Goggles with the shoe shine duties.

So, my wife's mother bought us this bad-ass video camera for a gift so that we could film the new baby saying "goo-goo" and crying and stuff. Really, really cool camera, too. Takes full 1080p recordings, 20x optical zoom, all kinds of good shit. Except... well... I can't do shit with videos except upload them to YouTube. I can't tell you how frustrating this is. The camera records in .mts format, and none of the video editors that I have can handle .mts. I also can't find a decent shareware video converter that can convert it to something that my video editors can handle and keep the quality. The only thing my huge neanderthal brain can do is push the big red "YouTube" button on the camera while it's attached to my laptop to upload it directly to YouTube. In its entirety. With no edits.
Why the hell am I ranting? Because, I took the camera out for the first time this past Sunday and took some video of the Sunday shoe shine ritual that takes place in the Nats bullpen. The video I ended up with looks stunningly good during playback on the camera, and pretty damn great on YouTube, even. (Original upload here.) What does not look any where near halfway decent, however, is the shit I am able to edit with. You end up with the piece of crap video below that I threw together while cursing all of humanity. Enjoy!



So, yeah. Sorry for the digression from baseball. Back to baseball, and more specifically - Mr. Goggles himself - Tyler Clippard. I had an idea for a graphic I wanted to make with him and his funky delivery. His silhouette is noticeable a mile away, and I wanted to make some cartoony graphic about it, not knowing what to do with the graphic once done. Well, I had messed around with a "Viva El Drew K!" shirt a couple weeks back, and someone said the Goggles graphic I made would look good on a t-shirt. So. With that said, I now whore myself out to all of you good folks. Now how about your cheap asses purchase a shirt? Or seven? Great. Thanks. Here's what it looks like, along with a link to the spreadshirt store. There are other colors there, and if anyone wants any of the two printed colors changed, I can do that on demand.


There's also the El Drew K shirt there, and I have a few more designs in mind. I appreciate you allowing me to push crappy products upon you, btw. You's good peeps.

Now, can anyone tell me where to send a going away present to Brian Bruney? Oh, can you also recommend a carrier that doesn't mind delivering packages that smell like rotting garbage? Thanks!

The more things change...

Despite only having three members of last year's bullpen back, it didn't take long for the same ol' shit to happen.

So, as a service to you, I'm uploading two pictures that will be applicable all season. Feel free to use at your leisure.

And, in case you didn't think the rest of the league notices us trotting out Miguel FUCKING Batista into a game, this direct message happened to pop in towards the end of the game:

 You know what, Joel? I do. Not only could you have hurt a Phillie with a wild pitch or two, but I saw Bergmann drinking a sugar-free Red Bull. Seriously? You decide to put all that shit in your body, but you stop short of the sugar, Jason? Maybe the sugar could have given you a little more giddy up on your fastball so that Polanco couldn't take you deep....

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Goddamn... that made me laugh. Na, just kidding, Bergy. You could eat a shit-ton of gamma ray meatloaf, but you'd still be giving up first pitch grand slams. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Marco Estrada, welcome to the Nats bullpen.

Yikes. I can't seem to find a lot of time these days to write about the Crimson Gods that are Le' Nationals. That's too fucking bad, too, cause they've won seven (7!) in a row. That, my friends, is the hottest team in baseball right now. The whipper snappers are on a roll, that's for sure. Even old man Boone, Gooz, and Wee Willy Harris are getting in on the action. Zim, DOOKS!, Gangsta Millz, and Jesus are rolling. Throw in the slap hitting Bonie or Hernandez, and gimmie Bellie at first and I'm a happy man. Good times, people! GOOD. TIMES.

BREAKING NEWS
Cristian Guzman was just named the NL player of the week. Yay!

And now, since I'm copping out on writing anything, here is a photo essay from Saturday night. Welcome to the Nats bullpen, Marco Estrada!

Saul Rivera has become the leader in the pen. He's getting all the boys together to induct Marco into the bullpen. Only people missing are Shell (who is coming), and Colome' (Who, apparently, doesn't do this sort of thing. Dudley Doo-Right!).


There's everyone, now. Clockwise from the bald Charlie Manning: Manning, Saul, Shellie, Marco, Hammerhands, Garrett Mock. See Shell holding the cup of water in his hands? (That's called foreshadowing, fellow writers. Use the talents Shakespeare gave us wisely.)


"Assume the position!" Marco cops a squat so he can be slapped in the forehead/head area by Saul. Leaders LEAD, that's why they're called leaders.


"Thank you, sir, may I have another?" Saul let him off lightly. He's a softy, really.


Yup, I suck. I missed the water shot. Shell had hid the cup of water from Marco while Marco was getting hit, and splashed him in the face with it. BURN! Well, 'cept it's water, so it doesn't burn....


Have a towel, kid. Wipe yourself off. That water was cold! And it's deep, too!


Mock gets his turn. He had this ceremony earlier when he came up. Rauch laid him out.


Charlie gets his licks in. I think he said, "Nice fucking hair, asshole!" As he hit him. (I feel for Charlie, and was right there with him. Speaking of hair, Shell said he liked his new haircut.)


Hammerhands swings.....


...and closes the show. Cause...that's what closers do!


Marco was the only member of the pen that didn't get Mock in one of his previous call-ups, so he gets his here. You can get a good shot at Saul's mesmerizing hair here (that's him on the lower left.). It's not brown, and it's not red. It's....Orange?


This is DOOKS! commanding the white man to serve him. It was during a pitching change, and he came over and yelled, "HEY! Gimmie some Gatorade and shit! And dip my doo-rag in some water, bitch! DOOKS ANGRY! DOOKS SMASH!" Hammerhands and Manning obliged.

Eyebrows is on the bump tonight, looking to make it 8 in a row. I have all the faith in the world in that crafty lefty. Fuck the Phillies by winning tonight, and sweeping tomorrow.