How sweep it is!

Why yes, that headline is a duplicate of a tweet I made last night. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Our valiant band of brothers, dressed in red, white and blue, strode strongly into Citizens Bank Park (or is it Nats Park North*?) and proceeded to layeth the smack down on the Phillie's roody-poo candy-asses. (How many readers did I lose with a wrestling reference? Three? Gah! You other two, please stay! I'll make s'mores, and we'll sit by the camp fire singing songs and shit! Don't leave me!)

Three days later, and the final tally in games won was Nats: 4, Phillies 0. In high fa-looting baseball circles, where they use terms like "babip" and "fWar," they call this a "sweep." Wait... Did somebody say "Sweep?!" Clean up in aisle nine, Danny!

I really could have chosen a lot of Nats to be pushing that broom; any of the starters (besides Lannan), Wilson Ramos, or even Zim. But Danny gets the nod for two reasons:

1. His slash line was .313/.389/.750 with 2 HR during the sweep.
2. I gave up sponsorship of his baseball-reference page two days ago, and I'm still crying my eyes out about it.

Yes, gone are the days of seeing this glorious sight multiple times a day, as I had it set as my homepage for both home and work browsers. Baseball-ref wanted waaaay too much money for me to renew my sponsorship (we're talking multiple cases of Sam Adams Double Bock prices here! /no beer snob), so I'll now have to be content to just gaze upon it longingly, like Ray King does a cheeseburger. Like Lastings Milledge does a nice easy route to a flyball. Like Cliff Lee does a Danny Espinosa at bat against him resulting in, well, anything but a home run. (By the way, if anyone would like to donate money towards either renewing the sponsorship or Sam Adams Double Bock, well, what the fuck are you waiting for? Paypal: phishisgr8@gmail.com, dammit!)

* I don't know who to credit "Nats Park North" to, as I saw it floating around on Twitter quite a bit. So, to whoever you are, Mr. or Mrs. Witty Word Play, I salute you. May your house be blessed with many winning seasons, and shall no one enter with the intention of neither vomiting upon you, nor punching you in the face in the name of Philadelphia. If that does occur, however, feel free to mention the 2011 season, and how the final head-to-head series win count was in favor of the Nationals 10 to 8. But have at least 18 apples ready, as you will have to teach them what the numbers 10 and 8 mean, and how 10 is greater than 8. Might as well get at least 20 apples, though, as it could take days to teach folks from Philly how to count, and you're gonna need to eat. (Bang! Pow! Zip! Right in the kisser! I just said Philly folks can't count, which every 3-year-old in the country (outside of Philly, that is) can do! I WIN!!111!)

Did anyone get the number of that truck?

I did! It was #33, Juan Rivera. He decided (very wisely, no matter what the outcome of the play was) to bowl over Chase Utley last night on a ground ball to second, and I love the man for that.

Chase Utley's scummieness has been well documented over at these here parts, and it brought a large smile to my face when I saw this on MLB network this morning. I was so happy, in fact, that I made a video of the glorious event and put it to music. I think Mr. Ludacris did a bang up job of summing up my thoughts. (With special emphasis put on the last line of the video.)

Ahh... all is good for now. The Section 138 lynch mob has been pleased with Juan Rivera's offering. While the hit didn't put Chase Utley out, it did garner Mr. Rivera a free beer or three from me anytime he wants, and a spot in the Section 138 HOF*.

(*There is no Section138 Hall of Fame, unfortunately, as the more I thought about it, the more I saw the possibility of several members being admitted because I was blind drunk at the time. Seriously, the Hall would have, like, 4,345 members in it. Lastings Milledge? Sure, he made that play that one time. Todd Coffey? Sure, he made me giggle with his jiggle. See where I'm going with this? I'm pretty sure at some point in his tenure, I've even agreed with Bobby Carpenter, and would've pulled the trigger on electing him in. And the only Halls that should have Bob Carpenter as a member are the Hall of Corny, and the Hall of Generic White Announcers From the Central Time Zone Who Have Covered Baseball, Pro Tennis, Pro Golf, and Have Graduated From the University of Missouri-Kansas City.)

Uh oh for Utley

So, you know how Chase Utley has these knee issues? You know how it's kinda progressed from "Chase will take a day or two more off" to "oh shit!" mode in Philly now? Well, I kind of feel like I had a hand in it. Well, not me, exactly, and not a hand. You see, when I told my little hamster Zimmy that Chase had a tendinitis flare-up in late February, I saw him put his two little paws together, and heard him ask this of whatever higher being there may be:


At that time, the jury was out on the seriousness of the injury. As the days dragged on, the press was saying, "cortisone shot" and "see how he responds" and "a little more rest." When I went to feed Zimmy his itty bitty dinner a few days after he sent his little request skyward, he asked me:



After telling him to get the fuck out of my coffee mug (I drink from there, dammit), I told him the extent of the injury was still unknown, but that things hadn't improved. He got a little smile on his furry face and said, "Good. Good." I didn't want the poor guy to get his hopes up, and reminded him how greasy, and smarmy, and dirty Utley was, and that he probably still has some pull left with Satan after he took out JESUS in that dirty play at home plate. His knee might find a way to heal. He scrunched his face up and started pouting all Cole Hamels like and just mumbled to himself while kicking tiny dust balls with his tiny feet.
So, imagine my surprise when I went to deliver his teeny weeny copy of The Hamster Quarterly a day later, only to find him all:



I asked him why he was so happy, and he informed me that there was now talk in the press that Utley would open the season on the DL. I mean, little Zimmy was just beaming from cute little ear to cute little ear. He looked like Chase Utley's wife when Chase leaves for a road trip. Just giddy. So, kudos to the little guy for hexing Chase Utley. The very same Chase Utley that got us Nats fans to do something we never did before, and never did again... Give Lastings Milledge a standing ovation.
Remember that cool September night one game after Chase destroyed JESUS' leg in that cheap shot? The same game wear Odalis Perez plunked Chase in his first at bat? Well, fast forward to the 5th inning. Men on the corners with one out, and Elijah Dukes' strides to the plate. He hits a ground ball to third, and the third basement throws to second to start a double play. Only the second baseman couldn't turn the double play. That second baseman? Chase Utley. Why couldn't he turn the double play, and in failing to do so, allowed the tying run to score? I like to think it was because of this sweet-ass take out slide by Milledge.

Yes, sirree. Allow me to plagiarize from my original post and sum this play up.

My apologies to all wrestling fans I may offend with this statement, but that was some SWEET SHIN MUSIC by Blastings. Hey, Chase Utley: Have a seat, lunch meat. To top it all off, I got goosebumps as the Washington fans gave Mills a standing fucking ovation as he walked back to the dugout. Who says Nats fans don't "know" baseball? Who ever it was, fuck them in the ear.

Now, as I said before, I would like to think that Utley didn't get that throw off because he was taken out by Milledge. But, in all honestly, it was probably because Utley was thinking about how many ducklings he could strangle in one hand later that evening. Or how he was soooo excited about the baby seal shipment that was due to arrive at his house later that week, as the clubbing chamber he built in his basement hadn't seen much use lately. Or could he have been distracted by that toddler that was sitting right behind the home dugout - directly in his field of vision as he looked towards first - and felt the urge to punch said toddler, and steal his Dippin' Dots? One will never know.
What one does know, however, is that: 1) Chase Utley has more evil in his little toe than Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini had in their entire bodies combined, and 2) Milledge is now in camp for the fourth MLB team willing to give him a shot at the roster. Which proves that the Utley is the harbinger of the Apocalypse, and that Lastings Milledge's motto should be: "No one makes bad look so damn good."

Phair Weather Phillie Phans

Look... a lot has been written about last night's debacle of an attendance situation (here, here, here, here), but there's one thing in particular that pisses me off. What is it? Shocker, it's the Phillies fans themselves. And I'm not talking about how bad they smell, how bad the behave, how poorly they treat others, or how little respect they display. Nope, I'm talking about how GOD DAMN FAIR WEATHERED those bastards are. It's real funny... you chant "this is our house" last night at Nats Park, when you couldn't have been bothered to support your team just a few years ago. A quick breakdown of the Phillies home and away attendance.

2010 Home - 45,027 (2nd in MLB). Road - 32,422 (4th in MLB)
2009 Home - 44,453 (3rd) Road - 30,760 (13th)
2008 Home - 42,254 (5th) Road - 33,214 (13th)
2007 Home - 38,374 (8th) Road - 32,836 (15th)
2006 Home - 34,200 (11th) Road - 30,596 (18th)
2005 Home - 33,316 (13th) Road - 29,284 (22nd)

Now, what you see is a worse home and away average the farther we go back. Did I mention that the Phillies made the playoffs in from 2007 - 2010? What else happened in 07-10? Their wining percentage went up each year. Hmm.. interesting... more folks attend Phillies game both away, and in Philly, as their record got better. Just for the heck of it, let's check out the Phillies attendance for their last losing record season. They ended the 2002 season at 80-81 (which ain't exactly stinking up the joint). Attendance?

2002 Home - 20,208 (24th in MLB).

Really, Philly fans? Really? Your city can't average more than 20,208 folks a game when you finish 80-81?

So, I wondered how that does in relation to the Nats, with their record being quite a bit worse. Well, so far for 2010, with their record at 67-90, the Nats are still averaging 22,645 folks. Yup, that's more than your city did in 2002 when you finished with 13 more wins. What's that, Philly fans? "But you guys have that new stadium"? Okay, let's go back to the last year in RFK (not the greatest stadium in the world to see a baseball game): 2007. When the Nats finished at 73-89. Still 7 games worse than your Phillies finished in 2002 when you managed to average 20,208 folks, good enough for 24th in MLB. How did the Nats fans measure up?

2007 Nats Home - 22,715 (24th)

Correct. In a shitty ass stadium, while watching some shitty ass baseball, DC still managed to clear more fans than you did even with your better winning percentage. So chant "this is our house" all you want. At least we know that a lot of you were nowhere to be seen when your team was playing break even baseball. Mental note made... When the Phillies are playing .600 ball, though, those fans sure do make it out to the park in droves. Good to know your priorities are where they are - with winning teams only. You're doing a bang up job of defining "front runners" fellas!

Well, Jason... It's up to you.

When Jason Marquis scribbled his signature on that 2 year/$15MM contract in the off season I had no idea what he was actually doing. You see, I thought he was intending to provide the Nationals with his (more or less average) pitching skills. The best of those skills being his ability to go out every 5th day and give his team a start. After all, he had averaged 192 innings pitched per season and even finished tied for 4th in the NL last year.
Well... how can I put this nicely... the only way this season could have gone any better for Jason, and the Nats (and us fans) would've been if his fucking arm fell off while signing the contract. That would've saved us (ALL) a shit ton of tears.
A glance at his game logs for this year brings me to my knees, crying, "Why, Rizzo... WHY!!!??" (I am then reminded of Mike Rizzo's fetish - Sinkerballers - and it becomes a little clearer.) It's also no surprise that I might have more hatred towards Jason than others since I actually had to sit through his two first home starts. (Fuck it. Let's call them what they were, really, which was "starts.") I had to sit there as Phillie fans vomited on little girls all around me screaming and taunting on April 7th, while lil' Jason sauntered out and threw 4 innings of brutal baseball. 8 hits, 3 walks, and and one hit batter later he's leaving the game with the Nats down 3. Thanks for that, Jason.
So, things had to get better his next start, right? I mean.. come on! What are the odds he would have a worse game?

PITCHING... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

To make matters worse about that game it happened to be about -26 degrees with the windchill. Worst. Inning. Ever.

So, fast forward to today. Why today? Well... it's because Jason is starting today. Against the Phillies. And Chase Utley is off the DL. And playing. Do you see where I'm going here?

My hatred for all things Chase Utley has been documented before. I even put a bounty out on him. (And wouldn't you? Look at that smug mother fucker, fake dirt on his uniform, casually crossed legs... GAH GAVIN SMASH!!!!11!!!!!!!!!)


So... where the hell am I? Oh yeah, the point of this post (which I swear was only going to be one paragraph. I apologize for my blabbering).

Jason... in order to make it up to the Nats, and all us fans (especially those of us that had to sit through your shit), I've got three words for you: "Sweep the leg." And by which I really mean "Break other hand."

Get him a body bag! Yeah!

You do that for me, my friend, and I might just think about letting you in on my monthly poker games. Maybe the Christmas card list, too. (Baby steps, pal. Baby steps.)

Could this World Series get any worse?

You know what? It could. A-Rod could not be 0-8 with 6 Ks, so I shouldn't complain too much.

Fuck it, that's the only redeeming thing in this battle of suck.

On one side you got the Phillies. Ugh. Chase Fucking Utley with his greasy ass head. That Danny Zuko looking mother fucker... leave some oil for the rest of us, Chase. Our cars need gas to run.

Then you got Jayson Werth. Way to go, Jason. It only takes you ten years to develop. You were taken in the first round of the 97 draft, dude. It take you ten years to deliver on your potential? Way to go, you Edge looking idiot.

And no knock really on Matt Stairs... except to say that he looks frighteningly like David Crosby to me at this point in his life. Seriously...


Someone else suggested that he looks like a young Wilford Brimley. Too bad you can't find a single goddamn picture of a young Wilford on the entire internets. So, David Crosby it is. Enjoy the 45 second Photoshop below, folks.


Speaking of look-a-likes, Howie Mandel is playing a mean left field for the Phillies this year.


I could go on, but I won't. This is already twenty minutes of my life talking about the Phillies that I'll never get back. The shame...

And on the other side... The Yankees. Everyone knows the number one hater of the Yankees...


But there's a shit ton of other reasons to hate them. I, however, don't want to give them the stage any longer than I absolutely must. So, with that... the last reason to hate the Yankees...

A-Rod like to punch dudes in the junk. Not cool, Alex. Not. Cool.


So, best case scenario? Massive H1N1 breakout in both clubhouses cancels the 09 Series. Or maybe Malaria? Tuberculosis? Cholera? Now that's some selective culling of the herd I could get behind.

How'd Ian Desmond do? I missed the game...

The fuck I did! I had my butt firmly planted on the couch at 7:02, right after I fed the cats and the dogs. (Hey, has anyone taught dogs and cats to feed humans? I've seen a dog open a fridge and get a dude a beer once on TV. Any of your dogs do that? That's so super duper cool. I'll pay someone like... $5 if you come and teach my dogs to do that.)

I was excited about Ian's call up here, and was begging Riggleman to start Ian here (although, to be honest, so was every other blogger). So what happens when Ian D finally does get the start?

Bang Zoom, Philly bitches!!

You can see the video highlights here, but allow me to list what he did in numbers and letters below.

Ian was 2 for 4 with 1 2B, 1 HR, 4 RBI, and scored 1 run. He's hitting .500/.500/1.500. (Insert O.o face here.) Can he maintain that pace? Uhh... no, but I do like his chances of sticking around a little longer, and succeeding (thanks to, in particular, his short and speedy swing).

In related news Billy Ladson points out that Rizzo and Riggles had a conversation with Cristian "Bunions" Guzman yesterday morning.

It was learned that general manager Mike Rizzo and interim manager Jim Riggleman had a private meeting with shortstop Cristian Guzman on Thursday afternoon and asked him to switch to second base for the 2010 season.

Apparently the front office is concerned with the way he moves to his left, and his bunioned feet just add to the problem.

Can Ian grab the SS position for 2010? I don't know, but I do know how to find out. Play Ian more, dammit. Now, if you excuse me, I have to announce to the world my feelings for Ian D...


Oh, one final thing... that double play with Ian as the pivot man? Wasn't a piece of cake, as Chase Utley was gunning for Ian's legs. (I'm gonna try and throw a video of that together later, but... well... don't hold your breath.)

Fuck it, a second final thing... How bout one of you rich people go and sponsor Ian's baseball-reference.com page for me? C'mon!! It's only $95! Okay, okay. Fine. Huruumph. I guess I can settle for one of you sponsoring Zack Segovia's page. It's going for $5. (The poor bastard.)

Jesus has returned to walk the earth.

It's not exactly the beginning of the fulfillment of the Messianic prophecy (I hope, at least. Cause I'm fucked if that does happen.), but it is a big development for the Nats.

Yes, Jesus "Barbaro" Flores made a pinch hit appearance in lasts night's game, but isn't expected to make any starts at catcher the rest of the year. He's welcomed back with open arms by me, to say the least. I just hope he's been drinking his milk while he's been gone, cause he's... well ... how can I put this... fragile as Kurt Cobain's emotions were in April of 1994. He only played in 26 games this year, before being sidelined by a foul ball to the shoulder. Last year, he played in just 90 games, due to Chase Utley smashing his ankle in early September.

It was great to see Jesus get an at-bat yesterday. I only wish he could've drawn a walk or hit a single. That way, he could try to steal second, and break both of Utley's legs, arms, lungs, eyes, ears, and kidneys (humans do have two of those, right? I hope so, cause if not, I'm screwed from that time I woke up in Mexico all groggy in a bathtub full of ice). God damn do I hate me some Chase Utley. That cheap shot taking mother fucker.

Oh, I saw Jesus before the game, and he showed me his new catching gear. I think it's nice, but I'm not sure how he's gonna be mobile enough to get to all of Mikey MacDougal's wild throws.


Welcome back, Jesus. Try not to break anything high-fiving in the dugout.

Heard enough about Drew Storen from me yet?

Sure, sure... I could talk about yet another elbow injury to a starting pitcher, this time to Craig Stammen, but I won't. And, sure... I could talk about the race to see who gets to draft Bryce Harper, but I won't.

Nope. It's time for that good old fallback, Mr. Drew Storen.

(Drew... at this point, if I were you, I'd be looking at this page for advice on filing a restraining order. I'd suggest keeping me 25 yards away at all times.)

Drew posted this on his Twitter feed the other day, and I'd forgotten all about it.

I wish I could pitch with maximus's helmet (were watching gladiator on the bus). I feel like it would add at least 4 mph.11:38 PM Aug 27th from Twitterrific

And, since it's a three day weekend, work is beyond dead today. The parking lot is 1/2 full, and there ain't shit to do, as I've gotten all of seven emails today (five of those from our server monitoring bot). So, I decided to screw around (badly) and make more Drew Storen Paint pictures. Lucky you! Weeeee!

I now present to you, Drew Maximus Decimus Meridius Storen. (I had to look that up, by the way. Not that there's anything wrong with knowing the dude from Gladiator's full name. Okay, that might be a little creepy. Like that friend of mine that got all pissed at me for saying the Ewoks lived on Endor. He got all freaked out and started screaming.
Him: "They lived on Endor's MOON, not Endor itself!"
Me: "Jesus, it's not like I just stabbed your baby with pencils and shit, it's just Star Wars."
Him: "It was Return of the Jedi, and don't you belittle my people!")

Anyway...

Here's Hagerstown Drew Maximus (Which, I admit, looks a little shitty. Click it for a bigger pic, though, and it looks better still looks like shit.)



Here's what the batter would see, with his knees all shaking, and pee dribbling down his leg. (I'm talking about you, Chase Utley!)



And finally, once the Nats see just how kick ass awesome this shit is, they get one custom made for Drew. It comes complete with a curly W and a voice changing device that makes him talk like Russell Crowe's character from Gladiator crossed with that dude from 300. "This... Is... Nats Town!"

Shocking pictures of Drew Storen with long pants revealed! Flood watch from tears expected.

You know what? I'm just gonna rename the blog "Storen Nation (as viewed from Twitter and beyond)."

Why? Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that six of the last 21 posts of mine have been devoted to Drew. Or, more-so, devoted to Drew's socks.

And... I continue that trend with a new Drew Storen SOCKS of DOOM! post. It is with a heavy heart, and millions of tears flowing down my cheeks, that I post this picture*. It's like when Brad and Jennifer broke up all over again. (sob.)


Who is that guy with the wicked leg kick, but awful pants? Wait for it...


GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! My God, Drew! Think of your fans. Like this little guy here...


At last check, the vote was 45 people for the SOCKS of DOOM!, and only two against. You know why? Because cool mother fuckers rock the socks, that's why. Like... well, The Non-Human.

That stud Lou Gehrig

And some dude named Cy fricking Young.

You know why only two people have voted to lose the socks? Because they're EVIL, that's why. Look at all these evil people that wear pants. Like... The DEVIL!!!

Saddam Hussein (when he can find them).

And the worst of all.... Chase ASS HAT! Utley (Ugh. I get a chill down my spine anytime someone even mentions his name. Seriously. Just look at that smug shit below. You know he drowns kittens and puppies when he's not busy breaking catcher's legs. Nice fake dirt stains, Chase.)



Seriously, Drew. Don't make me actually have to drive to Harrisburg to... well, to beg and plead while on my knees crying. My wife thinks I'm all grown up, and that would set me back a few years in her eyes.

(*Pants pictures complements of the always awesomely awesome Pam Storen. You can read the article yourself here (starts on page 23). It's actually a good story. Except for, you know, the whole no socks thing.)

The 2009 Season Tickets have arrived

The UPS guy came today (The Nats don't half ass anything. Ain't no USPS shit here. No sir...first class all the way, baby. First class.) and brought me my two season ticket books. It's always a joyous occasion, as I run around shrieking in my house like Chase Utley after he saw Lastings Milledge. Only my shrieks are shrieks of joy, and his are of terror.
It's the same book as last year, except there are pictures on each ticket, instead of a drawing. Like this ticket here, with Mr. Bally Star fist-bumping some lil dude on the mound at Nationals park. (Breaks out 1932 Kodak pocket camera....)


Or, there's this......thing. I'm actually not sure what the hell it is. (Again, breaks out the trusty old pocket cam that has no focus on it)


But the highlight of the book was the ticket for opening day. You know how when people win the lottery, they get one of them big ass cardboard checks? Well, the Nats like that idea, and decided to do it to a ticket. I'm gonna have trouble getting into the park for opening day, because the ticket is BIGGER THAN DMITRI YOUNG. I ain't even bullshittin ya.



That's right folks...have fun going to opening day with your giant plastic ticket. Thanks, Nats front office, for making it impossible for me to conveniently store my ticket anywhere. Seriously...thanks for the foot long ticket. You're doing a great service to thieves everywhere by making the ticket a humongous giant fucking grabbable card. Kudos.

Nats win series, Utley upended.

Nationals win, big time. This offense is rock solid, top to bottom, and so much damn fun to watch. Some HUGE hits last night in the pivotal 8th inning. Casto and Bernadina with singles to start, and then Belliard with a pinch hit single to score Orr (who pinch ran for Casto). Boni walks to make it bases loaded. At that point, I was debating with myself who I would want walking up to the plate if I could choose anyone. I had it down to Guzman and Zim. As luck would have it, it was Goozie's turn in the lineup. He cranked a bases clearing double (with Boni right on the heels of Belliard as they approached home plate) to bust the game open. See you later, Philthies. Have fun missing the playoffs and beating your wives!

The underlying storyline from the previous night didn't die, though. With Chase Utley up for his first plate appearance, Rental plunked him square in the hip with a 90 mph heater. It appears Perez was using vigilante justice, as all signs from the Nationals management pointed towards the Utley/Flores play as being clean. Much love to Rental from this guy!

It didn't end there, though. In the bottom of the fifth, the Nats had the bases loaded with Milledge up. He grounded into a fielders choice, to make it runners at first and third, one out. DOOKS! was at the plate, and grounded to the third baseman. Seemed like a tailor-made inning and rally ending double play. Except Milledge was running from first. And Utley was the pivot man. What happened next made me scream, "Fuck, yeah!" at the TV in the bar. "I wanna have your children, Mills" may have came next. Some screen caps here to show Lastings burying his shins into Utley to break up the double play, and allow a run to score.


My apologies to all wrestling fans I may offend with this statement, but that was some SWEET SHIN MUSIC by Blastings. Hey, Chase Utley: Have a seat, lunch meat. To top it all off, I got goosebumps as the Washington fans gave Mills a standing fucking ovation as he walked back to the dugout. Who says Nats fans don't "know" baseball? Who ever it was, fuck them in the ear. If you want to watch the recap, click here and skip to the 1:18 mark for the takeout. Be sure to watch Zim's 2nd homerun in three days at the 1:44 mark. He is just RAKING the ball, and is loving dead center. I mean, he's KILLING balls.

The boys are in Atlanta tonight to start a 4 game series there. Pitching note: Balester has a sore left bum, so he'll miss his next start, scheduled for Friday. Bergmann, who was due to throw tonight, will instead throw Friday. That means a spot start for a gentleman I wrote about earlier in the year. Mr. Shairon Martis will get his first ever MLB start tonight. Also, in case you guys want to pronounce his name right, it's Shy-ron Mar-tis. Go get him, junior.

Utley left his feet

The post I wrote last night in a cold medicine induced rage? It's still dead-on right. After watching replay after replay, I'm still pissed. And here's why: Utley left his feet, launching himself at an unprotected player. I'm all for hard play (or "Old School", or whatever the fuck you wanna call it), and if he wanted to level Jesus he could have. But he should've done it in the right way. Drive your shoulder into him all you want, but don't leave your fucking feet.
Remember Pete Rose nailing Ray Fosse at the plate in the 1970 All-Star game? Brutal collision. Put Fosse out for good. You know what? Rose never left his feet.


You know who DID leave his feet? Chase Utley. UPDATE: I've added two more pics at people's requests. It's shows the end result of Utley's dive: Shoulder to Shoulder contact by a guy who has left his feet, versus an unprotected catcher. You can also see plenty of plate available to Utley. All he had to do was slide to the outside.


You motherfucker. I wish Manny was the kind of guy to retaliate, but he ain't. Maybe DOOKS! can slide hard into the bag to break up a double play? For the full video recap of the Ronnie Lott wannabe vs. Jesus, click here, and then click on the "Flores is hurt" video on the bottom. The bounties? They're still on, peeps. Do your thing.

Chase dick-face Utley

I'm gonna be brief, cause I got me a bad cold, and a lot of work tomorrow, but I will say this:

$500 to anyone in the NL that can take Chase Fuckley out. Bean him, spike him, hit him with a thrown ball on the basepaths, hit him with a line drive.

$750 to anyone not playing MLB that can take Chase Fuckley out. Hit him with your face, you foot, your car. Don't matter to me, just send me a picture of that douche bag laid out.

That is all.