Fare thee well, Mr. Capps

Yesterday Mike Rizzo traded away Matt Capps and $500K to Minnesota for catcher Wilson Ramos and LHP Joe Testa. Now, who Joe Testa is doesn't really matter (cough:24 years old in high A ball:cough), but who Wilson Ramos is does. He was ranked the 42nd prospect in all of baseball coming into this year by Keith Law. That link may be for ESPN Insiders only, so here's a snippet of what Law said.

...when he plays he hits, and he plays a premium position at which bats like his are hard to find. ... he throws extremely well (he's nailed 43 percent of would-be base stealers in the past two years) and his receiving is adequate. ... At the plate, he has strong hands and very good hand-eye coordination, with a hard, line-drive-oriented swing

Now, Derek Norris came into this year ranked ahead of Ramos at #31, but his season so far has been nothing short of disappointing. Derek's power has vanished, but he's still getting on base at an incredible clip (.408). That really doesn't do too much to make his other numbers look good, though (.231 batting average and a .374 slugging percentage). The power loss can hopefully (PLEASE, JESUS PLEASE!) be attributed to the hamate bone surgery he had at the end of last year, as 99% of the players that have surgery there take a full year to regain their power. (Even the Non-Human Zim had his power drop. Those 14 HR in 2008? Yup, the year of his hamate surgery. His HR total the year before was 24, and went up to a career high 33 the year after).
So, Ramos goes to the #1 overall position in the Nats prospects list, and becomes the next catcher. Ramos is better defensively than Norris, as well, so that even frees the Nats up to move Derek if his bat demands he play in the big leagues.
And... Matty Capps? God love him. He throws strikes, and is so damn friendly. He will give the Twins a true closer (a position the Wookie - Jon Rauch - had been trying to fill) and a great shot to win their division. He was our All-Star rep, and leads the league in games finished (43) and is 4th in the league in saves (26). What does that mean? It means that he was due an extremely large raise after this season, and I'm not sure the Nats needed to pay it. He signed a 1 year $3.5MM contract to come here, and my guess is he'll see ~$6MM for next year after arbitration. Why pay Capps that much when we have Drew Storen here to take over the closer role next year? Drew had (and still has) this year to learn in a MLB bullpen, and will even get his feet wet with save opportunities now that Capps is gone. There is no doubt in my mind Storen will come into next year as the closer out of spring training.

Jesus. So sorry for the super duper long serious baseball talk. I had quite a few friends ask me how I felt about the deal and when I told them that I loved the trade, they asked why. So - I wrote this post. Now, let's bid a fond farewell to Matt Capps for his two greatest achievements here in DC - His fucking incredible entrance music (Europe's The Final Countdown) and his fucking incredibly awkward celebration photos. Ladies and Gentlemen... the least photogenic high-fiver of all time...

Mr. Matthew Capps.

Joel Hanrahan broken down way further than he should be.

Disclaimer first... If you ever decide you're gonna take a look at the last few outings by a pitcher and want to include data from Fangraphs, MLB, and baseball-reference... DON'T. Seriously. It's a waste of fucking time. I had my own opinion, but decided to let numbers back it up. Sure enough, I was correct, but I spent hours doing it and now have way too much information to use. It boggles my mind how much info is out there about the games. Down to every single pitch. It's fucking crazy!

So, what was the bottom line that I saw with my eyes, and formulated in my head but wanted to back up with numbers? That Joel is more effective when throwing more fastballs, and getting away from his slider. Result? Confirmed. Also a result? Carpal tunnel syndrome.

Let's go back to May 18th. He entered the game against the Pirates down 3 runs. He ended up facing 7 batters, and the Pirates left that inning adding 3 more runs. Joel gave up 2 hits, 2 walks, and had 2 strike outs. He threw a total of 32 pitches. 17 strikes and 15 balls. The break down on pitch type; 20 Fastballs and 12 sliders. He threw 13 of those fastballs for strikes, 7 for balls. He threw 5 of the sliders for strikes, leaving 7 thrown as balls.

The next bad outing for him was May 20th versus the same Pirates. He entered that game with the score tied in the 9th. He faced 7 batters. Again. He also got the loss in that game, giving up 3 hits, striking out none, and walking 1, which led to a run. He threw 35 pitches this time. 23 strikes and 12 balls. The pitch type was 20 fastballs, and 15 sliders. 15 fastballs were thrown for strikes, with 5 fastballs thrown for balls. The sliders broke down as 8 for strikes, and 7 for balls.

He then turns a corner of sorts. It was mentioned in the press somewhere (but fuck if I can find it now) that they were asking him to get away from the slider, and to rely on his best pitch... his fastball.

May 21st against the Pirates, he came in with a 1 run lead and got the save. He only had to face 4 batters, and gave up 1 hit, 0 walks, and had 2 strikeouts. The kind of line you love to see from a closer, right? He only had to throw 19 pitches that inning, as well. Here's where it gets interesting... 17 of the 19 pitches he threw were fastballs. 11 fastball strikes, 6 fastball balls, and 2 sliders, both for balls. He threw a slider to start the first batter he faced, and then brought it out once more... throwing it to the third batter he faced and giving up a single on that pitch.

On May 23rd he entered the game down a run versus the Orioles. He makes sure the score stays that way when he's done, too, giving our offense a chance for the win. He only faced 3 batters, and gave up no hits. He threw only 7 God damn pitches. All fastballs. No sliders. Five of the fastballs were strikes, with only two outside the zone.

Finally, his last game was May 24th, also against the Orioles. He got the save by coming into the inning up 3 runs, and leaving it that way. He faced only three batters again, this time throwing 13 pitches; with 12 of the 13 pitches being fastballs. He struck out two, with the third out being a 4-3 ground out. 8 strikes and 4 balls for the fastballs, with the lone slider being fouled off by the first batter with the count 3-2.

I think it's safe to say he's feeling good throwing his fastball, and it's about damn time, ain't it? He also did that throwing to Wil (1) and Josh Bard (2) both, so the game calling has been dictated to the catchers as well.

It's also safe to say I'm more comfortable with him coming in to close games than I have been all season. You can throw that fastball by guys, kid, so keep on keeping on. (He averaged 94.9 MPH/fastball those last 3 games.) If the offense could have scores two runs in the May 23rd game, his last 3 appearances would've garnered two saves and a win. As it is it's 2 saves.

So, to sum this shit up, I've got two pictures for you. The first being Hammer Hands well deserved Awesome Dude of the Day Medal, which I have been slacking on. My apologies, fans of the ADOTDM. I'll be sure to pick up the pace later.



The second picture is how much effort I put into this shit. And I will never do it again.*






*Probably a lie. There is a good chance I'll be bored enough at some point to break down something else that doesn't need breaking down.

The WBC is kinda like... poop on your shoe.

Yes. Like poop on the bottom of your shoe. Please, allow me to explain...

We have a really old cat at home. She's like... 14 years old, and she has bladder stones. These stones make her pee extremely often. I'm talking like... 278 times a day, the poor thing. (I was going to insert a "it's not a going problem, it's a growing problem" joke here, but then I realized female cats ain't got no prostate. Shoot.) Anyway, she loves it on the bed, and sometimes we forget she's in there and close the door to the bedroom (because we don't want her in there, see?). Well, if she's in there more than 30 minutes, you pretty much know she'll have peed on the bed. (Is anyone still with me? It's going somewhere, I promise.) So, you kick her out of the bedroom, and make the walk over to the bed. Then you slowly flatten out the comforter to check for a spot. Then you see one. You know it's pee, right? But...you gotta smell it to make sure. You know...it could just be water. From a non-existent leak in the ceiling. Or... lemonade from the lemonade fairy (you just need to put a nickel under the pillow and BOOM free lemonade). But, of course, it's fricking pee.

What in the hell does the WBC have to do with cat pee on your bed? Or poop on your shoe? (Which is the same thing as the pee..you know it's dog shit, but maybe you smell it anyway. Just in case it's mud or, I dunno, a Tootsie Roll. In fact, I probably could've just written the preceding paragraph about poop on your shoe instead of a cat urinating on your bed, but I didn't.) Here's what...

I'm watching the WBC in horror as the team is completely and utterly mismanaged. I'm staring at the screen saying, "This is utter dog shit (or cat pee). What the hell is this?"
And I refuse to believe it's shit, and I convince myself it's real, honest, fair baseball. "It's not pee on my bed..." I say, "It's not."

But it IS dog shit. It IS cat piss. I still smell it to be sure, and rub my eyes in disbelief. But I know.

The US will never have a team in the WBC on a level playing ground with Korea, Japan, Cuba, or even Chinese Taipei. The MLB parent squads won't let it happen. That's why, and God knows I love him, you see Joel Hanrahan come in last night when Scott Shields was the obvious choice. That's why Evan Longoria pinch hits, but doesn't enter the game the next inning. Instead, Victorino goes out to play CF. That's why Brian McCann was playing left field the other day, and Davey Johnson contemplated throwing Ted Fucking Lilly out in the outfield the other day. (I can't make this shit up, folks.) That's why Jake Peavy sat there getting drilled against Puerto Rico, and why Oswalt wasn't pulled early enough last night. (Just to make sure Davey knew the rules, I screamed at the TV, "Davey... you know you can use your bullpen any God Damn time, right!!!?)

It's all run by an agenda that will never allow a manager to play to win. Longoria had to get an at bat. He was pulled from Spring Training for this. Victorino had to get his innings, too. As did Hanrahan, Peavy, Oswalt, Dunn, Granderson, and the rest.

The other squads didn't have to worry about making sure everybody got in, like they were in grade school softball. They played to win. They put their best 9 on the field, and didn't hesitate to pull their starting pitcher if he struggled. Yu Darvish threw the 9th inning last night, for Christ sake. The only way a starting pitcher on the US squad is gonna get stretched like that is if Hell freezes the fuck over.

It's cat piss, ya'll. No need to smell it, you know what it is.

Strasburg at the cost of Nationals wins?

It's something I've brushed up against before, but never actually focused on: Winning games vs. losing games, and getting Steven Strasburg at the first overall pick.
I had a huge write up on Strasburg, but I scrapped it 'cause I didn't know where I was going with it. The huge "tank the season" push was barely around at that time, but it's steam rolled it's way to a huge, ugly, boorish ball of disgust now.
Can I be frank here?
If you're rooting for the Nats to lose, you're dead to me. Please, go straight to jail, and do not collect $100. (Is that the right amount? I haven't played Monopoly in years. The board game, that is. I've been playing monopoly with sexiness and wittiness for decades.)
Cheeks has a poll on his journal entry today. If the votes for wanting the team to win don't beat out the votes wanting the team to lose, I'm hacking the Post's servers, grabbing all the IP addresses of those that voted "I want them to lose", and vandalizing something you own, cause you're vandalizing baseball (which is very near and dear to me).
I'll kick your garden gnome. I'll put holes in your water hose. I'll pour sugar in your gas tanks. I might even replace your pet with a look-a-like stuffed animal, because that animal deserves to live in a home full of hope. Not that black fucking hole of pessimism that you call a home. It's simple, either you're a fan, and you root for a win every damn game, or you're a "fan", and are rooting for the 1st overall pick.
If you don't find yourself screaming and crying and throwing things when you witness innings such as the 8th inning of Sunday's game, I don't want you on my team's side. (I'd post the box score of that inning here, but I don't think the interwebs has enough space for it to be posted twice. Instead, you can find it here. WARNING: Only click that link if you enjoy things such as getting hit in the groin, falling off the monkey bars and getting the wind knocked out of you, or rooting for the Phillies or Mets.) If you don't get excited when Milledge drives in a run in the top of the 9th, to pull the Nats to within one, and Big Bad DOOKS! steps up to the plate with a chance to go ahead by one, well...pardon my French, but fuck the fuck off.
If, on the other hand, you're on my side..well, come join the other 8,999 folks and me watching the game. Hell, come on over to my neighborhood bar. I'll buy you a cold one or six, and we'll scream and yell. Laugh and cry. Boot and rally. And maybe, just maybe, we'll see our boys win one. There's no greater joy than that, even if you are 27.5 games back.

What to say?

Ya know? It's the half way point, so I should probably do a mid-point retrospective, right? But...I can't. I can't allow myself to overlook last night's performance by Balester coupled with another BELLY! dinger.
(Full disclosure: I umpired last night, so I didn't see the game live. I heard Charlie's wrap up on the way back so I knew the outcome. Did this make me view the game differently when I watched it this morning? I'm not sure.)
Out of all three kids that have gotten Nats debuts as a starter this year, Collin is head and shoulders above Clippard and Mock (IMO). His control was absolutely, positively, emphatically, undoubtedly phenomenal. PHE-FUCKIN-NOMENAL. His is, indeed, a super sensational diaper dandy. He didn't throw his change too often, and he doesn't have a devastating curve ball, but with the way he locates his fastball he doesn't need to. It has late movement, and just paints the corners. True, his pitch count was up there (95 in 5 innings), and he went to long counts on quite a few batters (damn close to a 60/40 ratio of strikes to balls) but the laid back kid from Huntington Beach didn't seem to panic. He would just locate another fastball right were he needed too, and either jammed the guy for a pop up, or went down and away for a ground ball. Bottom line? Color me impressed.
Now, to be realistic... the kid's gonna have a few bad games. Maybe more than a few. Scouts will see him more, and more and there will be a gameplan for him. He might be off some nights and lose his location. That could get him in a lil' bit o' hot water if he doesn't have a sharp curve or the change-up to fall back on, but I think he'll stick in the rotation the rest of the year (seriously).

Instead of looking back (where, let's face it, I would just be saying "Guzman" and "Lannan/Redding") let's say fuck it to the '08 season, and look at what we have set in stone for the Nationals of '09 and beyond, shall we?

SP: John Lannan (23), Collin Balester (turned 22 last month), Mock/Clippard (24/23). (Detweiler? (22))
C: Jesus Flores (23)
1B: Unknown. (Marrero, the #1 prospect in the orginization, is only 19. Not sure we'll see him that soon.)
2B: Unknown
SS: Goozie, once he signs the two year extension.
3B: Zim (Still just 23!)
LF: Unknown
CF: Milledge (23)
RF: Dukes (24)

I left out the bullpen, cause that's always a crap shoot, and the young guys are hard to project. (I'm lying, I'm too fucking lazy and I like all the guys so I didn't wanna play favorites since, you know, they read this blog and all.) That leaves us with an average age of 24/25 in 2009/10. It's gonna be good, folks. I suggest you put a deposit down for season tickets now.

Awesome dude of the day to Balester (of course), but with a slight tip of my braided hair to Belly (Grand Salamai), and my goatee to mi hermano (striking out Hermida with a SICK slider in the bottom of the 8th with the tying run on 2nd). Enjoy, Collin.

(Did I write enough? Jesus, I thought Tolstoy was a long read. He ain't got shit on me, that dead pacifist bastard)

This is it.

Rock bottom. That's where I think we are. Especially with the latest news about The Franchise (with all due respect to Shane Douglas). That's right folks. Zim is out a minimum of 4-6 weeks, and it could be for the year. I told my cat, Natty, the news last night after the game. His response is documented below.


He was commenting on not only the Zim injury news, but also the pathetic and inconsistent offense. He also wonders why no starter besides Lannan can seem to throw more than 5 innings. Why have the bullpen guys that were so reliable in the past seemed so brutally ineffective? (Natty kitty's looking at you Saul and Luis!) He also can't stand Hanrahan's inability to throw strikes. I dunno, ya know? To pitch in this level don't you kinda, sorta, have to be around the God damn plate!? When Colome is thought of as being one of the better success stories outta the pen, you know your fucked. Props to Rauch, however. He's been all right filling in for Cordero.
Will it get any better? Shit, how long till Guzman goes to the DL? The injuries, offensive ineptitude, and pitching woes are driving me to tie a plastic bag around my head. The only things keeping me from self inflicted death at this point are Flores, Dukes, Milledge, Guzman, and Lannan. Four 23 year olds and a 29 year old that is by far our best player this year. Will he get re-signed? It'll be interesting to see. I'm also peeking into the farm system, and we will get some more looks at younger starting pitching as the season stretches into September.
How can I sum it all up?
Fuck. Me. Let me know when this team can do anything consistently, besides sucking. I still love everyone that puts on the uniform and goes out there to play. I'll still watch every game that I can, and I'll be at the park another 14 times at a minimum. I just can't have any hope of the offense coming from behind, nor the pitching staff keeping the other team from scoring early.

Is this it? and an injury status update.

OK. There's two approaches I can take to this day. One: This is the bottom of the barrel. The worst it will get, and nowhere but up to go. Two: If you would like to retain your sanity and want of life, bail now, cause it's gonna go nuclear really soon. I mean, like the worst possible scenario realized.

Fuck it, I'm taking number one. Why? A) Broken people are coming back. We're already getting Belliard back for this Pirates series (Note to Flop: have a fucking seat, you sulking head case) and Zim is starting therapy with the hope of being back in a week. Kearns is still 2-3 weeks away, but when he gets back, we can move Dukes to left field and bench Pena. Cordero is heading down to Florida for rehab today. Slick Johnson, however, is still in the cast, and won't be reevaluated till June 16th. Ryan Wagner threw a second simulated game, and no pain to speak of. He could begin rehab real soon. I couldn't give two shits about LoDu and Estrada, so no update on them for you.

B) The starts from Mock and Clippard. Yeah, neither one could finish out the 5th inning, but MLB hitters were getting their 3rd look at them, and figured them out. Plus, Mock couldn't find the strike zone. Regardless, both kids pitched well. I was really impressed with Clippard. He has 3-4 pitches, and if he can start locating his fastball (Jesus Christ, every other fastball was a foot high. I was SCREAMING at him), then he can throw that real nice curve and very good change up he possesses. Mock? I don't really remember all that well (My memory = horrible) but he left the game with the Nats tied.

C) Dukes and Milledge might just turn out to be actual ball players! Milledge is fielding better (not like it could of gotten any worse) and starting to swing the bat well. Dukes is just a man beast with a cannon arm and a viciously hard hitter. I could become a fan of his real easy.

And, finally, D) For the love of God..you're professional ball players, dammit. Act like it.

They're KILLING me, Whitey. They're killing me.

Bergmann threw an incredible game. When he got in a jam in the 7th, he worked out of it, and the Phillies didn't score. Saul came in and threw a great 8th, again, no score for the Phillies.

/Puts on manager cap
Me: Hey, Randy. Let's get Ayala up to throw the 9th. Then we can bring in Rauch for the 10th, if need be.
/Takes off manager hat

Manny brings in Rauch for the 9th (where the score is still 0-0). Leadoff hitter doubles. He gets pinch run for. Sacrifice bunt moves him to 3rd base, one out. Dobbs up to bat.

/Puts manager cap back on
Me (in a text message): Walk him (Dobbs) to set up the double play? I would.
/Takes off manager hat

Dobbs singles to center to score the go ahead (and winning) run.

I could just end this post here, and slam my head into the wall and die. I won't however. In the same inning, with two outs, Dobbs was still on first. Victorino came up and hit a ball into left center while Mills was playing him waaaay over in right. Milledge ran a country mile to get the ball, fired off a shot to the cut off man (Goooz) who turned and fired to home to try and get Dobbs at home. It looked like Dobbs scored. He did not, however. Why? Because Jesus made an incredible block of the plate. I mean, he put on a fucking clinic. That's the best block I've seen since my friend's wife got a diaphragm. Just awesome. I actually have a link here for that play, but I want to preface it by saying something. I don't hate Bob Carpenter, but I do hate some of the things he does. What irks me the most about him is how he "forecasts" the call. I just want to punch him in the nuts when he does that. Jesus, Bob, just wait for the play to develop, and end. Don't call it before the fucking umpire does, okay? Now, here's the link, which includes audio of Bob Carpenter doing his worst.

I got nothing for the offense. They know the suck. They have to, right? I do want to give props to Dooks, however. He came up with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. He worked a walk on 6 pitches. What does he do next? Mother fucker steals second, and third. These were steals too, not defense indifference. Mackowakiak walked and Flop came up. I actually found myself thinking, "he can do this. Flop's been hitting well this year!" Well, poop on me for thinking that, as he grounded out to end the game. 1-0 loss to the Philthies. Sets up the rubber game today, with el muy hermoso left coast lefty on the bump. Now, how bout we give him some offense? Offense on three, ready? ONE-TWO-THREE..

Chico to the rescue.

It's ok, cause we've got the left coast lefty throwing today to stop our skid. He'll do his usual bang-up job, going 7 with 2 hits allowed, and 10 K's.

The bad news, though, is that Manny will turn to the bullpen (which used to rock out with their cock out..now? not so much.) and the lead* won't be held. Or will it? Only time will tell.

*may or may not be a lead. Why? Because outside of Gooz, Slick, and Flop, no one could hit a beach ball tossed underhand these days. (question to self - did I just compliment Flop? Might wanna start saying some prayers, folks, cause I think the apocalypse is upon us.)

I could show some stats, and write a thesis on the poor offense right now, but I'm not OMG. Please feel free to visit them, if you believe you have the time. All I'm going to do is pose this one question:

With a runner in scoring position, do you have any faith in the line-up at all, outside of the three I mentioned above, to drive them in? If you say yes, I call bullshit. You really think Kearnsie's gonna get them home? Milledge? WMP?!?! Estrada (Who still gets man love from me because of his stirrups)? Ryan Zimmerman, whose name is now mortal? I think I'd rather turn the TV off at this point, instead of watching them strike out, then ground into a double play.

Guest post time

Since I didn't give you fuck asses a decent post today, I'm going to do something different. I had a commenter (puttzy) send me something he wrote up on what to blame the 4-12 start on. He's a Pirates fan (idiot) so it may be a little biased. I only made a couple comments, but they're in there in italics. Feel free to rip him in the comments. So sit back, and relax, cause this post is about as long as the bible. And just as boring. I also left all the grammar and spelling as is, so take your jabs at Pennsylvania schooling while you're at it.

What is the Nats problem? Offense or Defense? [ed: I think it’s obvious it’s both. Actually, you should’ve thrown in “life skills” as well] Hmmm Which do they need to turn around in order to start winning? Here are a few stats to consider when making up your mind.


Defense
The Nats pitching staff has given up 70 walks this season in 144 innings. [ed: Our hero, Mr. Chico has only walked 7 in 24 innings, however. Be sure to remove him from this conversation. His awesomeness is awesome] Yes folks that it 10 * (4 + 3) walks!! They are giving up one walk every other inning! That is about just under 5 free ducks a game! They lead the NL is this prestigious category. [ed: they finished with 3.6/game last year]

Now lets partner that little nugget of information with the fact that they have given up 21 long balls. (Bottom 3 in the NL) [ed: 5 of those belong to Bergie, who was optioned to AAA. See? We can identify, and deal with, the suckiest of the suckiest] Maybe they should have thought about the pitching staff a little more when building that ball park. [ed: They’ve played 7 home games vs. 9 road games. I’d like to see the home/away split] I vote for a redesign and make the outfield wall share a fence with the white house!


So you have lots of walk plus lots of homeruns (or should that me times a lot of homeruns) and what do you get. . . . A 4.63 ERA. Not too bad I guess. If your team is named the Pirates! [ed: the 2007 NL average was 4.43, and the Nats finished with 4.58, so it looks to be on par for the whole season]Only two teams have a higher ERA in the NL, one of them is the Pirates and the other is the Marlins. Not exactly company you want to keep. But hey - atleast we are better than someone!!


Offense:
Wow. Just wow. Only 119 hits for the pesky nats. Might not be too bad until you consider that the teams has had a combined 543 AB's. Do you want to do the math, or should I? Oh what the heck I'm feeling generous. That is a romper stompering .219. (another league low) Wait a second Didn't I just conclude that the walls were too short? Any chance we can hide some midgets to subtly move the wall when we are batting? [ed: Again, if you’re gonna pick on the park, lets see some home/away splits]

Ok Ok. Batting average and hits aren't everything. Lets look at some other random category. *spins big wheel of offensive stats* do do do do . . .do . . .do . . . . .do. Stolen bases. lets see. Four (4 for those of you not good with words) Not the worst in the league that honor goes to Atlanta with 3 (and one fewer game). . . . oh wait a second we also have 4 caught steeling. [ed: Jesus, Kearnsie accounts for half of those himself. I blame Tim Tolman, however. That fuck finger couldn’t direct a player out of a paper bag] Talk about 1 step forward, one step back. I think if get a man on base we should just stay content to leave him there. We can't advance him with our bats and apparently we cant let him run wild either.

Damn. Let’s try something a little more scientific and see how we fare. A nice stat to judge offensive production is OnBase % + slugging %(OPS). Yeah now we are getting somewhere. Sit back folks here comes a bomb!! 75!! Oh yeah 75!! Wait what the hell does that mean and how does it compare to other teams . . . Shit second to last, and only 1 of 7 teams in double digits. [ed: I’ll be honest. I ain’t got shit. That OPS is horrendous. Horrendesly horrendous] Forget that scientific stuff we have heart!!

Ah, what the hell. It's stats day today.

As much as I despise that certain 34 year old rump roasted left handed reliever, I likey what I'm seeing from Gooz. Except for one thing, but I'll get to that later.
Stats on the year for the Goozman:
AB: 43; H: 14; 2B: 2; 3B: 2; HR: 2; RBI 6; BB: 0; K:4
I'll do the math for you fuckers, and project that out for the season:
H: 252!; 2B/3B/HR: 36; RBI: 108; K:72; R: 144.
Pretty beastly, no? Obviously, he can't keep all of that up for the season, but fuck it, he's golden to me right now. I'd take those numbers anywhere in the lineup. Except lead off. Did I mention he's leading off right now? Did I mention these projections?:
OBP: .318; SB: 0; BB: 0.
Nope, that ain't too fucking good for a lead off man. If you look at the regular starters, he ranks 6th in OBP. It goes Kearnsie, Slick, Blastings, LoDu, Flop, Gooz, Belly, and Mr. Walk-off in order of best to worst. Kearnsie (I just want to squeeze that lil' hairy man!) is leading with .395. How does that happen when the guy is only (for now) hitting .233? He has 7 BB's. Look, I know Gooz had that eye surgery, and that's how he's hitting the cow-spit outta the ball. But, for the love of God, someone get him to take a few fucking pitches! Gorilla Glue his bat to his shoulders for a few at-bats. Maybe then he can get on base.
Gooz's BA (.326) is higher than his fucking OBP! Great googley moogley.
I'm going to put my manager hat on, and play Manny. Drop Gooz down in the order. Please. I'm begging you. Put Blastings in the number one spot. He's got a .341 OBP (BTW, that's the only thing any potential lead off can be judged on. Did you realize the Nats only have two stolen bases? Two. 2. Talk about dick samiches!), with a little pop (1 HR 2 2B). Then, Gooz can hit second all year long. Move Slick up to third, drop The Non-Human to fourth, and we all set. World Series, look the fuck out, cause this bingo train is about to roll!
Now, excuse me while I go rub one out to the replay of Gooz's 2 3B, 3 RBI game from Monday. If you need me, go fuck yourself.

Some thinking...

Well, I was supposed to umpire a varsity game in NOVA (Northern Virginia for you out-of-towners) today at 6 pm, but just got word that it's rained out. Yippie. So, I thought I'd push my work back a little bit, since I don't have to leave early, and have a serious Nats post.
No poop or fuck jokes here, kiddies. So, if that ain't your bag, exit stage left.
I like Manny's thinking on playing Flop in LF. I really do. I'm interested to see who gets dropped from the roster when Lannan gets called up tomorrow (Sunday?). Mackowkiawak? Willie Harris? Someone from the bullpen?
In other news, Cordero's shoulder seems to be ok, and he will pitch Sunday at the earliest. Hooray. I wonder what that does to Rauchie? Back to set-up man? I thought this was so simple coming out of spring training. Our great starters give us 6-7 innings. If they can't go that long, Hanny or Ayala for middle relief. Ray King as a LOOGY, and LOOGY only, Manny! Leading to Rauchie and Chad to close it out.
Funny how a bullpen can look so bad in two games, ain't it?