Emilioooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Great news from the weekend, as our newly acquired second baseman is tearing up AAA. In case you didn't hear, the Wookie, Jon Rauch, was traded to the Arizona Diamondbacks for their #6 ranked prospect in their system, Mr. Emilio Jose Rosario Bonifacio, who will be known as either Emilioooooooooo, Boney, or Bonesy from here on out. I will let you, the commenters make the decision (which really means I'll be making the decision, because none of you ungrateful maggots comment anymore).
Anyway, he made his debut for the Nats on Thurday, playing for AAA Columbus. Do you wonder how he did since then? Well have no fear, because I, the founding member of the Bonesy Brigade, am here to let you know just that.

Thursday: 2/5; 1BB; 0SB; 1R (must of been the jet lag.)
Friday: 3/4; 1BB; 1SB; 1R (starting to come around.)
Saturday: 2/4; 2BB; 1SB; 4R (SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! This kid is dy-no-mite!)
Sunday: 3/4; 0BB; 1SB; 1R (Another display of awesomely awesomeness.)

So, Emiliooooooooo is hitting .625 with 4 walks and 3 SB, and has scored 7 runs in 4 games. That, as they say, is what I'm fucking talking about! See ya, Flop! Can't wait for the roster expansion to get this kid up to DC (maybe sooner if we can dump Flop at the trading deadline). The scout's all agree on one thing with Boney: He can flat out fly. "Blazing speed" was a description I saw more than once. If he can get on base as often as he has for us so far (.684 OBP!), he'll lead the league in SB and runs easily. Now, I went and hunted down a picture of the kid that would do him justice. Enjoy!




P.S. In case you didn't hear, the Nationals/Dodgers games were cancelled due to the Nats' bats failing to show up. I think they got lost in Louisville as they were being shipped to L.A. from Atlanta.

This is it.

Rock bottom. That's where I think we are. Especially with the latest news about The Franchise (with all due respect to Shane Douglas). That's right folks. Zim is out a minimum of 4-6 weeks, and it could be for the year. I told my cat, Natty, the news last night after the game. His response is documented below.


He was commenting on not only the Zim injury news, but also the pathetic and inconsistent offense. He also wonders why no starter besides Lannan can seem to throw more than 5 innings. Why have the bullpen guys that were so reliable in the past seemed so brutally ineffective? (Natty kitty's looking at you Saul and Luis!) He also can't stand Hanrahan's inability to throw strikes. I dunno, ya know? To pitch in this level don't you kinda, sorta, have to be around the God damn plate!? When Colome is thought of as being one of the better success stories outta the pen, you know your fucked. Props to Rauch, however. He's been all right filling in for Cordero.
Will it get any better? Shit, how long till Guzman goes to the DL? The injuries, offensive ineptitude, and pitching woes are driving me to tie a plastic bag around my head. The only things keeping me from self inflicted death at this point are Flores, Dukes, Milledge, Guzman, and Lannan. Four 23 year olds and a 29 year old that is by far our best player this year. Will he get re-signed? It'll be interesting to see. I'm also peeking into the farm system, and we will get some more looks at younger starting pitching as the season stretches into September.
How can I sum it all up?
Fuck. Me. Let me know when this team can do anything consistently, besides sucking. I still love everyone that puts on the uniform and goes out there to play. I'll still watch every game that I can, and I'll be at the park another 14 times at a minimum. I just can't have any hope of the offense coming from behind, nor the pitching staff keeping the other team from scoring early.

Jesus is better than JESUS!

Shawn Estes had the audacity to try and slip a fastball past JESUS! with the bases loaded. Yeah, you can guess what happened next.



Yard work by the big fella! He was quoted as saying:

That's a great feeling right there," Flores said. "He gave me a favor, giving me that fastball."

Our ever humble catcher. You know Estes threw the best pitch of his life. Now, come over here lil' buddy! I'm gonna give YOU a favor. Enjoy, sir:


Can't forget Mi Hermano, though. Sanches came in and got in a whole lotta trouble (shocker). Manny handed the ball to Luis, and he ran off 1 2/3 IP with 0 runs. Muchos Goodos, Luis! The Wookie got the save with a 1-2-3 9th.

Going for the series win today at 3:35 EDT. Johhny Lannans time = Go time!

Memorial Day goodness.

I gotta be honest, folks, I'm not overly confident today. The offense has been struggling as of late, and they're facing Benjamin Sheets today.
I got nothing to say about Sheetsie. The kids a fucking stud. I'm just looking forward to catching a couple innings of some good baseball. Bergie is on the bump for the Nats today to try and counter Mr. Sheets.
Our main hope for today? Well, the Wookie was on the 2000 Olympic team that won the Gold Medal in Sydney. Who else was on the team? Sheets. Hopefully, Rauch took him out drinking last night to talk about that 2000 medal winning experience. I'm pretty sure 6'11" can drink 6'1" under the table, right?

They're KILLING me, Whitey. They're killing me.

Bergmann threw an incredible game. When he got in a jam in the 7th, he worked out of it, and the Phillies didn't score. Saul came in and threw a great 8th, again, no score for the Phillies.

/Puts on manager cap
Me: Hey, Randy. Let's get Ayala up to throw the 9th. Then we can bring in Rauch for the 10th, if need be.
/Takes off manager hat

Manny brings in Rauch for the 9th (where the score is still 0-0). Leadoff hitter doubles. He gets pinch run for. Sacrifice bunt moves him to 3rd base, one out. Dobbs up to bat.

/Puts manager cap back on
Me (in a text message): Walk him (Dobbs) to set up the double play? I would.
/Takes off manager hat

Dobbs singles to center to score the go ahead (and winning) run.

I could just end this post here, and slam my head into the wall and die. I won't however. In the same inning, with two outs, Dobbs was still on first. Victorino came up and hit a ball into left center while Mills was playing him waaaay over in right. Milledge ran a country mile to get the ball, fired off a shot to the cut off man (Goooz) who turned and fired to home to try and get Dobbs at home. It looked like Dobbs scored. He did not, however. Why? Because Jesus made an incredible block of the plate. I mean, he put on a fucking clinic. That's the best block I've seen since my friend's wife got a diaphragm. Just awesome. I actually have a link here for that play, but I want to preface it by saying something. I don't hate Bob Carpenter, but I do hate some of the things he does. What irks me the most about him is how he "forecasts" the call. I just want to punch him in the nuts when he does that. Jesus, Bob, just wait for the play to develop, and end. Don't call it before the fucking umpire does, okay? Now, here's the link, which includes audio of Bob Carpenter doing his worst.

I got nothing for the offense. They know the suck. They have to, right? I do want to give props to Dooks, however. He came up with 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. He worked a walk on 6 pitches. What does he do next? Mother fucker steals second, and third. These were steals too, not defense indifference. Mackowakiak walked and Flop came up. I actually found myself thinking, "he can do this. Flop's been hitting well this year!" Well, poop on me for thinking that, as he grounded out to end the game. 1-0 loss to the Philthies. Sets up the rubber game today, with el muy hermoso left coast lefty on the bump. Now, how bout we give him some offense? Offense on three, ready? ONE-TWO-THREE..

Mopping up from Thursday, and Wagner's a douche.

Ok, a 1-0 win against the Mets yesterday made the Nats 3-1 for that series. Makes me tingly all over. And down there.
I need to hand out the awesome dude of the day medal, but there's a problem. How can it go to just one guy? I wanna hand it to Bergmann. I really do. He made the Mets look like grade schoolers out there. Like absolutely crappy ball players. HOWEVER, < /Steven A. Smith > we needed Jesus to get himself into scoring position, Flop to drive him in, Willie Mays Hayes Harris to make that catch, Luis Ayala to throw that wickedly wicked 8th, and the Wookie to finish it off.
What the hell, all six of you doods share yesterday's medal. Enjoy, fellas.


And one last thing to leave the dumpster that is New York with. In an article written in the New York Times yesterday, there is an interview with Billy Wagner. Yes, yes, he does go on to insert his hoof into his mouth a couple times, and looks just like the prick he always is. Now, however, I have confirmation my suspicions. Billy Wagner is a douchey toolbox:

Billy Wagner was almost out the door of the Mets’ clubhouse on Thursday. He was dressed in blue jeans and a T-shirt, had his cellphone earpiece in place and had tobacco stuffed against his lower lip.

Anyone who walks around with a bluetooth headset on is a douche. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to hear he also wears a fanny pack.

No worries.

Have no fear, faithful readers. Luis is coming in to end the 8th here. According to Don Sutton (and I'm paraphrasing):

"Randy Jesus Saint Pope St. Claire found something wrong in his delivery. He fixed it, because he's the Messiah."

Fuck, Don. I know you're wrong 40% of the time, but please be right here.

Good guys 5, bad guys 2. 1 out in the bottom of the 8th, men on 1st and 2nd.

Gah!

UPDATE 1: Luis "mi hermano" Ayala retired every single batter he faced. Luis is back! And he's all out of bubble gum.

UPDATE 2: Rauchie came in, and got out of the 8th, and is on in the 9th with the score 5-3. Good guys are up.

UPDATE 3: Rauch is good. Just struck out the billion dollar man Carlos Delgado. Have a seat, lunch meat!

Update 4: ZIM! caught Schnieder's pop up for out 2. I'm staying here for the rest of the game.


0-2 count...


curve ball that the guy (Mets dude..looks shady..don't know his name) didn't chase


Swing and a BIG miss on Rauchie's 82 MPH change. Game over. Another one for the good guys.


Props to ZIM!, Flop, Gooz, and Flores. Can't forget Capt Redd, who threw a heck of a game, and got win number 5.


I haven't figured out what I'm doing for tomorrow's day game. I might just leave work to go home and watch it. Who knows?

p.s. Jesus this Phil Wood guy is a huge globbering glob of goo. He's stumbling more over his words than I do over my feet after an average Saturday night. It's called a tele-prompter, fattie. Use it.

p.p.s. I've never thought I would be wishing for Ray Knight, yet I am. Fuck this shit, I'm switching over to the hoc-key game.

p.p.p.s. Nice hair, Phil! (This coming from someone with no hair, but no bitterness, I swear.)

Seriously, I found this picture, and it's the absolute best he's ever looked. Nice five head.

Slide back and listen to the news...

I didn't see the end of Monday's game. Rauch gave up that two run job in the top of the 9th, and I just turned off the TV. I may have said, "fuck" or something to that effect, but didn't get too hyper ape-shit about it.
Which really, really sucks. I should be going ape-shit. I should be screaming at these fuckers. You know why? 'Cause they're fucking better than this shit!
Get the bats going, fellas. Get the gloves working. And most of all, STOP LEAVING ALL THESE FUCKERS ON BASE!!
Seriously! Shit ain't that hard, is it?
Christ on a trampoline!
OK. Me n' the girl have tickets to the game tonight. I'll do my best to get some bullpen stories for ya. I can't promise Luis will be as kind to me again, but maybe I could get the wookie to flip me the bird?
Oh, and I moved yesterday, and don't have no ebays at the house yet. It's coming, but y'all little dill weeds gotta be patient about the low post count. That is all, carry on.

Some thinking...

Well, I was supposed to umpire a varsity game in NOVA (Northern Virginia for you out-of-towners) today at 6 pm, but just got word that it's rained out. Yippie. So, I thought I'd push my work back a little bit, since I don't have to leave early, and have a serious Nats post.
No poop or fuck jokes here, kiddies. So, if that ain't your bag, exit stage left.
I like Manny's thinking on playing Flop in LF. I really do. I'm interested to see who gets dropped from the roster when Lannan gets called up tomorrow (Sunday?). Mackowkiawak? Willie Harris? Someone from the bullpen?
In other news, Cordero's shoulder seems to be ok, and he will pitch Sunday at the earliest. Hooray. I wonder what that does to Rauchie? Back to set-up man? I thought this was so simple coming out of spring training. Our great starters give us 6-7 innings. If they can't go that long, Hanny or Ayala for middle relief. Ray King as a LOOGY, and LOOGY only, Manny! Leading to Rauchie and Chad to close it out.
Funny how a bullpen can look so bad in two games, ain't it?

Farewell to the Chief?

Take my closer, please!

This just in from the always reliable (I mean rumorlicious) mlbtraderumors.com:

the Nationals and Tigers discussed Chad Cordero this spring. Their source believes the Tigers' interest will heighten if their bullpen struggles early on. The article doesn't cover suggest it, but the Tigers could also consider relievers Jon Rauch or Luis Ayala.

Now, I'm not saying to give Cordero away for nothing, but Jimmy B better deal him before either Rauch or Ayala. Go on over to mlbtraderumors.com to read the rest of it. It touches on the fact that right now Chad's stock is low. Mostly because he's broken.

So, injuries start early, eh?

Well, fuck us. Dukes' hammy is worse than originally thought. He was removed from last nights game because of tightness, and was put on the 15 day DL today. I'm not sure if there's any truth to the rumor that he threatened his hamstring in the clubhouse with a gun. Some reported hearing him say, "Listen, Hammy, you better straighten the fuck up, or you dead, dawg!"
Chad "The Human Coronary" Cordero is day to day with shoulder tendinitis. I call bullshit. I saw him throwing to Luis Ayala in the bullpen Saturday night, and he looked fine to me. Ok, so he was throwing a bundled up t-shirt, not a baseball. And it was from five feet away. Fuck that shit, though. So, Rauchie looks to be the closer in the mean time. Works for me.
Btw, Ayala blew me a kiss that night. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or scared.
So, we're stuck with Harris and Macoviwackiwack in LF. Shit on a stick. My only hope is that WMP comes of the DL early. But, who am I kidding? These are the Gnats.