Totally random items.

Welp, there is one thing that I want to write about, but I'm not mentioning it until it gets to a certain point.
So, in lieu of that... you all get my first totally random thoughts/items post of 2009. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, let's get right to it.

My wife's left breast and arm are visible on the world wide web. Intrigued? Click here to see it next to one damn handsome man.

After last night's win, Craig Stammen is 4-1 with a 1.85 ERA, 7 BB and 11 K in 34 IP. His ground ball to fly ball ratio sits at 1.94 and batters are hitting .218 off him. Over/Under on the date he replaces Cabrera in the rotation? I'm putting it at 5/22, which means DCab has two more shitty starts, with Stammen stepping into his third scheduled start. You guys?

So, Strasburg threw a no-hitter in his last home start of the season. Seriously... what is the highest the team can go, contract wise? It can't come anywhere close to 6 year/$50 MM like Boras is hyping, can it? As my main main Brian posted earlier, $20-30 MM or so is more likely. I'd be willing to give Strasburg 2 beers for every one of my 21 games I attend (and that he doesn't start), as well, if that helps the front office. Hey, free beer!

Remember how Boswell has been absolutely pounding us with articles about how no #1 pick overall should ever, ever be a pitcher? I found this tweet by Keith Law (follow him here) to be hilarious.

keithlaw: is awaiting Boswell's next column on how #1 overall picks who throw no-hitters aren't any good either.

He posted that the day after the no-no, and it still cracks me the fuck up. Don't know why...

What are the odds that Alex Cintron hits .000 for the Nationals in 2009? Is 20-1 to low? Think about it... he might be kicked off for Gonzalez soon. The guy is 0 for 19 with two walks. The real question is probably; Why the fuck is Manny still giving this guy at bats? I mean, Manny's gotta be sleeping with his wife, right?

Hey, Felipe. Fuck. You. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die. We're just as happy since you left the Nationals, too! Ass hat.

Game 6 of the Penguins Capitals series tonight. Since I never get tired of showing this picture, here is how I feel about Sydney Cindy Crosby:



Ahh, Lastings Milledge. We started the season 0-7, shipped him off to Syracuse, and have been 10-12-1 since. Looks like he won't be back up here for a little while longer... Especially since he never learned to bunt correctly, it seems. He broke his right hand bunting in a Syracuse game today. That's the hand up the bat on a righty like LMillz. Sorry, kiddo. That should put him on the shelf for a bit.

A note to a commenter on here who keeps throwing shit up like:

FIRST PLACE Texas Rangers.

Hey, It's my fucking blog, and we write about the Nationals here. (And sometimes the Caps and Communism...) If you wanna write that crap, start your own blog. How would you like it if I showed up there writing WHOO-HOO! LAST PLACE WASHINGTON NATIONALS! Yeah. Thought so.


Finally... Ronnie V is still 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA through 3 games. You cheap skates have two options.

1.Sponsor his page at Baseball-Reference.com in my name for $20.
or
2. Buy me this fucking Jersey


How bout you guys do a better job this year than you did last year. Jesus Christ was that a pathetic effort. According to my site meter, I have three more readers than last year, so it should be financially feasible now. It's up to you guys to coordinate together. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Quotes to address

The game last night was rained out. Instead, we get a double header today, yay! Bergie's throwing at 3:05, and Rental will toss the second game, approx. 6:35. But enough about that, time to move on and comment on two quotes that popped up in the past few days.
First, is from our favorite non-hustling, pouting, cancerous second baseman himself, Mr. FLop. He (somehow) got signed by the St. Louis Cardinals. (Suckers.) The St. Louis Blogosphere is not happy about it, either. One quote:

Bottom line, Felipe Lopez is a bad ballplayer. He offers no real upgrade to this team, and significantly hurts them in at least one facet of the game. I suppose it didn't take any talent to acquire him, though, so there's that, right? Eh. This move still gets a big, solid whatever from me.

I digress, however, for this was not the quote I want to pick apart. Nay, the quote I am using is from the man boy himself, Mr. Felipe (No middle name? Commie bastard!) Lopez:

About coming from St. Louis to Washington:

"It's like night and day. You go from somewhere that's dead last and the energy is not there. You come here and as soon as I walked in I felt that energy. That inspires you, that motivates you to play well. ... [ed: The five fucking million dollars you were being paid wasn't enough to motivate you? Jesus Flores Christ, son!] They were trying to develop young players. I was not in their plans for the future. [You know what you could have done? Try helping the kids out, like you said Barry Larkin did for you, you selfish prick]"

On not hitting:

"Like I said, the motivation - just being dead last, I guess. [Yeah, I'd pack it up, too. I mean, what the hell, the team threw $5MM at you, but they only expected you to produce if the team was winning, right?] Like going out there knowing you're probably going to lose isn't motivating. [How about setting an example for the kids on the team, the kids at the ballpark, and the kids at home by, I dunno, RUNNING OUT A FUCKING GROUND BALL?!? Oh, I forgot, if you're in last place, you couldn't be bothered. Dick fuck!]That's tough. That's tough, for me."

You know, I sure as hell hope St. Louis doesn't go into a skid, because it's apparent from Felipe's comments that he couldn't give two shits about playing hard if the team isn't winning. I wasn't there, but I'm fucking positive there was a huge sigh of relief in the clubhouse when this piece of garbage was booted. Good-God Damn-Riddance.

The other quote is from Manny Elias Acta (See, people with middle names are good.) talking about the status of Alberto Gonzalez and his broken bum:

Alberto Gonzalez (left glut): Won't be placed on the DL. Will still need a few more days of rest. "He's getting better, getting treatment," Acta said. "We're not anticipating it to be a long-term type of thing."

I'm calling shenanigans! How many other times have we heard that someone is day-to-day, or just needs some rest, only to have them go on the DL, or even be out for the season? I think it's around 743 times, gad damns it! For the latest, I give you Manny Acta, again, on Monday (the 4th...three days ago):

Q: Elijah, any update?

Elijah (calf) probably needs one more day.

Well, there you have it. I'm sure him being placed on the DL today was an accident by the front office, cause he's ready to go as of yesterday!

Post Flop, LoDu era begins...

After last night's game (which I ain't talking about. Why write about shit? Your writings may be good, but it still about shit.) Jimmy Bowden took the mic and made some announcement:

1. Felipe Lopez is being released. The Nats eat what's left of his $4.9MM for this year.
2. Paul LoDuca is being released. The Nats eat what's left of his $5MM for this year.
3. Elijah Dukes was recalled from his rehab assignment for his knee injury (which is worth talking about. When he twisted his shit, he was placed on the DL and we were told he would be out a minimum of 4-6 weeks. This was July 5th. Chico interviewed DOOKS! on the 6th, and Elijah had this to say:

   Q:Is it going to be hard to not push yourself too hard to come back, knowing how much you want to play?A: Oh, it ain't no question I'm going to push myself hard to come back. That's just the way I am. I don't like to sit around and do nothing. If I can do something to get back faster, I'm going to do it. I don't plan on taking as long as I can. I plan on taking as quick as I can." Say what you want about Elijah, the guy's a very fast healer, and loves to play baseball. Small man crush coming on for him.)

4. Emiliooooooooo is being called up.
5. Alberto Gonzalez (who was acquired from the New York Hankees yesterday at a trade deadline deal for some scrub AA pitcher) will be on the active roster, and be in the hizzie Friday, today.

OK, 2 bags of sand gone, 2 rookies coming up, and one MEAST (The Doctor, can we call him that?) re-joining the team. Looks like we need to lose one more from the roster. (I just heard Pete Orr making a phone call to his travel agent asking if he can get a plane ticket to Beijing. Coincidence?) I sure as fuck hope that spot isn't opened up because we have to put Goozie or ZIM! on the DL! (Zim got hit on the hand by a pitch last night and had to leave the game. X-Rays were negative. Goozie's been day to day on a bad thumb that was also hit by a pitch.)
With that said, I thought I'd take a shot at Friday's lineup. Check this junx out, and HOLLA AT YA BOI in the comments with ideas/corrections.

1. Emilio 2B
2. Milledge CF
3. Dukes LF
4. Kearns RF
5. Flores C
6. Gonzalez SS
7. Belliard 1B
   
8. Casto 3B
   

What say you, lurkers?

How sweet it is!

Peep this lineup, folks:

• Harris - 7
• Milledge - 8
• Zimmerman - 5
• Kearns - 9
• Flores - 2
• Casto - 3
• Belliard - 4
• Orr - 6
• Lannan - 1

Who's missing? Yes, sir, have a seat Flop. Don't let the doorknob hit your wife's ass on the way out! LoDu, I may agree with your choice of women, but I don't agree with you at first base. Nice to see Casto getting a shot there. I mean...c'mon, he can't be any worse.
Also, my mom's in town so I'll be out at dinner with her and have to miss the Lannan/Flores battery that will be dominating the NL for years to come. Fuck. (I love you, mom!)

How did I miss this??

Gentlemen (and ladies who like this stuff, and more power to you!), I give to you Felipe Lopez' wife.


Dude... how about you call it a career, Washington wise, and go home to her. Please. Or I'll send Chico Man.

Bye, Flop?

I know, it's a few days old. I was going to write up today's day game vs. the BlO's, but we're in the 11th inning, with no sign of ending anytime soon.
So, on with the goodness.

Ken Rosenthal says the O's "have engaged in substantive conversations" to acquire Lopez. The likely return: just a marginal prospect.

For reals? I only have one thing to say.



A marginal prospect is more than I need. Shit, gimmie a sack o' baseballs and a lunch from Chipotle. He's all yours, suckers!

Might want to set your DVRs, folks.

Paul LoDuca is starting in left field tonight.

Holy. Shit.

Get your popcorn, and grab a comfy seat.

(Small note of glee: Flop not starting tonight.)

Update(s):

Hey, lookie there. 1 out in the inning, and 1 error by LoDu!

Whoopsie, error on Meat. Shocker, I know! His range is usually man-tastic.

4-0 Angels, 1 out in the 1st. Anyone still have the game on?

Hey, did you know you don't even have to be involved in a play to get injured? Yup, if you're a member of the Nationals, a mysterious illness will hit you in the middle of someone's at bat while you're playing left field! LoDuca's line: 2 IP 1 E. WMP comes in, and hopefully doesn't get hit by the same gamma rays as Paul.

Jesus, Vlad Guerrero just left the game with "flu like symptoms." It's happened. The Russians North Koreans have exploded a rocket above D.C. releasing poison gasses. AHHHH!

8-0 Angels after 2 1/2 innings. Fuck this, I'm playing some Guitar Hero.

I lied, I'm a sucker for these Nats bastards. WMP just hit a home run that cleared the home bullpen in .79 seconds. 8-1, baby!

Flop just pinch hit for Shawn Hill. Great to see he hasn't lost it as he promptly ground into a double play. Upside? He can no longer appear in this ballgame. Downside? He haunts my every night with his horrors.

Steven Shell in for Hill in the top of the 4th. Did I mention I saw his MLB debut on Sunday? What? I didn't? Hmm...I wonder what I was doing this weekend that I couldn't write up any of the Rangers games? Ask my liver. Please.

I went to Maggie Moos and got me some money Twizzler flavored ice cream. I highly recommend it. What I miss? Apparently Dukes hit himself a tater. Good for him. Kory Casto had a pinch hit RBI single as well. 8-3 bad guys 2 outs bottom of the 5th.

Game over, 8-3. In some breaking news, Shawn Hill is heading to the Mayo Clinic tomorrow, and may make a trip to the DL. Why Not? Shit, let's go for the largest percentage of a roster to ever go on the DL. At least Mock or Clippard will get a good look in his spot.

Ichiro's sea men not virile

BROOM, Bitches!



That there strapping looking fellow is Kory Casto who hit his first MLB HR in the 8th, a 2 3 run job [stupid me -ed]. He had family and friends at the event, since he had (unfortunately had to) grown up 3 hours away from Safeco Field. His dad was on hand (along with Casto's wife and daughter), and I'm sure it made a helluva Fathers Day gift. He was interviewed at the game and when asked if he was able to get the home run ball he said, "You betcha! I raced over there and explained the situation. The guy gave it up for two of Kory's game worn and autographed hats." Nice write up about the homer in Chico's gamer (Sure is getting dusty in here).
So, enjoy the day off today everyone. I'm gonna try and get in some softball games after work, and dream I'm Kory Catso when I'm up at ba..... Fuck it. That was getting a little sissy like. Manly fist bops for Casto. And an extra tall beer. And a raw fucking steak.
Yo know who's not getting any bops/beer/steak? Flop. That fucker. 2 errors on one play, Flop? Really? Eat your quiche, you pansy.
Oh, almost forgot to give this out. Enjoy, Kory! Also, if anyone can explain my overusage of the word bitches, I'd be much obliged.

They're KILLING me, Whitey. They're killing me.

Bergmann threw an incredible game. When he got in a jam in the 7th, he worked out of it, and the Phillies didn't score. Saul came in and threw a great 8th, again, no score for the Phillies.

/Puts on manager cap
Me: Hey, Randy. Let's get Ayala up to throw the 9th. Then we can bring in Rauch for the 10th, if need be.
/Takes off manager hat

Manny brings in Rauch for the 9th (where the score is still 0-0). Leadoff hitter doubles. He gets pinch run for. Sacrifice bunt moves him to 3rd base, one out. Dobbs up to bat.

/Puts manager cap back on
Me (in a text message): Walk him (Dobbs) to set up the double play? I would.
/Takes off manager hat

Dobbs singles to center to score the go ahead (and winning) run.

I could just end this post here, and slam my head into the wall and die. I won't however. In the same inning, with two outs, Dobbs was still on first. Victorino came up and hit a ball into left center while Mills was playing him waaaay over in right. Milledge ran a country mile to get the ball, fired off a shot to the cut off man (Goooz) who turned and fired to home to try and get Dobbs at home. It looked like Dobbs scored. He did not, however. Why? Because Jesus made an incredible block of the plate. I mean, he put on a fucking clinic. That's the best block I've seen since my friend's wife got a diaphragm. Just awesome. I actually have a link here for that play, but I want to preface it by saying something. I don't hate Bob Carpenter, but I do hate some of the things he does. What irks me the most about him is how he "forecasts" the call. I just want to punch him in the nuts when he does that. Jesus, Bob, just wait for the play to develop, and end. Don't call it before the fucking umpire does, okay? Now, here's the link, which includes audio of Bob Carpenter doing his worst.

I got nothing for the offense. They know the suck. They have to, right? I do want to give props to Dooks, however. He came up with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. He worked a walk on 6 pitches. What does he do next? Mother fucker steals second, and third. These were steals too, not defense indifference. Mackowakiak walked and Flop came up. I actually found myself thinking, "he can do this. Flop's been hitting well this year!" Well, poop on me for thinking that, as he grounded out to end the game. 1-0 loss to the Philthies. Sets up the rubber game today, with el muy hermoso left coast lefty on the bump. Now, how bout we give him some offense? Offense on three, ready? ONE-TWO-THREE..

Mopping up from Thursday, and Wagner's a douche.

Ok, a 1-0 win against the Mets yesterday made the Nats 3-1 for that series. Makes me tingly all over. And down there.
I need to hand out the awesome dude of the day medal, but there's a problem. How can it go to just one guy? I wanna hand it to Bergmann. I really do. He made the Mets look like grade schoolers out there. Like absolutely crappy ball players. HOWEVER, < /Steven A. Smith > we needed Jesus to get himself into scoring position, Flop to drive him in, Willie Mays Hayes Harris to make that catch, Luis Ayala to throw that wickedly wicked 8th, and the Wookie to finish it off.
What the hell, all six of you doods share yesterday's medal. Enjoy, fellas.


And one last thing to leave the dumpster that is New York with. In an article written in the New York Times yesterday, there is an interview with Billy Wagner. Yes, yes, he does go on to insert his hoof into his mouth a couple times, and looks just like the prick he always is. Now, however, I have confirmation my suspicions. Billy Wagner is a douchey toolbox:

Billy Wagner was almost out the door of the Mets’ clubhouse on Thursday. He was dressed in blue jeans and a T-shirt, had his cellphone earpiece in place and had tobacco stuffed against his lower lip.

Anyone who walks around with a bluetooth headset on is a douche. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to hear he also wears a fanny pack.

Destiny, baby.

That post heading? That's good shit right there. There's the lame old school saying that goes something to the effect of: Keep on keeping on, and the breaks will eventually go your way.

Fuck all that. When Manny was asked about Wil missing that the bunt was taken off, bunting it right back to the pitcher anyway, only to have it go through the pitchers legs?

Destiny, baby.

God damn fucking right. Destiny.

I didn't see the game, only heard the first 3 innings on my way to a game. I saw 4 aborted highlights on Sportscenter (again..note to ESPN: Fuck. You.) which only showed Flop grounding into the double play, Wil bunting with two strikes, Belly's bases loaded walk, and Flop's single to left for the win. Meh. Maybe that's all that needed to be shown?

Props to Shawn Hill. Good effort, kid. You might be in this Cy Young race with Chico and Lannan, if you keep this up!

Other tidbit: Cardiac's arm did, in fact, fall off. It will take 4-6 weeks to reattach it. Manny's prolly gonna keep the bullpen at just 6 guys, and leave Wil the Thril on the roster. Works for me.

Going to the game

Me and the Mrs. have tickets for tonight, so if you're watching on the tube, keep a look out for us. I'm bummed that I won't be able to rain down upon the Kinger with my barrage of peanuts, but good riddence.
Oh, hey, the newest Nat just arrived in town, by the way. He'll prolly be starting in left, but with his ears, he could play right, and no one would notice it's not Kearnsie.




Hell. Let's not kid ourselves here. He would prolly out hit WMP and Kearnsie combined.

Rental Perez vs. Ryan Dumpster tonight. (Buuuurrrn. dUmpster. Heh. Bet that fuckers never heard that one before) Dumpster's had a pretty good start, but one stat is bad. 11 BB in 24 IP. Slick and Kearnsie might be able to drive his pitch count up. Hell, maybe Goozie can work it too, and Flop will only go yard on the 4th or later pitch of each of his at bats.

Hopefully Blastings can get his fucking act together, and get to the fucking field sometime before I do. I called all the Rocawear and Phat Pimp stores in the area, and asked them to kindly send Blastings to the park if he showed up.

Flop? Flop! Won 2 out of 3, bitches!

First and foremost, Flop had a hell of a night. Fucking great to see his exuberance rounding first after he hit that grannie.

I didn't see any of the game, just heard highlights on the way home, and saw a 7 second highlight on Sportscenter (note to ESPN: Fuck. You.). Looks like all the starters got a hit, except Kearnsie (0 for 5 with 2 K's, Kearnise? Really?) and Willie Harris. Willie's a'ight, though, cause he had two walks and scored 3 runs.

Yes, Willie Harris was starting. In center field. Why? From the WaTimes blog:

"Milledge arrived in the clubhouse this afternoon right at 4 p.m., which was the listed time for all players to be on the field for pregame stretch. This wasn't the first time Milledge has reported late, or close to late, so this could be a disciplinary thing."

I heard rumblings earlier about some of the guys wishing he could get to the park earlier, but, as I found out, you can't fault a brotha for being late yesterday. My intern caught him walking into the stadium late yesterday, and took this picture:


When my intern asked him why he was late, he received the following reply:

"Shit, homey. Can't a brotha go shopping? You knows they opened a new Sean John Boutique downtown, right? They got argyle out the ASS there."

I thought Sean John was out of style, but what do I know? I'll leave the fashion comments to Rob.

Shawn Hill? Apparantly.

I still think Hill will get scratched from the lineup at..like..6:55, but that's just me.

It don't make no difference, though. Throwing for the Marlins? Burke Badenhop. Stop laughing. Seriously. His mommy loves her some alliteration. It's his third major league start of his career. Two words for you, rook:

Washington Fucking Nationals.

Today, we win our second in a row, and begin our fantastic drive to finishing 2008 with a record of 150-12.

So if Hill is on the roster, who got got demoted? No one. It turns out LoDu is broken. Sweet! Nieves on the roster till 5/29. Let's see if Manny gives him a few more starts than Estrada. Also getting a weird start is Flop, who will be at short stop. Maybe Manny leaves him at lead off?

Let's win this one 85-1, and make it a great day for the DC sports scene. The Cappies won their playoff game today, and play again on Monday. What? Who? The Wizards?

Base-ket-ball? O.o

Hooooo Ha!

That is what the fuck I'm talking about.

Couple things that stuck out to me...

Flop looked really good there in his 9th inning at-bat/base running. I just wish I knew what the fuck Manny was thinking hitting Macowakiak for Blastings.

Slick weilds a mean fucking stick, don't he?

Ray King? Very effective in his one batter appearance. The batter? Left handed. Coincidence? Me thinks no. Look, listen, learn, Manny. Please.

I'm loving what Nieves is doing. The intangibles are off the chart with that 185 lb catcher.

Finally, I love the fact that I'm going to bed with a smile. It's about fucking time.

Nope

I refuse to believe what I saw last night. By ignoring it, it does not exist, right? Right kitty cat?

Fuck.

Hi! What's new with everyone? Good, good. How's life? The job? Glad to hear it, guys. Me? How am I doing?


This just in from the Nats:

Lopez - according to GM Jim Bowden on MASN - will be playing left field Thursday afternoon. Never mind that the team is perfect thus far. Never mind that Lopez has never played outfield - at any level.

Great! Super! Fantastic! Anyone remember Soriano doing the same thing? I do. It took him months to adjust. He got to play the OF for all of spring training. Flop, meanwhile? Ya, he shagged a few balls during BP, I hear.
Jesus H. Christ