Uh oh for Utley

So, you know how Chase Utley has these knee issues? You know how it's kinda progressed from "Chase will take a day or two more off" to "oh shit!" mode in Philly now? Well, I kind of feel like I had a hand in it. Well, not me, exactly, and not a hand. You see, when I told my little hamster Zimmy that Chase had a tendinitis flare-up in late February, I saw him put his two little paws together, and heard him ask this of whatever higher being there may be:


At that time, the jury was out on the seriousness of the injury. As the days dragged on, the press was saying, "cortisone shot" and "see how he responds" and "a little more rest." When I went to feed Zimmy his itty bitty dinner a few days after he sent his little request skyward, he asked me:



After telling him to get the fuck out of my coffee mug (I drink from there, dammit), I told him the extent of the injury was still unknown, but that things hadn't improved. He got a little smile on his furry face and said, "Good. Good." I didn't want the poor guy to get his hopes up, and reminded him how greasy, and smarmy, and dirty Utley was, and that he probably still has some pull left with Satan after he took out JESUS in that dirty play at home plate. His knee might find a way to heal. He scrunched his face up and started pouting all Cole Hamels like and just mumbled to himself while kicking tiny dust balls with his tiny feet.
So, imagine my surprise when I went to deliver his teeny weeny copy of The Hamster Quarterly a day later, only to find him all:



I asked him why he was so happy, and he informed me that there was now talk in the press that Utley would open the season on the DL. I mean, little Zimmy was just beaming from cute little ear to cute little ear. He looked like Chase Utley's wife when Chase leaves for a road trip. Just giddy. So, kudos to the little guy for hexing Chase Utley. The very same Chase Utley that got us Nats fans to do something we never did before, and never did again... Give Lastings Milledge a standing ovation.
Remember that cool September night one game after Chase destroyed JESUS' leg in that cheap shot? The same game wear Odalis Perez plunked Chase in his first at bat? Well, fast forward to the 5th inning. Men on the corners with one out, and Elijah Dukes' strides to the plate. He hits a ground ball to third, and the third basement throws to second to start a double play. Only the second baseman couldn't turn the double play. That second baseman? Chase Utley. Why couldn't he turn the double play, and in failing to do so, allowed the tying run to score? I like to think it was because of this sweet-ass take out slide by Milledge.

Yes, sirree. Allow me to plagiarize from my original post and sum this play up.

My apologies to all wrestling fans I may offend with this statement, but that was some SWEET SHIN MUSIC by Blastings. Hey, Chase Utley: Have a seat, lunch meat. To top it all off, I got goosebumps as the Washington fans gave Mills a standing fucking ovation as he walked back to the dugout. Who says Nats fans don't "know" baseball? Who ever it was, fuck them in the ear.

Now, as I said before, I would like to think that Utley didn't get that throw off because he was taken out by Milledge. But, in all honestly, it was probably because Utley was thinking about how many ducklings he could strangle in one hand later that evening. Or how he was soooo excited about the baby seal shipment that was due to arrive at his house later that week, as the clubbing chamber he built in his basement hadn't seen much use lately. Or could he have been distracted by that toddler that was sitting right behind the home dugout - directly in his field of vision as he looked towards first - and felt the urge to punch said toddler, and steal his Dippin' Dots? One will never know.
What one does know, however, is that: 1) Chase Utley has more evil in his little toe than Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini had in their entire bodies combined, and 2) Milledge is now in camp for the fourth MLB team willing to give him a shot at the roster. Which proves that the Utley is the harbinger of the Apocalypse, and that Lastings Milledge's motto should be: "No one makes bad look so damn good."

Tony Plush is TEH BOMBZ!!11!!

I gotta say... there are some things you have to see in person to truly comprehend. One of those things? Nyjer Morgan's speed. Sure, he looks fast on TV, but in person? Holy bejezzerz! His closing speed is just incredible. Dude can certainly push the garage door opener button from the inside of the garage to close it, and run out before it closes. (C'mon... you all know you've done it. It used to be kinda easy as a kid, but then they had to throw that stupid "safety" laser thing in, so you have to jump over it, while still ducking the door. I swear to Christ... kids these days get robbed of so much raw fun.) Anyway... here are two (crappy ass) clips I pulled from MLBs Gameday coverage today to showcase Nyjer's awesomely awesome speed. First up is Nyjer robbing "Fake Eyebrows" (David Wright).

I gotta say, most of us at the park thought that ball was out. Tony's closing on that ball was unreal. (Shit... I just realized something. I shared my reason for calling Nyjer "Tony Plush" on my Twitter feed (you can follow me on the right), but never told you guys! My bad, homies! Click here to listen to Nyjer being interviewed by some dude back when he was on the Pirates. Very good stuff, and brief, too.)

The next (really crappy) video I'm sharing is Nyjer running down a hard hit ball in the top of the 9th. This is when I realized his true speed. I mean... dude out ran the fucking ball. I was very, very impressed. (Although it doesn't take much to impress me. I was blown away by the pretzel dog at Noah's Pretzels.)
This is also my gift to those of you lucky enough to be able to enjoy the games without Bob Carpenter and Rob Dibble. We all know how I feel about Bob, but this is my first foray into Rob. I don't have the horrible disdain for him that some do, but I certainly agree with Needham in the fact that some of his commentary is... well... not the most analytical stuff you'll hear from a color commentator. Listen in this clip how he eloquently describes Nyjer's catch...

That's right. His expert analysis of the play was "WHOO-HOO" and "How do you like me know." His most common analysis is "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice", and I keep meaning to get a clip of that, but I'm probably among the top 10 laziest mother fuckers on the planet. Maybe someday, but don't hold your breath folks.

And finally, I leave you with one last video, and a comment about it.

We got Nyjer for Lastings Milledge.

LOLCOPTERBBQROFL!!!!!11111!!!!!111

Pi-HA-rates!!!

Ah, shit... Forgot one thing. This is for you, Johnny Lannans. First CG shutout in the history of Nationals Park. Good job, eyebrows! I'm sure quite a few ladies would offer to have your offspring after that outing. Pick well, my friend.

Totally random items.

Welp, there is one thing that I want to write about, but I'm not mentioning it until it gets to a certain point.
So, in lieu of that... you all get my first totally random thoughts/items post of 2009. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, let's get right to it.

My wife's left breast and arm are visible on the world wide web. Intrigued? Click here to see it next to one damn handsome man.

After last night's win, Craig Stammen is 4-1 with a 1.85 ERA, 7 BB and 11 K in 34 IP. His ground ball to fly ball ratio sits at 1.94 and batters are hitting .218 off him. Over/Under on the date he replaces Cabrera in the rotation? I'm putting it at 5/22, which means DCab has two more shitty starts, with Stammen stepping into his third scheduled start. You guys?

So, Strasburg threw a no-hitter in his last home start of the season. Seriously... what is the highest the team can go, contract wise? It can't come anywhere close to 6 year/$50 MM like Boras is hyping, can it? As my main main Brian posted earlier, $20-30 MM or so is more likely. I'd be willing to give Strasburg 2 beers for every one of my 21 games I attend (and that he doesn't start), as well, if that helps the front office. Hey, free beer!

Remember how Boswell has been absolutely pounding us with articles about how no #1 pick overall should ever, ever be a pitcher? I found this tweet by Keith Law (follow him here) to be hilarious.

keithlaw: is awaiting Boswell's next column on how #1 overall picks who throw no-hitters aren't any good either.

He posted that the day after the no-no, and it still cracks me the fuck up. Don't know why...

What are the odds that Alex Cintron hits .000 for the Nationals in 2009? Is 20-1 to low? Think about it... he might be kicked off for Gonzalez soon. The guy is 0 for 19 with two walks. The real question is probably; Why the fuck is Manny still giving this guy at bats? I mean, Manny's gotta be sleeping with his wife, right?

Hey, Felipe. Fuck. You. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die. We're just as happy since you left the Nationals, too! Ass hat.

Game 6 of the Penguins Capitals series tonight. Since I never get tired of showing this picture, here is how I feel about Sydney Cindy Crosby:



Ahh, Lastings Milledge. We started the season 0-7, shipped him off to Syracuse, and have been 10-12-1 since. Looks like he won't be back up here for a little while longer... Especially since he never learned to bunt correctly, it seems. He broke his right hand bunting in a Syracuse game today. That's the hand up the bat on a righty like LMillz. Sorry, kiddo. That should put him on the shelf for a bit.

A note to a commenter on here who keeps throwing shit up like:

FIRST PLACE Texas Rangers.

Hey, It's my fucking blog, and we write about the Nationals here. (And sometimes the Caps and Communism...) If you wanna write that crap, start your own blog. How would you like it if I showed up there writing WHOO-HOO! LAST PLACE WASHINGTON NATIONALS! Yeah. Thought so.


Finally... Ronnie V is still 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA through 3 games. You cheap skates have two options.

1.Sponsor his page at Baseball-Reference.com in my name for $20.
or
2. Buy me this fucking Jersey


How bout you guys do a better job this year than you did last year. Jesus Christ was that a pathetic effort. According to my site meter, I have three more readers than last year, so it should be financially feasible now. It's up to you guys to coordinate together. Discuss amongst yourselves.

See ya, Lastings.

I wonder if anyone stored this on Lastings' iPod touch, so he can watch it repeatedly on the sled dog ride to Syracuse?




I know it's seriously lame to repeat post, especially so soon, but I'm just getting massacred at work. I think I just developed carpal tunnel syndrome cause my forearm aches like hell from all this typing. (Hey, I know how Shawn Hill feels now. Cool.) Hopefully I'll find my way out from under these TPS reports soon.

Lastings Milledge = a circus.

So, I'm watching last night's game train wreck, and I notice a lot of things. The most glaring, however, was Lastings Milledge's defense. I wrote in a post from last year about the rumors of Dukes going to center field:

Look, I'll admit Milledge didn't play the best CF in the world last year. I do contend, however, that he made tremendous strides out there. His defense at the end of the year was waaaaay better than his defense to start the year. He used to track fly balls by guessing where it might land, and make the biggest circle possible to get to said landing point. At the end? He would guess where it might land and make a neat little... arc. But, hey, it's progress, right?

Honeslty, folks, I am a huge Lastings fan. But I don't know what to do about his defense anymore. I'm watching the last two games, and see Lastings just getting horrible jumps and taking brutal routes. I swear to Flores, every time a fly ball was hit his way last night, I just thought "Someone cue Yakity fucking Sax." Sure enough, he misplayed one.

So. Since I love you guys, I now present to you what I like to call, "What Goes On In My Head Every Time a Fly Ball Gets Hit Lastings' Way."

Now, get some popcorn, your favorite beverage, and prepare to enter my world. Enjoy.

The most pressing question with the Adam Dunn signing.

The one question on everyone's mind right now is what to do about Adam Dunn. And his number. The Big Donkey wore #44 for nine years in Cincinnati. (Thank God for spell check, btw. Why the hell can I never spell Cincinnati right? I always wanna throw in a few extra "t"s. Cincinatti kinda looks right. Right?) After he was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks last year, Adam wore #32 because two year starter Micah Owings was wearing #44.
Now...I'm not one to judge, or jump to conclusions...but, if Adam can't get Micah, shown below, to give up his number...


Imagine what Blastings will say when Adam approaches him for #44...



On the other hand, I am friends with a friend of a friend of Lasting's cousin, and I heard he does have a price, and the number could be had if the price is right...


FWIW, no one on the current 40 man roster is sporting #32, so maybe the Dunner will just settle for that?

JimBo Done a Dunn Deal. Nationals sign Adam Dunn!

It was either that or Dunn a Done Deal. They both suck, but who cares, right? We got Adam Troy Dunn. 6'6" of pure twisted steel and dynamite. Saints be praised!
My man Chico got the scoop. Props to him, as some had been hating on him for getting beat by other writers to stories. Bill Ladson was probably breaking a Kit-Kat while Chico was breaking this deal. Just kidding, Bill. Love you!

The Washington Nationals have agreed to a preliminary deal with free agent Adam Dunn, a signing that would fulfill their offseason-long search for a left-handed power hitter. Two independent sources have told the Post that Dunn will sign a two-year deal, possibly announced as early as tomorrow.

No word on the dollar amount yet, but I'll have to assume it falls between the $5MM (+ incentives) that Abreu signed, and the $14MM Dunn was asking for. Plus, there's that whole "Come play for the Washington Nationals" fee we had to pay. My guess? 2 years $24MM. Plus free Ben's Chili Bowl, or Red Hot and Blue... whatever the big man wants.
Update: Chico's saying it's two years $20MM. Seriously? We just signed Adam Dunn for the cost of Milton Bradley? JimBo, you scally-wag you!

So, who's the odd man out? I wrote back in early January that it appeared to me the Nats were trying to squeeze Milledge outta town. If Dunn DOES play LF, then I'm assuming it's DOOKS! in CF, and Willingham/Kearns in right. This kinda depends on Nick Johnson being healthy all spring, which is kinda like hoping Ray King could shop anywhere besides a big and tall store. (He may be gone, and thank Jesus for that, but I'll always hate that man.)
Or...say Nick the Stick does have a great spring. His trade value would be high, and since he's more fragile than Barbaro, it would be the best time of the whole year to trade him. Get some nice prospects outta the deal, and we cool. He is making $5.5MM this year, and no way that gets sat on the bench. (Which brings about another argument about Kearnsie, which I choose not to get into now.) Oakland was rumored to be interested in him, and a good spring could push the deal.

This is really getting me pumped for Spring Training. Well, this and Mother Nature getting drunk lately, and handing over reign of the DC area weather to her 3 year old kid. For Christ's sake, lady..it's February! Is a little snow, and highs in the 30s too hard for you to understand? You trying to keep us on our toes with a few days in the 70s every now and then? Screw you. My sweater vests are in rotation now... and you shouldn't fuck with the rotation. Blastings would agree, I think.

So, folks. Strap yourselves in, cause this could be one hell of a ride. Dunn is bringing his career average's with him, and while some are good (.247/.381/.518; 29 2B; 40HR; 96RBI; 130OPS+) some might cause some bumps in the road (.247; 180 SO). But who the hell cares, I say! We just got us someone nicknamed the BIG frickin DONKEY!

Dukes to Battle Milledge for Nationals CF spot. Seriously?

From the mouth of Ladson.

According to baseball sources, the Nationals have decided to let Elijah Dukes and Lasting[sic] Milledge compete for the center field job.

I don't even know where to begin here (besides the obvious Bill Ladson Lastings misspelling), and I've been thinking about this for 13 hours. Seriously? Really? Here is what we DO know:

• Dukes is more machine than man, demonstrated by his right arm acting more like a frickin howitzer than flesh and bone.
• Milledge was battling it out with LoDuca last year for worst arm on the squad.

Erm, 'scuse me for pointing out the obvious here, but it seems to me that if Milledge comes up losing that CF gig to Dukes, it's safe to say he won't be playing RF. Don't forget, we still have Kearnsie (for now), whose defense it much much much better than LMillz's.
More of what we do know (with a very small sample size, granted):

• Dukes 162 game avg: .235/.359/.443; OPS+ 110; 28HR; 79RBI
  
• Milledge 162 game avg: .263/.329/.407; OPS+ 91; 16HR; 72RBI

That Dukes avg includes a pretty miserable 07 for the Rays, as well. Looking at those lines, which guy is more suited for a corner OF spot? Nah, you don't even need a hint, do you? Again, if Millz looses out to Dukes for the CF spot, what position does he go to?

Two things immediately pop to my mind (Well, three, but you guys aren't interested in how much I could go for a brown sugar & cinnamon Pop-Tart right now). One, it doesn't seem like the Nats have Milledge in their mix for the 09 season. Two, it doesn't seem like the Nats have Milledge in their mix for the 09 season. They couldn't justify him playing RF; They signed Willingham to play LF; They're still looking at Dunn for 1B; They still have WMP and Kearns and Harris.

Look, I'll admit Milledge didn't play the best CF in the world last year. I do contend, however, that he made tremendous strides out there. His defense at the end of the year was waaaaay better than his defense to start the year. He used to track fly balls by guessing where it might land, and make the biggest circle possible to get to said landing point. At the end? He would guess where it might land and make a neat little... arc. But, hey, it's progress, right? Also, let's also not forget, folks...Millz did take out Utley on that double play ball.

My point is this... let both of them fucking play, for Christ's sake! Dukes probably has the biggest upside right now of any Nat, but gosh-darnit, Milledge ain't no Nook Logan. PLAY THE KIDS! Now, this point becomes moot if Millz outplays DOOKS! for the CF spot, but I wouldn't go bet the house on that. An outfield of Willingham/Milledge/Dukes intrigues the shit outta me. Let's give it a go, Jimmy Bo. Finally, more of what we do know:

The rest of the pictures

Okay, I'll post some other pictures we took on Saturday, along with one I stole. I even left my broke-ass mug on here. Lets hope the eBays don't break.


Here's me in the dugout. I'm staring at the scouting sheets they have posted on the bulletin board. All I can say is that it's detailed as shit! It had breakdowns of every pitcher and hitter on the Padres. It said stuff like "Prone to swinging over big curveballs", "Has a great 12-6 curve he'll throw early in the count", and "Bad mother fucker. Just walk him" (The last was for Adrian Gonzalez.)


Here's dorky ass me on the field. The Mrs. wanted this shot, so I thought to myself, "I'll look really cool if I give the thumbs up!" I'm a moron. If you look right above my right ear, you can see our seats. Just above the "dation" part of Washington Nationals Dream Foundation. Stop by for a beer, or to holler at the fellas in the pen, if you get a chance.


I took this shot of the Mrs. with Jesus Colome, and our 2nd favorite Puerto Rican National, Saul Rivera. I started to tell Colome to get his huge banana hands of my woman, but thought better of it. Saul was pimping, as usual, but did answer when the Mrs. asked him what his nickname meant. Also of note: Strongest grip among the Nats I shook hands with? Saul vice-grip Rivera.

I'm posing with Manny and LMillz here. I actually asked them if I could put my hands on them, cause I wasn't sure what protocol was, and I didn't want to make him mad. Milledge, that is. I don't think Manny's the kind of guy that would punch me in the face. Lastings? Yes, he just may be. He was actually a cool guy. I asked him if he liked it here in D.C. and he replied, "It ain't no Florida." I think he meant that as a good thing. I think.


Finally, I ripped this one off of Screeches Best Friend's blog, Nats320. If you like needless capitalization, tons of pictures, extra hyphens, and 3 mile long posts, give it a shot. Here's one he posted of me getting my baseball signed by Boney and Alberto Gonzalez. I'm laughing because I asked him what he thought was a better nickname, Boney or Bonesy. He told me Boney. I said, "Really? Not Bonesy?" and I think he could tell I was a little bummed. "Is okay", he said. "You call me Bonesy." Good kid.

Nats win series, Utley upended.

Nationals win, big time. This offense is rock solid, top to bottom, and so much damn fun to watch. Some HUGE hits last night in the pivotal 8th inning. Casto and Bernadina with singles to start, and then Belliard with a pinch hit single to score Orr (who pinch ran for Casto). Boni walks to make it bases loaded. At that point, I was debating with myself who I would want walking up to the plate if I could choose anyone. I had it down to Guzman and Zim. As luck would have it, it was Goozie's turn in the lineup. He cranked a bases clearing double (with Boni right on the heels of Belliard as they approached home plate) to bust the game open. See you later, Philthies. Have fun missing the playoffs and beating your wives!

The underlying storyline from the previous night didn't die, though. With Chase Utley up for his first plate appearance, Rental plunked him square in the hip with a 90 mph heater. It appears Perez was using vigilante justice, as all signs from the Nationals management pointed towards the Utley/Flores play as being clean. Much love to Rental from this guy!

It didn't end there, though. In the bottom of the fifth, the Nats had the bases loaded with Milledge up. He grounded into a fielders choice, to make it runners at first and third, one out. DOOKS! was at the plate, and grounded to the third baseman. Seemed like a tailor-made inning and rally ending double play. Except Milledge was running from first. And Utley was the pivot man. What happened next made me scream, "Fuck, yeah!" at the TV in the bar. "I wanna have your children, Mills" may have came next. Some screen caps here to show Lastings burying his shins into Utley to break up the double play, and allow a run to score.


My apologies to all wrestling fans I may offend with this statement, but that was some SWEET SHIN MUSIC by Blastings. Hey, Chase Utley: Have a seat, lunch meat. To top it all off, I got goosebumps as the Washington fans gave Mills a standing fucking ovation as he walked back to the dugout. Who says Nats fans don't "know" baseball? Who ever it was, fuck them in the ear. If you want to watch the recap, click here and skip to the 1:18 mark for the takeout. Be sure to watch Zim's 2nd homerun in three days at the 1:44 mark. He is just RAKING the ball, and is loving dead center. I mean, he's KILLING balls.

The boys are in Atlanta tonight to start a 4 game series there. Pitching note: Balester has a sore left bum, so he'll miss his next start, scheduled for Friday. Bergmann, who was due to throw tonight, will instead throw Friday. That means a spot start for a gentleman I wrote about earlier in the year. Mr. Shairon Martis will get his first ever MLB start tonight. Also, in case you guys want to pronounce his name right, it's Shy-ron Mar-tis. Go get him, junior.

Thrilledge down with it, FOR LIFE!

Screen cap from last night's game contest debacle. It was after LMillllz made a sweet diving catch, although I'm not sure who it was directed to. Click the pic for massive LMillz action (and massive pixelation)!


Perhaps he's not a banger. Maybe it's the "hang loose" thing? You know, we might be able to tell for sure if my screen capturing didn't involve pausing the TV, pulling out the camera, snapping a quick pic, and emailing it to myself. How bout you cheap bastards pony up some dough for real electronic equipment? It's hard to be on the cutting edge of blogdome with just my Commodore 64.

UPDATE: Thanks to the doctor for snapping this pic, and rushing it to my tip line. There is no doubt now that LMillz is, indeed, STR8 P!MP!NG. Get some, braa!

I'm beginning to see a pattern here

Hey, kids! Let me know if this sound familiar:

Nats OF Wily Mo Pena had successful surgery performed in Cincinnati this morning by Dr. Tim Kremchek. The Nats are saying that Pena will be out four to six months; he'll be ready for spring training. According to the release, Kremchek repaired a "significant" tear of Pena's rotator cuff, as well as the tear and fraying of his posterior labrum. (props to Chico.)

Now, I know dudes get injured playing this sport, but what THE fuck? First, we didn't even know WMP was injured, we just thought he sucked. Really bad. Then, he's got a shoulder issue. A minor one. Here's a little timeline showing the progression of Wily's "issue".To paraphrase Manny(7/11):

He's been battling a nagging left shoulder issue for a little bit. There's a chance he might have some tests done during the All-Star break.

Well, the MRI revealed a little bit of an injury, and they prescribed some rest, and he'll be back to hitting straight ball very far(7/14). So, he gets placed on the DL, and then the front office blows my fucking mind with the season ending surgery news above(7/22).
Now, all over the chat boards, the latest from the drooling masses is "Good riddance! Cut him! See you later, WMP! You Suck! Can we please cut bait on this guy?!"
Ignorant dick faces. Every single one of them. I may have been guilty in the past of calling him names (What was it..Weapons of Mass Penis eating?), and comparing him to Pedro Cerrano, but I never once called for his head. There's a $5MM option the team can pick up on him next year. I recommend they don't pick that up, but that's not because I don't want him on next year's squad. He has a player option of $2MM he can pick up that will put him on the roster next year (That is assuming no one offers him more than $2MM/yr...which no one from this planet will.), and I welcome him back with open arms. Why? Well, I do need someone to pick on, sure, but look at this stat... the number of at bats between home runs:

2002: 18
2003: 33
2004: 13
2005: 16
2006: 25
2007: 22
2008: 97

Which one of those numbers stick out like Austin Kearns at the Willie Harris family reunion? Exactly. This year's stats are outside his lifetime norm. He was taking an anti-inflammatory all year, and even took a cortisone shot, so that shoulder had to be fucking with him. Don't forget that dude will still only be 26 next year, either!

Okay, let's look to better things. We get Zim back tonight, and Milledge started rehab yesterday (hit a home run in his GCL appearance), so we're getting closer to some of the regulars getting back. I could enjoy an outfield of Harris/Milledge/Kearns for awhile. Now, let's go kick some ass, shall we?

Walk-offs becoming too common?

Nah. I could live with those every day. Here's a good shot of Belliard jumping torpedo style into the mob at the plate. Clickie here, and click on the video at the bottom for the Belly goodness.


Looks to me like a stage dive about to go wrong, but he's still cool. Did anyone catch the Debbi Taylor interview right after the game? Dude was born in New York, NY, but has a thicker accent than Fidel Castro.
I can't wait to trade Flop so Belly can go back to playing short right field and he can bat everyday. He's the best 8 hitter I've seen in a while. Of course, we need Zim back for that to happen. Wanna get your hopes up?

As for Zimmerman, good news on that front. Looks like he'll begin to swing a bat next week. The team is encouraged by his progress, and is counting on his return this season. (Which means surgery is looking unlikely.)

Yeah, sure. I've already counted him out for the year. I swear we'll have the complete AA Harrisburg roster up here once Goozie, Boone, Jesus, W Harris, and Wil go on the DL. (Seriously, that's all the position players that have yet to go on the DL, right? Besides the late late call ups like Orr and Casto. And hoping Flop gets traded.)

Oh, yeah..there's that whole matter of Roger Bernadina starting in CF yesterday. Turns out Blastings did something to his groin (No sarcastic remarks from the peanut gallery, dammit.) while tracking down a fly ball on Saturday. He'll be out 2-4 weeks (read: at least 4 weeks). Bernadina takes his place on the active roster, while the Thrilledge ices his man region.

Also getting a call up? Collin, mother f'ing Balester. That's right, the number three prospect in the Nats system will get a good look at the bigs. I hear he'll be up for a while, as they didn't want to disrupt him with a quick trip up and back. The kid's 22 years old and a 6'5" 190 lb right hander. I know nothing else. The Doctor will hopefully leave some nuggets of goodness in the comments. I wonder whose getting dropped from the 25 man, though. It looks to me like someone from the bullpen has gotta go, but we'll see. Balester throws tomorrow night, btw.

Our heroes are back down in Florida, taking on the fish again. On the bump tonight is Capt. Redd vs. Ryan Tucker (WHO?). Tucker is a rookie (Know your roll, ROOK!) who has gone 2-2 with a 6.75 ERA and a 1.80 WHIP. He also likes Barry Manilow, wears pink polo shirts with his collar up, and hates the U.S.A. Jon Rauch might kill him.

One last point, I promise. After the Nats game I switched it to Baseball Tonight to catch up on all the other action that happened around the league. I saw highlights for every single game except the Texas/Philly contest (which started at 5, and did have an 'in game' update) the Cubs/Sox game (The Cubs and Sox did get a good 10 minute preview, however, since ESPN was showing it at 8.), and ......wait for it...... The Washington Nationals/Crackmore Blowrioles.
Again, note to ESPN: Fuck. You. You showed me 15 minutes of REO fucking Speedwagon and other wonderful acts including Punch Brothers (who?), The Cab (who?), and Lloyd (who are these people???) playing 'Take me out to the ballgame' but had the balls to not show a 12th inning walk-off? Karl Ravech, you may be dead to me

This is it.

Rock bottom. That's where I think we are. Especially with the latest news about The Franchise (with all due respect to Shane Douglas). That's right folks. Zim is out a minimum of 4-6 weeks, and it could be for the year. I told my cat, Natty, the news last night after the game. His response is documented below.


He was commenting on not only the Zim injury news, but also the pathetic and inconsistent offense. He also wonders why no starter besides Lannan can seem to throw more than 5 innings. Why have the bullpen guys that were so reliable in the past seemed so brutally ineffective? (Natty kitty's looking at you Saul and Luis!) He also can't stand Hanrahan's inability to throw strikes. I dunno, ya know? To pitch in this level don't you kinda, sorta, have to be around the God damn plate!? When Colome is thought of as being one of the better success stories outta the pen, you know your fucked. Props to Rauch, however. He's been all right filling in for Cordero.
Will it get any better? Shit, how long till Guzman goes to the DL? The injuries, offensive ineptitude, and pitching woes are driving me to tie a plastic bag around my head. The only things keeping me from self inflicted death at this point are Flores, Dukes, Milledge, Guzman, and Lannan. Four 23 year olds and a 29 year old that is by far our best player this year. Will he get re-signed? It'll be interesting to see. I'm also peeking into the farm system, and we will get some more looks at younger starting pitching as the season stretches into September.
How can I sum it all up?
Fuck. Me. Let me know when this team can do anything consistently, besides sucking. I still love everyone that puts on the uniform and goes out there to play. I'll still watch every game that I can, and I'll be at the park another 14 times at a minimum. I just can't have any hope of the offense coming from behind, nor the pitching staff keeping the other team from scoring early.

BLARGH!

Oh, wait. We don't. I may not be cut out for this whole rebuilding thingie. I need to see some success and development from more than just Jesus. (JESUS!) Dooks had a lil' better game yesterday, but he's still looks incompetent at the dish. Millidge is really shaping up to be a terrible defensive center fielder. WMP? BAH!

Washington Nationals = Fragile

Well, let's see here. I think I covered Slick's 4-6 week injury time out. I also mentioned Kearns is "day to day" with a sore right elbow. Did I mention Shawn Hill is going to miss a start? (WHAT? Shawn Hill will miss a start? He's the fucking Cal Ripken of pitchers, though, right?) Yeah, I know it's a shock, but his elbows been bad, too. He got a cortisone shot or four and had some fluid drained. So, taking his start on Wednesday will be the man, the myth, the legend: Studly Dudley himself. The left coast lefty. Number one in our hearts, number 47 in the program. Mr Matthew Bryan Chico. Oh, also taking a trip to the DL today? Bellie, who was placed on the DL retroactive to Friday because of a sore calf. Chris Schroeder is expected to be called up to take his place.

I don't mean to gloss over our heroes and their fantastic performance from last night. I just wanted to make sure I gave you all the facts. Capt Redd came through in fine fashion, pitching 6 1/3 while giving up no (none, nada, zippie, zero) runs. I can't say the same for that spouse puncher, however. He got the loss after going 6 innings while giving up 8 hits, 3 ER's and 3 BB's. I hope his wife didn't make the trip, cause me thinks Brett might want to flail his meaty ham hands around a bit in frustration.
Saul came in and got out of a tight jam by getting two outs with a guy on base. Mi hermano (LUUUUUUIS!) pitched a perfect 8th (with 1 K). And Hammer fucking Hands, of all people, came in to work the 9th. Not sure why Manny went with him over Rauchie but it wasn't a save situation, so that might be the reason. Who knows? Not me. Anyway, he threw a perfect 9th (That's right, dude did not walk anyone) to end the game. Final score: Good guys 4 - bad guys 0.
Mills had a 2 RBI double in the 3rd, and hit a rope for another double in the 5th. He is awarded the ADOTDA (Awesome dude of the day medal) for the 5/19 game. Enjoy, shorty!



Hopefully I can pop back in later and preview the Jason Bergmann experience, which is performing live tonight at Nationals Park. (If I don't, it's because the episode of "Most Shocking" that's been sitting in my DVR for a week is new, and not a repeat. LOVE me some Most Shocking. Most Daring is pretty cool, too. D.E.A., however? Awful. Horrible. Awfully horrible.)

Going to the game

Me and the Mrs. have tickets for tonight, so if you're watching on the tube, keep a look out for us. I'm bummed that I won't be able to rain down upon the Kinger with my barrage of peanuts, but good riddence.
Oh, hey, the newest Nat just arrived in town, by the way. He'll prolly be starting in left, but with his ears, he could play right, and no one would notice it's not Kearnsie.




Hell. Let's not kid ourselves here. He would prolly out hit WMP and Kearnsie combined.

Rental Perez vs. Ryan Dumpster tonight. (Buuuurrrn. dUmpster. Heh. Bet that fuckers never heard that one before) Dumpster's had a pretty good start, but one stat is bad. 11 BB in 24 IP. Slick and Kearnsie might be able to drive his pitch count up. Hell, maybe Goozie can work it too, and Flop will only go yard on the 4th or later pitch of each of his at bats.

Hopefully Blastings can get his fucking act together, and get to the fucking field sometime before I do. I called all the Rocawear and Phat Pimp stores in the area, and asked them to kindly send Blastings to the park if he showed up.

Flop? Flop! Won 2 out of 3, bitches!

First and foremost, Flop had a hell of a night. Fucking great to see his exuberance rounding first after he hit that grannie.

I didn't see any of the game, just heard highlights on the way home, and saw a 7 second highlight on Sportscenter (note to ESPN: Fuck. You.). Looks like all the starters got a hit, except Kearnsie (0 for 5 with 2 K's, Kearnise? Really?) and Willie Harris. Willie's a'ight, though, cause he had two walks and scored 3 runs.

Yes, Willie Harris was starting. In center field. Why? From the WaTimes blog:

"Milledge arrived in the clubhouse this afternoon right at 4 p.m., which was the listed time for all players to be on the field for pregame stretch. This wasn't the first time Milledge has reported late, or close to late, so this could be a disciplinary thing."

I heard rumblings earlier about some of the guys wishing he could get to the park earlier, but, as I found out, you can't fault a brotha for being late yesterday. My intern caught him walking into the stadium late yesterday, and took this picture:


When my intern asked him why he was late, he received the following reply:

"Shit, homey. Can't a brotha go shopping? You knows they opened a new Sean John Boutique downtown, right? They got argyle out the ASS there."

I thought Sean John was out of style, but what do I know? I'll leave the fashion comments to Rob.

Nats..Caps..Ahhh!

So, I was toying with the idea of live blogging a game this week. I had tonight in mind, but forgot the Caps were playing as well. Since hopping on the bandwagon is all the fucking rage, I'll be flipping between the Nats and Caps tonight. (BTW, a guy at the park on Saturday tried starting a "N-A-T-S nats, nats, nats" cheer. I thought it was lame, and would've told him to his face, but I was to busy filling in all the little diamonds in the score book with all those Braves runs.)
We got Rental Perez, they got some dude named Pelty, or Peltry. What? Pelfrey? OK, they got Pelfrey going.
I got an email today from a Nats player who overheard the following conversation* on the way to NY yesterday:

LoDu: LMillz, what do you have in store for those faggots back in New York?
Blastings: Paul, please. That term offends me. Respect the gay community.
LoDu: Wow, LMillz, I didn't know it bugged you so much. You gay? I mean, hell I could care less, just wondering?
Blastings: Me? Gay? I am not, no. Not that I hold anything against the gay community..I just like them bitches to bend they ho ass knees.
LoDu: Ha! Yeah! Right on, LMillz. You one funny dude. Bend they knees..
::giggle:: ::snort::

*may or may not actually be true.

Ah, what the hell. It's stats day today.

As much as I despise that certain 34 year old rump roasted left handed reliever, I likey what I'm seeing from Gooz. Except for one thing, but I'll get to that later.
Stats on the year for the Goozman:
AB: 43; H: 14; 2B: 2; 3B: 2; HR: 2; RBI 6; BB: 0; K:4
I'll do the math for you fuckers, and project that out for the season:
H: 252!; 2B/3B/HR: 36; RBI: 108; K:72; R: 144.
Pretty beastly, no? Obviously, he can't keep all of that up for the season, but fuck it, he's golden to me right now. I'd take those numbers anywhere in the lineup. Except lead off. Did I mention he's leading off right now? Did I mention these projections?:
OBP: .318; SB: 0; BB: 0.
Nope, that ain't too fucking good for a lead off man. If you look at the regular starters, he ranks 6th in OBP. It goes Kearnsie, Slick, Blastings, LoDu, Flop, Gooz, Belly, and Mr. Walk-off in order of best to worst. Kearnsie (I just want to squeeze that lil' hairy man!) is leading with .395. How does that happen when the guy is only (for now) hitting .233? He has 7 BB's. Look, I know Gooz had that eye surgery, and that's how he's hitting the cow-spit outta the ball. But, for the love of God, someone get him to take a few fucking pitches! Gorilla Glue his bat to his shoulders for a few at-bats. Maybe then he can get on base.
Gooz's BA (.326) is higher than his fucking OBP! Great googley moogley.
I'm going to put my manager hat on, and play Manny. Drop Gooz down in the order. Please. I'm begging you. Put Blastings in the number one spot. He's got a .341 OBP (BTW, that's the only thing any potential lead off can be judged on. Did you realize the Nats only have two stolen bases? Two. 2. Talk about dick samiches!), with a little pop (1 HR 2 2B). Then, Gooz can hit second all year long. Move Slick up to third, drop The Non-Human to fourth, and we all set. World Series, look the fuck out, cause this bingo train is about to roll!
Now, excuse me while I go rub one out to the replay of Gooz's 2 3B, 3 RBI game from Monday. If you need me, go fuck yourself.