Monday, July 26, 2010

Me want to punch Dibble in groin

So, I'm watching a game late last week, and Rob Dibble made a comment that finally triggered just what it is that makes me dislike his commentary style. My memory sucks, so I'm only paraphrasing here, but Bob Carpenter was recounting a home run Cristian Guzman had hit the previous night. Dibble comes back with, "Well, Bob, you can see here [on a replay] that the pitcher left the pitch hanging out over the plate and Cristian was given a gift." Really, Dibble? Instead of taking the opportunity to say, "Good on you, Goozie" you go for the "Guzzie got lucky there" route? Fuck you in the ear, pal. It's shit like that that reminds me of how damn negative you are. The Nats pitchers always suck, don't they Rob? The hitters are never doing things the correct way, are they Rob? I remember watching a game in which Strasburg was having trouble with the mound (not the Cleveland game) and the grounds crew was coming out to treat the mound. Dibble went on a 3 minute long "how to" of what - exactly - the grounds crew needed to do. "The dirt needs to be more clay than red dirt and it needs to be rolled, then tamped blah blah fucking blah." It hit me that he's never once explained how he learns the things he says. And it hit me that he's stating all his opinions as facts. Look, Rob, if you want to say, "Well, Detwiler just did right there what you can never do..." maybe you'd sound a little less like a know-it-all douche if you followed it up with something that might humble yourself a little. Maybe something like... "And you know how I know you don't do that? I got my ass handed to me once when I threw an 0-2 fastball and didn't get it up high enough." You know what would also help? If Bobby Carpenter would call you on more of your criticisms. When you start ripping on a pitcher's command Bob would make my fucking day if he came back with, "Well you know, Rob, there is video out there of you missing an entire back stop with some of your pitches." And I would give Bob a huge hug and a peck on the cheek if he ever called Rob's bluff when Rob's ripping Drew Storen about allowing inherited runners to score when Dibble allowed 37% to score in 1993 with, "Wow, Rob, that advice will likely be accepted about the same amount of times those 17 women accepted your room number last night at the bar - zero." (Longest run-on sentence ever? Perhaps. Most words used to make a point? Yup.)
So, Rob, to sum it up - I'm in huge HULK SMASH mode these days regarding your commenting styles. So much so, that I made two shirts, just for you! If you would like to buy some, Rob, you can just click the pictures for a link to the store. Heck, you can purchase them with all the cash you robbed from Cincinnati in 1993. ($2.5MM for an ERA+ of 63, Rob? And a WHIP of 1.824? You got big balls showing up there again, my friend.)


And finally, I was poking around the innertubes and came upon Mr. Dibble's Zazzle store. I think I saw this stuff a couple years back, but I completely forgot about it. Until today. I see that he has a slogan that he like to use on his stuff -

Well, I found his font and threw this together for him. Maybe he can put this on one of his shirts?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh where have you been, Section 138? I check your blog every day in hopes of new posts. Such snarky, honest and laughable commentary is worth at least $38.5 Gazillion dollars. My only reasoning for less posts by you are A)You post once for every four Nats wins or B) You have a beautiful new daughter who rightfully takes all your time.