Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Ain't no stopping Derek Norris now.

(Everyone who read that speech bubble in their head with the Professor's voice raise your hand. It's okay... I did it too.)

So, Brian Oliver broke it on his Twitter feed early this morning, and confirmed it on his blog a tad later. What is it, you ask?
Promotion News: The Nationals are reportedly going to promote CA Sean Rooney from Potomac to Harrisburg and CA Derek Norris from Hagerstown to Potomac.
How you like them fucking apples? DeNo (Derek's nickname that we gave him, right? Right!?) has been like Michael Jackson's hair in that Pepsi commercial all year, and I hyped him up just last week, so you guys know him well. This news is only kinda surprising in that I can't believe they didn't send him to AA Harrisburg. The catchers there have lines of .184/.273/.327 (Luke Montz) and .145/.333/.242 (Javi Herrera). But... the Nats want him to be the everyday guy in Potomac (Advanced A), while Sean Rooney is booting Javi Herrera from the Harrisburg roster. I can live with that. Derek will surely rip through Potomac like he did all his other leagues. Who knows, Jesus Flores could be backing him up in the bigs as soon as late next year. (Did I hear someone say, "Who?" Jesus Flores, that's who. You know... the guy who starts for the Nats when healthy? You forgot him already? ::sigh::)

So, I thought it was time to do a seriously scientific evaluation of the prospects in all of Major League baseball right now and see how Derek is looking. This graph below illustrates my findings.

As you can plainly see, DeNo is head and shoulders above everyone else in organized ball. Hell, he might even get called up to be Strasburg's personal catcher when Stras signs! (Okay, yes... I may be a delusional Nats fanatic, but I do realize Derek is only 20, and won't turn 21 until 2010. And... no, he won't be making the big club any time soon. See? I may be delusional, but I'm not insane.) My hearty congrats go out to DeNo. I may even go over to Potomac and buy that young man a beer or two. Of course... since he's underage, we would have to go somewhere super secret to drink said beers. Like... one of those windowless cargo vans.

(My editor highly recommended I retract that last sentence in case, God forbid, Derek actually gets abducted by someone. I told him that since I'm following DeNo 24 hours a day that there's nothing to worry about, as I would surely step in and stop such an abduction attempt, thus becoming DeNo's hero. And we would become BFFs and hang out all the time. And watch movies together, and play catch, and talk about girls and stuff. Actually... is there anyone out there willing to "pose" as an "attempted kidnapper?" Let me know!)

So, yeah. Go DeNo! Woo-hoo!

P.S. I'm still not ready to talk about Manny. I will just say that I was mildly shocked when I read this article. In it, it explains some of Manny's teaching tools, one of which included handing out SELF-FUCKING-HELP books. I shit you not. Apparently Manny didn't learn from reading about the likes of Stengel, McGraw, and McCarthy. No, he learned by reading Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil and that "Chicken Soup For the Soul" fucker. Gah!


Puttzy said...

DeNo will lose you love quickly just like that Lastings guy has

Section 138 said...

Listen, pal... I never had a man crush on Lastings. I was always a bit wary of him and his antics.
Second of all, your sentence doesn't make any sense, cause grammar lost your love quickly.
So there!

The Doctor said...

Second of all, your sentence doesn't make any sense, cause grammar lost your love quickly.



Derek Norris just dominates life. Stop being a clown and behold the spectacle, Puttzy.

Rob Birch said...

COCK Norris!!!!!

The Doctor said...

Shocker that Chico Man has cock on the brain.