasburg tonight.

Two quick notes, then back to work.

First... The Florida Marlins are interested in Daniel Cabrera. Seriously. Here's a link and everything. I can't make that shit up.

And second, I've had Wily Mo Pena in the back of my mind for some reason lately. So, I meandered over to milb.com to grab his stats. The Weapon of Mass Production is hitting a robust .225/.259/.325. Hope that works out for you, Mets. (Insert your own joke here as I'm all out.)

Now, if you excuse me, it's time to make the donuts.

Manny Acta needs to get medieval on some asses.

So, I'm watching last night's game epic screw job, and I'm fucking pissed. The whole Daniel Murphy homerun/no homerun thing had me fuming. Look... there are many factors that played into it (Dunn not hustling the most glaring), but here's the bottom line. The play was ruled as a triple on the field. In order to overturn the call there has to be "clear and convincing evidence."

The score was tied 3-3 with a runner on first and no outs when Murphy hit the ball. A runner was thrown out at home on the play, with the batter ending up on 3rd. It's still 3-3 but with one out, and a runner at third. The umpires adjourn to view the replays eat donuts and laugh about "how awful this Nats team is." Then, they waddle back out onto the field, and give the homerun signal.

The crowd goes bonkers, as the score is now 5-3 and there are no outs. This brings Manny to a fucking boiling rage. Remember, it requires clear-cut evidence to overturn a call on the field. Clear cut, my ass. I mean, this call was blown so bad, it looked like a Granny's Gone Wild porno. Manny can't, and won't stand for this shit, so he bolts out of the dugout to give the umps a big piece of his Dominican mind. I caught it on video and posted it below.

Look at that fire! Look at that intensity! He's laying it on the line, man! He's letting the umps know they destroyed that call, and is showing his squad how much a win matters to him.

Oh, wait. That's not actual video above. You see, the only one who argued the call was Adam Dunn (and props to The Big Donkey for that. Gotta sell it).

That's right. Manny did diddly squat. Fucking sat on his hands. Maybe said, "Gosh golly, I was sure that wasn't a homerun. Oh well, the umpires always get it right. Besides, who am I to argue with those guys? They're good family men."

Whether they got the call right, or wrong, it was a game changing call. Ryan Zimmerman said

"It was a huge blow"

Huge blow? It was a testicle shot. Good thing your mentor, leader, and motivator of the squad (cough, Manny, cough) let it be known that he was super fucking pissed.

Or, he didn't.

All I can say at this point, is that I hope to God I never find myself in a position where Manny has to stand up for me.

"Hey, Manny, you remember that one time that I had that 15 minute conversation with you in the clubhouse during the Nats open house for season ticket holders?"

"I sure do, and that was a good time. Thanks for coming out and supporting the team all season."

"Well, Manny, I'm glad you remember that meeting. You see... The police arrested and charged me with a murder. But... I couldn't have commited this murder. In fact, the coroner placed the time of death at the exact moment in which I was talking with you. Can you testify that I couldn't of committed this heinous act, since I was in your presence the whole time?"

"Well, wow. Gosh, dude. I mean... it is the police and all. They always get it right. Maybe I was talking to a hologram. Yeah, that must be it. I was talking to a hologram. Good luck to you! Come on out and support the team when you get paroled. Don't drop the soap."

Ugh.

Joel Hanrahan broken down way further than he should be.

Disclaimer first... If you ever decide you're gonna take a look at the last few outings by a pitcher and want to include data from Fangraphs, MLB, and baseball-reference... DON'T. Seriously. It's a waste of fucking time. I had my own opinion, but decided to let numbers back it up. Sure enough, I was correct, but I spent hours doing it and now have way too much information to use. It boggles my mind how much info is out there about the games. Down to every single pitch. It's fucking crazy!

So, what was the bottom line that I saw with my eyes, and formulated in my head but wanted to back up with numbers? That Joel is more effective when throwing more fastballs, and getting away from his slider. Result? Confirmed. Also a result? Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Let's go back to May 18th. He entered the game against the Pirates down 3 runs. He ended up facing 7 batters, and the Pirates left that inning adding 3 more runs. Joel gave up 2 hits, 2 walks, and had 2 strike outs. He threw a total of 32 pitches. 17 strikes and 15 balls. The break down on pitch type; 20 Fastballs and 12 sliders. He threw 13 of those fastballs for strikes, 7 for balls. He threw 5 of the sliders for strikes, leaving 7 thrown as balls.

The next bad outing for him was May 20th versus the same Pirates. He entered that game with the score tied in the 9th. He faced 7 batters. Again. He also got the loss in that game, giving up 3 hits, striking out none, and walking 1, which led to a run. He threw 35 pitches this time. 23 strikes and 12 balls. The pitch type was 20 fastballs, and 15 sliders. 15 fastballs were thrown for strikes, with 5 fastballs thrown for balls. The sliders broke down as 8 for strikes, and 7 for balls.

He then turns a corner of sorts. It was mentioned in the press somewhere (but fuck if I can find it now) that they were asking him to get away from the slider, and to rely on his best pitch... his fastball.

May 21st against the Pirates, he came in with a 1 run lead and got the save. He only had to face 4 batters, and gave up 1 hit, 0 walks, and had 2 strikeouts. The kind of line you love to see from a closer, right? He only had to throw 19 pitches that inning, as well. Here's where it gets interesting... 17 of the 19 pitches he threw were fastballs. 11 fastball strikes, 6 fastball balls, and 2 sliders, both for balls. He threw a slider to start the first batter he faced, and then brought it out once more... throwing it to the third batter he faced and giving up a single on that pitch.

On May 23rd he entered the game down a run versus the Orioles. He makes sure the score stays that way when he's done, too, giving our offense a chance for the win. He only faced 3 batters, and gave up no hits. He threw only 7 God damn pitches. All fastballs. No sliders. Five of the fastballs were strikes, with only two outside the zone.

Finally, his last game was May 24th, also against the Orioles. He got the save by coming into the inning up 3 runs, and leaving it that way. He faced only three batters again, this time throwing 13 pitches; with 12 of the 13 pitches being fastballs. He struck out two, with the third out being a 4-3 ground out. 8 strikes and 4 balls for the fastballs, with the lone slider being fouled off by the first batter with the count 3-2.

I think it's safe to say he's feeling good throwing his fastball, and it's about damn time, ain't it? He also did that throwing to Wil (1) and Josh Bard (2) both, so the game calling has been dictated to the catchers as well.

It's also safe to say I'm more comfortable with him coming in to close games than I have been all season. You can throw that fastball by guys, kid, so keep on keeping on. (He averaged 94.9 MPH/fastball those last 3 games.) If the offense could have scores two runs in the May 23rd game, his last 3 appearances would've garnered two saves and a win. As it is it's 2 saves.

So, to sum this shit up, I've got two pictures for you. The first being Hammer Hands well deserved Awesome Dude of the Day Medal, which I have been slacking on. My apologies, fans of the ADOTDM. I'll be sure to pick up the pace later.



The second picture is how much effort I put into this shit. And I will never do it again.*






*Probably a lie. There is a good chance I'll be bored enough at some point to break down something else that doesn't need breaking down.

Jim Bowden's Twitter feed is funny.

The only question is, does he mean it to be funny? I have two theories here. The first one is that no, he doesn't intend his Twitter feed to be funny. The second theory is that no, he doesn't intend his Twitter feed to be funny.

Where to start? Oh, how about his very last tweet:

Peavy for Poreda and Richard? The other 2 prospects better be top prospects or the Padres pre-ejaculated in this deal......20 minutes ago from web

Now, are we really, really supposed to take trade advice from Jim Bowden? Also, how high up prospect wise can they possibly be if Poreda and Richard are the Sox #2 and #3 prospects in their entire fucking system? JimBo wants their #1 through 4? Dude... news flash... Peavy ain't that awesome away from spacious Petco. All right, I take that back. He's still good, but he ain't exactly Moses on the road. He has a 2.81 home ERA compared to 3.82 road one. His opponents slugging percentage is .334 at home, but .419 on the road. But the most telling statistic (in my eyes, anyway) is that he has only given up 51 HR in the fucking HUGE Petco compared to 84 on the road. Which means (if my ape math is good) he gives up a HR every 51.2 at bats at home, and one every 27.5 at bats on the road. Good still? Yeah. Worth the top 4 prospects of anyone's organization? Hell. No.

What else can we find here. Oh...this from last night:

Congrats to Kris Allen and America for over 1 million votes! Congrats to American Idol for the best show in Prime Time and in my Life Time!about 13 hours ago from web

Well now. Good to see Mr. Bowden likes to challenge himself with his nightly TV viewing. Yup... when I think best prime time show in the last 47 years (his age), American Idol is right on the verge of being mentioned. No. No. It actually isn't. Sorry about that, Jim. Doesn't even break the top fucking 25*. Seriously, Jim? The greatest show in 47 years? Not M*A*S*H, The Wire, Seinfeld? Maybe Bob Newhart or I Love Lucy? I mean... shit... I'll take 30 Rock over American Idol for best show on this year.

(*Full disclosure - I did watch most episodes of American Idol this year, and I like the show. It just sure as hell ain't the best show on TV the past 47 years.)

And here's another gem:

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey's fight against vaccines with the possibility of their correlation with the increase in autism should be heard8:59 PM May 16th from web

Well, I'll leave that to my epidemiologist wife to tackle. (And she did in the comments. But you can clickie here in case you don't read the comments. Warning - geeky link with lots of science talk.)


This tweet really got me chuckling at JimBo:

Obama after receiving a team jersey from Phillies SS Jimmy Rollins, asks, "can I have the WS ring too?"...u gotta love Rock Obama!4:18 PM May 15th from web

Really, Jim? You and the President are so tight you can call him "Rock"? Wow, I had no idea. I mean... Jesus, you're a fucking player!

And lastly, as to end it on a Nats note:

I need a helicopter on tuesday....Ducks and Lakers playing same time in Southern Cal.....anyone have one I can borrow for a few hours?3:17 PM May 11th from web

Hey... Jim. You can't afford a 'copter after all the money you skimmed from all those poor Latin kids? What, did you blow it all on Sunglasses, Segways, and highlights in your hair? For shame, sir. For shame. I hope you lose it all in some Ponzi scheme, Jimmy.

Stammen, Detwiler, and a bet.

Lots of things going on behind the scenes, but no official word yet. That leaves us on our own to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Here's what we know:

• Ross Detwiler is starting Saturday's game.
• Daniel Cabrera was in the bullpen all game yesterday. He also didn't seem comfortable in the chairs. He has freaky long - giraffe like- legs.
• Now, Craig Stammen is getting the start tomorrow.

Now, with Stammen coming in tomorrow, we're one man over the 25 man roster limit. The Nats can't part with another position player, so that means it has to come from the pitching staff.

But who? How serious were they with DCab in the pen yesterday? (I say not much, since he didn't warm up yesterday. I think pretty much everyone else besides him warmed up. Maybe Kip Wells didn't? I know Joel, Mock, Julian, and Colome warmed up at least once.)

I haven't been able to figure out the rotation since the doubleheader fucked it all up. But, for what it's worth, mlb.com had tomorrow's start belonging to Cabrera. So, that seems to mean Cabrera is out, no? I'll wait until it's official before I start weeping with joy, however.

My guess at the rotation is Lannan, ?, Zimmermann, Martis, Detwiler. Just who sits in that ? spot? Is this a one start audition for Craig?

And finally... I bet Joel $20 that I could throw within 19 MPH of him over at the new bar-ish place that opened up outside the center field gates. They have a real nice looking radar station all set up. Right next to the bean bag toss stations. (Nuh uh. Ain't gonna get me to call it by its lamer known name. No way. Ever.) Anyway, Joel seemed like he wanted to take my money, but I highly doubt he would show up over there for lil' old me. Thinking back on it, actually, it may have been one of my stupider ideas. I blame it on the beer.

Daniel Cabrera is in the bullpen

Make of this pic what you will, but DCab is sitting in the bullpen
tonight.

Where is the bullpen help? FREE THE BERGMANN!

Dear Manny, Rizzo, and Stan,

Hi, guys! How are things going? Glad to hear it. Oh, how are things with me? Well... thanks for asking. Now that you mention it, THINGS ARE SHITTINGLY SHITTY! How in the fuck are you standing pat with the guys you have in the pen? Why haven't heads rolled? When will we see the new faces, for Christ's sake?

Exasperated,

Me and the other 73 Nats fans left.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, as you can see, things are the same right now as they were last night. We did get this quote from Manny, though.

When you talk about changing the mindset in the bullpen, are you talking about changing the people?

"Exactly," Acta said. "Yes."

Maybe things will happen before tonight's game. I know Syracuse was playing at 11 AM today. Maybe Brian over at NFA will have something posted?

In the mean time, I am printing out this sign I made, copying it 200 times, and bringing it to the game tonight. I encourage you all to print them out, and paste them all over town. The bigger the better.



Maybe someone can even make a few bucks on t shirts? The possibilities are endless, folks. Just don't let me down.

And finally, I bring to you my first ever hate comment. I'm so excited! It comes from some dude named "Ben", but I can't confirm that because he wasn't man enough to make his profile public. Anyway, without further ado, the incredibly impassioned words of Ben. Exactly as he wrote them.

Ben said...

Fuck you loser. The Nats suck and so do you. Shitwipe. Go jump up Rob Dibbles butt. Carpenters not that bad. You gotta be a homer when the team sucks so bad. Fuck you Debbie Taylor should kick u in the nuts.

May 18, 2009 10:55 PM

I offered him an autograph in a follow up comment, but I haven't heard back from him yet. Once I do, I'll be sure to see if he wants to have a little pow wow on grammar and punctuation. It seems we both could use some help, and two heads are much better than one.

Oh, Ben, be sure to check out my first griping about Bob Carpenter! If you liked the last one, you should love the first.

Okay gang. Back to work, then to the ballpark. My first live look at Martis, and I'm pretty excited. I'll probably be Tweeting at the park, if anyone's interested. Which you're not. Which is all good. No, seriously. I'll be okay.

/sob

The Ross Detwiler live blog

9:05 I lied. Here is what I better see when I wake up tomorrow... Mock, optioned to Syacuse. Clippard, promoted from Syracuse. Colome, optioned (or DfA'd if he has no options left). Bergmann, promoted from Syracuse. It's not fucking rocket science, right? RIGHT!?

8:55 Mock imploded (shocked?). The game is tied, and Colome is coming in. 1 man on 1 man out. I think I'll go sob in the corner. I'm done. The next time I address this will be a new post.

Rob Dibble quote after ball one thrown by Colome to the first batter on the first pitch, "Man, we have that down, don't we?" I love that man.

8:43 Zim just crushed a ball. I mean, flat out raked that shit. HR to dead center. 5-3 after 5.

8:41 and .5 seconds: Oh, wait. The bullpen would have to hold for four innings. HA! times infinity.

8:41 Hooray. Nick puts the Nats up by one with a 3 run homer. Mr. Detwiler is now the pitcher of record, and could get the win.

8:34 As I walk to get Yuengling #3 I hear Alex Cintron being introduced. FUCK FUCK FUCK. The kid threw 84 pitches. I can't believe Manny is going to the bullpen. I swear to Christ, sometimes I think he has a copy of "Manage by Numbers" in the dugout.
C'MON, Manny, you really want Mock in there instead of Det!!??

8:32 Wow. I need to rip into Josh more. Double off the wall. 3-1 bad guys with runner on second and 1 out.

8:31 Willie Harris on third with one out. Good chance to eat into the lead. WAIT, wait. Josh Bard is coming up. Mea culpa.

8:26 Det strikes out the first two batters of the fifth, then gets the third batter on one pitch. I'm telling you, this fucking kid is dealing. If Nick doesn't commit that error to put a runner at second, we could be looking at a 0-0 score (or 1-0 at most).

8:22 Forgot to mention that the Pierogies are here from Pittsburgh to partake in the President's race. Nationals Park, where magic happens!

8:20 I'll never get tired of hearing "Even Flow" when Willingham comes to the plate. I'll always thing twice when I hear Genesis (or maybe it's Phil Collins solo stuff?) playing when Dunn steps to the plate.

8:12 Rob Dibble just admitted to committing larceny* in the Minor Leagues.
A pop-up right in the middle of the infield. You think there was any chance Zim was letting Guzman catch it? Nope.
* I have no idea what the legal definition of larceny is, but he admitted to stealing steaks from grocery stores.


8:08 Debbie Taylor sighting #1. Her interview only took up 1 batter. I'm disappointed. She's usually good for at least 3 at bats.

8:05 Very close play at second, with Gooz getting called out trying to steal. Mental note: Get someone else to look up what the worst SB/CS ratio in history is. I bet the Nats are close to that number, whatever it is.

8:02 Det just hit a ball back to the pitcher in his first at bat. DCab has 31 plate appearances, and all his hit ball combined haven't gone as far.

7:59 Det through 3: 3 hits, 3 runs, 3 K, 3 errors behind him. It's crazy 3s! (Oh, and one hit batter, Nate McLouth. I hope his itty bitty elbow doesn't hurt. Actually, I do.)

7:57 Det just gave up a HR that had fucking eyeballs on it. It bounced off the top of the wall right where the wall drops 6 feet. Fuck.

7:52 Which of these two doesn't belong: Bill Madlock, batting champ or Freddie Sanchez, batting champ? How the hell did Freddie win a batting title?
Nick just botched a pick off throw. 3 errors in 2 1/3 innings. Poor Ross.

7:50 Is Delwyn Young part of the Delmon/Dmitri Young clan? He seems a lil' slim to be part of that family. Oh, and he just struck out. For the second time.

7:48 Josh Bard just hit a ball out of the infield. Don't go crazy folks, it was a lazy fly ball, but still... baby steps.

7:44 Crap. Bluetooth guy is now sporting a Nats jacket.

7:41 Yuengling #2. Two great innings from Detwiler (hereby known as Det since my fingers are hurting) and a groundball to Gooz that he didn't boot.

7:38 Some group of fans is cheering ala soccer. Do Pirate fans do that? Are there DC United fans here? Or... maybe the United is playing at RFK tonight, and the cheers from there can be heard over the crowd here?

7:36 Is that Michelle Obama at the park? Did I just pull a Matt Vasgersian?


7:28 The umpires blew a check swing call on Dunn. Wasn't even close. I was waiting for Dibble to say he didn't go around, but he said nothing.

7:24 Zim grounds into a DP w/no outs. He is tied for the league in that category. I feel a Dunn K coming up. Le sigh...

7:18 Two random guys are in the stands, one has sunglasses on, one has a blue tooth hanging from his ear. No baseball apparel. I think it's safe to say they're fans of the Mattoon Dbags.

7:14 Zim shows Gooze how it's done. Impressive first inning. Now feed that kid some hot dogs between innings. If someone told me he was more than 145 lbs, I'd call bullshit.

7:12 Guzman with his second error of the inning. Ross is screaming for his AA shortstop. Manny seems calm. Or dead. It's hard to tell with him, ain't it?

7:08 Guzman with an error. Hey, Ross, welcome to the bigs, where the defense is the same as AA!

7:07 The kid just pulled out a change-up for a strikeout. The Pirates have brothers in the starting lineup. Intriguing.

7:05 Ross is on the mound ready to go while the line-up cards are still being exchanged. Heh. 2 pitches, 2 strikes.

7:01 Dibble's transition lenses are semi-grey. I will update their shade as the game goes on.

6:57 BTW, do not expect this pace to continue. I will prolly only have updates every 15 mins or so. (For the -5 of you folks watching). Ben Goeessselling says we can expect to see Bergmann up soon. Yes. FREE THE BERGMANN!

6:54 The guy with the glasses has his anti-Mets MASN commercial on. I saw him outside the bathroom at yesterday's game and wanted to punch him in his face, smashing his glasses into his eyeballs. I have no clue why.

6:53 Ross is wearing #48. Buy your jerseys today, folks. Ohlendorferer is #49.

6:52 Yuengling #1. There might be 750 people in the stadium. Maybe they're all getting food and drink? Either that, or they're watching the pregame show live from centerfield to see Ray's magnificent mane blowing in the stiff breeze.

6:50 Watching the pregame show on MASN. Just saw Ray Knight playing a baserunner for a defensive display segment with Nick Johnson. Ray's gotta be pushing 250. He makes Nick look svelte.

Ross Detwiler to make MLB starting debut against those poopy Pirates

Ladies and Gentleboys,

Allow me to introduce to you the 2007 #6 overall draft pick, Mr. Ross E. Detwiler. I hope the E stands for "evil pirate slaying motherfucker", because this also begins the first of seven total games against the Pittsburgh Pirates. We all know what's riding on the season long series, so it would be nice to get ahead early.

Ross has struggled since being drafted back in '07, and I can't really say I'm stoked for this start. Sure, the guy came off...

[...]one of the best outings of his professional career this year, striking out nine in five innings for Double-A Harrisburg, allowing one run, three hits and no walks. On the season, the 23-year-old Detwiler's ERA is 2.96 with a 28-10 K-BB mark in 27 innings. (source)

But I really don't know what the Nats are planning to do here. Scott Olsen is set to go on the DL, which will open a roster spot for Detwiler. What happens after his start, though? If he throws well, could they possibly be thinking about giving him a few starts up in the Bigs, as Chico Harlan intimates? I mean, think of how bad this could go if the Pittsburgh (snicker) Pirates knock him silly? The kid gets thrown back to AA tomorrow with (possibly) a good case of shell shock.

Craig Stammen had another quality start last Thursday at AAA, and Olsen's next scheduled start is... what... Thursday? That's a little bit long of a lay off, but he could throw a side session, no? J.D. Martin got a little rocked Saturday, but nothing horrible, and Collin had a pretty damn good start last night. Why not give those AAA kids a shot?

I guess I'm just wondering (out load) what in the fuck the Nats reasoning could be for this being anything but a spot start for Detwiler. Again, we'll know more tomorrow, but if the beat writer mentions it, it deserves some discussion, no?

Going up against our mighty 23 year old lefty tonight is none other than... hey, another Ross! Ross Ohlendorf. (Wacky Wikipedia revelation: "He has gained the nickname "Mr. Wonderful" because of the similarity of his last name to the former professional wrestler known as "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff." Why, that is just witty as all get out! His last name kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the last name of a wrestler. PURE. GENIUS!)
Anywhoo, Ross grew up in Texas, and went to school at... OHHHH! Princeton! Well, la-di-da! Check out the big brain on Ross. Hey, Ross... how bout you and your big fucking brain figure out how to stop hitting people! I mean, seriously, you've hit four dudes already. You're tied for 3rd most hit batsmen in the league. Throw yourself a party! (Full disclosure - I removed Tim Wakefield from the league leaders. Tim's a nice dude, and obviously isn't throwing at people. He just happens to throw a pitch that spits in the face of God and Physics. Not even Einstein could know where the fuck his balls are going.)

So, to recap: 23 year old Ross Detwiler (in his first ever Major League start) vs. 26 year old big brained Ross Ohlerendorferner, who was personally responsible for the Yankees getting booted from the 2007 postseason. (A 27.00 ERA, Ross? Way to go, kiddo. Na, giving up 4 hits and 1 BB in 1 IP doesn't hurt your teams chances of wining.)

My money's on the kid. Make me proud, young Ross (who I may start calling "The Million Dollar Man, cause his name, you know, kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the wrestlers last name, DiBiase).

PS. I will probably be watching this game, and might even live blog it. Then again, I might be busy huffing paint thinner. My Monday's are very unpredictable.

What I learned about Ron Villone.

Since Ronnie V only came in to face a single batter or two this year, I didn't get a good look at him. (13 batters faced in 5 games = 2.6/game.)
Well, we got to see him throw to four batters tonight (before the heavens opened, and God's tears fell down) and I can now say something with 100% confidence...

Ronnie V is the slowest worker I've ever seen in baseball. Seriously, he may be the second slowest worker in the history of work, second only to this guy:

I mean... for the love of all that's good, Ron, PITCH THE FUCKING BALL.

Blown save after blown save after blown save.

Yup, you guessed it! Another blown save last night, this time by Joey Beimel. Gah!

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Iran Hostage Crisis of 1980! Hey-o!

What? Too dated? Sigh...

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Navy Seal mission to save the people of Panama in 1989! Hey-o!

What? I'm still not making myself clear? Jesus, people... How about this:

The Nationals are as competent with saves as these two

Better? Yay!

Look, I haven't bothered reading any other blogs today 'cause I'm just so sick and fucking tired of the bullpen not holding leads. I did some digging, and came up with these stats, all courtesy of baseball-reference.com. I apologize if these were written up by someone else last night or today, but fucking deal with it.

The Nats are tied for the MLB lead in blown saves with 10, Houston being the other awesome team with that many.

The Nats are tied for last in MLB saves, with Pittsburgh at 5. (Can you spot the pattern here? Everyone knows bullpens are weak across the board, but the NL seems to be a little bit shittier than the AL. Which is weird since the AL uses that God damn abomination of a rule, the DH.)

Guess who leads the Nats in saves? My buddy, Joel (no longer being called Hammer Hands) Hanrahan. Guess who leads the Nats in blown saves? That's right, my buddy Joel Hanrahan. But it's cancerous, and spreads throughout the bullpen (Which I hope is not the case with Elijah's leprosy. Gah. Seriously, how much longer is dude gonna wear that thing on his face? That's covering up something awful, right?) as there are only two players on the current roster without a blown save, Kipper Wells and Ronnie Villone.

What's my point exactly? I'm not fucking sure. Maybe I'm thinking Manny has to get Ron in there when the team is ahead more. (He's only entered the game in that situation once, and he held.) Maybe it's time to get Logan Kensing the fuck outta Dodge. (He's 0 for 2 in save situations, and has allowed 45% of his inherited runners to score. Oh... he also has a WHIP of 3.20!!!!!)

I dunno. I'm not sure there are any quick answers at this point. But, if there's one cause I'm behind 100 fucking percent, it surely is this one.

Free Jason fucking Bergmann already!!

Totally random items.

Welp, there is one thing that I want to write about, but I'm not mentioning it until it gets to a certain point.
So, in lieu of that... you all get my first totally random thoughts/items post of 2009. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, let's get right to it.

My wife's left breast and arm are visible on the world wide web. Intrigued? Click here to see it next to one damn handsome man.

After last night's win, Craig Stammen is 4-1 with a 1.85 ERA, 7 BB and 11 K in 34 IP. His ground ball to fly ball ratio sits at 1.94 and batters are hitting .218 off him. Over/Under on the date he replaces Cabrera in the rotation? I'm putting it at 5/22, which means DCab has two more shitty starts, with Stammen stepping into his third scheduled start. You guys?

So, Strasburg threw a no-hitter in his last home start of the season. Seriously... what is the highest the team can go, contract wise? It can't come anywhere close to 6 year/$50 MM like Boras is hyping, can it? As my main main Brian posted earlier, $20-30 MM or so is more likely. I'd be willing to give Strasburg 2 beers for every one of my 21 games I attend (and that he doesn't start), as well, if that helps the front office. Hey, free beer!

Remember how Boswell has been absolutely pounding us with articles about how no #1 pick overall should ever, ever be a pitcher? I found this tweet by Keith Law (follow him here) to be hilarious.

keithlaw: is awaiting Boswell's next column on how #1 overall picks who throw no-hitters aren't any good either.

He posted that the day after the no-no, and it still cracks me the fuck up. Don't know why...

What are the odds that Alex Cintron hits .000 for the Nationals in 2009? Is 20-1 to low? Think about it... he might be kicked off for Gonzalez soon. The guy is 0 for 19 with two walks. The real question is probably; Why the fuck is Manny still giving this guy at bats? I mean, Manny's gotta be sleeping with his wife, right?

Hey, Felipe. Fuck. You. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die. We're just as happy since you left the Nationals, too! Ass hat.

Game 6 of the Penguins Capitals series tonight. Since I never get tired of showing this picture, here is how I feel about Sydney Cindy Crosby:



Ahh, Lastings Milledge. We started the season 0-7, shipped him off to Syracuse, and have been 10-12-1 since. Looks like he won't be back up here for a little while longer... Especially since he never learned to bunt correctly, it seems. He broke his right hand bunting in a Syracuse game today. That's the hand up the bat on a righty like LMillz. Sorry, kiddo. That should put him on the shelf for a bit.

A note to a commenter on here who keeps throwing shit up like:

FIRST PLACE Texas Rangers.

Hey, It's my fucking blog, and we write about the Nationals here. (And sometimes the Caps and Communism...) If you wanna write that crap, start your own blog. How would you like it if I showed up there writing WHOO-HOO! LAST PLACE WASHINGTON NATIONALS! Yeah. Thought so.


Finally... Ronnie V is still 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA through 3 games. You cheap skates have two options.

1.Sponsor his page at Baseball-Reference.com in my name for $20.
or
2. Buy me this fucking Jersey


How bout you guys do a better job this year than you did last year. Jesus Christ was that a pathetic effort. According to my site meter, I have three more readers than last year, so it should be financially feasible now. It's up to you guys to coordinate together. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Introducing Mr. Ronald Thomas Villone, Jr.

Ladies and Germs, I present to you our newest member of the bullpen. The esteemed first round draft pick, and awesome mullet sporter, Ron Villone.





Nothing says bad ass more than a first round signing bonus and a bitching mullet. I bet he's cruising around in a sweet ass ride with the wind in his hair. I wonder what car he got with his signing bonus from... well, let's see here.... what year did he get drafted in... Ah, here it is, 02. Or, wait..92? 1992? For Reals? 19 fucking 92? ::sigh::

Ah fuck it. The guys 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA after last night's performance. I, for one, welcome our new mulleted over lord! All Hail Ron Villone!

What? He doesn't have a mullet anymore?

God. Dammit.

Boswell watches another game called baseball than I do.

That sport with 9 people per side, 9 fielding at one time versus one batter at a time.... baseball, right? The guy who stands on the pile of dirt throwing to the batter...that's a pitcher, right?

I haven't spoken out against Thomas Boswell before, mostly cause I like the dude, he writes well, and is knowledgeable. Except, that ends now. He has said over and over that drafting a pitcher with the #1 overall pick is a horrible thing to do. He also let out this beauty in today's Washington Post chat.

Tom Boswell: Anybody who drafts a pitcher with an overall pick between 5 and 15 is out of their mind. Just my opinion.......
......Most of the pitchers who have been taken in the first 18 picks that you'd be glad you picked __maybe not Griffey Jr ecstatic, but happy__ came in the first five overall. In other words, they REALLY jumped out. But between 6-and-15, it's a nightmare. For example, 6 and 7 overalls have produced Bonds, Jeter, Sheffield, van Slyke, Thomas, Prince Fielder, Nick Markakis, etc. The 44 No. 6 overalls and the 44 No. 7 overalls __88 picks since '65__ have produced....Rich Dotson. And nobody else I even bothered to write down.

Well, God damn, Boz. I wrote down four names just looking at one fucking draft. The 2002 MLB draft produced:

• Zack Greinke at number 6
• Joe Saunders at 12
• Scott Kazmir at 15
• Cole Hamels at 17
• Jeremy Guthrie at 22
• Matt Cain at 25

...Hmm. He'll take... hang on a second, I have to scroll up to get his name... Rich Dotson. He'll take Rich Doston over the names above? How about a couple more, cause I don't really want to hunt through all the drafts. But then again, maybe I'm using a different definition of "pitcher" than he.

The next few drafts came up with Clayton Kershaw at number 7 in 06, followed by Tim Lincecum at 10 in the same draft, and Max Scherzer next at 11. Yeah, bunch of useless arms these folks are, right Tom? Bunch of fucking chopped liver.

Now, imagine my surprise when I'm catching up on my Twitter feed, when a couple folks pointed out this article with very sage advice.

Next, the Nats need to admit to themselves that looking out over the next several years, they don't have a top-flight closer, or perhaps even setup man, in their entire organization. Yesterday's blown leads of 8-4 after six innings and 10-9 in the ninth are the latest evidence. Facing a problem doesn't solve it, but it opens the way. Making a trade, signing a free agent or using their No. 10 overall draft pick in June for a young closer is needed.

Are you fucking serious, dude? Do you have any idea how closers actually...become closers? It ain't through the draft, but don't let that bother you, Boz.

You know what? I don't want to write about Boswell and the Nats anymore. This here column's baseball related talk is over.

I leave you with a great problem solver for your abode and worms. We have a problem with worms at our place. They find a way to get in/around/under the door, so they're always getting dragged in the house by the dogs, or when the door opens. I was gonna spend some money on some product to alleviate the problem. Well...thank Flores I didn't, cause my wife solved the problem for $0.00. Seriously. All you have to do is place one of these at whatever point of infiltration the worms are using.


This stopped them from coming in. Seriously. Did you know those fuckers could read? I didn't even know they had eyeballs.

Playing hooky.

Shhhhhh. Nobody tell the boss. I got gifted these phenomonal seats.

Star Wars. Washington Nationals style.

So, I was gonna huff a gallon of Behr paint last night to put me out of my misery. I only made it through an eighth of my supply, however, when I passed out.

After I passed out, I had the most vivid dream ever. It started with scrolling text from bottom to top, with the words

A long time ago, in a bullpen far, far away...

Then up popped these two words

BULLPEN WARS

It was all... so familiar, like something I'd seen before. There where characters with traits and dialog that reminded me of something, yet all the characters were actually Washington Nationals.

There was a robed (okay, maybe he was wearing a dress... but so what?!) Manny Acta pushing buttons on a little robot, while speaking...



The robot ends up on Jesus Flores' home planet, and he feels Manny's pain. He hunts down this Joe Beimel fella...


Joe Beimel does some soul searching, trains up on some Jedi, Ninjutsu, and Genghis Khan/Attila the Hun savagery, and comes to a decision...


It ends with Beimel killing people by crushing their skulls with 200 mph fastballs, and using the force when he needs to ("This is not the pitch you're looking for"). He also cut Pujols' arms and legs off with a light saber. The Nationals went 146-16, and won the World Series.

That shit was dope.

Then, I awoke from my paint induced stupor, looked to see if Joey B was off the DL yet, saw that he wasn't, and gouged my eyes out.

Oh, I also wrote this rap last night. Feel free to sing it all around the world. It goes a little something like this...

Life is hard... When you're a Nationals fan. Life is hard... Thanks to Joel Hanrahan.

I love you to pieces, Hammer Hands, but you've got to get your shit together, bro. I wish you the best. Maybe a case of Swine Flu to take your mind off the game for a week or so?