Totally random items.

Welp, there is one thing that I want to write about, but I'm not mentioning it until it gets to a certain point.
So, in lieu of that... you all get my first totally random thoughts/items post of 2009. So, without further ado, and in no particular order, let's get right to it.

My wife's left breast and arm are visible on the world wide web. Intrigued? Click here to see it next to one damn handsome man.

After last night's win, Craig Stammen is 4-1 with a 1.85 ERA, 7 BB and 11 K in 34 IP. His ground ball to fly ball ratio sits at 1.94 and batters are hitting .218 off him. Over/Under on the date he replaces Cabrera in the rotation? I'm putting it at 5/22, which means DCab has two more shitty starts, with Stammen stepping into his third scheduled start. You guys?

So, Strasburg threw a no-hitter in his last home start of the season. Seriously... what is the highest the team can go, contract wise? It can't come anywhere close to 6 year/$50 MM like Boras is hyping, can it? As my main main Brian posted earlier, $20-30 MM or so is more likely. I'd be willing to give Strasburg 2 beers for every one of my 21 games I attend (and that he doesn't start), as well, if that helps the front office. Hey, free beer!

Remember how Boswell has been absolutely pounding us with articles about how no #1 pick overall should ever, ever be a pitcher? I found this tweet by Keith Law (follow him here) to be hilarious.

keithlaw: is awaiting Boswell's next column on how #1 overall picks who throw no-hitters aren't any good either.

He posted that the day after the no-no, and it still cracks me the fuck up. Don't know why...

What are the odds that Alex Cintron hits .000 for the Nationals in 2009? Is 20-1 to low? Think about it... he might be kicked off for Gonzalez soon. The guy is 0 for 19 with two walks. The real question is probably; Why the fuck is Manny still giving this guy at bats? I mean, Manny's gotta be sleeping with his wife, right?

Hey, Felipe. Fuck. You. You go to hell, you go to hell and you die. We're just as happy since you left the Nationals, too! Ass hat.

Game 6 of the Penguins Capitals series tonight. Since I never get tired of showing this picture, here is how I feel about Sydney Cindy Crosby:



Ahh, Lastings Milledge. We started the season 0-7, shipped him off to Syracuse, and have been 10-12-1 since. Looks like he won't be back up here for a little while longer... Especially since he never learned to bunt correctly, it seems. He broke his right hand bunting in a Syracuse game today. That's the hand up the bat on a righty like LMillz. Sorry, kiddo. That should put him on the shelf for a bit.

A note to a commenter on here who keeps throwing shit up like:

FIRST PLACE Texas Rangers.

Hey, It's my fucking blog, and we write about the Nationals here. (And sometimes the Caps and Communism...) If you wanna write that crap, start your own blog. How would you like it if I showed up there writing WHOO-HOO! LAST PLACE WASHINGTON NATIONALS! Yeah. Thought so.


Finally... Ronnie V is still 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA through 3 games. You cheap skates have two options.

1.Sponsor his page at Baseball-Reference.com in my name for $20.
or
2. Buy me this fucking Jersey


How bout you guys do a better job this year than you did last year. Jesus Christ was that a pathetic effort. According to my site meter, I have three more readers than last year, so it should be financially feasible now. It's up to you guys to coordinate together. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Introducing Mr. Ronald Thomas Villone, Jr.

Ladies and Germs, I present to you our newest member of the bullpen. The esteemed first round draft pick, and awesome mullet sporter, Ron Villone.





Nothing says bad ass more than a first round signing bonus and a bitching mullet. I bet he's cruising around in a sweet ass ride with the wind in his hair. I wonder what car he got with his signing bonus from... well, let's see here.... what year did he get drafted in... Ah, here it is, 02. Or, wait..92? 1992? For Reals? 19 fucking 92? ::sigh::

Ah fuck it. The guys 1-0 with a 0.00 ERA after last night's performance. I, for one, welcome our new mulleted over lord! All Hail Ron Villone!

What? He doesn't have a mullet anymore?

God. Dammit.

Boswell watches another game called baseball than I do.

That sport with 9 people per side, 9 fielding at one time versus one batter at a time.... baseball, right? The guy who stands on the pile of dirt throwing to the batter...that's a pitcher, right?

I haven't spoken out against Thomas Boswell before, mostly cause I like the dude, he writes well, and is knowledgeable. Except, that ends now. He has said over and over that drafting a pitcher with the #1 overall pick is a horrible thing to do. He also let out this beauty in today's Washington Post chat.

Tom Boswell: Anybody who drafts a pitcher with an overall pick between 5 and 15 is out of their mind. Just my opinion.......
......Most of the pitchers who have been taken in the first 18 picks that you'd be glad you picked __maybe not Griffey Jr ecstatic, but happy__ came in the first five overall. In other words, they REALLY jumped out. But between 6-and-15, it's a nightmare. For example, 6 and 7 overalls have produced Bonds, Jeter, Sheffield, van Slyke, Thomas, Prince Fielder, Nick Markakis, etc. The 44 No. 6 overalls and the 44 No. 7 overalls __88 picks since '65__ have produced....Rich Dotson. And nobody else I even bothered to write down.

Well, God damn, Boz. I wrote down four names just looking at one fucking draft. The 2002 MLB draft produced:

• Zack Greinke at number 6
• Joe Saunders at 12
• Scott Kazmir at 15
• Cole Hamels at 17
• Jeremy Guthrie at 22
• Matt Cain at 25

...Hmm. He'll take... hang on a second, I have to scroll up to get his name... Rich Dotson. He'll take Rich Doston over the names above? How about a couple more, cause I don't really want to hunt through all the drafts. But then again, maybe I'm using a different definition of "pitcher" than he.

The next few drafts came up with Clayton Kershaw at number 7 in 06, followed by Tim Lincecum at 10 in the same draft, and Max Scherzer next at 11. Yeah, bunch of useless arms these folks are, right Tom? Bunch of fucking chopped liver.

Now, imagine my surprise when I'm catching up on my Twitter feed, when a couple folks pointed out this article with very sage advice.

Next, the Nats need to admit to themselves that looking out over the next several years, they don't have a top-flight closer, or perhaps even setup man, in their entire organization. Yesterday's blown leads of 8-4 after six innings and 10-9 in the ninth are the latest evidence. Facing a problem doesn't solve it, but it opens the way. Making a trade, signing a free agent or using their No. 10 overall draft pick in June for a young closer is needed.

Are you fucking serious, dude? Do you have any idea how closers actually...become closers? It ain't through the draft, but don't let that bother you, Boz.

You know what? I don't want to write about Boswell and the Nats anymore. This here column's baseball related talk is over.

I leave you with a great problem solver for your abode and worms. We have a problem with worms at our place. They find a way to get in/around/under the door, so they're always getting dragged in the house by the dogs, or when the door opens. I was gonna spend some money on some product to alleviate the problem. Well...thank Flores I didn't, cause my wife solved the problem for $0.00. Seriously. All you have to do is place one of these at whatever point of infiltration the worms are using.


This stopped them from coming in. Seriously. Did you know those fuckers could read? I didn't even know they had eyeballs.

Playing hooky.

Shhhhhh. Nobody tell the boss. I got gifted these phenomonal seats.

Star Wars. Washington Nationals style.

So, I was gonna huff a gallon of Behr paint last night to put me out of my misery. I only made it through an eighth of my supply, however, when I passed out.

After I passed out, I had the most vivid dream ever. It started with scrolling text from bottom to top, with the words

A long time ago, in a bullpen far, far away...

Then up popped these two words

BULLPEN WARS

It was all... so familiar, like something I'd seen before. There where characters with traits and dialog that reminded me of something, yet all the characters were actually Washington Nationals.

There was a robed (okay, maybe he was wearing a dress... but so what?!) Manny Acta pushing buttons on a little robot, while speaking...



The robot ends up on Jesus Flores' home planet, and he feels Manny's pain. He hunts down this Joe Beimel fella...


Joe Beimel does some soul searching, trains up on some Jedi, Ninjutsu, and Genghis Khan/Attila the Hun savagery, and comes to a decision...


It ends with Beimel killing people by crushing their skulls with 200 mph fastballs, and using the force when he needs to ("This is not the pitch you're looking for"). He also cut Pujols' arms and legs off with a light saber. The Nationals went 146-16, and won the World Series.

That shit was dope.

Then, I awoke from my paint induced stupor, looked to see if Joey B was off the DL yet, saw that he wasn't, and gouged my eyes out.

Oh, I also wrote this rap last night. Feel free to sing it all around the world. It goes a little something like this...

Life is hard... When you're a Nationals fan. Life is hard... Thanks to Joel Hanrahan.

I love you to pieces, Hammer Hands, but you've got to get your shit together, bro. I wish you the best. Maybe a case of Swine Flu to take your mind off the game for a week or so?