Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ah, what the hell. It's stats day today.

As much as I despise that certain 34 year old rump roasted left handed reliever, I likey what I'm seeing from Gooz. Except for one thing, but I'll get to that later.
Stats on the year for the Goozman:
AB: 43; H: 14; 2B: 2; 3B: 2; HR: 2; RBI 6; BB: 0; K:4
I'll do the math for you fuckers, and project that out for the season:
H: 252!; 2B/3B/HR: 36; RBI: 108; K:72; R: 144.
Pretty beastly, no? Obviously, he can't keep all of that up for the season, but fuck it, he's golden to me right now. I'd take those numbers anywhere in the lineup. Except lead off. Did I mention he's leading off right now? Did I mention these projections?:
OBP: .318; SB: 0; BB: 0.
Nope, that ain't too fucking good for a lead off man. If you look at the regular starters, he ranks 6th in OBP. It goes Kearnsie, Slick, Blastings, LoDu, Flop, Gooz, Belly, and Mr. Walk-off in order of best to worst. Kearnsie (I just want to squeeze that lil' hairy man!) is leading with .395. How does that happen when the guy is only (for now) hitting .233? He has 7 BB's. Look, I know Gooz had that eye surgery, and that's how he's hitting the cow-spit outta the ball. But, for the love of God, someone get him to take a few fucking pitches! Gorilla Glue his bat to his shoulders for a few at-bats. Maybe then he can get on base.
Gooz's BA (.326) is higher than his fucking OBP! Great googley moogley.
I'm going to put my manager hat on, and play Manny. Drop Gooz down in the order. Please. I'm begging you. Put Blastings in the number one spot. He's got a .341 OBP (BTW, that's the only thing any potential lead off can be judged on. Did you realize the Nats only have two stolen bases? Two. 2. Talk about dick samiches!), with a little pop (1 HR 2 2B). Then, Gooz can hit second all year long. Move Slick up to third, drop The Non-Human to fourth, and we all set. World Series, look the fuck out, cause this bingo train is about to roll!
Now, excuse me while I go rub one out to the replay of Gooz's 2 3B, 3 RBI game from Monday. If you need me, go fuck yourself.


Andrew Fox said...

Or we could just sign a leadoff hitter when we start dominating free agency next year.

Rob said...

Don't you ever work? What's with all the profanity, anyway? What's a looger?

Phishisgr8 said...

I'm working right now, actually. I don't remember using any profanity. A LOOGY, dude, LOOGY. Click (or cut and paste)here: http://tinyurl.com/5jbhxc

Phishisgr8 said...

"Or we could just sign a leadoff hitter when we start dominating free agency next year."

Why not put Blastings there? I can't figure out why they won't even consider it. Rickey hit 24 HR in the lead off spot and was 3rd in the MVP vote that year.

Andrew Fox said...

Eh, I don't necessarily disagree, but I'd rather use Blastings lower in the order. Rickey got on base 42% of the time that year. That's just retarded. Chico Man retarded.