Ryan Zimmerman is taking over TEH WORLD!

I got a chance to see Ryan (and a lot of other guys) last week during the Winter Caravan thingie. I have another post to write on that entire subject, and I promise it's coming, but I want to focus on Zimmerman first, as he is now laying claim to everything baseball.
As you know, he won not only the Gold Glove for NL 3B, but the Silver Slugger award as well. That, my friends? Not. Too. Shabby. So, I got to see him at White Flint mall last Saturday, and casually congratulated him on that. His response was something like, "Meh, thanks. I appreciate it. I worked hard, and it payed off."
Ryan... dude... for the love of the Jesus, you can walk the walk, but talk the goddamn talk, brother! You know what I want to hear from you? "Thanks, man, I deserved it. I mean... did you see me out there? I was fucking magnificent. Seriously... I played my ass off, and it showed come award time."
Well, I think he read my mind, cause just yesterday I powered up my PlayStation and threw in my copy of MLB '98. (What? I should have a new fangled PS3, or a Wii? How bout you throw some cash my way via my paypal account and I will. You guys already came up lame buying me this and this, though, so I won't hold my breath on the game console.) And what happened when I pushed the power button on my PlayStation, and MLB '98 started? Zim, the goddamn man that he is, has transcended normal human boundaries, my friends. He is now destroying the machine world as well. Take a look, as I was lucky enough to have my video camera not only powered on, but recording the TV at the time! Seriously!

Zim hacked my game from Section 138 on Vimeo.

It's only a matter of time before he's manipulating our minds into doing all his bidding. Which I will gladly do. For reals.

Still with me? Good, one last story. I also asked him why Karl Ravech was calling Ryan "Z Pack" on the ESPN Web Gems special. Ryan's answer?
"I have no idea."
"Where did that come from?" I asked.
"I think it's a drug, some kind of antibiotic."
"But you've never been called that before, right?"
"Nope. Never."
"But... you didn't correct him?"
At which point Zim just kinda shrugged his shoulders.

You should have murdered him in his face with your fists, Ryan. With your fists!


(Wiki link for the reference that inspired the picture for those of you that are too young, too old, or too like my wife to understand it.)

Matt Capps is a special closer. And the Nats are looking at him.

According to a couple Twitter sources and Chico Harlan over at the Post (He's still not gone? Jesus. Dude ditched the beat eons ago and announced his leaving like a month ago...), the Nats have more than a passing interest in Matt Capps, ex-closer for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Nats have serious interest in reliever Matt Capps, formerly of the Pittsburgh Pirates. And Capps has serious interest in the Nats. Capps, non-tendered over the weekend, has attracted interest from roughly a dozen teams, but his agent, Paul Kinzer, said that the Nats are in a group of six or seven finalists.

Now, I wrote about Mr. Capps' demise back in June of 2008. He came into that game on a great run, but the Nats devastated the guy, and destroyed his will to win.

In his first 27 games, Matt Capps hadn't blown a save. When the Pirates came to town, the Nationals broke that streak by not only having him blow a save, but by getting the win that night (6/10). He then went on to blow 2 more saves in his next 3 games (6/14 and 6/15)! He's done. Pitt needs to sit him, cause he'll never be the same. He sees Nationals in his sleep.

His 2009 was... less than stellar, as he ended up 10th in saves w/27, but had an ERA of 5.80 and a WHIP of 1.656(!!). The Pirates non-tendered him last week, allowing him to become a free agent.

Now, I can spout numbers till the cows come home, but nothing I can say would do Matt Capps any justice. You see... he brings much more to a team than just saves and strikeouts (and hits. And walks). He brings with him the hopes of millions and millions of special folks all around this great country. Yes, Matt is an inspiration to all special needs people around the world, as he's a Major Leaguer now. He fought through a lot in his life with his special set of life skills, but he has persevered to be among the best in the world at what he does.

Wait... what? Capps isn't "special" you say? Well then, allow me to retort!


What's that? You're speechless? Then my work here is done.

(As an aside - Matt, if you do join the Nats, and are in the bullpen... I love you, dude! Please don't hurt me.)

Joel Hanrahan calls Collin Balester a big fat nerd!

Well, almost... I made up the "big" and "fat" part.

I wrote last week about Collin Balester joining Twitter, and after laying dormant for a few months, Joel Hanrahan finally started throwing out some tweets. He had this to say while watching the Bears game on Thanksgiving:

The 09 bears might as well be the 08 Lions! Uncle!!!

Bally saw the Tweet, and came back with:

@hanrahan4457 wow you fianlly tweet.

Joel, obviously getting tired of Collin's incessant Twittering came back with:

@ballystar40 yeah, i dont think everyone needs to know everything i do, and my scorecard on the golfcourse, cause it would dominate yours

Which, may or may not be true. Yes... Collin tends to ramble and post anything and everything, but some people like that. And some people might enjoy Joel doing the same thing. (I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this, but Joel was my favorite National when he was with the team. We would say hi to one another during games, and he was always very nice to me and my wife at team events. He would recognize us and say hey, with some small talk. Good guy. Solid guy. This didn't stop him from allowing me to wager $20 on Teddy winning a race during a game in which I'd clearly had too many, however. ('Cause anyone betting on Teddy had to be shit hammered.) The good news? The next time I saw him he said I could keep my $20. So nice of him, since he makes 754% more than I.) Anyway, Balester points out that Joel has, in fact, been reading Collin's tweets:

@hanrahan4457 well I see you follow me pretty close haha

Then Hammerhands LAYS DOWN THE HAMMER:

@ballystar40 yeah you take up the whole home page with all your tweets, nerd

BOO-YA! That's how fucking closers close, goddammit!! Told him! And his Mama! Joel basically said, "Get your dirty ass 'stache and your dirty ass pocket protector back to Geometry class, bitch!"

To which Collin could only respond with this:





Oh, and Johnny Lannan has made his presence known on Twitter as well, joining today. Follow the man, the myth, the legend... The Utley breaker himself... Eyebrows!!

Collin Balester joins the Tweeple.

Well, we all remember Collin had his blog that ran for a little while, right? (Right??) Well, Bally has jumped feet first into the land of Twitter. You can follow him and his tweets here. So far it's been a nice Twitter feed. We've heard about him shattering windows off the tee box and how he dominates in kickball. The best thing so far, though?

Behold... the power of lip hair.


You're rocking the shit out that stash, Bally. Thanks for trying to fill Nick Johnson's shoes.

Jim Riggleman given the full-time manager job.

Yes, folks, Jimmie Riggs just had the interim tag pulled off his title. Your manager of the Washington Nationals for 2010 and... well... beyond is the local boy made good that took over last year for Tony Robbins Manny Acta part way through the season. I found out last night and gave GM Mike Rizzo a call to ask a few questions. The following is a transcript of the conversation*.

Me: Mike, thanks for taking a few minutes of your time, I appreciate it.

Rizzo: No problem. Happy to do it. I'm actually at dinner, though, so we need to make it brief.

Me: Will do. Actually, I guess I'll combine two questions into one to get this done twice as fast. First, what did you order, and second, why Jim Riggleman over the other candidates?

Rizzo: Well, I was wanting something top shelf, really tasty and good, but with the situation being what it is I settled for something from the rail. You know, house stuff.

Me: Can you expand on that?

Rizzo: Sure, sure. I really wanted a scrumptious 12 oz filet with a delicious Caymus Special Selection Cabernet Sauvignon . Then, I figured that with me having a cold and no taste or smell, it wouldn't make any sense right now. So I went with the hamburger and a bottle of Ernest and Julio Gallo.

Me: I see, and what about the answer to second question, the hiring of Jim Riggleman?

Rizzo: Uh, I was talking about Jim.

Me: Of course you were. Right. Sorry. So what did you end up ordering to eat, then?

Rizzo: I just had a mixed greens salad with chicken.

Me: Sounds delicious. Any concern about Riggleman and him handling such a young pitching staff? Strasburg and Zimmermann in particular?

Rizzo: No, not at all, why would you ask?

Me: Well, according to Keith Law, when Riggleman was managing the Cubs in 1998, he had then 21 year old Kerry Wood exceed 120 pitches in eight out of his 26 starts. Also, in start number 25, Riggleman had Wood throw 133 pitches.

Rizzo: ....

Me: You there, Mike?

Rizzo: /Muffled yelling
"Outta my way, tubby, I need to undo a horrible wrong!"

"But, sir... you haven't paid your bill!"

"Fuck your bill, pal, he's gonna break my poor Strasburg in half!"
/CLICK


*Real/dream, who knows? I confuse reality with make-believe often.