The Washington Nationals failed against the guy least likely to cause failure.

Hey, yippee, woo-hoo. The Nats were shut out (and limited to 3 hits) by Ryan Voglensnog Vogelsnogog Vogelsong. RYAN VOGELSONG. Vogelsong was the baseball pitcher guy that threw spheres from that raised mound of dirt 60 feet 6 inches away from that home plate thingie worse than any other baseball pitcher guy in all of Major League baseball up until last night. He had an 8.06 ERA, and had yet to give up less than three runs in any of his starts this year and sported a whopping 1.853 WHIP. Last night's line against the Nationals? 5 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 0 R. That's a line that equals a 0.00 ERA with a 0.800 WHIP. Anyone have an authentic Ray King game used belt? That should easily be long enough to throw over the rafters and hang me with.

 Now, please allow me to summarize your performance as if it were, say, and entry into a baseball exam.

 Mr. Washington Nationals Baseball Guys, what you've just played in is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent game were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational contest. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having watched it. I award you no baseball points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

 I seriously can't write any more on this subject.

On the bright side of things, this has brought back my drinking habit from 08/09/10. Oh, sweet, sweet liver failure. How I've missed wooing you so. I just need the Nats to play about 5 more of these kinds of games, and we'll be BFFs.

The season started? CRAP!

I happened across this email in my inbox over the weekend:

Hey idiot. Did you know the Nats have played 8 games already? Where's your postings?

Ah, it's awesome to know that people care about me. Even if it's someone with a tad worse grammar than me. (Or is it than I? SHIT!) Anyway, kudos to you, fine reader. It is with your email's boot to my ass that I finally write about the start of the Nats season.

Where to begin, though? Well... how about the fact that there is no natural lead-off hitter on the squad, and that outfielders aged 31, 32, and FORTY-FUCKING-THREE beat out Roger Bernadina for a roster spot? Poor Bernie. Now he's shoulder to shoulder with the rebels at Echo Base on Hoth. (I want everyone to know that I had to Wikipedia "Hoth"for the name of the rebel base at which they are fighting in the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back. I'm a dork, yes, but not THAT big of a dork. No offense to you dorks that did know that, though. Heck, you're probably much richer than me due to your mint condition, still in original packaging Star Wars figures. Well played.) Poor kid. He seems to be doing a good job staying out of the line of fire, though. He sent me a postcard that arrived Saturday, actually. He looks to be alive, and... well... rather lightly clothed for A SNOW AND ICE PLANET Syracuse.

So, yeah... it would have been nice for Mike Rizzo to have a backup plan before dumping Nyjer Morgan. I'm hoping that Ankiel plays well enough to garner some trade attention, and gets dealt while either Bernie or Corey Brown come up by mid-season. Those of you with your lips close to Mike Rizzo's ear, let him know my thoughts won't ya? Thanks!

But, for now, we're stuck with Rick Ankiel playing CF. He's not that bad, but he's not that good, either. And dude is waaaaaaay too nice. See, he had a double robbed from him by a diving catch by Chris Coughlan Couglan Coghlan earlier in the week, saw the picture of it in the paper down there:

And actually sent him a nice little note the next day. I imagine he wanted to write something like, "Lot's of love! Good catch, dude! Smooches! Love, Ank" on it, but was bullied by known meanie Ryan Zimmerman into writing, "Thanks, buddy. Nice Hollywood dive, Love, Ank." You know what would have happened in 2009 if Coughlan Couglan Coghlan had robbed one of our outfielders like that? He would've had this in his locker the next day:

(Hey-Oh! See what I did there? I referenced a player that's been gone since March, 2010, and an incident that happened in 2007. I'm so God damned timely!)

Speaking of Zim, the poor dude hurt his tummy sliding the other day, and is going to be out for a few days. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! Jokes on us, folks. This team has a history of broken people (see those tags on the right side of this page? You don't? Well, while I agree that my page layout appears to have been done by a six-year-old, I assure you, tags are there. Oh, you found it... good. See what the most often used tag is? It's "broken people." What? It's not? "Suicide" is the top one? Well, where is "broken people?" Oh, second? Very well. I stand corrected.) and I'd be shocked if Zim didn't end up on the 15 day DL.

So, those are the glaring bad things that I'm staring at. Michael Morse? Meh, I think he'll rebound. The bullpen outside of Clippard, Storen, and Burnett? Okay, that's bad, but it looks like Henry Rodriguez is on the way back, and hopefully Bally Star will be brought up, as well. But you know what the absolute WORST thing about our bullpen is? I can't walk down the stairs on weekend mornings, give a big stretch and a yawn, and say, "Boy, I need to get some coffee in me, stat!" anymore. Screw you, chubby reliever dude with a name that sounds like, but is not spelled like "coffee," thereby making my wife snicker because it sounds like I want to have sex with you.

Good things so far? ZNN, the three bullpen fellas listed above, Wilson Ramos' RHINOness, Danny Espinosa's awesomeness, Desmond's starting to hitness, and Charlie Sheen. Without all off them, I'd be drinking drain cleaner. But, thanks to them, we are in a tie for third in the NL East, and my kid not only has shoes on her feet, but socks to wear under said shoes. (Socks - they're like lube for shoes, you know!)


Now, may the good things continue to be good, and the bad things disappear like Chuck Sheen. Or like Chase Utley's knee. Or like Lastings Milledge's spot on the 25 man roster. Or like Philly fans' desire to not shower, not wash their clothes, and curse, assault, vomit upon, and murder people. Shit, who are we kidding? We probably have a better chance of Laynce Nix hitting 65 HR than those stinky abusive troglodytes changing their ways. But anything is possible I suppose. I mean... Felipe Lopez is actually on a Major League roster. What's next? Austin Kearns wins an MVP?

(Unfortunately, I don't think any Nats fans are laughing at that last one. Our luck tends to trend towards the bad side. Kearnsie may just hit .355/.425/.750 this year. Sigh....)

Holy Jesus. Not again. Ugh.

Well, one year and 17 days from the last Tommy John post I wrote, here I am writing another. Last year's was about Jordan Zimmermann. This one? Stephen Strasburg. Just like last year, I'm pretty sad right now and don't feel much like writing. So, if you excuse me, I'll just let my pets do the talking. They all let out little sighs after I just broke the news to them. Little teeny tiny heart breaking sighs. Damn you, elbows. DAMN YOU TO HELL!!


Is there a possible silver lining? Not really. We know the kid has a great work ethic, so he might be able to be competitively throwing in under 12 months like ZNN did. But, no one's really sure if he'll come back and be as effective as he was that magical night back in June. And, like DC Yetti said, we'll be able to thin the herd and find out who the true Nats fans are with this as the rats will be jumping ship. (I'm aware that all of you are true fans, though. No one would put up with my shitty writing and photoshops otherwise. GROUP HUG!)
Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to handle this situation the same way I do all my bad situations. With my alcoholic cat. Go ahead and get started without me, Frankie. Just be sure to leave some for me. I'mma need it.

Ugh. Just ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh.

For some reason, Blogger wouldn't allow me to use the post title I wanted. So, allow me to place it here.

SHIT. JUST SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, FUCK, DAMN.

Huh. I thought I'd feel better after writing that, but I don't.

Jordan Zimmermann is going to go under the knife and get Tommy John surgery. I doubt we'll see him until 2011, but there's a slim chance he may make it back late next year.

I'm a little pissed, and I don't think I can put my feelings into words right now. How about a couple pictures to sum it up?

equals

This just destroys me, folks, so bear with me if I don't post in a few days. I have a date with 24 members of the Yuengling family.

Sigh.

It's at eight, and ain't it great! (Well, no, it's not actually.)

I racked my brain for about 35 minutes trying to come up with the cheesiest post title ever. You're all so very, very welcome.

Those damn Nats just don't know what it means to lose, as them stubborn bastards have reeled of eight wins in a row.

That's the good news. The bad news? ZNN's arm may need to be amputated, DeNo went 0-8 at the plate over the weekend, and SOCKS of DOOM! (or is it El Drew K?) walked another batter on Saturday.

I've never seen so many things go the opposite way that they should. Up is down. East is West. Right is left. The Master of Disguise is funny. I'm sober. My cats are taking this just fine.



Sorry about that. I'm super crazy busy at work, and kinda mailed that in, didn't I? I know. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you guys soon, I swear! Until then, feel free to read one of the best written pieces I've seen in a while. Hats off, Brian. Now, if only the waiver claim were true.

Tyler Clippard's IBB balk, and other stuff. (Like... What happened to Manny Acta and true defining moments.)

I present to you... the first of many in what should be MASN's actual ad campaign. Does anyone hear the phrase "Defining Moments" and associate it positively with the Nationals? Fuck and no are the answers. There are hundreds of true Nats defining moments, and this will surely become a regular feature. So, how bout you all throw your MASN Nats defining moments in the comments? In the meantime, I'll give you my defining moment of the Nationals. Tyler Clippard's balk that he committed while trying to intentionally walk someone.

Yeah, you read that right. Allow me to set the scene. In the bottom of the 8th, Tyler Clippard was brought into the ballgame to keep the game... well... sorta-somewhat close. (4-0 Astros at that point). He walked Berkman to lead off the inning in spectacular fashion, then gave up a ground-rule double to Carlos Lee. (That ball may or may not have been catch able. At this point, however, I have stopped thinking like that whenever a ball is hit towards Adam Dunn. Unless it's a fucking line drive right at his face, I'm now assuming it's a double, even if it's hit by a bigger, fatter version of Dmitri Young. Which does not exist.)
Next up was Geoff Blum (whose parent I have issues with, btw. It's Jeff. Not Geoff, god dammit) who hit a shallow pop fly to center that Nyjer Morgan made a nice play on. So, with one out, here is where the drama hilarity comes in. Manny decides to intentionally walk Hunter Pence, to set up the double play. Easy enough, right? Not for our 2009 Washington Nationals it ain't. Enjoy your Yaketty Sax for today.

I'd write more about it, but there really isn't anything else to say. Also, I spent two fucking hours on this video piece of shit above and am extremely displeased with the quality of the ultimate product. Enjoy, peeps, cause it's the last actual video you'll ever get from me again. (Unless someone knows of a decent video capture and edit software. And don't even think of recommending Cam Studio, or I'll punch your mom in the face.) And, yeah, the rule is outdated and probably needs to be re-written... but still, it's an intentional walk. You're purposely throwing balls nowhere near the damn strike zone. Once your spike gets caught, Tyler, just flick the ball in Wil's general direction. I don't give a shit if it's a 15 hopper, just let it go.

In other news, Manny Acta finally got fired. I'm seriously going to leave it at that for right now. I'm not a happy person. I haven't read a single Internet article on it, and haven't even opened my Twitter client today. I'm just shocked that they think handing the reigns over to a lifetime .445 manager is gonna make that much of a difference. I dunno. Maybe I should do some research and see if Riggleman's squads played fundamentally sound baseball. That may be one area he can improve on. What he can't change, however, are the names on the back of the jerseys in the clubhouse. You see... the players on this team need someone continually babysitting them. Continually encouraging them. Continually challenging them. The players need someone to get them to actually practice, play, and act like they give a fuck. Is Jim Riggleman that guy? I don't know, but that sure as shit wasn't Manny Acta. (I guess I did end up writing something on that, eh?)

Farewell to you and your fedora, Manny. I wish you the best of luck.

The solution to all of Cristian Guzman's fielding problems

Hi there. Hey, did you see last night's game? You did? Yikes, huh!? You didn't? Ah, you missed the debacle of all debacles. I'm actually not sure whether to recommend you try and see it, or congratulate you on having missed it. It was... well... shitty. I'm talking rolling around in it for 500 yards Shawshank Redemption shitty. Steinberg has a really good wrap up with some screen grabs here.

I have no ideas to help Ryan Zimmerman, who grounded into two double plays last night . I have no ideas for The Big Donkey, who struck out three times with RISP. I have no ideas for Joey Beimel, who botched a perfect inning ending double play ball by throwing to the infielder who was actually backing up the throw to second. And, I certainly don't have any ideas for poor Wille Harris, who took a ground ball right to the nuts, except maybe a titanium cup. Nor for Austin Kearns, who would have had a yakety sax made by me except there is already one out there.

But what I do have, folks, is an idea for Cristian Guzman, who all of a sudden thinks he's playing fucking soccer. After kicking three ground balls in the past two games, I threw on my inventor hat, and got busy.

Without further delay (cause... seriously... I've built this shit up enough already, and it actually sucks), and as a tribute to Billy Mays (Hi, Death here for BILLY MAYS!) I give you...

"The Goozie Boots". Strap these puppies on, and you'll be fielding like Ozzie fuckin Smith. (As always, feel free to click to enlarge.)


HUGE hat tip to our own Natmosphere's Miss Chatter, who took this picture and loaded it on her Flickr photostream.

Jesus Flores and Randy St. Claire out

Well, pitching coach Randy St. Claire got the boot today. Also, it turns out Jesus' arm actually did fall off.

I can't even begin to describe how down I am right now. Randy's out of the organization, and Jesus could be out for the year.

I'll leave the emotional expression to my neighbor, Ronald. I was out getting the mail, and ran into Ronald. He hadn't heard about Randy or Jesus, so I told him. Then I snapped this picture.



I'm actually so bummed right now, I don't want to talk about it. I'll post more tomorrow. Maybe. If I haven't sucked my exhaust pipe. Ugh.

Where is the bullpen help? FREE THE BERGMANN!

Dear Manny, Rizzo, and Stan,

Hi, guys! How are things going? Glad to hear it. Oh, how are things with me? Well... thanks for asking. Now that you mention it, THINGS ARE SHITTINGLY SHITTY! How in the fuck are you standing pat with the guys you have in the pen? Why haven't heads rolled? When will we see the new faces, for Christ's sake?

Exasperated,

Me and the other 73 Nats fans left.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, as you can see, things are the same right now as they were last night. We did get this quote from Manny, though.

When you talk about changing the mindset in the bullpen, are you talking about changing the people?

"Exactly," Acta said. "Yes."

Maybe things will happen before tonight's game. I know Syracuse was playing at 11 AM today. Maybe Brian over at NFA will have something posted?

In the mean time, I am printing out this sign I made, copying it 200 times, and bringing it to the game tonight. I encourage you all to print them out, and paste them all over town. The bigger the better.



Maybe someone can even make a few bucks on t shirts? The possibilities are endless, folks. Just don't let me down.

And finally, I bring to you my first ever hate comment. I'm so excited! It comes from some dude named "Ben", but I can't confirm that because he wasn't man enough to make his profile public. Anyway, without further ado, the incredibly impassioned words of Ben. Exactly as he wrote them.

Ben said...

Fuck you loser. The Nats suck and so do you. Shitwipe. Go jump up Rob Dibbles butt. Carpenters not that bad. You gotta be a homer when the team sucks so bad. Fuck you Debbie Taylor should kick u in the nuts.

May 18, 2009 10:55 PM

I offered him an autograph in a follow up comment, but I haven't heard back from him yet. Once I do, I'll be sure to see if he wants to have a little pow wow on grammar and punctuation. It seems we both could use some help, and two heads are much better than one.

Oh, Ben, be sure to check out my first griping about Bob Carpenter! If you liked the last one, you should love the first.

Okay gang. Back to work, then to the ballpark. My first live look at Martis, and I'm pretty excited. I'll probably be Tweeting at the park, if anyone's interested. Which you're not. Which is all good. No, seriously. I'll be okay.

/sob

Blown save after blown save after blown save.

Yup, you guessed it! Another blown save last night, this time by Joey Beimel. Gah!

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Iran Hostage Crisis of 1980! Hey-o!

What? Too dated? Sigh...

I haven't seen this many blown saves since the Navy Seal mission to save the people of Panama in 1989! Hey-o!

What? I'm still not making myself clear? Jesus, people... How about this:

The Nationals are as competent with saves as these two

Better? Yay!

Look, I haven't bothered reading any other blogs today 'cause I'm just so sick and fucking tired of the bullpen not holding leads. I did some digging, and came up with these stats, all courtesy of baseball-reference.com. I apologize if these were written up by someone else last night or today, but fucking deal with it.

The Nats are tied for the MLB lead in blown saves with 10, Houston being the other awesome team with that many.

The Nats are tied for last in MLB saves, with Pittsburgh at 5. (Can you spot the pattern here? Everyone knows bullpens are weak across the board, but the NL seems to be a little bit shittier than the AL. Which is weird since the AL uses that God damn abomination of a rule, the DH.)

Guess who leads the Nats in saves? My buddy, Joel (no longer being called Hammer Hands) Hanrahan. Guess who leads the Nats in blown saves? That's right, my buddy Joel Hanrahan. But it's cancerous, and spreads throughout the bullpen (Which I hope is not the case with Elijah's leprosy. Gah. Seriously, how much longer is dude gonna wear that thing on his face? That's covering up something awful, right?) as there are only two players on the current roster without a blown save, Kipper Wells and Ronnie Villone.

What's my point exactly? I'm not fucking sure. Maybe I'm thinking Manny has to get Ron in there when the team is ahead more. (He's only entered the game in that situation once, and he held.) Maybe it's time to get Logan Kensing the fuck outta Dodge. (He's 0 for 2 in save situations, and has allowed 45% of his inherited runners to score. Oh... he also has a WHIP of 3.20!!!!!)

I dunno. I'm not sure there are any quick answers at this point. But, if there's one cause I'm behind 100 fucking percent, it surely is this one.

Free Jason fucking Bergmann already!!

The dude that feeds me is not happy dude.

Hai!

Section 138 dude not feelings gud. Found him holdin plaztik bag over hiz hed. Den I's found him with drain-0. Told him "Be happiez!" but he no listens. He'z bean loked in hiz room for 2 dayz nao. Hope Natz win soons, or no ones left 2 feeed me. Oh wells. I eat hiz face after he dyes.

Ohs! Dude gave me magic paperz dat haz my picturez on it. Want see?


Datz me! Section 138 guy wuz crying and had sum hurting toyz. I gotz dem back, tho.

Bai!

TOLMAN!!! (shakes fist)

You God damn ass-hat, Tolman.

I was watching the game last night, and as SOON as I saw Tolman start waving Zim home I was yelling at the TV. I can't remember exactly what I said, because I blacked out for a second or two due to my seething anger. But I'm sure it went something along the lines of, "WTF are you doing!? You're the fucking DEVIL, Tolman!"

Watch the clip here. Skip to the :37 second mark for the play. Feel free to mute it since the announcer guy:

• Sounds like a freaking Muppet.
• Has the balls to say "Pat Burrell showing off the arm." Cracker, please. My GF would've thrown Zim out, and she threw 32 mph at the County fair last weekend. (I still love you, sweetie!)
• Just reeks of douchieness.

There. That video confirms it. Tim Tolman is the Anti-Christ. In case you ever wondered what traffic would look like if Tolman were directing it, wonder no more.

It is with a heavy heart......

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I regret to inform you this morning that my favorite National, Mr. Luis Ignacio Ayala, has been traded to the New York Mets.

Bummer. I don't know if I can get over this loss. I hope I can, I really do, but..who knows? This blogger will be wearing a black armband for the rest of the year, and I urge you to do the same.

I leave you with a picture of my hero in happier times. Goodbye, mi hermano, and God bless.

Strasburg. Wow.

I know, it was the Netherlands. How good of a baseball team could they field for the Olympics (I mean, Roger Bernadina wasn't there for them!)?

It doesn't really matter. Stephen Strasburg, the only amateur on the US squad, started last night's (This morning's? Fuck you China, and your 13 hour time difference.) game against the Netherlands. His line (click it if you're blind and can't make it out):


He was throwing 3 pitches consistently, and didn't get challenged by any hitter that I saw. Hell, one batter swung out of his shoes and landed on his back just fouling off a pitch.

Now, I have two points here.

1. Sign Crow. (The first round pick of the Nationals. He is reportedly asking for a lot of money. Way over what most number 9 picks get. Should he have dropped to number 9? Probably not, but that's another story in itself.) There's an old saying in baseball that I agree with 100%. It goes, "I don't want to play golf. When I hit the ball, I want someone else to chase it." There's another one that I also believe, and it actually pertains to this post. "You can never have too much pitching." You can't. It's impossible. Even if you have 5 stud starters, you need more. You can trade them for big bats, or the key piece to your teams needs. Hell, I don't care what you do with them, as long as you have them. Get Crow signed, fellas. I'm on my knees here.
2. Don't win another game all year. I swear to fucking God, don't. This Strasburg kid looked like a man among boys last night. He throws 3 pitches for strikes, and his 4th isn't that far behind from doing the same. I'm pretty sure that is the reason Manny kept Bergmann in the game last night for so long (10 runs in 3 IP? Hella-good! Walking the pitcher with the bases loaded? You my BOY! Walking another run in two batters latter? Now you're just fucking with me, aren't you? You and Manny are in cahoots!). Did I mind the fact that I had to sit there in the stands and see those runs pile up? Maybe, but I sure as fuck didn't once I got home and saw that Strasburg pitching line. God bless you, Manny. You're doing a fine, fine job.
3. Oh, God damn....almost forgot. Boni, those two walks last night rocked my world. Now, maybe you can try and get Manny to have you attempt a steal once you actually get on?
   

Beer makers going down.

Well, after losing the first two games on this Milwaukee series, we now have them right where we want them. By knocking out their starting pitchers early, we've thoroughly exhausted their bullpen. I'm not sure if they have anyone available to pitch from the pen today, actually.

No, no. Just kidding, folks! The lines for Milwaukee's two starters on Friday and Saturday:

CC Safathia: 9 IP, 5 Hits, 0 Runs, 1 BB, 9 K.

Ben Shits: 9 IP, 5 Hits, 0 Runs, 0 BB, 6 K.

You go, girls.

Our bullpen rocks!

Hi. Meet the Washington Nationals bullpen:


Hey, check out this line from the bottom of the 8th last night.


I know you just glanced over that summary, so I'm gonna break it down for you. Oh, you didn't glance over it? You read it? Too fucking bad, you need to see just how terrible this inning was. Suck it up, you're a big boy/girl.
Luis starts the 8th with a tie ballgame. First guy he faces grounds out. 2-2 1 out. Matt Holliday doubles. Man on 2nd, 1 out. Luis gives up a 4 pitch walk, then plunks a guy to make it bases loaded, 1 out. Manny brings in Charlie Manning, who preceded to give up a 2 run single (4-2, 1 out) walks a guy (bases loaded, 1 out), and then walks in a run. He does manage to strike the next batter out to make it 5-2, 2 out. Saul comes in with the bases loaded, THEN HITS THE GUY with his second pitch to bring in a run. 6-2, 2 outs, bases still loaded. Next batter, hey, let's walk in another run! 7-2, bases still loaded, 2 out. Matt Holliday is up, and really hits the shit out of the ball (not really, infield single) to make it 8-2, bases still loaded, 2 outs. Garrett Atkins is a gentleman, however, so he decides I've been through enough, and grounds out meekly to end the inning. FUCK SHIT DAMN! 4 walks, and 2 hit batters. The Cockies score 6 runs on 3 fucking hits! The bullpen guys threw 44 pitches, with more balls than strikes (23 balls, 21 strikes).

Hi. Meet the Washington Nationals bullpen:

This line is phenomenal

Check out this bitching pitching line from Capt. Redd.




Yeah, take that, you San Fran bitches! Capt Redd shut you the fuck down!

What was that? Did I check out our hitting line? No, what for? Seriously? Fuck. Me.

Good to see the offense fall back to their regular ways. God damn, God DAMN!

I excluded the names to protect the players, but if you guessed Harris, Guzman, Zim, Kearns, Estrada, LoDu, Flop, Longerhands (1-8), you might be right. Way to give the pitcher some help, you limp swinging mother fuckers. Did any of you even think to try and work the count? I want Lenny Harris' head! How pathetic is this line? See the total hits? Four. Guess who got one of them? Capt. Redd. Jesus. F. Christ. Three hits from the position guys? Really?

:::sigh:::

Also, there has been a shit load of news lately with the Nats; Trades, non-tenders, releases, off DL transactions, etc. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to bring it to you, it's just that I have a lot of (day job) work to do. I mean, like, three days worth that I have to get done today. I'll leave you with the link to Chico Harlan's Washington Post blog. He'll take good care of you.

Last thing: The Nats are in Los Angeles for a three game set. My only question is: The Doctor, you going to all three? "No" is not an acceptable answer.

This is baseball?

For Reals?

Not even sure I feel like describing the offense of this squad. I'm serials.

The pitching? Muey fuckin bueno.

The hitting/(Flops)defense? No es fuckin bueno.

This is it.

Rock bottom. That's where I think we are. Especially with the latest news about The Franchise (with all due respect to Shane Douglas). That's right folks. Zim is out a minimum of 4-6 weeks, and it could be for the year. I told my cat, Natty, the news last night after the game. His response is documented below.


He was commenting on not only the Zim injury news, but also the pathetic and inconsistent offense. He also wonders why no starter besides Lannan can seem to throw more than 5 innings. Why have the bullpen guys that were so reliable in the past seemed so brutally ineffective? (Natty kitty's looking at you Saul and Luis!) He also can't stand Hanrahan's inability to throw strikes. I dunno, ya know? To pitch in this level don't you kinda, sorta, have to be around the God damn plate!? When Colome is thought of as being one of the better success stories outta the pen, you know your fucked. Props to Rauch, however. He's been all right filling in for Cordero.
Will it get any better? Shit, how long till Guzman goes to the DL? The injuries, offensive ineptitude, and pitching woes are driving me to tie a plastic bag around my head. The only things keeping me from self inflicted death at this point are Flores, Dukes, Milledge, Guzman, and Lannan. Four 23 year olds and a 29 year old that is by far our best player this year. Will he get re-signed? It'll be interesting to see. I'm also peeking into the farm system, and we will get some more looks at younger starting pitching as the season stretches into September.
How can I sum it all up?
Fuck. Me. Let me know when this team can do anything consistently, besides sucking. I still love everyone that puts on the uniform and goes out there to play. I'll still watch every game that I can, and I'll be at the park another 14 times at a minimum. I just can't have any hope of the offense coming from behind, nor the pitching staff keeping the other team from scoring early.

Blaargh

Not too much to get excited about these days. I was riding high on the Dooksie homer, but the weekend play has pretty much killed my will to live. Four runs in three games will do it to ya.
I wasn't extremely pumped over Mock's performance. I didn't see anything that would indicate to me he's a number 1 or 2 starter. Might be a number 3 in the long run. But, hell, it wasn't horrible for a first ever MLB start.
Quick update going into tonight, as it's Tyler Clippard throwing for his first time with the Nats tonight. I'm really looking forward to seeing his stuff. I'm hoping to see number 3 starter stuff. Shooting too high? Maybe, folks, but fuck it..gotta have something to think positive about.
My boy was telling me that he was looking forward to a write up about the Pirates series that's about to start. Don't think Pie-rats vs. Nats is anything to get excited about. I will get a free case o' Yuengling with one Nats win, though. Come to papa!
I did want to mention the baseball (read: boring) fight that broke out in the Pirates/Diamondbacks game, though. I, for one, believe Randy Johnson should get punched in the face at least daily for making me look at his ugly face. Seriously, a dude that ugly shouldn't be on TV. Ever. Someone make is so.