Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'm back. Just in case... you know... anyone cared.

Greetings, puny humans! It is I, Glorph 9, and I have decided to return to your pitiful planet and release the one known as "Section 138." We arrived on this rock last Thursday and attempted to collect the species homo sapiens. We collected what we thought we needed, and ventured back to Zecforgh 69, our home planet. Why are you laughing!? Every time we told you pathetic humans our home planet name, you giggled. What's so funny about the name Zecforgh? Nothing, you say? Well, what about the name 69? Stop the laughter immediately!

We had made it 13 light years when the one called "Section 138" started bugging us. He asked for an inordinate amount of "beer" and demanded to watch something called the "Nationals" on our communication viewing device. We informed him we know not what he speaks of, when he got belligerent. He threatened to throw himself off the ship if he couldn't watch "Wil, The Hammer, Tony Plush, The Non-Human, Goggles, and DOOKS!." He started drawing curly W's on things and chanting, "Free the Bergmann" all the while. The last straw was when he went to our pilot, Hglorgh 7 and starting chanting, "Chase Utley is the devil" while punching, kicking, and spitting on him. We later found out that Hglorgh 7's skin color matches the uniform of some team known as the "Phillies."

We have returned him as he is obviously defective. I'm not sure how things are done on your planet, but back home, on Zecforgh 6... CEASE LAUGHING! Back home, we would take away the things that make our people act the fool. You might want to monitor his "Nationals" and "Beer" intake. We thinks he may over indulge.

Good Riddance, you tiny, smelly, ugly, degenerate humans!

Oh. Can anyone validate my parking?


The Doctor said...


Rebecca said...

you ok?

Section 138 said...

I'm okay, yeah. Missed you and the animals, but the aliens had these little furry creatures that resembled a mix between dogs and cats. But then they ate them. So I cried.

Joseph Alexander said...

HAHAHA THAT was f*cking hilarious. The Dork in me greatly approves (and he is quite large - I eat him for breakfast each morning...don't ask how he escapes, you don't want to know).