Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Goggles with the shoe shine duties.

So, my wife's mother bought us this bad-ass video camera for a gift so that we could film the new baby saying "goo-goo" and crying and stuff. Really, really cool camera, too. Takes full 1080p recordings, 20x optical zoom, all kinds of good shit. Except... well... I can't do shit with videos except upload them to YouTube. I can't tell you how frustrating this is. The camera records in .mts format, and none of the video editors that I have can handle .mts. I also can't find a decent shareware video converter that can convert it to something that my video editors can handle and keep the quality. The only thing my huge neanderthal brain can do is push the big red "YouTube" button on the camera while it's attached to my laptop to upload it directly to YouTube. In its entirety. With no edits.
Why the hell am I ranting? Because, I took the camera out for the first time this past Sunday and took some video of the Sunday shoe shine ritual that takes place in the Nats bullpen. The video I ended up with looks stunningly good during playback on the camera, and pretty damn great on YouTube, even. (Original upload here.) What does not look any where near halfway decent, however, is the shit I am able to edit with. You end up with the piece of crap video below that I threw together while cursing all of humanity. Enjoy!

So, yeah. Sorry for the digression from baseball. Back to baseball, and more specifically - Mr. Goggles himself - Tyler Clippard. I had an idea for a graphic I wanted to make with him and his funky delivery. His silhouette is noticeable a mile away, and I wanted to make some cartoony graphic about it, not knowing what to do with the graphic once done. Well, I had messed around with a "Viva El Drew K!" shirt a couple weeks back, and someone said the Goggles graphic I made would look good on a t-shirt. So. With that said, I now whore myself out to all of you good folks. Now how about your cheap asses purchase a shirt? Or seven? Great. Thanks. Here's what it looks like, along with a link to the spreadshirt store. There are other colors there, and if anyone wants any of the two printed colors changed, I can do that on demand.

There's also the El Drew K shirt there, and I have a few more designs in mind. I appreciate you allowing me to push crappy products upon you, btw. You's good peeps.

Now, can anyone tell me where to send a going away present to Brian Bruney? Oh, can you also recommend a carrier that doesn't mind delivering packages that smell like rotting garbage? Thanks!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Storen is soaring! ::Groan:: (Sorry.)

Ladies and Gentlemen:

That is all. Commence your car tipping-over and your street light pulling-downing.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It sure is dusty in here...

As I write this, my eyes are a little damp. Must be all this goddamn dust floating around that's making my eyes water.

Ladies and Gentlemen, our boy did it! I present to you, Drew Storen's first ever Major League line from his first Major League game:

Drew came in with a man on 1st and one out. He got the first batter to fly out to left field, and then broke out THE HAMMER OF UNFORGIVING DESTRUCTION onto poor Matt Holliday, striking that guy out.

Which brings me to the next subject. Did you know Baseball-reference has Matt Holliday's nickname as being "Big Daddy?" Well, what about Drew's nickname? We had the poll back last year on whether or not Drew should keep his SOCKS OF DOOM. You guys voted, and the outcome was 45-2 in favor of him keeping the socks. Well, he didn't keep the socks, as we all know, so the nickname post I had went in vain. Or did it...?? No, in the comments came a nickname suggestion that I've used every now and then, and one his family admitted to using in the past (although I can't find that link right now). So, in honor of the *huge* strike out on Holliday last night, I bestow upon Drew Storen the unofficial nickname of:

El Drew K

Hey, it's a helluva lot better than what I was going to call him after he broke my heart by ditching the socks (Meanie Bo-Beanie was tops, with Stupid Doo-Doo Head coming in a close second). Speaking of which.. as I was watching Drew, I couldn't help but sing this song as though I were a three-year-old child holding a grudge:

But you're our fool, Drew. And that's what really matters. Now how about you reward us by drilling Utley the first time you face him? Then you'll really get some loving. Unwanted, grotesque, stalker-ish loving, but loving all the same.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Bullpen sucked so hard it's now a black hole.

Shit, I ain't no scientist, but black holes do have something to do with sucking, right? And so do the Nat's bullpen I. That's right... I am to blame for the bullpen's Lindsay Lohan like meltdown last night. (Like that 2007 Lohan reference there? Sweet, wasn't it? Stick around, and I'll ask why they call Ovaltine Ovaltine. (Hint - the question has something to do with Ovaltine not actually being shaped like an oval.)) I was floating around in the clouds, forgetting that these Nats are still the Nats. And that this bullpen still has Brian Bruney in it. And that despite Goggle's 6-0 record, he had 4 blown saves, and could have easily been 2-4. In fact, I was riding so high that I actually changed my work computer's desk top. That's right. I jinxed the fuck outta the pen by changing from this:

To this:

So, bring on the flames. I deserve it. (But I'm still buying one of these wicked cool t-shirts! Are you?)

(Is "Wicked Cool" out of style? You know... like on par with.. "Totally Rad"? Cause I don't give a fuck. I'mma keep saying it. Why, it's all the rage back in St. Olaf...)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Adam is a tad laid back.

You know... I didn't have any preconceived notions of Adam Dunn when he came here.

Now, though?

I'm 900% positive he's the most laid back guy on the planet. He makes Jeff Lebowski look like Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs. How else can you explain this reaction to an RBI double single that Josh hit to tie the game in the bottom of the 8th inning? (If all you get is a small black square below, click on that. Why? Beats the shit outta me. The gif sometimes pops up, sometimes doesn't.)

The dude abides. Now, who do you think Donny is? Quick, someone get Collin Balester here, pronto!