Jim Riggleman does what he's gotta do.

Look... yesterday's game sucked. No two ways about it. I don't feel like addressing the game itself. If you want to know the outcome, here's a recap:

Had lead. Got fucked by umpire. Choked. Lost game.

There. Now, if you want to know the intricacies, here's MLB's gamer page.

The one thing I do want to address, however, is Jim Riggleman. After Jason Marquis had a ball called on him for not wiping off his hand after going to his mouth (according to home plate umpire Paul Schrieber, anyway), and then had two obvious strikes called balls by Schrieber, Riggles came out to the mound to talk to Marquis.

Only, he wasn't there to talk to Marquis. I mean, sure, he may have had some conversation with him - "See that hot blond three rows back?" "How's Pudge treating ya?" "Wanna grab some lemonade after this?"- but that wasn't his main reason for coming out. Nope, he went out to get his player's back. (Something I griped about when Many Acta was here.) You wanna dick the players on calls? Okay, fine, Jimmy can't stop that, but he sure as shit can come out and get in your face and let you know he's not gonna let you do it unnoticed. So, after Riggles stayed on the mound waaaay passed a reasonable time, Schrieber came out to tell him to head back to the dugout. That's when Riggles decided he was going to loudly discuss ball and strike calls with Marquis. And by "with Marquis" I mean "with the side of Marquis' head while pointing his mouth at Schrieber."

Riggleman gets run, and the wheels completely fall the fuck off. Nationals lose. But hey, at least we got to see this:

Wanna know what Manny Acta mailed out last night to Riggles after seeing the highlights? One copy of Tuesdays With Morrie, and a suggestion of how to handle that situation if it happened again.

"Hey, Jim. Next time, just hand Mr. Umpire this note.

After all, no one's perfect, and they've got feelings, too!"

Oh, the saliva wiping incident also brought about the best (unintentional?) dig of the season so far. While explaining what happened, Jason Marquis calls Paul Schrieber a girl. See, when asked if he had wiped off his saliva, Marquis dropped this:

"I know I wiped," Marquis said. "It's he-said, she-said type thing."

 Ha-ha, Paul! Marquis said you sit down to pee! *Snicker*

Ain't no stopping Derek Norris now.

(Everyone who read that speech bubble in their head with the Professor's voice raise your hand. It's okay... I did it too.)

So, Brian Oliver broke it on his Twitter feed early this morning, and confirmed it on his blog a tad later. What is it, you ask?

Promotion News: The Nationals are reportedly going to promote CA Sean Rooney from Potomac to Harrisburg and CA Derek Norris from Hagerstown to Potomac.

How you like them fucking apples? DeNo (Derek's nickname that we gave him, right? Right!?) has been like Michael Jackson's hair in that Pepsi commercial all year, and I hyped him up just last week, so you guys know him well. This news is only kinda surprising in that I can't believe they didn't send him to AA Harrisburg. The catchers there have lines of .184/.273/.327 (Luke Montz) and .145/.333/.242 (Javi Herrera). But... the Nats want him to be the everyday guy in Potomac (Advanced A), while Sean Rooney is booting Javi Herrera from the Harrisburg roster. I can live with that. Derek will surely rip through Potomac like he did all his other leagues. Who knows, Jesus Flores could be backing him up in the bigs as soon as late next year. (Did I hear someone say, "Who?" Jesus Flores, that's who. You know... the guy who starts for the Nats when healthy? You forgot him already? ::sigh::)

So, I thought it was time to do a seriously scientific evaluation of the prospects in all of Major League baseball right now and see how Derek is looking. This graph below illustrates my findings.


As you can plainly see, DeNo is head and shoulders above everyone else in organized ball. Hell, he might even get called up to be Strasburg's personal catcher when Stras signs! (Okay, yes... I may be a delusional Nats fanatic, but I do realize Derek is only 20, and won't turn 21 until 2010. And... no, he won't be making the big club any time soon. See? I may be delusional, but I'm not insane.) My hearty congrats go out to DeNo. I may even go over to Potomac and buy that young man a beer or two. Of course... since he's underage, we would have to go somewhere super secret to drink said beers. Like... one of those windowless cargo vans.

(My editor highly recommended I retract that last sentence in case, God forbid, Derek actually gets abducted by someone. I told him that since I'm following DeNo 24 hours a day that there's nothing to worry about, as I would surely step in and stop such an abduction attempt, thus becoming DeNo's hero. And we would become BFFs and hang out all the time. And watch movies together, and play catch, and talk about girls and stuff. Actually... is there anyone out there willing to "pose" as an "attempted kidnapper?" Let me know!)

So, yeah. Go DeNo! Woo-hoo!

P.S. I'm still not ready to talk about Manny. I will just say that I was mildly shocked when I read this article. In it, it explains some of Manny's teaching tools, one of which included handing out SELF-FUCKING-HELP books. I shit you not. Apparently Manny didn't learn from reading about the likes of Stengel, McGraw, and McCarthy. No, he learned by reading Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil and that "Chicken Soup For the Soul" fucker. Gah!

Tyler Clippard's IBB balk, and other stuff. (Like... What happened to Manny Acta and true defining moments.)

I present to you... the first of many in what should be MASN's actual ad campaign. Does anyone hear the phrase "Defining Moments" and associate it positively with the Nationals? Fuck and no are the answers. There are hundreds of true Nats defining moments, and this will surely become a regular feature. So, how bout you all throw your MASN Nats defining moments in the comments? In the meantime, I'll give you my defining moment of the Nationals. Tyler Clippard's balk that he committed while trying to intentionally walk someone.

Yeah, you read that right. Allow me to set the scene. In the bottom of the 8th, Tyler Clippard was brought into the ballgame to keep the game... well... sorta-somewhat close. (4-0 Astros at that point). He walked Berkman to lead off the inning in spectacular fashion, then gave up a ground-rule double to Carlos Lee. (That ball may or may not have been catch able. At this point, however, I have stopped thinking like that whenever a ball is hit towards Adam Dunn. Unless it's a fucking line drive right at his face, I'm now assuming it's a double, even if it's hit by a bigger, fatter version of Dmitri Young. Which does not exist.)
Next up was Geoff Blum (whose parent I have issues with, btw. It's Jeff. Not Geoff, god dammit) who hit a shallow pop fly to center that Nyjer Morgan made a nice play on. So, with one out, here is where the drama hilarity comes in. Manny decides to intentionally walk Hunter Pence, to set up the double play. Easy enough, right? Not for our 2009 Washington Nationals it ain't. Enjoy your Yaketty Sax for today.

I'd write more about it, but there really isn't anything else to say. Also, I spent two fucking hours on this video piece of shit above and am extremely displeased with the quality of the ultimate product. Enjoy, peeps, cause it's the last actual video you'll ever get from me again. (Unless someone knows of a decent video capture and edit software. And don't even think of recommending Cam Studio, or I'll punch your mom in the face.) And, yeah, the rule is outdated and probably needs to be re-written... but still, it's an intentional walk. You're purposely throwing balls nowhere near the damn strike zone. Once your spike gets caught, Tyler, just flick the ball in Wil's general direction. I don't give a shit if it's a 15 hopper, just let it go.

In other news, Manny Acta finally got fired. I'm seriously going to leave it at that for right now. I'm not a happy person. I haven't read a single Internet article on it, and haven't even opened my Twitter client today. I'm just shocked that they think handing the reigns over to a lifetime .445 manager is gonna make that much of a difference. I dunno. Maybe I should do some research and see if Riggleman's squads played fundamentally sound baseball. That may be one area he can improve on. What he can't change, however, are the names on the back of the jerseys in the clubhouse. You see... the players on this team need someone continually babysitting them. Continually encouraging them. Continually challenging them. The players need someone to get them to actually practice, play, and act like they give a fuck. Is Jim Riggleman that guy? I don't know, but that sure as shit wasn't Manny Acta. (I guess I did end up writing something on that, eh?)

Farewell to you and your fedora, Manny. I wish you the best of luck.

Manny Acta needs to get medieval on some asses.

So, I'm watching last night's game epic screw job, and I'm fucking pissed. The whole Daniel Murphy homerun/no homerun thing had me fuming. Look... there are many factors that played into it (Dunn not hustling the most glaring), but here's the bottom line. The play was ruled as a triple on the field. In order to overturn the call there has to be "clear and convincing evidence."

The score was tied 3-3 with a runner on first and no outs when Murphy hit the ball. A runner was thrown out at home on the play, with the batter ending up on 3rd. It's still 3-3 but with one out, and a runner at third. The umpires adjourn to view the replays eat donuts and laugh about "how awful this Nats team is." Then, they waddle back out onto the field, and give the homerun signal.

The crowd goes bonkers, as the score is now 5-3 and there are no outs. This brings Manny to a fucking boiling rage. Remember, it requires clear-cut evidence to overturn a call on the field. Clear cut, my ass. I mean, this call was blown so bad, it looked like a Granny's Gone Wild porno. Manny can't, and won't stand for this shit, so he bolts out of the dugout to give the umps a big piece of his Dominican mind. I caught it on video and posted it below.

Look at that fire! Look at that intensity! He's laying it on the line, man! He's letting the umps know they destroyed that call, and is showing his squad how much a win matters to him.

Oh, wait. That's not actual video above. You see, the only one who argued the call was Adam Dunn (and props to The Big Donkey for that. Gotta sell it).

That's right. Manny did diddly squat. Fucking sat on his hands. Maybe said, "Gosh golly, I was sure that wasn't a homerun. Oh well, the umpires always get it right. Besides, who am I to argue with those guys? They're good family men."

Whether they got the call right, or wrong, it was a game changing call. Ryan Zimmerman said

"It was a huge blow"

Huge blow? It was a testicle shot. Good thing your mentor, leader, and motivator of the squad (cough, Manny, cough) let it be known that he was super fucking pissed.

Or, he didn't.

All I can say at this point, is that I hope to God I never find myself in a position where Manny has to stand up for me.

"Hey, Manny, you remember that one time that I had that 15 minute conversation with you in the clubhouse during the Nats open house for season ticket holders?"

"I sure do, and that was a good time. Thanks for coming out and supporting the team all season."

"Well, Manny, I'm glad you remember that meeting. You see... The police arrested and charged me with a murder. But... I couldn't have commited this murder. In fact, the coroner placed the time of death at the exact moment in which I was talking with you. Can you testify that I couldn't of committed this heinous act, since I was in your presence the whole time?"

"Well, wow. Gosh, dude. I mean... it is the police and all. They always get it right. Maybe I was talking to a hologram. Yeah, that must be it. I was talking to a hologram. Good luck to you! Come on out and support the team when you get paroled. Don't drop the soap."

Ugh.

The rest of the pictures

Okay, I'll post some other pictures we took on Saturday, along with one I stole. I even left my broke-ass mug on here. Lets hope the eBays don't break.


Here's me in the dugout. I'm staring at the scouting sheets they have posted on the bulletin board. All I can say is that it's detailed as shit! It had breakdowns of every pitcher and hitter on the Padres. It said stuff like "Prone to swinging over big curveballs", "Has a great 12-6 curve he'll throw early in the count", and "Bad mother fucker. Just walk him" (The last was for Adrian Gonzalez.)


Here's dorky ass me on the field. The Mrs. wanted this shot, so I thought to myself, "I'll look really cool if I give the thumbs up!" I'm a moron. If you look right above my right ear, you can see our seats. Just above the "dation" part of Washington Nationals Dream Foundation. Stop by for a beer, or to holler at the fellas in the pen, if you get a chance.


I took this shot of the Mrs. with Jesus Colome, and our 2nd favorite Puerto Rican National, Saul Rivera. I started to tell Colome to get his huge banana hands of my woman, but thought better of it. Saul was pimping, as usual, but did answer when the Mrs. asked him what his nickname meant. Also of note: Strongest grip among the Nats I shook hands with? Saul vice-grip Rivera.

I'm posing with Manny and LMillz here. I actually asked them if I could put my hands on them, cause I wasn't sure what protocol was, and I didn't want to make him mad. Milledge, that is. I don't think Manny's the kind of guy that would punch me in the face. Lastings? Yes, he just may be. He was actually a cool guy. I asked him if he liked it here in D.C. and he replied, "It ain't no Florida." I think he meant that as a good thing. I think.


Finally, I ripped this one off of Screeches Best Friend's blog, Nats320. If you like needless capitalization, tons of pictures, extra hyphens, and 3 mile long posts, give it a shot. Here's one he posted of me getting my baseball signed by Boney and Alberto Gonzalez. I'm laughing because I asked him what he thought was a better nickname, Boney or Bonesy. He told me Boney. I said, "Really? Not Bonesy?" and I think he could tell I was a little bummed. "Is okay", he said. "You call me Bonesy." Good kid.

Damn, Manny Acta is deep!

I had no idea we had the Dalai Lama coaching this team. I just want to hug this man!
This is a quote clipped from Chico's Nationals Journal post. I'll (try to) set it up for you. Chico was explaining to Manny how we was writing an article about Acta's managerial style, specifically his patience. It led to a conversation about the dust up in the dugout between Manny and Elijah, and how it was leading off Baseball Tonight and other shows. Manny said he does this behind doors often, but no-one makes a big deal of it then. Chico tries to blame it on more media presence, but Manny doesn't bite. His explanation for the blown out of proportion dugout scene being headline news?

It's the sadness of the world. Sarcasm. Negativity. We live in world where people love to boo instead of cheer. They'd rather say No than Yes. They love to say, You suck, instead of, It's OK you'll get 'em next time. They love violence instead of calm. That's why I'm so worried and feel bad about my daughter's future in this world. It is simple: The Washington Nationals sometime go days without being seen on highlights on TV shows. And that night, because of a little argument in the dugout, we were the leading story. What does that tell you?

Fuck. Manny is muy profundamente.