What I learned about Ron Villone.

Since Ronnie V only came in to face a single batter or two this year, I didn't get a good look at him. (13 batters faced in 5 games = 2.6/game.)
Well, we got to see him throw to four batters tonight (before the heavens opened, and God's tears fell down) and I can now say something with 100% confidence...

Ronnie V is the slowest worker I've ever seen in baseball. Seriously, he may be the second slowest worker in the history of work, second only to this guy:

I mean... for the love of all that's good, Ron, PITCH THE FUCKING BALL.

Blown save after blown save after blown save.

Yup, you guessed it! Another blown save last night, this time by Joey Beimel. Gah!

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Iran Hostage Crisis of 1980! Hey-o!

What? Too dated? Sigh...

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Navy Seal mission to save the people of Panama in 1989! Hey-o!

What? I'm still not making myself clear? Jesus, people... How about this:

The Nationals are as competent with saves as these two

Better? Yay!

Look, I haven't bothered reading any other blogs today 'cause I'm just so sick and fucking tired of the bullpen not holding leads. I did some digging, and came up with these stats, all courtesy of baseball-reference.com. I apologize if these were written up by someone else last night or today, but fucking deal with it.

The Nats are tied for the MLB lead in blown saves with 10, Houston being the other awesome team with that many.

The Nats are tied for last in MLB saves, with Pittsburgh at 5. (Can you spot the pattern here? Everyone knows bullpens are weak across the board, but the NL seems to be a little bit shittier than the AL. Which is weird since the AL uses that God damn abomination of a rule, the DH.)

Guess who leads the Nats in saves? My buddy, Joel (no longer being called Hammer Hands) Hanrahan. Guess who leads the Nats in blown saves? That's right, my buddy Joel Hanrahan. But it's cancerous, and spreads throughout the bullpen (Which I hope is not the case with Elijah's leprosy. Gah. Seriously, how much longer is dude gonna wear that thing on his face? That's covering up something awful, right?) as there are only two players on the current roster without a blown save, Kipper Wells and Ronnie Villone.

What's my point exactly? I'm not fucking sure. Maybe I'm thinking Manny has to get Ron in there when the team is ahead more. (He's only entered the game in that situation once, and he held.) Maybe it's time to get Logan Kensing the fuck outta Dodge. (He's 0 for 2 in save situations, and has allowed 45% of his inherited runners to score. Oh... he also has a WHIP of 3.20!!!!!)

I dunno. I'm not sure there are any quick answers at this point. But, if there's one cause I'm behind 100 fucking percent, it surely is this one.

Free Jason fucking Bergmann already!!

Totally random items.

Welp, there is one thing that I want to write about, but I'm not mentioning it until it gets to a certain point.
So, in lieu of that... you all get my first totally random thoughts/items post of 2009. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, let's get right to it.

My wife's left breast and arm are visible on the world wide web. Intrigued? Click here to see it next to one damn handsome man.

After last night's win, Craig Stammen is 4-1 with a 1.85 ERA, 7 BB and 11 K in 34 IP. His ground ball to fly ball ratio sits at 1.94 and batters are hitting .218 off him. Over/Under on the date he replaces Cabrera in the rotation? I'm putting it at 5/22, which means DCab has two more shitty starts, with Stammen stepping into his third scheduled start. You guys?

So, Strasburg threw a no-hitter in his last home start of the season. Seriously... what is the highest the team can go, contract wise? It can't come anywhere close to 6 year/$50 MM like Boras is hyping, can it? As my main main Brian posted earlier, $20-30 MM or so is more likely. I'd be willing to give Strasburg 2 beers for every one of my 21 games I attend (and that he doesn't start), as well, if that helps the front office. Hey, free beer!

Remember how Boswell has been absolutely pounding us with articles about how no #1 pick overall should ever, ever be a pitcher? I found this tweet by Keith Law (follow him here) to be hilarious.

keithlaw: is awaiting Boswell's next column on how #1 overall picks who throw no-hitters aren't any good either.

He posted that the day after the no-no, and it still cracks me the fuck up. Don't know why...

What are the odds that Alex Cintron hits .000 for the Nationals in 2009? Is 20-1 to low? Think about it... he might be kicked off for Gonzalez soon. The guy is 0 for 19 with two walks. The real question is probably; Why the fuck is Manny still giving this guy at bats? I mean, Manny's gotta be sleeping with his wife, right?

Hey, Felipe. Fuck. You. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die. We're just as happy since you left the Nationals, too! Ass hat.

Game 6 of the Penguins Capitals series tonight. Since I never get tired of showing this picture, here is how I feel about Sydney Cindy Crosby:



Ahh, Lastings Milledge. We started the season 0-7, shipped him off to Syracuse, and have been 10-12-1 since. Looks like he won't be back up here for a little while longer... Especially since he never learned to bunt correctly, it seems. He broke his right hand bunting in a Syracuse game today. That's the hand up the bat on a righty like LMillz. Sorry, kiddo. That should put him on the shelf for a bit.

A note to a commenter on here who keeps throwing shit up like:

FIRST PLACE Texas Rangers.

Hey, It's my fucking blog, and we write about the Nationals here. (And sometimes the Caps and Communism...) If you wanna write that crap, start your own blog. How would you like it if I showed up there writing WHOO-HOO! LAST PLACE WASHINGTON NATIONALS! Yeah. Thought so.


Finally... Ronnie V is still 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA through 3 games. You cheap skates have two options.

1.Sponsor his page at Baseball-Reference.com in my name for $20.
or
2. Buy me this fucking Jersey


How bout you guys do a better job this year than you did last year. Jesus Christ was that a pathetic effort. According to my site meter, I have three more readers than last year, so it should be financially feasible now. It's up to you guys to coordinate together. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Introducing Mr. Ronald Thomas Villone, Jr.

Ladies and Germs, I present to you our newest member of the bullpen. The esteemed first round draft pick, and awesome mullet sporter, Ron Villone.





Nothing says bad ass more than a first round signing bonus and a bitching mullet. I bet he's cruising around in a sweet ass ride with the wind in his hair. I wonder what car he got with his signing bonus from... well, let's see here.... what year did he get drafted in... Ah, here it is, 02. Or, wait..92? 1992? For Reals? 19 fucking 92? ::sigh::

Ah fuck it. The guys 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA after last night's performance. I, for one, welcome our new mulleted over lord! All Hail Ron Villone!

What? He doesn't have a mullet anymore?

God. Dammit.