Friday, June 26, 2009

Nick Johnson's leg to fall off?

The big blow from last night was our first baseman Nicky 'The Glass' Johnson getting plunked on the leg and growing a second foot out of his shin. (Well, that was the second biggest blow, actually. The biggest was John Smoltz's 4H 1HBP 1BB 4ER first inning. To steal a line from Bart Simpson... I didn't know it was physically possible to both suck and blow at the same time.)

Here's two pictures that I took trying to get a good idea of the mammal growing from Nick's shin just 5 minutes after being hit.

As you can see, it's certainly disconcerting. The good news? It took Barbaro eight months to die from his leg injury. The bad news? I don't think any MLB teams looked into trading for Barbaro while he was on the shelf.

Since I'm always rational, and never ever ever jump to conclusions... WE BE FUCKED!

Now, to be fair, the Nats are calling it a shin contusion, and saying Nick is day-to-day. And, again, to be fair, the Nats have had 659 injuries they called day-to-day only to wind up throwing the player on the DL one week later.

Which leads me to another topic that I've been meaning to get to, but have been way to busy lazy to actually... get to. That being, what are we going to do at first base when Nick is traded and/or dies?

There's only one option, really, and that is to put The Big Donkey at first. But who fills in for defensive relief in late innings of winning ball games those days when Dunn needs a day off?


No, my foolish friends... I think we're looking at either Bill 'The Pillsbury Doughboy' Rhinehart or Brad Eldred. (Does Brad have a nickname? :::checks Wikipedia::: Big Country? Really? As in, Big Country? No no, won't do at all. How about 199? That's his lifetime MLB batting average.)

And we're really not looking at Bill Rhinehart. I just wanted to give him a shout out on this here blog. (Bear Down, Billy! BEAR DOWN!!!)

No, sir. I want to see Mr. '1 HR every 14.7 AB' Eldred. Hell, he's actually hitting .290/.365/.529 with 12 HR for Syracuse this year. Besides, the women can use another guy who really fills out his uniform, if you know what I mean!

Oh, my, god, Becky. Look at his butt. It is so big. *scoff* He looks like, one of those rap girls' boyfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap girls? *scoff* They only talk to him, because, he looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean, his butt, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! He's just so ... black!


Rebecca said...

Bear down, Arizona.
Bear down, red and blue.
Bear down, Arizona.
Kick the shit out of ASU.

Puttzy said...

I think that Eldred should have the nickname of 'rat reject. I'm starting to see an awful lot of ex-Pirates show up on this roster. That's not good for any organization.

Rob Birch said...

Saw Clippard's outing last night. What kind of a strikezone do they have in AAA? It's bigger than Eldred's butt.

Section 138 said...

No, Rob Birch. It's not the strike zone that's a different size, it's the balls. They are smaller in the Majors, so it's harder to get them into the strike zone.

Puttzy - I think we're down to 3 former Rats, two with 1 year stints. (Villone, Beimel, and Joolian Tavarez.)
Also... shut your face.