Monday, April 18, 2011

Milwaukee Brewers? More like Milwaukee Suck At Baseballers.

Ah, that was nice, wasn't it? The best part of the entire weekend? On Friday night, when Brewers starter Chris Narveson walked two with the bases loaded. He even walked Gorzelanny on four straight pitches. At the time, I tweeted, "When did the Brewers sign Garrett Mock?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA, Brewers!!1! Your dude pitches like Garrett Mock!! I also enjoyed it immensely when Narveson threw ball four to Gorzelanny, and Wil the Thril was all, "Good pitch. Wait... WHAT!?"

So, what was the worst part about the weekend? Realizing that Garrett Mock is STILL IN THE FUCKING ORGANIZATION. Look at this line from Friday night's boxscore:

This is normally where I'd write something snarky about his performance. But, seriously... there are no words. I really cannot understand why he's taking up a roster spot. Do they think he'll just figure it out? I mean, that has to be it, right? He can't have a mechanical flaw that could be fixed, and you know why? A quick look at his B-Ref bio shows that he has played for 11 different teams in two organizations, Arizona and here. Now, if you have 11 different coaching staffs see you in your eight pro seasons, wouldn't you think that ONE person on those 11 coaching staffs could spot the mechanical issue? And who knows how many pitching coaches actually have seen him between those 11 teams and all his spring trainings. His BB/9IP rate of 1.7 in 2005 while playing in high A ball for the Diamondbacks is by far his best. Maybe we need to hunt down the coach of that 2005 Lancaster JetHawks squad and see if he can work with Mock. I mean, shit, ain't nothing else working.
(Okay, I need to move on before I convince myself to drive to Syracuse and pull Garrett's arm from his body. Apparently that might be the only way to get him out of the org.)
On game one of yesterday's double header, Jason Marquis did his best to make up for the big pile of poop that was his 2010 season, and the$7.5MM that he was given for that year, by going 7 innings and giving up just 2 runs. A nice attempt really, but short of him running over Chase Utley with his car, not much he does will ever let him off the hook for last year's 0 IP 7 run game debacle. That was one year ago today exactly, and the wound has not come close to healing. If Jason wants to make an attempt at winning me back, he can start by getting Danny Espinosa to lay his magical hands upon my daughter, thus gracing upon her the awesomeness that is Daniel. Oh, and get him to ride bikes with me on an off day. I'll buy one of those two seater bicycles, and we can just cruise around together. Him laughing at my cool jokes, and me tussling his hair while sharing an ice-cream sundae from the local Maggie Moos. No, wait... I bet he like the Peanut Butter S'moo, just like me! Of course he does, how could I be so silly to doubt that.
In game two, Livo did his best to make up for what he did to the franchise, too. You see, back in 2006 Livo was traded by the Nats to the Arizona Diamondbacks for Matty Chico and (wait for it.....) Garrett Mock. He feels so badly about it that he wakes up every morning with a yucky taste in his mouth. He has sworn to devote every day of the rest of his life to Nats fans, trying to amend that transaction. His seven inning, one run performance yesterday was proof of his dedication to eradicating all memories of a relation between himself and Garrett.
And finally, I was pretty shocked when I saw one of those MASN ads about Jim Riggleman's coaching philosophy. It was the one where he says, "you call it small ball, I call it smart ball." Imagine my surprise when they showed a clip of him putting on the hit-and-run with a very struggling Michael Morse at the plate, and a very slow running Wilson Ramos at first base from last Thursday's game. (Did I mention that Ramos is slow, and that Morse was in a humongous rut at the time?) Anywhoo, Jimmy Riggles put the wheels in motion. Morse struck out, and Ramos was caught stealing by a mile. How did Riggles feel after the play?

Fuckers. Yup, aggressive base-running is fantastic when it works out, but it can make me want to go to Nats Park and leave a note on Jim's car that reads, "So sorry about hitting your car. Unfortunately, I'm broke, and can't help you pay for the repairs" when it doesn't work. (See, cause there wouldn't really be any damage to Jim's car, but he'll be all, "Darnit!" and will look all over his car for the "damage." But there is none! Tee hee! That'll learn 'em to try to play small ball with a guy at the plate hitting .133.)

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