Nick Johnson's leg to fall off?

The big blow from last night was our first baseman Nicky 'The Glass' Johnson getting plunked on the leg and growing a second foot out of his shin. (Well, that was the second biggest blow, actually. The biggest was John Smoltz's 4H 1HBP 1BB 4ER first inning. To steal a line from Bart Simpson... I didn't know it was physically possible to both suck and blow at the same time.)

Here's two pictures that I took trying to get a good idea of the mammal growing from Nick's shin just 5 minutes after being hit.


As you can see, it's certainly disconcerting. The good news? It took Barbaro eight months to die from his leg injury. The bad news? I don't think any MLB teams looked into trading for Barbaro while he was on the shelf.

Since I'm always rational, and never ever ever jump to conclusions... WE BE FUCKED!

Now, to be fair, the Nats are calling it a shin contusion, and saying Nick is day-to-day. And, again, to be fair, the Nats have had 659 injuries they called day-to-day only to wind up throwing the player on the DL one week later.

Which leads me to another topic that I've been meaning to get to, but have been way to busy lazy to actually... get to. That being, what are we going to do at first base when Nick is traded and/or dies?

There's only one option, really, and that is to put The Big Donkey at first. But who fills in for defensive relief in late innings of winning ball games those days when Dunn needs a day off?

Dmitri Young? (OMGLOLOLCOPTERBBQROFLMAOBLTLOL!!!!11!!!ELEVEN!!!1)

No, my foolish friends... I think we're looking at either Bill 'The Pillsbury Doughboy' Rhinehart or Brad Eldred. (Does Brad have a nickname? :::checks Wikipedia::: Big Country? Really? As in, Big Country? No no, won't do at all. How about 199? That's his lifetime MLB batting average.)

And we're really not looking at Bill Rhinehart. I just wanted to give him a shout out on this here blog. (Bear Down, Billy! BEAR DOWN!!!)

No, sir. I want to see Mr. '1 HR every 14.7 AB' Eldred. Hell, he's actually hitting .290/.365/.529 with 12 HR for Syracuse this year. Besides, the women can use another guy who really fills out his uniform, if you know what I mean!


Oh, my, god, Becky. Look at his butt. It is so big. *scoff* He looks like, one of those rap girls' boyfriends. But, you know, who understands those rap girls? *scoff* They only talk to him, because, he looks like a total prostitute, 'kay? I mean, his butt, is just so big. I can't believe it's just so round, it's like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! He's just so ... black!

John Lannan silences loud ass New Yorkers.

Eyebrows threw one hell of a game last night. If I wrote for the New York Post, my headline wouldn't read, "Bit By Nats", as it did this morning. (How fucking original, btw.)

Nay... mine would read as big as possible for all the world to see....

LANNAN IS THE MANNAN!!!

And that's why I'm not a sports editor.

Anywhoo... last night was nothing short of super fucking fragalistic by Johnny Lannans. 8 1/3 IP, 4 Hits, 4 K, 1 BB, 2 ER. (Which were cheap ass wind tunnel aided right field HR.) He only faced 5 batters over the minimum, and had the Yankees fans quiet as a pedophile in prison.

The Big Donkey crushed a homerun to right that didn't need any help from that that dirty New York air to get out, (Two notes on the highlight... 1) don't ever throw something soft, down, and in to Dunn on a 3-0 count and 2) too bad it wasn't the MASN feed, cause that feed showed his wife and kid right after the HR. I'm pretty sure they both starred in one of the Children of the Corn movies.) and Nick the Stick tripled in the fifth to drive in two more runs. Those three runs were all Eyebrows needed.

Until the 9th, that is. Johnny gave up a leadoff cheapie shot to Damon, got a pop out, then gave up a single to Teixeira. Manny (Is he still the manager? I'm pretty sure FOX Sports said he got fired last weekend?) pulled Johnny at that point and brought in Mike "damn you in the face" MacDougal. Mac promptly allowed a pinch runner to advance all the way to third on stolen bases, and walked A-Rod.

(I twittered this the other night, but I'm repeating it anyway. After MacDougal came on to start the 8th inning against the Yankees on Tuesday, he only managed to record one out while walking two, striking out none, and giving up a hit and a run to four batters. As he walked off the mound, my tweet was, "Another reliever shoves Manny further out the door. I wonder if MacDougal will have the common courtesy to at least give him a reach-around. Gah!" That's PURE GOLD, Jerry, so be sure you follow me @section138.)

Again with the ranting... my bad. Anyway, the situation was electric in Yankee Stadium. I was having a fucking heart attack. I couldn't sit down, and wore a path in the carpet from my pacing. I felt like I wanted to die, because deep down, I think I knew what was going to happen (Bullpen. Assplode). I'll let the great Chico Harlan finish it up with a quote from his gamer:

Runners were on first and third, one out, in a one-run game. The place was bonkers. Those in the Nationals dugout had experienced four consecutive games with late blown leads, and here was MacDougal, pitching to Canó, with hits in seven of his last nine at-bats. Canó fouled off two, then looked at two balls. MacDougal was throwing high-90s fastballs, no exceptions.

"Should I maybe mix in a slider?" he thought.

No -- catcher Josh Bard kept asking for the heat.

Four more fastballs, and Canó fouled off all of them.

Then, one more pitch, and it was over. The place went quiet. Canó bounced a grounder to short. Cristian Guzmán flipped to second, starting a double play. The Nationals snapped a four-game losing streak. Lannan burst from the dugout and high-fived MacDougal on the mound.

FUCK! and YES! I lost it, and started fist pumping and yelling. My dog had no clue what was happening, so he tried to bite my face. I actually felt something in my arm pop, but I didn't care. It actually hurt for an hour or so afterwards and I was afraid it would fall off like Flores' did.

I guess my point is this... I haven't felt that excited with a win since opening day 2008, when Zim hit the walk-off HR to win the game. This game had drama. This game had a great storyline. And most of all, this game had all my hopes laying on a shitty ass bullpen.

I love you, Mikey Mac. It might only last one appearance, but for now... you're my boy.

Nats beat Mario and Luigi.

So, the Nats won their exhibition today with the Italian WBC team. Before you get too exited, I did some research half-assed web searching and it appears only around five of their guys have decent Major League experience. Also, the Nats bullpen blew a 6-0 lead. But, there were a couple good things. Eyebrows went 3 IP giving up 0 runs, 1 hit and 1 BB. After him, Martis threw 3 IP with 0 runs, 2 hit, 1 BB, and 2 K. The boxscore also tells me Zimm and DOOKS! had a triple each, with Milledge, Wil the Thril, Javier Valentin and Alex Cintron also joining in the extra base hit parade. DOOKS! hit a solo homerun, but his boy, and student, Roger Bernadina had the biggest hit of the game with a 3 run walk-off homer in the bottom of the 9th. Elijah has apparently taken Roger under his wing, and gifted him the power that can only come from a human that sweats as much as Dukes.

After practice, both Dukes and Bernadina went into the locker room with Dukes giving Bernadina tips. The session lasted about 10 minutes. There was Dukes holding the bat and demonstrating how to hold the bat from both sides of the plate. Dukes also was telling Bernadina how to get more power to his swing.

Good job, fellas. Go buy yourselves an ice cream cone on me. Na, screw it, upgrade to a twisty cone.

So, you see, it was a pretty good day for the Nats today. All is well............SHIT. Are you kidding me? Seriously? GOD! DAMMIT!



It appears Nick Johnson was hit by a pitch. Who had March 3rd as Slick's last game played for the season? You can pick up your prize at coat check.

SIGH

Hey, let's just screw with what worked.

You know that year that Nick Johnson proved he was for reals? 2006, it was. He did little things like..finish 4th in the league in OBP (.428), 10th in OPS (.948), 7th in doubles (46), 6th in adjusted OPS+ (149), 9th in times on base (268), 6th in Offensive Win % (.718), and 7th in intentional walks (15). He also hit .290 with .526 Slg with 23 HRs, blah blah blah.

Well, it turns out that the entire year, Nick was swinging like a moron. He's lucky he made any contact at all!

It turns out that newly hired hitting coach for the Nationals, Rick Eckstein, locked himself in his basement and watched videos of Nick swinging. He had some ideas about Nick's swing, and brought him over to his house. They watched the videos, had a discussions, then decided,

They want Johnson to master a new swing."I've been doing it wrong my whole life," Johnson said Saturday.

My God, man. Imagine if he could swing like a competent two-handed two-footed human being!

I was all for letting Lenny Harris (the old hitting coach) go after last years futile plate performance by the Nats. A change couldn't hurt, after all. But (deep breath) ...let me see if I get this right...you want to have Nick The Stick change his swing? Something he hasn't done since High School? Really? Like, really really?

If this ends poorly, Eckstein becomes my new Ray King. I will be obsessed with making his life miserable, and will be purchasing a rocket launcher from some post USSR stock pile to write his name on yelling at him about how rotten he is. While shaking my finger at him quite aggressively.

Speaking of post USSR...Alexander Ovechkin (Russian Superman to you and me) scored another hat trick last night. Ho-hum. Whoop-dee-do. This guys becoming more predictable than the Mets choking in September. I did have a chance to catch up with him after the game last night (flights to Florida are cheap these days, folks), and I asked him how he was feeling.



As you can see, the man is very quiet (might need to click the picture to hear his quote), yet very deadly. This Feb 22 Penguins game is looking like so much fun, right Puttzy?

JimBo Done a Dunn Deal. Nationals sign Adam Dunn!

It was either that or Dunn a Done Deal. They both suck, but who cares, right? We got Adam Troy Dunn. 6'6" of pure twisted steel and dynamite. Saints be praised!
My man Chico got the scoop. Props to him, as some had been hating on him for getting beat by other writers to stories. Bill Ladson was probably breaking a Kit-Kat while Chico was breaking this deal. Just kidding, Bill. Love you!

The Washington Nationals have agreed to a preliminary deal with free agent Adam Dunn, a signing that would fulfill their offseason-long search for a left-handed power hitter. Two independent sources have told the Post that Dunn will sign a two-year deal, possibly announced as early as tomorrow.

No word on the dollar amount yet, but I'll have to assume it falls between the $5MM (+ incentives) that Abreu signed, and the $14MM Dunn was asking for. Plus, there's that whole "Come play for the Washington Nationals" fee we had to pay. My guess? 2 years $24MM. Plus free Ben's Chili Bowl, or Red Hot and Blue... whatever the big man wants.
Update: Chico's saying it's two years $20MM. Seriously? We just signed Adam Dunn for the cost of Milton Bradley? JimBo, you scally-wag you!

So, who's the odd man out? I wrote back in early January that it appeared to me the Nats were trying to squeeze Milledge outta town. If Dunn DOES play LF, then I'm assuming it's DOOKS! in CF, and Willingham/Kearns in right. This kinda depends on Nick Johnson being healthy all spring, which is kinda like hoping Ray King could shop anywhere besides a big and tall store. (He may be gone, and thank Jesus for that, but I'll always hate that man.)
Or...say Nick the Stick does have a great spring. His trade value would be high, and since he's more fragile than Barbaro, it would be the best time of the whole year to trade him. Get some nice prospects outta the deal, and we cool. He is making $5.5MM this year, and no way that gets sat on the bench. (Which brings about another argument about Kearnsie, which I choose not to get into now.) Oakland was rumored to be interested in him, and a good spring could push the deal.

This is really getting me pumped for Spring Training. Well, this and Mother Nature getting drunk lately, and handing over reign of the DC area weather to her 3 year old kid. For Christ's sake, lady..it's February! Is a little snow, and highs in the 30s too hard for you to understand? You trying to keep us on our toes with a few days in the 70s every now and then? Screw you. My sweater vests are in rotation now... and you shouldn't fuck with the rotation. Blastings would agree, I think.

So, folks. Strap yourselves in, cause this could be one hell of a ride. Dunn is bringing his career average's with him, and while some are good (.247/.381/.518; 29 2B; 40HR; 96RBI; 130OPS+) some might cause some bumps in the road (.247; 180 SO). But who the hell cares, I say! We just got us someone nicknamed the BIG frickin DONKEY!

2008 Draft Preview

Here it is folks, the 1st annual Nats Nation Draft preview. (Don't say I don't listen to the comments.) I don't know a whole lot about the talent out there, so I'm only giving my picks for the first two rounds.

My picks also happen to mirror the needs of the organization. That's just a coincidence. In the MLB draft, you should always draft the best player available, never on need. It just happens to be the Nationals lucky year!


Round 1 (#9 overall):

RH - Grabby McGrabberson. Johns Hopkins University


Grabby is a righthander currently in Medical School at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD. He's ready to start immediately on Nick Johnson or Austin Kearns. He comes cheaply, as well, since the Biology class at JHU is done dissecting his heart. Cadaver prices are relatively low these days, especially those without torsos.


Round 2 (#51 overall):

LH- Lego McLegerson. Billund, Denmark



Lego is a lefthander currently being assembled at Lego's headquarters in Billund, Denmark, but will be done by the draft. He can start ASAP on Ryan Zimmerman or Paul LoDuca. His price tag is way below slot price, so the Nats should be able to sign him easily. He drops to the second round because of some rumors about him and Amsterdam, but Dmitri Young has pledged to keep him in line. Elijah Dukes is reportedly ECSTATIC about him possibly joining the team

Put another arm on the DL

'Tis true, emo kittie. Surly kittie has an idea for you...



What does it mean? Well, Zim's going on the DL, retroactive to May 26th. As should be the case for a franchise player, he's getting more opinions. Three, to be exact, and that list includes Dr. James Andrews.
Adding insult to injury, Slick was examined and is having the hard cast put back on for two more weeks. Not another peep will be uttered about Slick till at least June 16th.
Excuse me while I punch myself in the face until I'm unconscious.

Slick = Healthy as a horse. Day game. Updated: A Win!

Edit: Post game comments at the end of this post.
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Two quick points to hit on. First, Nick Johnson will be out 4-6 weeks with a "tear of the tendon sheath in his right wrist." Jesus. This guy is more fragile than Barbaro and Eight Belles combined. Luckily, Meat will be coming up to the big league club and will man first base. He won't be playing first base, he'll just be standing around it, doing his best to not fall down.
Second, I have to use MLB Gameday (more like Lameday) today for the day game. I brought in another radio, but still couldn't get a signal. I am convinced my work has my office surrounded by lead plates to block out all radio signals. Seems like something they would do, given they already blocked youtube. Bastards.
I can't help but feel bad for Bergie here. He got called back up, but at the expense of Chico. I'm sure he's getting millions of hate emails right about now, and not just from me. Anyway, Go Nats, Mets you suck.

BREAKING NEWS: Mets catcher Ramon Castro, member of the Beagle Boys Gang?

















UPDATE!!

Well, the Nats did it. They won 3 out of 4 in this series. The game was actually decent on MLB's Gameday (I will forever drop my nickname of Lameday), especially since they now have video features added quickly, and pitch counts. That being said, for the Nats 1-0 win today, I'd like to thank some folks.

I would like to thank:

• The Academy for the nomination.
• Jason Bergmann for his awesome performance throwing the ball today.
• Jesus Flores for his all around coolness, and his double to kick start the 8th.
• Your mother for a butt like that.
• Flop for his RBI fly to deep left.
• GOOZ! for his heads up scamper to third to receive Boonie's throw to get Reyes trying to advance to 3rd on a sacrifice bunt.
  
• Willie Harris for his gravity defying catch in the 9th. If that drops, Beltran might score.
  
• My fiance, whose stood by me through thick and thin. I love you sweetie!
• Carlos Beltran or Willie Randolph, for Beltran breaking to the plate on contact for the double play to end the 9th.
• And finally, to mi hermano, LUUUUUUUIS. I love you buddy. Awesomely awesome scoreless inning there, Luis. I think you're back, baby.
  

The Nationals will destroy your team

Nationals cruised to a 6-3 victory last night. Mega awesome game. Back to back taters by ZIM! and Slick off that Tim Galvine guy. I was right in yesterdays post when I said I don't think he'll be any good. Although, when you think about it, those two could go yard off Moses and Stalin (who had a really sharp 12-6 curve).
Sweet Jesus, Zim can rake. If you see the highlights on TV, pause his double when it hits the wall, and you can see me. Seriously. Anyway, that fucker hit that double on a rope. Kearnsie and Blastings decided to hit doubles as well. Slick went back to the socks, and they showed they are magically magical. I'll wager we see him wearing them today, as well.
Super duper job to Capt. Redd, Saulie, mi hermano, and Rauchie. Those dudes were throwing last night. Those injins were so sad it was like the trail of tears all over again.

Things I can confirm:
a)Hammer hands did give Wil the Thril his game winning home run ball (I asked).
b)Cardiac's arm fell off (I saw).

Things I cannot confirm:
a)Hammer hands tried to give it to him in the locker room, but when he tossed it to him, it went backwards 315 feet.
b)He will be effective at some point in the future.

Finally, I am convinced the Nats have a street gang, and a gang sign. Saul Rivera threw it at me last night, and Wil the Thril gave half of one. I have now been marked for death by 2 Puerto Rican's and 1 Mexican. When Colome follows suit, I will drop dead within 24 hours.

Hooooo Ha!

That is what the fuck I'm talking about.

Couple things that stuck out to me...

Flop looked really good there in his 9th inning at-bat/base running. I just wish I knew what the fuck Manny was thinking hitting Macowakiak for Blastings.

Slick weilds a mean fucking stick, don't he?

Ray King? Very effective in his one batter appearance. The batter? Left handed. Coincidence? Me thinks no. Look, listen, learn, Manny. Please.

I'm loving what Nieves is doing. The intangibles are off the chart with that 185 lb catcher.

Finally, I love the fact that I'm going to bed with a smile. It's about fucking time.

Fucking Chico man.

Not you, Rob. I'm talking about the left coast lefty. Number 1 in my heart, number 47 in your programs. Matthew Bryan Chico. Asshole! You played with my feelings, man. That 1st inning was God-like. How do you follow that up? By allowing RBI singles to the 8 and 9 hitters! Fuck, man. The object of baseball is to score more runs than your opponent. Hard to do that when you put your team down four runs, dick.
And, Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Nice passed ball in the 8th, buddy. You and Chico need to go stand in the corner. I know you're the shit. You know you're the shit. Now act like it, fuck face.
It's not all bad though, folks. Props to Slick the Stick, He who's name is too powerful to say. It looked like double day out there. Slick's yard work was nice. Jesus, your homerun karma was taken away by your butterfingers.
John Lannan tomorrow, peeps. A friend predicted 7 innings and 2 hits. He couldn't be more wrong. The real line? 9 innings zero hits. Team Lannan, go for launch!

Matt Chico = Guaranteed Victory!

My favorite left coast lefty tossed 5 1/3 innings on Monday, and left the game as the pitcher of record, and set to get a win. Hanny came in, did his thing, and left it up to the Burger King. King's line? Well, he allowed 3 runs (2 of them charged to Hanny) and the game was tied up. Fucking LOOGY. I swear, I hate that man.
Anyway, the story of the game was offense. The 2 - 7 hitters ALL had at least one RBI. The 1 hitter, Goozie, got on base twice, however, and scored both times. The biggest loser? Willie Harris. I know, you're fucking shocked. Hey, Willie, thanks a shit load for that 0h for four. Loser.
Blastings hit a freaking moon shot 2 run job in the sixth that hit a Phillie fan in the head. He woke up speaking perfect English, and had impeccable manners. The Federal Government is thinking of allowing the Nationals to take batting practice in CBP, with the residents of Philly packing the outfield stands while blindfolded.
Kearnsie had a 2 run 2B, and Slick went 2-4 with two runs scored. Be very afraid, NL ball clubs. This offense ain't trifling.