Friday, August 20, 2010

Well, Jason... It's up to you.

When Jason Marquis scribbled his signature on that 2 year/$15MM contract in the off season I had no idea what he was actually doing. You see, I thought he was intending to provide the Nationals with his (more or less average) pitching skills. The best of those skills being his ability to go out every 5th day and give his team a start. After all, he had averaged 192 innings pitched per season and even finished tied for 4th in the NL last year.
Well... how can I put this nicely... the only way this season could have gone any better for Jason, and the Nats (and us fans) would've been if his fucking arm fell off while signing the contract. That would've saved us (ALL) a shit ton of tears.
A glance at his game logs for this year brings me to my knees, crying, "Why, Rizzo... WHY!!!??" (I am then reminded of Mike Rizzo's fetish - Sinkerballers - and it becomes a little clearer.) It's also no surprise that I might have more hatred towards Jason than others since I actually had to sit through his two first home starts. (Fuck it. Let's call them what they were, really, which was "starts.") I had to sit there as Phillie fans vomited on little girls all around me screaming and taunting on April 7th, while lil' Jason sauntered out and threw 4 innings of brutal baseball. 8 hits, 3 walks, and and one hit batter later he's leaving the game with the Nats down 3. Thanks for that, Jason.
So, things had to get better his next start, right? I mean.. come on! What are the odds he would have a worse game?


To make matters worse about that game it happened to be about -26 degrees with the windchill. Worst. Inning. Ever.

So, fast forward to today. Why today? Well... it's because Jason is starting today. Against the Phillies. And Chase Utley is off the DL. And playing. Do you see where I'm going here?

My hatred for all things Chase Utley has been documented before. I even put a bounty out on him. (And wouldn't you? Look at that smug mother fucker, fake dirt on his uniform, casually crossed legs... GAH GAVIN SMASH!!!!11!!!!!!!!!)

So... where the hell am I? Oh yeah, the point of this post (which I swear was only going to be one paragraph. I apologize for my blabbering).

Jason... in order to make it up to the Nats, and all us fans (especially those of us that had to sit through your shit), I've got three words for you: "Sweep the leg." And by which I really mean "Break other hand."

Get him a body bag! Yeah!

You do that for me, my friend, and I might just think about letting you in on my monthly poker games. Maybe the Christmas card list, too. (Baby steps, pal. Baby steps.)

No comments: