2nd Annual Nationals - Pirates Bet

Yes, it is that time again. That time of year when my old roommate has the gumption to bet on the Pittsburgh Pirates, and I use all my intestinal fortitude to lay my money down on the Nationals.
If you remember last year, I won the bet with Puttzy over the series winners for the year. The Nats beat the Pie-Rats four games to three, and I welcomed Puttzy with an open mouth (for the BEER. THE BEER!) as he presented me with a case of Yuengling. There was also supposed to be a carton of cigarettes in the deal, but I forget why he welched on that. I mean...he lives in North Carolina, dammit. Cigarettes are...like $1.25 a pack. (Note to MD tax maker-uppers: Fuck. You. $6.50 for a pack of cigarettes? "We're just trying to protect your health," they say. My ass. How come Ho-Hos still just cost a buck?)

So, without further ado...I throw down the gauntlet, and slap Puttzy in the face with my dueling glove. I propose the winner of this year's seven games gets...well, whatever the hell they want. (To be totally honest, I haven't discussed this bet with Puttzy yet. What better way for him to HAVE to accept than by calling him out in front of the tens and tens of you who read this, right?)
I do have a proposal, however. If the Pirates win the season long series, I will drive down to Charlotte, and pay for your ticket to the Oktoberfest thing they got down there. If the Nats win, you buy tickets for me and my wife, and welcome us and the pets down for an extended weekend. And pay for all the beer that is consumed the entire time. (You kinda win either way, dude! Time with me? Fucking awesome!)

Now to put you guys at ease. I have three reasons why the Nats will absolutely, positively beat the Pirates this year.

1) The Nationals hyping of their prospects (on their own webpage) would not have this picture being posted:


Did you read the caption (as usual, you may want to click to enlarge)? I hope he has offensive potential, because he apparently can't field for shit. I mean, seriously....that's the best picture you could find of the kid? Yikes. Their Minor League talent must be awesome!

2) Bodog has the World Series odds up for this year, and the Nationals are 125-1. The Pirates? 150-1. Yeahhhhhhhhh! Have a seat, lunch meats.

3) And, finally, the Pirates are 16-12 in Spring Training (as of yesterday). Way to peak early, guys. Yup, use up all your hits while the stats don't count for shit, poopie Pirates. Suckers.

(I snapped this picture of Nate McClouth early last year when I told him he was playing the Nationals, but it bears repeating. The thunders coming, baby.)

Nationals have a fifth catcher in camp?

Per Bill Ladson, the Nats have a new catcher in camp.

Tidbits on Nationals

When they start the regular season against the Marlins on April 6, the Nationals will carry four starters and seven relievers.............

(I clipped a whole bunch of the article out here. If you would like to read the whole thing, clickie here, at your own expense.)

..........Catcher Jose Flores, who hasn't played in an exhibition game since Feb. 28 because of a sore right elbow, will play against the Astros on Saturday.

Posted on March 25, 2009 at 2:57 PM

Now, here's a list of the catchers that the Nats brought to Major League camp. (Sorted by AB. If it was sorted by love, Wil would be numero uno. Actually, if I sorted it by OBP, Wil would be first, too! That guy rocks my socks.)


Okay..let's see... Herrera was reassigned on 3/10. Molina was reassigned on 3/16. Montz was optioned down on 3/19. That leaves Wil Nieves, Jesus Flores, Javier Valentin, and Josh Bard.

Who in the the hell is this Jose Flores? Beats the shit outta me. Maybe Bill knows...let's ask...

ME: "Hey, Bill. Who is this new catcher Jose Flores that's in camp for the Nats?"

BL:

Shairon Martis is the new Zimmermann

ROY? Yup. Cy Young award? Check. HOF? You bet. Canonization? A real possibility.

At the current rate NN Martis is going, he'll not only make the rotation, but he'll steal the hearts of all the ladies in the world. I showed my neighbor (a huge Nats fan) his line from yesterday this spring:



I had to catch her moments after I took this picture of her.


In all seriousness, Shairon, who I introduced you to last fall, seems to have the inside shot at the 4th starting slot. There is talk among some that the Nats could keep NN down in AA or AAA until June 1st, which would put off arbitration and free agency by one year. They could easily skate by with a four man rotation through the first few weeks of the season, and maybe throw Bergie or (insert someone elses name here) in the five spot until June. Collin seems to not be one of those names, however, as he's all but pitched himself out of the rotation at this point. I love, love, love the kid, but he isn't locating his fastball well enough, and his pitch count is way too high.

But...who really knows? That's what the next two weeks are for, dammit. Now if you excuse me, I've got to go change the name on the back of my generic Nats bobblehead. And make his complexion a bit darker.

The WBC is kinda like... poop on your shoe.

Yes. Like poop on the bottom of your shoe. Please, allow me to explain...

We have a really old cat at home. She's like... 14 years old, and she has bladder stones. These stones make her pee extremely often. I'm talking like... 278 times a day, the poor thing. (I was going to insert a "it's not a going problem, it's a growing problem" joke here, but then I realized female cats ain't got no prostate. Shoot.) Anyway, she loves it on the bed, and sometimes we forget she's in there and close the door to the bedroom (because we don't want her in there, see?). Well, if she's in there more than 30 minutes, you pretty much know she'll have peed on the bed. (Is anyone still with me? It's going somewhere, I promise.) So, you kick her out of the bedroom, and make the walk over to the bed. Then you slowly flatten out the comforter to check for a spot. Then you see one. You know it's pee, right? But...you gotta smell it to make sure. You know...it could just be water. From a non-existent leak in the ceiling. Or... lemonade from the lemonade fairy (you just need to put a nickel under the pillow and BOOM free lemonade). But, of course, it's fricking pee.

What in the hell does the WBC have to do with cat pee on your bed? Or poop on your shoe? (Which is the same thing as the pee..you know it's dog shit, but maybe you smell it anyway. Just in case it's mud or, I dunno, a Tootsie Roll. In fact, I probably could've just written the preceding paragraph about poop on your shoe instead of a cat urinating on your bed, but I didn't.) Here's what...

I'm watching the WBC in horror as the team is completely and utterly mismanaged. I'm staring at the screen saying, "This is utter dog shit (or cat pee). What the hell is this?"
And I refuse to believe it's shit, and I convince myself it's real, honest, fair baseball. "It's not pee on my bed..." I say, "It's not."

But it IS dog shit. It IS cat piss. I still smell it to be sure, and rub my eyes in disbelief. But I know.

The US will never have a team in the WBC on a level playing ground with Korea, Japan, Cuba, or even Chinese Taipei. The MLB parent squads won't let it happen. That's why, and God knows I love him, you see Joel Hanrahan come in last night when Scott Shields was the obvious choice. That's why Evan Longoria pinch hits, but doesn't enter the game the next inning. Instead, Victorino goes out to play CF. That's why Brian McCann was playing left field the other day, and Davey Johnson contemplated throwing Ted Fucking Lilly out in the outfield the other day. (I can't make this shit up, folks.) That's why Jake Peavy sat there getting drilled against Puerto Rico, and why Oswalt wasn't pulled early enough last night. (Just to make sure Davey knew the rules, I screamed at the TV, "Davey... you know you can use your bullpen any God Damn time, right!!!?)

It's all run by an agenda that will never allow a manager to play to win. Longoria had to get an at bat. He was pulled from Spring Training for this. Victorino had to get his innings, too. As did Hanrahan, Peavy, Oswalt, Dunn, Granderson, and the rest.

The other squads didn't have to worry about making sure everybody got in, like they were in grade school softball. They played to win. They put their best 9 on the field, and didn't hesitate to pull their starting pitcher if he struggled. Yu Darvish threw the 9th inning last night, for Christ sake. The only way a starting pitcher on the US squad is gonna get stretched like that is if Hell freezes the fuck over.

It's cat piss, ya'll. No need to smell it, you know what it is.

Zimmermann bypasses HOF and goes straight to Sainthood.

ROY? Yup. Cy Young award? Check. HOF? You bet. Canonization? A real possibility.

At the current rate NN is going, he'll not only make the rotation, but he'll steal the hearts of all the ladies in the world. I showed my neighbor (a huge Nats fan) his line from yesterday:


I had to catch her moments after I took this picture of her.


I'll leave you with this one tidbit from Buster Olney (via a comment since I'm too cheap to pony up for the Insider package), so all you fellas out there can faint, as well.

Heard this from a scout: Jordan Zimmerman[n] has top-of-the-line, frontline stuff.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!