The first cut is the deepest...

That's what Cat Stevens says, anyway, right?

[Insert musings about the first spring training cuts here (RIP, Rendon), as I was way too busy lazy to write about them.]

Now, since no one has actually listened to that song all the way through, did you know the sixth verse starts with, "The second cut? It don't hurt so much."? Well it does!

Gone to AAA Syracuse in the second spring training cuts are Starters Ryan Perry and Yunesky Maya, reliever Erik Davis, first baseman Chris Marrero, catcher Jhonatan Solano and outfielder Corey Brown. Have fun boys! Chris and Corey have already been there, but in case the others need advice on how Syracuse is, here's a picture of Corey on the actual field last year* 

(*This is not the actual field. This is actually the planet Hoth from The Empire Strikes Back. The boys in Syracuse can only wish Syracuse was as warm as the planet Hoth from the Empire Strikes Back.)

No one got sent to AA Harrisburg with this round of cuts, but My Main Main TONE DŌN

got sent there in the previous round of cuts, and it's rumored that Matt Skole could be assigned there, too. Purchase some good quality lead clothing, Matt, as this picture of Rendon batting at home shows the exact location of home plate in Harrisburg.*

(*This is not the exact location of home plate in Harrisburg. The Three-Mile-Island reactor is actually directly behind the visitor bullpen 13 miles away.)

And, finally, catcher Chris Snyder was cut by the Nats so he could immediately sign with The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, or LAAAAAAAAAA.

In other news around the league, Ramon Castro was cut by the Dodgers so he could immediately sign with...

...The Beagle Boys Gang.

That's right, folks. This entire post led up to a "Ramon Castro Is Fat" joke. One I used before, too. (Sorry, gang, but 5 years is an acceptable time frame between jokes. It's in the Official Section138 Blogger Handbook. /Hastily starts writing the Official Section138 Blogger Handbook)

Anthony Rendon doing his Anthony RendOWNED thing.

HI, Mr. Chad Durbin. TONE DŌN just went about 380' on you the opposite way. You, sir, have been rendOWNED

Footnote time!  My nickname for Rendon was originally 'Ton 'Ron, but it was then remastered to its current form (TONE DŌN) by Andrew. If no one else gets the reference, we know we're at that point in our life where we should probably just hurl our bodies off bridges, as time has, clearly, passed us by.

The boys are back. And they're *spectacular.*

Spring training is here! Spring training is here! I swear, there's no better day of the year than when the first Nats' game is broadcast. You plop down on the couch, have a beer in each hand, a remote in the other, and your opposing team's voodoo doll in your fourth. Here it is. The first video images of the 2013 gang: 

The boys in all their Spring glory from Section 138 on Vimeo.

And, if you're like me (which would be way cool, btw. We could totally hang out, making stupid jokes, baking cookies that resemble Jayson Werth's Beard, and punching my life-size Chase Utley mannequin. Think about it! My email is up in the top right of the page, yo's!) you rewind the first 30 seconds of the broadcast over and over and over again, to see if what you thought you saw, was what you thought you saw.  

The first thing that pops out at you, of course, is Matty Purke and his... well, his face.

                                     

I think it is very apropos that another Matty takes over from our last "Player X" face. Yes, Matty Purke is taking over from Matty Capps. You may be gone, Matty Capps Face, but you seem to be in good hands.

Later, you think you see Jayson Werth and new first base coach Tony Tarasco sharing some love. You check again. 

  Yes, sir, HAND POUNDS ABOUND when you're Jayson Werth and his new BFF, Tony. (I swear that's Tarasco, btw. I still haven't shelled out the $7 to get a tripod for my little camera, so I'm stuck holding it in my hands, while filming the TV. My unsteadiness lead to Tarasco being totally cropped from that clip. My humble apologies, Tony. I'll be sending you a bushel of throat lozenges to soothe your larynx after screaming "BACK" on pick-off attempts. (I don't mean to offend you, Tony, but what else do you do there when coaching first? Oops, sorry, you must also operate a stopwatch with the utmost precision. Mea culpa.)) 

Oh, I see Jordan Zimmermann. Howdy, ZNN! Wait, what? Is that gum... Is he.. You miscreant!

Sigh. I thought we might not have to see this unsanitary display of gum chewing after the Big Donkey left town. Well, it appears Jordan Z took over for Adam D in that department. Enjoy enraging my wife by chewing your gum like a vile human being, Jordan. (You still my boy, though. If you ever happen to hear my wife screaming, "What are you, five? Put the god damned gum back in your mouth! Gah!" through the TV, and get offended, just let me know. While I would never, ever Brett Myers a lady, I am not above giving her a stern stink-eye.)

Finally, (Hey! Keep your "about time"s to yourself!), we see in all his glory, Gio freaking Gonzalez, and him doing what he do.

That's right, folks. Gio be all, "Toot toot, bitches. The train that is the NL BEAST MACHINE is just getting rolling. Here's some fist pumps for you suckas!" Or maybe they're playing Party Rock, and he's really, really into it. It's certainly one of those two things. Or it may be both, cause Gio does it like that.

Anthony Rendon? More like Anthony RendOWNED.

Cause, see... he's going to own you pitchers. He's gonna own you so good, it hurts. (Hang on a sec, I gotta call the trademark office to claim "Rendowned.")


...


(God, it's so hard to get anyone to answer the phone at these government gigs. I've been on hold for 7 minutes.)


...


(Oh, Christ on a Segway, PICK UP THE PHONE!)


...


You guys still here reading? Sorry about that. Apparently it is not possible to trademark something without filing out all kinds of forms and shit. Gah, I'm not trying to apply for the position of King of planet Earth or anything (I would imagine that job application would be pretty long). Anyway, I gave up filling out forms a long time ago. 2007, in fact, when I wrote in Matty Chico on over 1,000 All-Star ballots, only to have him not make it. Screw you, forms. Screw you in the face.

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, Anthony Rendon. Look, it's no secret that I kinda sorta maybe might have a thing for prospects, and this guy is legit. He can hit, for both average and power, and he can field. MMmmmmMMM boy, can he field. He approaches ground balls like they were babies tumbling down the street after having been gently rolled out of a moving car by Chase Utley*: by scooping them up softly and with such smooth hands. When I see it, it makes me want to say, "Man, Rendon can scoop 'em so softly, and has incredibly smooth hands." Did I also mention he can hit? Peep this video from Tuesday's game.

DAMN, NEW YORK METS PITCHER GUY, YOU GOT RENDOWNED!!111! Anthony done clobbered that thing. BANG, ZOO... wait what? Did that scrawny lil' center fielder actually rob my boy Anto' Rendo' like that? Oh no he didn't! And then he had the audacity to flash A SILLY GRIN?

Heaven's to Betsy! Where's my fainting couch? The gall of that young man! What's his name? Matthew den Dekker? What kind of a name is that? Look at that lower case d in there. Trying to be all modest and stuff. I'm on to you, Mr. den Dekker! What's your deal, huh? Let me just Google his name here a second...

Oh, okay then. I see. That smile is his deal. And apparently he's always dealing:

Well, I see you need no help from me with that. You certainly do have that grin down to a science. Have you thought about trademarking that? Good luck, though, as they don't just let you call up and scream, "Dibs on this smile!" It's about forms, man. Many, many forms.


 *Look, Utley might be the target of all my rage ever, but I don't think he would violently throw babies from moving vehicles. But roll them out? Maybe...

Well, these are just some fantastic specimens.

Great googly moogly! Get a load of these stunning calves, everyone!

Well, that's embarrassing. Not only is that not the picture I wanted, I'm not even sure why that picture is on my hard drive.

Great googly moogly! Get a load of these stunning calves, everyone!

"Meeeeee-oww!" (That's what Steve McCatty said when he say Strassy's calves. Cause, you know... McCatty... Catty... Cat... Cat Call... Meow! Oh, forget it. Sometimes I wonder why I even try.)

Anywho, just thought I'd drop a post every year or so to keep you guys on your toes. Now, where were we?

Nats! Spring Training! Greatest season in the history of seasons last year! Playoffs! Playoffs :( 

By the way, you all stepped up LARGE at Natsfest giving Drew a standing O like you did. You're some classy fuckers, you know that? You know what? This seems like a good spot to end this post. I want to echo every one you by saying: (5 minute Photoshop? Ain't nobody got time for that! Today, I'm debuting the 2 minute Photoshop! And I apologize.) 

Now, go out there in 2013, kick some ass, and chew some bubblegum, guys. That's goes to all of you, fans and players, not just Drew.