Clip Clip Hooray!

Have I never used that as a post title before? Well, shit, my tacky side apologizes for avoiding that until now.
Anywhoo, hooray Tyler Clippard! Our boy got the win last night for the victorious National League team in the 2011 All-Star-Replacement Game. What role he played in that win doesn't matter. He got the win. And a win is a win is a win is a win.
Oh, wait... he only faced one batter? And gave up a hit to that batter? Again, so-goddamn-what. As long as Tyler himself enjoyed and embraced his part in last night's game, so do I. Here's what Clipp had to say:

"What a way to do it. That's probably the definition of a vulture win," Clippard said. "It was fun - great experiences, something I'll never forget."

Now, here's what I have to say:

Soar high, Tyler. Soar. Fucking. High.

Cherish this moment, Clipp. You've earned the opportunity by being one of the most dominant relievers in the league, and certainly the most valuable member of the Nats bullpen over the last couple years. With that magical high fastball, that majestic change up, and that incredible knack for vulturing wins, you've established yourself as the baddest-ass raptor on the planet. Well, okay, bald eagles are some bad-assed fuckers... but let's see one of them compile a strikeout per 9IP ratio anywhere close to your 11.00. Nope. All they do is fly, and kill mice and shit. Big whoop. Call me when they have a better inherited runners scored percentage than your 19%, then I might begrudgingly shake their wing. (But it will be a limp, sweaty hand to wing shake, dammit. That's just how I roll.)

ZNN is the only network worth watching, and Clipp still has it.

On this busy Monday, I'mma do this quick style. Bullet points please, Blogger.

• This Nats offense was excruciating to watch, averaging 2.25 runs/game during this 4 game set in San Diego. These guys scored less than the Chess Club on prom night.
• Jordan Zimmermann is legit. Like, legit legit. He's like Otto Man. If you see him, he's taking your ass to school.
• Tyler Clippard continues to just dominate fools. His inning total is high, so there's a little bit of concern about overuse, but for right now, he's dealing. His high fastball is such a thing of beauty, that shit belongs in The Louvre. (Although if you ask the hitters, they say it's so filthy, it belongs in Penthouse. (Is Penthouse still relevant? I have no idea, so discuss porn in the comments, if you like.))

Two other quick things, first is a gif from Saturday night. I title it: Uber prospect Anothony Rizzo meets uber bullpen dude Tyler Clippard.

Eat dirt, pal. Have a seat, lunch meat. You missed that Clipp high fastball like Karen Carpenter missed breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

And second, I haven't pimped my shirts in a while, but I wanted to point out that I modified two of my shirts. The ZNN shirts are now available with his number 27 in Nats numbering style on the back for $20.90.
The other Zimmerman(n) (Ryan) had his shirt modified, as well. I pulled the font from the front of the shirt, and added his 11 to the back. The original is still available. This shirt also runs $20.90. Peep the pics below. Clicking on the images will take you to the shop. My kid just turned one-years-old, people. She's gonna need me to start buying her real clothes now, instead of just wrapping her in Safeway bags.

Goggles with the shoe shine duties.

So, my wife's mother bought us this bad-ass video camera for a gift so that we could film the new baby saying "goo-goo" and crying and stuff. Really, really cool camera, too. Takes full 1080p recordings, 20x optical zoom, all kinds of good shit. Except... well... I can't do shit with videos except upload them to YouTube. I can't tell you how frustrating this is. The camera records in .mts format, and none of the video editors that I have can handle .mts. I also can't find a decent shareware video converter that can convert it to something that my video editors can handle and keep the quality. The only thing my huge neanderthal brain can do is push the big red "YouTube" button on the camera while it's attached to my laptop to upload it directly to YouTube. In its entirety. With no edits.
Why the hell am I ranting? Because, I took the camera out for the first time this past Sunday and took some video of the Sunday shoe shine ritual that takes place in the Nats bullpen. The video I ended up with looks stunningly good during playback on the camera, and pretty damn great on YouTube, even. (Original upload here.) What does not look any where near halfway decent, however, is the shit I am able to edit with. You end up with the piece of crap video below that I threw together while cursing all of humanity. Enjoy!



So, yeah. Sorry for the digression from baseball. Back to baseball, and more specifically - Mr. Goggles himself - Tyler Clippard. I had an idea for a graphic I wanted to make with him and his funky delivery. His silhouette is noticeable a mile away, and I wanted to make some cartoony graphic about it, not knowing what to do with the graphic once done. Well, I had messed around with a "Viva El Drew K!" shirt a couple weeks back, and someone said the Goggles graphic I made would look good on a t-shirt. So. With that said, I now whore myself out to all of you good folks. Now how about your cheap asses purchase a shirt? Or seven? Great. Thanks. Here's what it looks like, along with a link to the spreadshirt store. There are other colors there, and if anyone wants any of the two printed colors changed, I can do that on demand.


There's also the El Drew K shirt there, and I have a few more designs in mind. I appreciate you allowing me to push crappy products upon you, btw. You's good peeps.

Now, can anyone tell me where to send a going away present to Brian Bruney? Oh, can you also recommend a carrier that doesn't mind delivering packages that smell like rotting garbage? Thanks!

The Bullpen sucked so hard it's now a black hole.

Shit, I ain't no scientist, but black holes do have something to do with sucking, right? And so do the Nat's bullpen I. That's right... I am to blame for the bullpen's Lindsay Lohan like meltdown last night. (Like that 2007 Lohan reference there? Sweet, wasn't it? Stick around, and I'll ask why they call Ovaltine Ovaltine. (Hint - the question has something to do with Ovaltine not actually being shaped like an oval.)) I was floating around in the clouds, forgetting that these Nats are still the Nats. And that this bullpen still has Brian Bruney in it. And that despite Goggle's 6-0 record, he had 4 blown saves, and could have easily been 2-4. In fact, I was riding so high that I actually changed my work computer's desk top. That's right. I jinxed the fuck outta the pen by changing from this:

To this:

So, bring on the flames. I deserve it. (But I'm still buying one of these wicked cool t-shirts! Are you?)

(Is "Wicked Cool" out of style? You know... like on par with.. "Totally Rad"? Cause I don't give a fuck. I'mma keep saying it. Why, it's all the rage back in St. Olaf...)

Clippard and Capps be good.

So, yeah... Tyler Clippard and Matt Capps have become a legit combo for preserving a lead going into the eighth inning. There's even stats and shit out there to prove it, I'm just too lazy today to find them.
No, what I needed to do here is address the name of this combo. The phrase "Clip and save" has been circling 'round the intertubes (originating here?), and while it's catchy, and sorta makes sense... I think we can do better. So, without further ado, a new moniker:

C+C Save Factory

Do you remember C+C Music Factory? Of course you do! Why? Because (a) they were awesome, and (b) you were awesome. And Awesome people listen to awesome music. So, without further ado, presenting Clip and Capps.. doing their thing.

Also... feel free to throw out these zingers at the opposing team when you know C+C Save Factory are about to come into the game:

"Uh, Oh! Here comes Clippard and Capps, better open Google maps!"

Cause, you know, their hitter will be lost up at the plate and will need... yeah, never mind.

How about:

"Incoming is Clippard and Capps, you better pray they have a mental lapse!"

That one's not too hot either, eh? Okay, fuck it... just use this:

"Good luck, buddy. Hey, is that Screech in the stands fondling your wife?"

Collin Balester's name gets demolished and more...

Sorry for taking the past couple days off. Work's been kinda rough during the day, and the new laptop I have at home has a keyboard that drives me up the Goddamn wall. The keyboard has black buttons with the letters being only kinda white, so they're hard to see. Plus, the force you have to use to push the keys is out of control. If I pretended a baby's head was my keyboard, the baby's head would cave in with the force my fingers have to use to try and get the key strokes to register. It really is a debacle of epic proportions.

Speaking of debacles of epic proportions... I was watching SportsCenter this morning before heading off to work when I stumbled upon Neil Everett doing the Nats highlights low lights. Now, I've heard Collin Balester mention how people have messed up the pronunciation of his name, but the only way I know of that they've fucked it up is by saying it in two syllables, like Bale-ster. Now, I get it... it's the Nationals and all, but dude's made 20 Major League starts. Shouldn't a SportsCenter anchor be able to pronounce... I dunno... names of the people they cover? Jesus, Neil. You even write most of your own highlights! You knew you were gonna have to say Collin's name, yet you still fucked it up. Royally.

Neil Everett has problems with names from Section 138 on Vimeo.

So sorry, Collin. Maybe after you win some Cy Youngs and World Series rings, Neil Everett will pronounce your name right. But chances are... he'll still get it wrong.

The official Tyler Clippard nickname poll closed the other day with the final count being:

• Goggles 25 votes (53%)
• Clippard the Big Red Dog 18 votes (41%)

Tyler "Goggles" Clippard it is, folks. Thanks for taking the three seconds to click a little button. To be honest, 43 votes is about 40 more than I expected to get. (Although Carl did do some lobbying on his own behalf. Which is totally cool, btw. There's only rules when you're playing board games with youngsters, I say. Anything outside of that, feel free to cheat your ass off.)

Not sure what the next poll will be, but I'll try and think of something. (Well, I'm lying. I have an idea, but I'm not sure that the topic is something that certain people would want out in public. The thing I'm talking about could cause some serious shit to rain down. I mean, bloodshed in the streets, cars flipped over and burning, windows shattering kinda shit. Here's one hint, however... It concerns a certain relief pitcher who has the baddest ass uniform boogaloo going on this side of... the damn Universe. So, I may bounce that off someones head, but... again... I'm not sure they want rioting and maiming on their conscience.)

And finally, dudes and dudettes, I leave you with Nationals fans pointing their fingers and laughing at Kansas City and Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh may be famous for its Iron City beer, and Kansas City may be famous for its... shit... what the hell is Kansas City famous for*? Anyway, they can now be famous for having Washington Nationals fans laugh their asses off at them.


It took up until 8/14/09, but we can now say that we are better than other teams in the newest SI power poll. Hey, KC and Pittsburgh... might as well burn down your cities and start from scratch. You poor bastards.


*Full disclosure - I spent the greater portion of my childhood growing up in Nebraska, so I love, love, love the Midwest. That said, there ain't shit that the region is famous for. Well, besides tornadoes and wheat. Which ain't no Iron City beer, dammit.

Gentleman Josh and debonair Dunn. Take III.

[Update: 8/06. It was pointed out to me that I'm an absolute moron. I spelled Clippard's name wrong in the nickname poll. It should obviously read Clippard the Big Red Dog. Stupid "L"s.]

What's that? We've done this already? Yeah, yeah. I know... but damn if this shit doesn't make me giggle. I have no clue why, either. So... for you're viewing pleasure, Misters Dunn and Willingham, once again.

The Donkey and the Hammer. Proper gents. from Section 138 on Vimeo.

Okay. That's the last of that. I swear think.

Super busy at work today, but for those of you guys that don't look at the comments, my nickname for Tyler Clippard (which is Goggles), has been challenged by Carl.

So, it is my pleasure to present to you the first ever Section 138 poll. Please vote accordingly on the top right of the page. As for rules? There are no rules. At least from me. I would imagine there are rules from blogger, but I didn't care enough to look those up. So, anyway... try and stuff the ballot boxes if you want, I have no clue if it will actually allow you. Get your friends (If, unlike me, you actually have any) to vote . Get your pets, bobble heads, and baseball cards to vote. But most of all, Goddammit, do your civic duty, and check one of those boxes yourself. Who knows... we might even get 11 votes out of this, and put it to rest for once and for all.

Rob Dibble, the King of weird guttural noises.

This post was supposed to be about Tyler Clippard, and his stellar three innings of work last night, which earned him the win. Instead, I do as I often do... digress towards nothingness. (My mind's got a mind of its own, ya know.) At the end of the game, Bob and Rob were talking about... shit I have no idea what they were talking about, actually. Anyway, Dibble goes on to butcher a Major League quote, and Bob asks him if he's Harry Doyle. Then it comes. The Dibble laugh; Which has me staring at the TV, mouth agape every time I hear him do it. It's impossible to describe, really. If I had to try, though, I'd say it's part mouse, part wheeze, and part throat spasms. I've gone on often about the words sounds Rob Dibble uses produces to describe the plays, but this laugh is always, always good for a laugh of its own. Mostly because you can picture Bob Carpenter up in the booth pouting and muttering nothings to himself as he tries to figure out how he got a monkey for a partner.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing Dibble. In fact, I rather like Dibble's homerism and excitement. And it's certainly a huge improvement upon Don Sutton, who at times last year sounded like he was... dead. Or knitting. But, when Dibbs continues to have the following sounds in his color-man vocabulary, it's hard to take him too seriously:

• Niiiiice.
• Smackum Yakum!
• Niiiiice.
• We've got a guy there.
• Niiiiice.
  

(I will say this, though. He would become my hero if, after a poorly played Nats game in the future, he quotes Harry Doyle correctly and says, "This post-game show is brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it. To hell with it.")

So... props to Goggles for the 1-2-3 DP he induced when he first came in, allowing the Nats to get out of a bases loaded no out jam, and for getting the win. Well deserved, son. Now, with a half season of Major League money* under your belt, maybe you can get some Lasik. The goggles creep me (and the ladies) out.

Shit, almost forgot. I wasted more time with a craptacularly crappy video for you guys, and I posted it below. Enjoy Dibble in all of his cackling goodness.

Oh, and feel free to pretend he's aiming this particular laugh at the Arizona Diamondbacks. (Good luck with a guy who had almost twice as many walks as strikeouts this year. No, no, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out what his problem is, just like the five other Major League pitching coaches he had were able to. Suckers.)

*I have zero understanding about the MLB salary system (along with most other things related to MLB), so I really don't have a clue how much Goggles is making this year. That being said, I'm sure dude can afford it.