Shocking pictures of Drew Storen with long pants revealed! Flood watch from tears expected.

You know what? I'm just gonna rename the blog "Storen Nation (as viewed from Twitter and beyond)."

Why? Well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that six of the last 21 posts of mine have been devoted to Drew. Or, more-so, devoted to Drew's socks.

And... I continue that trend with a new Drew Storen SOCKS of DOOM! post. It is with a heavy heart, and millions of tears flowing down my cheeks, that I post this picture*. It's like when Brad and Jennifer broke up all over again. (sob.)


Who is that guy with the wicked leg kick, but awful pants? Wait for it...


GAH!!!!!!!!!!!! My God, Drew! Think of your fans. Like this little guy here...


At last check, the vote was 45 people for the SOCKS of DOOM!, and only two against. You know why? Because cool mother fuckers rock the socks, that's why. Like... well, The Non-Human.

That stud Lou Gehrig

And some dude named Cy fricking Young.

You know why only two people have voted to lose the socks? Because they're EVIL, that's why. Look at all these evil people that wear pants. Like... The DEVIL!!!

Saddam Hussein (when he can find them).

And the worst of all.... Chase ASS HAT! Utley (Ugh. I get a chill down my spine anytime someone even mentions his name. Seriously. Just look at that smug shit below. You know he drowns kittens and puppies when he's not busy breaking catcher's legs. Nice fake dirt stains, Chase.)



Seriously, Drew. Don't make me actually have to drive to Harrisburg to... well, to beg and plead while on my knees crying. My wife thinks I'm all grown up, and that would set me back a few years in her eyes.

(*Pants pictures complements of the always awesomely awesome Pam Storen. You can read the article yourself here (starts on page 23). It's actually a good story. Except for, you know, the whole no socks thing.)

Drew Storen to go sockless? GASP!

Now, we all know how much I love me some Drew Storen around these parts. (And if you don't, you can read about him here, here, here, here, aaaaand here. Wow. Maybe this is a borderline obsession... I haven't gotten the windowless white panel van yet, so I think I'm okay...)

Anyway, it has been brought to my attention by my sources (which I will not reveal, as they expressed anonymity since they were not authorized to talk to the media) that when Drew is called up to DC, he might (brace yourselves) give up the SOCKS of DOOM!! Seriously, Drew... you're a smart kid (you went to Stanford). What could possibly motivate you to go sockless?? So here it is. My argument as to why the SOCKS of DOOM! must remain.

And a never before published (on my blog, anyway) pic:



(All pictures are from pstoren's Twitter feed. Many, many thanks for putting these pics out there, btw.)

As you can see, that shit is just bad ass. We're talking ass-kicking proportions of bad assitude here. Not only do they visually kick ass though, they physically kick ass, as well. Check out Drew's stats for this year in pro ball while wearing the socks that are the killerness.

His record is 1-1 with a 2.14 ERA in 25 Games. In 33.2 IP he's given up only 20 hits, 8 runs, and 8 BB (.843 WHIP), while striking out 44. He is 9 for 9 in save opportunities and opposing batters are hitting .168 against him.

Now... when I was lucky enough to get put into my little league games (and the rules were that the coach had to play me, no matter how badly I sucked), and I had something go right (like... no balls hit my way), I never did anything to alter what I was wearing/did/didn't do/etc., while I was out there. If I had some kick ass socks, I would continue to wear said kick ass socks. Now, I'm not sure, but I think it's some kind of global baseball rule all around the universe to a) Never fuck with a positive flow, b) root for the home team (unless you're in Pittsburgh. Then you can root for anyone you choose :cough: Nats :Cough:), and c) Continue the Goddamn SOCKS of Goddamn DOOM!.

Allow me to show just how bad Drew would look without socks.

Remember this?


Would you prefer that look, or this?


It's not even close. Socked Drew destroys sockless Drew. And I'm talking by a landslide here. Just murdered. This is the most one-sided victory since the hare beat the rabbit. (Wait... I fucked that up... didn't I?) I mean, he's looking like a soup sandwich there.

And finally (I swear) Drew posted on his Twitter feed a picture of his new glove.


Yeah, like that wouldn't look just fucking devastatingly good with a Nats home uniform! I can just imagine it now...



With that, I leave it all up to you, my 6 readers. It's time for my 2nd ever poll. Please vote on the top right of the page whether you prefer socked Drew, or sockless Drew. I have it on good authority that this vote's outcome will actually dictate what Drew decides to do.*




*It absolutely does not have anything to do with what Drew will do. Unless I perfect The Force. Which I've never even taken an introductory lesson in, so I doubt I'll be able to master it.

/These are the socks you're going to wear.

Happy Birthday to Drew (Storen). Happy Birthday to Drew (Storen)...

...You look like a monkey, and smell like one too! Yay for 3rd grade Happy Birthday songs!

SOCKS! is all growed up now as he turns 22 today. What could be the greatest birthday present of all?




Close... but how about a promotion to the AA Harrisburg Senators? The story was broken by Drew's mom on Twitter last night, and I have a feeling I know what her present to Drew will be.


(Just kidding, Drew's mom!! You gave him life (which is pretty cool) and passed down the SOCKS of DOOM in your genes.)

And what is my birthday present to Drew? Well, considering he gets to play with the Left Coast Lefty (CHICO MAN!), I think that should be enough. However, since I'm in a giving mood, I will offer to have a "conversation" with Carlos Martinez about being kind enough to allow Drew to wear #26 in Harrisburg. Just let me know, Drew. My "vocabulary" is very large and persuasive, and has been known to break some kneecaps or six.

So let's join Zimm in wishing El Drew K a very happy 22nd, and congrats on the promotion to Harrisburg. (Wait... I just realised... he's getting sent to Pennsylvania. Shit. Hang in there, Drew!!! We're all pulling for you. Don't let that state drag you down, man.)

A Drew Storen 'socks watch' update

Thanks to this twit pic from Pam Storen (Who I will go out on an incredible limb on and say is related to Drew), I can confirm the status of those damn fine socks of Drew's. Ladies and Gentlemen...



THEY LIVE!! Sweet baby Jesus in heaven! This has brought a huge smile to my face, and I know it did to you as well. Again, many thanks to Pam Storen, and her Twitter feed for the pic.

Oh, and a quick update on Drew's debut in Potomac... He got the save by pitching two innings and allowing 0 runs. He struck out the side in the 8th inning (but of course), and got two ground balls to retire the side in the 9th (first batter singled, second hit into a 4-6-3 DP).

Keep this up, and you may just earn yourself a nickname, Mr. Storen. (We can't call him 'Socks' though, cause that was a cat from the White House, I believe. How about... 'Stockings', 'Hoser', or 'Incredible Man With the Amazing Leg Coverings'?)