The Washington Nationals failed against the guy least likely to cause failure.

Hey, yippee, woo-hoo. The Nats were shut out (and limited to 3 hits) by Ryan Voglensnog Vogelsnogog Vogelsong. RYAN VOGELSONG. Vogelsong was the baseball pitcher guy that threw spheres from that raised mound of dirt 60 feet 6 inches away from that home plate thingie worse than any other baseball pitcher guy in all of Major League baseball up until last night. He had an 8.06 ERA, and had yet to give up less than three runs in any of his starts this year and sported a whopping 1.853 WHIP. Last night's line against the Nationals? 5 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 0 R. That's a line that equals a 0.00 ERA with a 0.800 WHIP. Anyone have an authentic Ray King game used belt? That should easily be long enough to throw over the rafters and hang me with.

 Now, please allow me to summarize your performance as if it were, say, and entry into a baseball exam.

 Mr. Washington Nationals Baseball Guys, what you've just played in is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent game were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational contest. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having watched it. I award you no baseball points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

 I seriously can't write any more on this subject.

On the bright side of things, this has brought back my drinking habit from 08/09/10. Oh, sweet, sweet liver failure. How I've missed wooing you so. I just need the Nats to play about 5 more of these kinds of games, and we'll be BFFs.

Almost Time For Spring Training.

So, I told my kitty today that Spring Training starts next Saturday.


Correct, lil' glee filled cat of mine. No Ray King this year.

Ray King = Human

Last night's game was awesome. Really hard to put it into words. I've got some stories, some pictures, and some observations. Before all that, though, I just wanna get this out of the way.


That, my friends, is Mr. Ray King. In my section. Talking to my bullpen guys. The nerve of him!

EDIT: Here's another picture for Andrew, and any other visually impaired persons who can't find Ray.



He showed up around the 6th inning, and leaned over the railing and started chatting up most of the guys (except Hammerhands and O'Connor, they didn't seem to care). The guys were hooting and hollering and grab assing with him
.

He then called out to Kearnise in right. Kearnsie sees him and gets a big old smile and waves. They exchanged some long detailed gang sign. Then people recognize who he is (I smelt him as soon as he walked through the gates, however. I saw his big fat head and screamed to the Mrs., "That's Ray King! Mother fucker!") About 10 people walked up to him to get autographs, and he signed them all. I got up to go hit the commode, cause I had to squirt. I happen to leave at the same time as Ray. I glance up at him and say, simply, "Good luck man." He looked at me, smiled, and said, "Thanks. It's all good, baby."

I don't know if he was hitting on me or not.

Fare thee well, Kinger

I kinda forced that last post, cause there wasn't much to write about. Now? It's getting good!

From Barry:

LHP Ray King is a free agent. The Nationals optioned him down to Class AAA Columbus last week. King [snip] declined. Therefore, he's a free agent.

Good riddance to fat rubbish. I'm not saying I hate you , Ray. Your prolly a nice guy and all..but..well..how to put it? If I had the choice of seeing your fat ass enter the game in a clutch situation, or punching an angel in the throat, and dealing with those repercussions? Well, I'll deal with Jeebus, thanks.

There is a God, and his name is Jim.

Burger shown the door.

Later, you big fat tater. Don't the doorknob hit your gravy boat ass on the way out!

Mike O'Connor takes his spot. He will go long relief, prolly taking over for hammerhands.

Rumors swirl that King may actually be done with the Nats for good. Please happen. Pretty please!

Shawn Hill (maybe) tonight. Two starts in a row might be some sort of record for him. He's going against Perez. I have no clue what his last name is, and I don't have the time to look (I'm on my way out the door for a game. Send me the score via telekinesis). Let's just call him Orlando, and hope we're close.

Ray King is good against lefties. Shit.

Burger King was doing well against lefties. Until last night. Of course, Zim didn't help with that two base throwing error (keep that up and Manny will send you to the bullpen), but I still blame King. He faced 5 lefthanders in a row, and retired 2. Here's what fucking kills me, though: Pagan (how does he get people to call him pah-gone? I say pay-gun.) singles to drive in Church. You're a left handed pitcher. Should be easier to hold someone at 1st, right? Wrong, wrong, fucking King Kong. He let's Pagan steal 2nd. Then King says to himself,
"Sheeeet. That little dude is speedy. Now, I'll just focus all my attention on Schneider here, with his wicked awesome hitting skills...

::concentrating::

::Thinks about the new Steakhouse Burger at BK::

"whoa! That little dude stole 3rd. He's crafty, I'll give him that. OK, Brian, hit this one!"

::ground ball off King's glove to score Pagan::

So, bases empty, two outs, and the pitcher is coming up to hit. The pitcher. Someone who was in the AL for years. OBP of .256. What's King do? Grooves him one. Fuck stick!
It's on, Ray. The war has begun. I will come armed with a big bag of peanuts tomorrow night. I will unload those peanuts upon you with lightning quickness, and Nolan Ryan speed. You might want to bring a vest and helmet. ASSHOLE!

Target is lit

Pop quiz, hot shots. Where is this view from:



If you guessed "your season ticket seats" you are correct.

If you guessed "from the sights of a laser guided missile" your thinking is right in line with mine.

Someone please pass this info along to Manny. Please. Seriously. (From Barry Svrlg):

King does what he's supposed to do against left-handed hitters, having retired eight of nine this year. (Right-handers have reached base six of the nine times he's faced them, however.)

Why in the name of Chico is Manny keeping him out there to face righties? I mean, Jesus H. Christ on a whore, that's stupid. arrgghh.

You're earning your tag today, fuck nuts.

Motherfucker.
I'm hard on Ray, I know. But I have to be. The guy just sucks. Really. He does.
Some quick numbers for the year:

Games: 5 IP: 3.7 H: 3 BB: 4 K: 1 HBP: 1 WHIP: 1.909


Those are your run-of-the-mill stats that everyone knows. Now, when you break it down...

He's averaging a HUGE 20.18 pitches, per inning! He's averaging .25 K/BB! He's averaging 9.82 BB, per game! I mean, shit, that's a lot for a LOOGY, don't you think? But, then again, Manny ain't using him in that role, is he? The Nats are hard on Chico as it is. Imagine if he walked 9.8 guys per game. Or only had 1K for every 4 walks!

His line from last night? 1.0 IP; 2 BB's. He threw a total of 22 pitches, and exactly half were strikes (11). Strikes are included in balls hit resulting in outs, so that means the guy threw 11 balls in his one inning of play.



How in the name of fucking Christ does this man still have a spot on the roster?!? I guaran-fucking-tee I could put up those numbers. And I'm being dead serious. If I see that dick hole warming up in the bullpen for the next game I go to (this Sat. vs. the Braves), I'll be escorted out in handcuffs, and put on trial for murder. 'Cause I may just have to choke a bitch.

Fucking Chico man.

Not you, Rob. I'm talking about the left coast lefty. Number 1 in my heart, number 47 in your programs. Matthew Bryan Chico. Asshole! You played with my feelings, man. That 1st inning was God-like. How do you follow that up? By allowing RBI singles to the 8 and 9 hitters! Fuck, man. The object of baseball is to score more runs than your opponent. Hard to do that when you put your team down four runs, dick.
And, Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Nice passed ball in the 8th, buddy. You and Chico need to go stand in the corner. I know you're the shit. You know you're the shit. Now act like it, fuck face.
It's not all bad though, folks. Props to Slick the Stick, He who's name is too powerful to say. It looked like double day out there. Slick's yard work was nice. Jesus, your homerun karma was taken away by your butterfingers.
John Lannan tomorrow, peeps. A friend predicted 7 innings and 2 hits. He couldn't be more wrong. The real line? 9 innings zero hits. Team Lannan, go for launch!

Some thinking...

Well, I was supposed to umpire a varsity game in NOVA (Northern Virginia for you out-of-towners) today at 6 pm, but just got word that it's rained out. Yippie. So, I thought I'd push my work back a little bit, since I don't have to leave early, and have a serious Nats post.
No poop or fuck jokes here, kiddies. So, if that ain't your bag, exit stage left.
I like Manny's thinking on playing Flop in LF. I really do. I'm interested to see who gets dropped from the roster when Lannan gets called up tomorrow (Sunday?). Mackowkiawak? Willie Harris? Someone from the bullpen?
In other news, Cordero's shoulder seems to be ok, and he will pitch Sunday at the earliest. Hooray. I wonder what that does to Rauchie? Back to set-up man? I thought this was so simple coming out of spring training. Our great starters give us 6-7 innings. If they can't go that long, Hanny or Ayala for middle relief. Ray King as a LOOGY, and LOOGY only, Manny! Leading to Rauchie and Chad to close it out.
Funny how a bullpen can look so bad in two games, ain't it?

3-1. Not horrible, right?

So, ya. I've been sitting and doing some thinking. 3-1 ain't too bad, right? Hell, the offense is still on fire, right?

What?
The team had 11 LOB?

Well, at least the bullpen, our strength coming out of spring training, performed well.

What?
3 earned runs in 4 innings? The Burger King faced 4 batters, hit one, gave up two hits, and allowed 1 run in .02 IP? Shit, call that a good outing for him, says I!
Don't even start talking bout my boy, Hanny. Dude still has 3K's in 1.2 IP's. Let's see you fuckers do that.

So, I'm going to bed with illusions of grandeur. Fuck all you mopers. Zim's leading us to the promised land!

And don't think I've forgotten about you, Colome. Your days are numbered, sir. I wonder who they're dropping from the roster to make room for Lannan?

Ya, I'm crying too.

I feel gut punched.

Hey, Colome! See if you can hit this:


You fucking fuck!

Two things I hate in this world: The French, and walk off walks!

Matt Chico = Guaranteed Victory!

My favorite left coast lefty tossed 5 1/3 innings on Monday, and left the game as the pitcher of record, and set to get a win. Hanny came in, did his thing, and left it up to the Burger King. King's line? Well, he allowed 3 runs (2 of them charged to Hanny) and the game was tied up. Fucking LOOGY. I swear, I hate that man.
Anyway, the story of the game was offense. The 2 - 7 hitters ALL had at least one RBI. The 1 hitter, Goozie, got on base twice, however, and scored both times. The biggest loser? Willie Harris. I know, you're fucking shocked. Hey, Willie, thanks a shit load for that 0h for four. Loser.
Blastings hit a freaking moon shot 2 run job in the sixth that hit a Phillie fan in the head. He woke up speaking perfect English, and had impeccable manners. The Federal Government is thinking of allowing the Nationals to take batting practice in CBP, with the residents of Philly packing the outfield stands while blindfolded.
Kearnsie had a 2 run 2B, and Slick went 2-4 with two runs scored. Be very afraid, NL ball clubs. This offense ain't trifling.