Detwiler and Espi? That'll do, Pig. That'll do.

That dude that was in Babe has been in a bazillion movies and TV shows, and has been nominated for one Oscar and three Emmy Awards. Yet, I still can only think of him as the farmer in Babe. And I use that quote in the post title all the time. I mean, I love my wife dearly, and she knows this (I think), but why in THE hell would I ever find myself saying, "That'll do, pig. That'll do." when she asks me certain questions? It's insane, but I do actually say it to her. I mean it to be nice, but there is no way in hell any woman is ever going to take it that way. Yet I still find myself saying it. I know she's gonna leave me one day for it, and my daughter is going to run away from home in 15 years because I'll keep saying to her, but I can't stop. It's like an addiction. I'm addicted to farmer Arthur Hogget's Babe quote. Is there rehab for that? Anyway, my post title was meant to indicate that Danny Espinosa and Ross Detwiler are gonna do just fine. Oh, and if that's the only thing you take away from yesterday's Nats Braves game, then you're doing it right. Aside from those two, the game was an absolute shit show.

Ross went 3 innings, giving up one hit, walking one, while striking out five. Those five strikeouts include the last four batters he faced for the day, too. He did happen to give up a run, but it was unearned as Ian De6mond started right where he left off last season with a throwing error. Yup, Ross probably stood loud and proud after yesterday's showing. He might have even gone to a local drinking establishment last night to order an alcoholic beverage or two in order to celebrate that outing. Unfortunately for Ross, he looks exactly like the 16-year-old kid that plays a 14-year-old kid on that show Parenthood, and no bartender on earth would serve him. (What? Yes, you have seen that show. It's the one with the guy from that '90s TV show Coach now playing the grandfather. You remember Coach, right? It was the show about the Minnesota State University Screaming Eagle football team. One assistant coach was played by Jerry Van Dyke, and the other one's name was Dauber. Still not ringing any bells? Okay, how about the fact that Parenthood has the guy who played Casey McCall in Sports Night playing the son of the Coach guy? Still nothing? GAH, you people are uncouth peasants!) But, seriously, even if Ross showed his ID, they'd laugh him out of the bar. Bryce Harper probably has to buy the bears and slip them to Ross under the table. Don't believe me? Okay, smart ass, which one of these two dudes is a 25-year-old baseball player, and which one can't buy porn yet?



Yeah, well... If Ross wasn't wearing his stupid uniform, you never would'a got it!

Now, Ross would've given up two runs yesterday if it wasn't for MY MAIN AMIGO, Danny Espinosa and his WWII era artillery gun for an arm. I mean, really, seriously, it's a ridiculous bazooka arm that Espinosa has. Jason Heyward was on first, and some jabroni hits a double. Nyjer is playing shallow and has to run to the warning track to get it. Nyjer grabs it, throws it 100 feet to Danny (on a goddamn HOP), who whirls around and... well... here's the video to show you how it worked out. I spliced footage that I got from inside the park about 35 seconds in. It has sounds from the outfield that we didn't get on the TV broadcast.

Yup, yup. 200 feet on the fly. I saw Wilson Ramos crying in the dugout after the inning. He had to have Danny come over and kiss his catching hand to make it all better. (True story!)

It also didn't hurt that my jersey came in on Saturday. What jersey is that, you ask? Well, let me show you!



BAM! How you like them apples? Now, the only thing that is guaranteed in the world, since I bought this jersey, is that Danny will change his uniform number. Because he hates me. It's probably from that time that I ran after him in the players parking lot after a game last year. I just wanted to hug him, since he's all cuddly looking. I tripped while I was running to grab him, though, and hit Nyjer's car with my face. I then flipped over Nyjer's hood and landed onto Desmond's car and put my lower torso through the windshield. Yeah. Pretty embarrassing moment all around. Especially since I was still screaming for Danny to come and hug me as the paramedics were trying to extract me from Ian's vehicle. The fact that they had to cut my clothes off might have weirded him out a bit as well, cause I was showing him my man bits... but, whatever. I'm cool. In fact, I'm sure he's forgotten the whole thing.

About Rob Dibble's reaction to Adam Dunn's 38th HR

Yeah... did anyone else get a little worried for Robbie Dibbs during the call of Adam Dunn's 38th HR last night? I swear to Christ, I thought that man might have been dying. Well, that or pooping.

The latest installment of "crappy ass videos", ladies and germs.

There goes Rob Dibble with his weird noises again. from Section 138 on Vimeo.

Yes, sir. I do believe that man had himself a... a... a accident.

Moving on... can you believe the balls on Joe Torre? I mean... the Nats are getting blown out 14-2 last night in the 8th inning, and Torre brings out Clayton fucking Kershaw! What happened, Joe? Was Sandy Koufax busy? I swear to God, if Riggleman doesn't have someone throw at Torre's head during the exchange of lineup cards tonight, I'm gonna explode*. (Well, not really. That sounds... painful. But I'll be pissed as all get out!)

Well, let's hope Detwiler can right the ship tonight against Chad Billingsly. Rossy D is coming off a damn fine outing (5 IP, 1 ER, 6 K, 1BB) and Chad has been... well... not too good since a disastrous July. The offense can hopefully put up some runs tonight. (Unless Torre starts Fernando Valenzuela, that is. And I bet he does. Ass hat.)

*Yes, I realize Kershaw hadn't pitched in a game since Spt. 5th. And, yes, I realize I just recycled that line from Twitter last night. Who the hell are you, the original content police?

Ross Detwiler to make MLB starting debut against those poopy Pirates

Ladies and Gentleboys,

Allow me to introduce to you the 2007 #6 overall draft pick, Mr. Ross E. Detwiler. I hope the E stands for "evil pirate slaying motherfucker", because this also begins the first of seven total games against the Pittsburgh Pirates. We all know what's riding on the season long series, so it would be nice to get ahead early.

Ross has struggled since being drafted back in '07, and I can't really say I'm stoked for this start. Sure, the guy came off...

[...]one of the best outings of his professional career this year, striking out nine in five innings for Double-A Harrisburg, allowing one run, three hits and no walks. On the season, the 23-year-old Detwiler's ERA is 2.96 with a 28-10 K-BB mark in 27 innings. (source)

But I really don't know what the Nats are planning to do here. Scott Olsen is set to go on the DL, which will open a roster spot for Detwiler. What happens after his start, though? If he throws well, could they possibly be thinking about giving him a few starts up in the Bigs, as Chico Harlan intimates? I mean, think of how bad this could go if the Pittsburgh (snicker) Pirates knock him silly? The kid gets thrown back to AA tomorrow with (possibly) a good case of shell shock.

Craig Stammen had another quality start last Thursday at AAA, and Olsen's next scheduled start is... what... Thursday? That's a little bit long of a lay off, but he could throw a side session, no? J.D. Martin got a little rocked Saturday, but nothing horrible, and Collin had a pretty damn good start last night. Why not give those AAA kids a shot?

I guess I'm just wondering (out load) what in the fuck the Nats reasoning could be for this being anything but a spot start for Detwiler. Again, we'll know more tomorrow, but if the beat writer mentions it, it deserves some discussion, no?

Going up against our mighty 23 year old lefty tonight is none other than... hey, another Ross! Ross Ohlendorf. (Wacky Wikipedia revelation: "He has gained the nickname "Mr. Wonderful" because of the similarity of his last name to the former professional wrestler known as "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff." Why, that is just witty as all get out! His last name kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the last name of a wrestler. PURE. GENIUS!)
Anywhoo, Ross grew up in Texas, and went to school at... OHHHH! Princeton! Well, la-di-da! Check out the big brain on Ross. Hey, Ross... how bout you and your big fucking brain figure out how to stop hitting people! I mean, seriously, you've hit four dudes already. You're tied for 3rd most hit batsmen in the league. Throw yourself a party! (Full disclosure - I removed Tim Wakefield from the league leaders. Tim's a nice dude, and obviously isn't throwing at people. He just happens to throw a pitch that spits in the face of God and Physics. Not even Einstein could know where the fuck his balls are going.)

So, to recap: 23 year old Ross Detwiler (in his first ever Major League start) vs. 26 year old big brained Ross Ohlerendorferner, who was personally responsible for the Yankees getting booted from the 2007 postseason. (A 27.00 ERA, Ross? Way to go, kiddo. Na, giving up 4 hits and 1 BB in 1 IP doesn't hurt your teams chances of wining.)

My money's on the kid. Make me proud, young Ross (who I may start calling "The Million Dollar Man, cause his name, you know, kinda sorta, but not really sounds like the wrestlers last name, DiBiase).

PS. I will probably be watching this game, and might even live blog it. Then again, I might be busy huffing paint thinner. My Monday's are very unpredictable.