Here's to you, Atlanta!

Now, I wasn't lucky enough to attend any of the Nats games down in Atlanta this week, but I did have some friends go down there. They were happy as... well... Nats fans when the team takes two out of three. Which doesn't happen often these days, and it surely wasn't expected against the Braves since they are (were?) in the midst of a playoff showdown with Philly for the top spot in the NL East.

Looking back on it, though, a large breakfast food chain that my friends stopped off at before yesterday's game seemed to know what the outcome was going to be. After all, when my friends walked into this restaurant, they were handed this flyer.


It appears they had a promotion going where if you purchase a meal from Denny's, you got to witness Justin Maxwell LAY DOWN THE LAW.

Hey, Atlanta... Peace out, bitches!

Come get some loving, Danny Espinosa!

I seriously, really, absolutely, genuinely, truly, do not have anything to add about Danny Espinosa's performance yesterday after displaying this line from the box score.

AB R H RBI BB SO LOB AVG

5 2 4 6 0 0 1 .563

Batting.
2B: Espinosa (3. Perez, O)
HR: Espinosa: 2 (3, 3rd inning of Pelfrey, 0 on, 0 out, 6th inning off Igarashi, 3 on, 2 out).
TB: Espinosa 11. <--------- O.o
RBI: Espinosa 6 (10).

So, since I don't have anything worthwhile to add... It's SING ALONG TIME! LOVE YOU, DANNY!

Danny Espiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinosa from Section 138 on Vimeo.

(Photo: Cheryl Nichols, Nationals News Network)

What to Make of Nyjer Morgan's... Antics.

On August 25th word broke Nyjer got a seven game suspension for throwing a ball at a Philly fan. (A suspension for hitting a Philly fan with a ball? Shit, I'd give Nyjer a reward. How about seven dollars? Cause, well, I'm poor. Fuck it, I'll raise that reward to also include seven fist-bops! Cool? Cool.)
Four days later, on August 29th, he took a needless shot at the Cardinals catcher, taking the catcher's glove off and missing the plate entirely in the process. The 31st rolls around and he separates the Marlins catcher's shoulder while bowling him over. And then... well, last night the brawl happened.
Look, I'm not here to talk about whose fault it is, or the ethics of fighting in baseball. I mean, I care about that shit, but it's being talked about to death. Let professionals write about that, and I'll ask the important stuff. Like... what in the hell happened to the "ah, shucks" Nyjer that we knew all last year? I mean, this dude's personality turned as quick as anyone's I've seen. I asked this last night on Twitter, but whose heel-turn was more surprising, Nyjer's or when Shawn Michaels super-kicked Marty Jannetty to break up The Rockers? Hold on a sec here... just gonna go back and watch that clip. HOLY SHIT! How come I never noticed this before? That wasn't Shawn Michaels at all! That's... That's... That's Nyjer Morgan's music!



(Thank you for allowing me to veer off into wrestling land. Much obliged. Anyone still reading? No? Ugh...)

Seriously, what happened to the guffawing Tony Plush that everybody fell in love with? I guess it turns out that he's got a wicked temper just no one had pissed him off enough? Maybe he snaps when pushed far enough? Maybe, just maybe... he's not a nice guy at all...

You see, I did some investigating into Mr. Morgan, and found a destroyed digital camera in an evidence locker of a police station. It was evidence in an investigation into an assault and battery that was never solved. They found the victim in a hospital just muttering to himself, over and over... "I should'a listened to him. He kept telling me not to make him angry. Oh, God. Why did I have to go and make him angry?!" From that smashed camera I was able to pull one picture. The very last picture that the camera had taken....




Oh. My. God. Anyone know a lawyer I can get a hold of? I have a feeling I might need one. Well, that and a hospital once Nyjer finds out I unearthed this pictu


DIS IS INCREDIBLE PLUSH. SECTION138 GONE. ME SMASH! ME SMASHED HIM GOOD!

INCREDIBLE PLUSH NOW OFF TO FIND WES HELMS FOR TALKING BAD BOUT INCREDIBLE PLUSH!

NEED TO FIND AUTOMOBILE TO STEAL TO GET TO FLORIDA. YOU WISH INCREDIBLE PLUSH GOOD LUCK AS INCREDIBLE PLUSH VERY BAD AT STEALING.

Holy Jesus. Not again. Ugh.

Well, one year and 17 days from the last Tommy John post I wrote, here I am writing another. Last year's was about Jordan Zimmermann. This one? Stephen Strasburg. Just like last year, I'm pretty sad right now and don't feel much like writing. So, if you excuse me, I'll just let my pets do the talking. They all let out little sighs after I just broke the news to them. Little teeny tiny heart breaking sighs. Damn you, elbows. DAMN YOU TO HELL!!


Is there a possible silver lining? Not really. We know the kid has a great work ethic, so he might be able to be competitively throwing in under 12 months like ZNN did. But, no one's really sure if he'll come back and be as effective as he was that magical night back in June. And, like DC Yetti said, we'll be able to thin the herd and find out who the true Nats fans are with this as the rats will be jumping ship. (I'm aware that all of you are true fans, though. No one would put up with my shitty writing and photoshops otherwise. GROUP HUG!)
Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to handle this situation the same way I do all my bad situations. With my alcoholic cat. Go ahead and get started without me, Frankie. Just be sure to leave some for me. I'mma need it.

Well, Jason... It's up to you.

When Jason Marquis scribbled his signature on that 2 year/$15MM contract in the off season I had no idea what he was actually doing. You see, I thought he was intending to provide the Nationals with his (more or less average) pitching skills. The best of those skills being his ability to go out every 5th day and give his team a start. After all, he had averaged 192 innings pitched per season and even finished tied for 4th in the NL last year.
Well... how can I put this nicely... the only way this season could have gone any better for Jason, and the Nats (and us fans) would've been if his fucking arm fell off while signing the contract. That would've saved us (ALL) a shit ton of tears.
A glance at his game logs for this year brings me to my knees, crying, "Why, Rizzo... WHY!!!??" (I am then reminded of Mike Rizzo's fetish - Sinkerballers - and it becomes a little clearer.) It's also no surprise that I might have more hatred towards Jason than others since I actually had to sit through his two first home starts. (Fuck it. Let's call them what they were, really, which was "starts.") I had to sit there as Phillie fans vomited on little girls all around me screaming and taunting on April 7th, while lil' Jason sauntered out and threw 4 innings of brutal baseball. 8 hits, 3 walks, and and one hit batter later he's leaving the game with the Nats down 3. Thanks for that, Jason.
So, things had to get better his next start, right? I mean.. come on! What are the odds he would have a worse game?

PITCHING... YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

To make matters worse about that game it happened to be about -26 degrees with the windchill. Worst. Inning. Ever.

So, fast forward to today. Why today? Well... it's because Jason is starting today. Against the Phillies. And Chase Utley is off the DL. And playing. Do you see where I'm going here?

My hatred for all things Chase Utley has been documented before. I even put a bounty out on him. (And wouldn't you? Look at that smug mother fucker, fake dirt on his uniform, casually crossed legs... GAH GAVIN SMASH!!!!11!!!!!!!!!)


So... where the hell am I? Oh yeah, the point of this post (which I swear was only going to be one paragraph. I apologize for my blabbering).

Jason... in order to make it up to the Nats, and all us fans (especially those of us that had to sit through your shit), I've got three words for you: "Sweep the leg." And by which I really mean "Break other hand."

Get him a body bag! Yeah!

You do that for me, my friend, and I might just think about letting you in on my monthly poker games. Maybe the Christmas card list, too. (Baby steps, pal. Baby steps.)